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Today, for some crazy reason, I started thinking about the first time I had a massage.

I remember being extremely nervous, as if I had an appointment for a proctology examination or something.

For as verbose and free as I am with certain things…I’m extremely shy when it comes to lying on a table totally exposed, with only a towel covering my private parts.

I knew the massage therapist very well, and she was totally professional, so it wasn’t anything in her demeanor that caused me to feel uncomfortable - it was simply my own insecurities.

I’m also extremely ticklish around my torso, so I had visions of suddenly bursting out into fits of laughter, like a Hyena, the minute her hands got to my abdominal area.

And also...a MAJOR thing for guys…..

…is the fear of…

“What if (god forbid) my pee-pee suddenly decides to stand up at attention; making the towel resemble an Indian TEE-PEE?”

(because that DAMN thing has a MIND of it’s own)

Anyway…she instructed me on how to lie on the table and drape the towel; then left the room.

Holy cow…you should have seen me….

…the second she shut the door, I jumped on the table, and I tucked the towel so THOROUGHLY around my wee-wee, making sure NO part was exposed.

Then I checked…rechecked…and then checked again.

I even moved around a bit to see if the towel would fall off if I shifted my body in anyway.

(I actually thought of maybe SCOTCH-TAPPING the towel on, however, I wasn’t too keen on having a Brazilian wax that day)

Suddenly I heard a gentle knock on the door...

“Are you ready, Ron?”

“Yes” I responded.

(YES…I’m ready to totally FREAK OUT!)

Before she began, she asked if there were any areas on my body that I did not want touched.


And I told her that I would rather not have my stomach area touched, because I was very ticklish.

She began the massage at my scalp and proceeded to move down my body. And by the time she got to my feet…I was in LA LA LAND!

She then asked me to flip over, as she held the towel in place; rolling over onto my stomach.

(and guess what?…my pee-pee stayed safely INTACT)

About half-way through having my back worked on, I was so relaxed, that I started dribbling saliva from my mouth, which dripped onto the floor through the face cradle.

And I’m thinking to myself, “She really need’s to add a DRIP-PAN or SPIT-CUP.”

The next thing I remember, is hearing her soft voice saying, “I’m going to leave the room now, Ron, take your time getting up.”

GETTING UP?? No way, MISSY…I’m staying here for the rest of my life!

So needless to say, all my worrying was in vain, because the whole experience ended up being wonderful!

In fact, it felt like I was floating on a cloud all day.

And that evening…I slept like a kitty.


  1. I've always wanted to sleep like a kitty, they look so peaceful.

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHA The piccys you used are gorjus!!!

    Speaking of cats and massages... Hubby and I are thinking about opening a massage business, and having our cats do all the work!:-P

    our Cats give the most AMAZING massages and they don't even know it!!!

    All ya have to do is lay on your belly, and the cats will jump on your back, walk around and start massaging around your back with their paws!

    I'm tellin ya.. it's BETTER than havin a little asian walk on your back! hehe

    I dunno what it is... I think it relaxes the pads of their feet or something!

    I must capture it on video one day. xx

  3. thank for your time visit my blog, i dunno what to put as background because it will mess up with text, so i leave it white.. ;p

    that is the first experience of getting massage, what about girl that first time give massage.. i wonder.. :D

    so i guessing that yours second,third and so on massage no longer like that uhh? :)

  4. Aren't massages wonderful?

    We just went over the "erection issue" in class last week. Apparently, it's not unusual.

    My greatest fear is falling asleep and snoring loud enough to wake the dead! LOL

  5. Bless your OCD heart, I have never had a massage, but now i know everything i need to take with me, duct tape, drip pan, I am all set.
    I am still just giggling silly though, all that worry and you had the time of your life!
    I have a child that so reminds me of you, he won't go to the barbers because he's afraid that he will get tickled and the barber will lop off is ear...

  6. OH how funny! I guess many men would have some of those exact thoughts. LOL And the drippy cup, what a riot. Hey, that does say how relaxing it turned out to be though!

    I have only had one professional massage. It was at a Spa. The room was lit very softly. Gentle tinkly music playing. You know, that new-agey stuff. The therapist told me to underdress, and get under the blankets and she'd be back soon. YES, blankets! All thick and warm. Yeah, it was either on my birthday or right around it, so late November is COLD. LOL
    She came in and only worked on the back area. I don't remember being on my back or if I was, it was only for the neck massage. No tummy. Thank gawd, I would HATE that. So just little bits at a time, very careful with the blanket.
    It was professional enough. She was gentle, but thorough. Kind. Quiet but did answer all questions, etc.
    I still really don't think I would have it done again. I'm just not one to enjoy being undressed.
    It was part of a whole day at the Spa treatment, everyone was fabulous, but that part of it I just didn't care for overall.

    I liked the facial I had, the neck and hand massage was wonderful, the foot reflexology was terrific.
    The manicure and hair styling wasn't anything great, could do without those services. The ear pulling, I think after they washed my hair was nice. Maybe I'm getting that mixed up with when hubby does that. Ooh, but it does feel good. And he does this head scratch thing.... YUM.

    Well, going to a Spa resort for our anniversary trip the end of the year will be interesting. Don't know what services I will book. I do like reflexology and facial stuff, so will probably just stick with that.

    So do you get massages regularly now?
    You changed the format for commenting, so I can't look back to read thru again to see what else you said. Sorry.

    Happy week!!!

  7. P.S. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Susan Sarandon!!! Awesome woman!!

  8. Oh my god that is cracking me up. This reminds me of the first time i took my mom for a massage and she freaked out too. I agree with you on the spit cup and yes women do get excited too.

  9. I have never had a massage before but I want to. I just hate people touching me. Maybe I should get over that part first, huh?

    I had a pedicure once and HATED every minute of it.

  10. Hi Fi!

    I SO AGREE with you!!!

    At one point, I had two kitties, and my favorite thing to do on a rainy afternoon, was to take a nap with them on the couch.

    No matter how they lay...they ALWAYS look so comfortable!!

    It instantly puts me in a relaxed state!


    Thanks for stopping by, Fi!

    It's always so nice seeing you!

    Enjoy your day!

  11. Very funny post! Sort of makes me remember my first Baazillian Waxing--except it wasn't that comfortable and I left feeling as though I would never return.

  12. Afternoon Giggles!


    YES....the same thing would happen to me with one of my cats (Jerry). He was such a snuggle-puss and would have to be close to me all the time. And at night, I would sometimes wake up to what YOU just said YOUR kitties do!!

    I swear to God...I truly think cats are little "healers."

    Whenever I would share Reiki...Jerry was always right there sharing it with me!!

    It was AMAZING!!!

    Thanks for stopping by today, dear one.

    And thanks for sharing that adorable kitty story!

    Don't ya just LOVE cats???

    Enjoy your day!

  13. Afternoon Izzat!

    You're so welcome!

    Hey, I like your blog just the way it is. I really like the white background!

    It's clean, simple, and easy to read!

    I'm not sure how most women feel about getting a massage for the first time. I think it depends on the individual.

    And yes...after I had that FIRST massage, the following ones were something I really looked forward too!

    Thanks for stopping by today, Izzat!

    Have a great day, buddy!

  14. Hiya Nitebyrd!

    Yes!!!! massage is freaking AWESOME!!!

    My favorite things to have massaged are my feet, hands and scalp! DIE for!!

    You made me laugh my ass off with your mention of...

    "erection issues"

    At the massage school where I sometimes teach reflexology, I've heard the students mention the same thing. And I think it's great that they openly talk about it too, because it CAN happen, ya know?

    DAMN that thing!


    ME TOO...whenever I have a reflexology session...I ALWAYS SNORE!!

    Thanks so much for stopping by today, Miss Nitebyrd!

    It's always a JOY!

    Have a great week!

  15. Oh my goodness Ron, this totally cracked me up. I have learned though having sons that the pee-pee does have a mind of its own! I never understood that before.

    I had a massage once and I hated it. She hurt me.

  16. Good Afternoon Lady Sorrow!

    I KNOW....I am SOOOO OCD!!!!

    Isn't is a freaking RIOT?

    And you're right...I had the time of my life!

    It was AWESOME!

    Oh...your comment made me HOWL with the things you mentioned about taking to your first massage!!!

    And don't forget the DUCK TAPE...that way you can get TWO services in ONE!


    Thanks a BUNCH for dropping by today, Sorrow!

    I always love seeing you!

    Have a GREAT Monday!

  17. Ron sweetie, do they ask what areas a person wants touched? hehehe. And does sthat cost extra? ha!

    You know at my workplace...we have one 3 day out of the week. She is there and all youhgave to do is write your name ib...and schedule it.
    You know's so hard to get up and out and back to work...Whe i get back to my office, I just want to clear off everything from the top of my desk, jump up there and curl up, close my eyes and purr. I don't do that often cause I then get nothing done. hehehe.

    Ciao my friend...have a fab Monday. :D

  18. The very first massage I had was at a Turkish Bath in of all places Turkey. I found it very relaxing but the masseuse, who had was I can only describe as a tea towel wrapped round his middle, had a pee pee tee pee when he'd finished! :0

  19. Good Afternoon Crystal Chick!

    WOW...that spa experience sounded AWESOME!!!

    I've never done that, but would really like to try it someday.

    Whenever I give my Reflexology sessions, I enjoy pampering the client, so they always feel very special. So, I too enjoyed being pampered.

    It is interesting how some of us are comfortable with disrobing and others are not. For me, it depends on WHO is giving me the massage.

    And you'd be suprised how some people are even SHY about having their feet touched in Reflexology. I LOVE having my feet rubbed, so it's nothing for me, but I have had clients who don't feel the same, so I try to be very respectful with them.

    oooh...oooh...and I TOO enjoy facials. I had a wonderful woman in Orlando who was the BEST I'd ever gone to. This lady was SO well educated in her profession. I really miss her.

    No...I don't get massage regularly because I find that I get better results from Reflexology. The feet are a very powerful natural healing tool. I also seem to relax deeper when my feet are worked on. It's just my own personal preference.

    And yes...I changed back to the other format, because I've had several issues with readers, not being able to leave comments. And I want comments to be as easy as possible.

    Also, I REALLY missed seeing everyone's avatars. I think it's important for that VISUAL to be there, because it catches other peoples attention, and then allows them to go to OTHER blogs and visit.

    It was a hard decision, but until Blogger can fix this, I don't want to inconvenience my readers.

    And don't you just LOVE Susan Sarandon??? I actually met her here in Philly about two years ago, at an award ceremony they had for her. We saw several movie clips of hers, and then she did a Q&A for and HOUR, where we got to ask her questions. And can I just tell you...the woman is SO beautiful in person. And not only that...she's SMART and very FUNNY!

    (and she's SO not afraid to speak her mind)

    And I really admire that in someone.

    Thanks SOOO much for stopping by today, M!

    You're so much fun to read!!!

    Have a great day!

    P.S. and don't you LOVE the freaking HEAT we're having?

  20. k...I choked on my coffee.....LOL

    Just sayin'....

    Ummmmm...and ain't NObody gonna give me a massage.

    But if I ever HAD to go to a massage therapist I'd take duct tape--and it wouldn't be for me. ;-)

  21. Good Afternoon Just a Girl!

    It's so nice seeing you!

    Your mom sounds just like me!!!

    Isn't funny how some of us get so uptight about things???

    And SEE!!! You said it too...the DRIP PAN!

    God...I felt like a DRIBBLING idiot!


    Yes, and you're right, women must be concerned about the "excitement part" too.

    But, jeees...being a GUY...there's no HIDING IT!?!?!

    tee, hee!

    Thanks very much for stopping by today,'s always enjoyable sharing with you!

    Have wonderful DAY!

  22. LMAO!

    I let out a gigglesnort when I got to the drip pan!

    I was just hving a conversation about being overdue for a massage with my ex (the massage therapist) the other day.

    I'm a bit ticklish about the mid section too.

    Can you tell me why I have to make sure I'm properly pedicured before a massage? Does that mean I'm a bit OC?

    You know, they don't mean "take your time getting up"... cause I tried that once.

  23. Afternoon Mama Dawg!

    I'm kind of the same way as you!

    So I totally understand your feelings.

    I don't mind being touched, as long as it's respectful and someone is not envading my "space."

    As far as bodywork goes, I'm very particular about WHO touches me. I have to feel good about their personal energy, or NO way.

    I honestly was amazed at how much I really DID relax and enjoyed my first massage. Once I got past that first one...I felt comfortable with the proceeding ones.

    Much THANKS for dropping by today, Mama Dawg!

    It's ALWAYS so nice seeing and talking to you!

    Have a FABU day and week!

  24. Afternoon Diane!

    OMG...that's FUNNY!!!!

    You know something? I can' even IMAGINE what that must have felt like!?@?!

    I know several women who do Brazilian Waxes and they said they don't mind it, but JEEEES...I can't understand HOW!?!


    Thanks for stopping by today, Diane!

    It's always a pleasure!

    Have an awesome day!

  25. Afternoon Nicole!

    That's so FUNNY!...because my mom use to say the same thing about all us boys!!!

    It was like getting an education in Pee-Pee Reactions 101!

    Hope you're feeling better, Nicole!

    And thanks for stopping by. It's always great seeing ya!

    Have VUNDERBAR day!

  26. Helloooooo Miss Jones!!!!

    DEAR GOD, GIRL...that was HYSTERICAL!!!!

    No she didn't ask me that, but I hear it's called...

    Hoola Hand Massage!

    HAHAHAHA!'re SOOO freaking lucky to have massage offered in the workplace, because I think that's such an AWESOME thing for stress!!!

    But I would be like you...I'd be PURRRING like a kitty and ready for a NAP!

    I'd probably ask her for the LAST one of the I could go home and get into my jammies with a glass of red wine!!!


    Thanks SO MUCH for sharing on this post, Spiky!!

    Hope you're having an AWESOME day!

    Ciao bella!

  27. Afternoon Dear Mel!

    OH ALWAYS give me the best damn CHUCKLE!!

    I can't believe that I ended up RAVING about my first massage to everyone afterwards.



    Thanks for dropping in today, Mel!

    Always a HOOT, you are!

    Have a magical day, dear lady!

  28. Afternoon Anndi!

    OMG...I LOVE your new AVATAR!!!!

    It's soooo GREAT!!

    You made me HOWL...because I'm the SAME WAY as you...

    ...I always make sure my body is perfectly clean and my feet are smooth and callus-free before a massage!!

    YES...I'm definately OCD, but I LOVE IT!!!!

    (LIBRA trait)

    Boy, lucky YOU having an ex as a massage therapist!! I'd be there once a week!

    It's ALWAYS such FUN talking to you, Anndi!

    Thanks for sharing your HUMOR!!!

    LOVE IT!

    Great day to you!

  29. Oh Man that was fun to read! And the pics are perfect.

    I hate massages. I hate facials. I can barely stand mani/pedi day!

    I just can not sit still that long plus I carry enormous guilt for any pampering I do. The guilt I can handle but the sitting still, not so much.

    My last facial I called the woman back into the room after about 2 minutes. Asked her to stop the fountain or I'd pee right there. Told her to please tell Enya to shut the f up and please lets move this along.

    And I wonder why I'm tense. I probably worried about my penis too!!

  30. OMG...AKELAMALU!!!!

    Your comment made me SCREAM!!!

    That's HYSTERICAL!!

    You mean the MASSEUSE had a TEE-PEE????

    What was his name?

    Big Chief PEE-PEE, TEE-PEE??

    I can't thank enough for sharing that story, dear lady!

    That was the BEST!!!

    Thank you so much for stopping by!

    Enjoy your evening!!

  31. HOLY SHIT Dianne!!

    Your comment had me rolling on the floor!!!

    That was BRILLIANT!

    It taken me quite a few years to allow myself to relax. I'm very tense by nature, but I think my own involvement with things such as Foot Reflexology and Reiki has really calmed me down a bit.

    I STILL get tense, mind you...but I now have the tools to help me CHILL when I need to. should consider writing your comment here as a POST on your was FABULOUS!!!

    Thanks for stopping by, Dianne!

    You always bring such wonderful humor and joy!

    Have a great day, dear lady!

  32. I could go for a good massage right now, come to think of it.. I have had many thanks to my herniated disc--- but I had them before that, too... The best one so far was a HOT STONE massage in Toulouse for 1 1/2!!!!! A good massage is like a trip to HEAVEN!!!!

    (Love your description!!! You are such a riot, you just CRACK ME UP.. In fact, I was waiting for you to write the the sheet slipped off!! heheehheheheheheheh!!!)

  33. Good Evening Leesa!

    OMG...I can't believe you mentioned HOT STONE MASSAGE, because I did a post on that, on my other blog a few weeks ago.

    Is it not HEAVEN on earth????

    I actually do Hot Stone Reflexology on clients. It focuses on the feet and calves...and feels AWESOME!!! I got certified about a year ago, and I really enjoy offering it in the winter, when it's cold, because the hot stones feel so good!'s so GREAT to hear that you receive massage, isn't it wonderful?

    Hey, was your first day back at school? I thought about you today and was hoping it went well! I bet it feels nice to be back.

    oooh...ooooh...and Barbara and her hubby and I are probably going to get together tomorrow!!! She emailed me last night and left the number where she's staying. So I'm just waiting for her to call back. I'm so excited to meet her!!! I'll probably do a post here with some photos, so I can share the experience with everyone!

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by this evening, Leesa!

    It'a always a great TREAT to talk with you!

    P.S. and no (thank god) the towel didn't fall off me. I was so relaxed...that I probably wouldn't have even cared! HA!

  34. Hmmm...I have never been comfortable with the thought of having one, but after reading this maybe I will. :)

    A story about things a drawing class a young man was the nude model. I need not tell you what happened, but he never came back. hee, hee We also had an older model that fell asleep and started snoring.

    I made the decision then and thee that I would not do nude modeling.

    Thanks for sharing your first massage and making me laugh again! :)

    Love Ya!

  35. Good Evening Dearest Gypsy-Heart!

    HOLY SHIT...that's SOOOO funny!!

    I guess the model got a TAD "excited???"

    I bet he looked like Pinnocio!


    I have a customer (female) who nude models for various art schools, here in the city...and LOVES it! She's an elderly woman who doesn't have an ounce of concern about disrobing in front of people.

    And I really have to admire her for that, because there is NO WAY IN HELL...I could do it!?!?

    I'm such a PRUDE!

    Thanks so much for sharing your GREAT story on this post, dear friend!

    It's always such a deLIGHT to see you!!!

    Love ya!

  36. Ron Dahlink,
    I'm baaaaaack...and what a post to come back to! LOL
    But maybe try some of those cotton cigarette looking thingys that the dentist puts in your cheeks...maybe that would work next time.
    I've lived a sheltered, poor life and never even had a massage!

  37. Hiya Debi!!'re BACK!!!!

    So FABU seeing ya, girl!

    Your comment suggestion made me MAJOR giggle!!

    That's FUNNY!!

    Hey, if you ever DO have a massage...I KNOW you'll just love it!

    And I bet there's some awesome massage therapists in Hawaii too!

    Thanks for stopping by to let me know you're back, Debi!

    Have a great day!

  38. Very cute,I am glad you had a wonderful experience for your first time. Massage that is.

  39. Hi Domestic Diva!

    Thank you!

    And I can say that I'm no longer a VIRGIN!

    (massage virgin, that is!)

    Thank you for stopping by today, Diva!

    Always a pleasure talking to you!

    Have a nice evening!