Today I thought I’d share a little something that eventually seems to effect the male population.
(no…NOT impotence)
Yet I should probably be more specific and say...males who have HAIRY legs.
As a child, I noticed this thing about my fathers legs and would always think to myself, “Eeeeew…what the hell is the matter with you?”
Then it suddenly started happening to me as I got into my 40’s, and has gotten progressively more predominate.
Because of wearing socks (and particularly, DRESS socks), it seems that the daily contact and friction against a mans legs, causes the hair (along the calves) to rub off in patches, creating these beautiful never-to-grow-back-again, bald spots.
It’s quite attractive.
It looks as though I had my legs waxed by a professional beautician smoking CRACK.
I’m a pretty hairy guy, so it appears strange to see a blanket of hair cascading down my legs...and then a VOID.
I’ve stopped wearing shorts in the summer, because my legs look as though I suddenly ran out of shaving cream.
And I’ve actually thought of perhaps clipping some hair off from another part of my body and then hot gluing it to my legs…
…I mean, do you think anyone would notice patches of salt and pepper PUBIC hair sprouting off my calves?
Be honest.
Or the other possibility would be to completely shave my entire body, so that everyone would finally notice that I was a natural bodybuilder.
*And I achieved this without the aid of a single steroid
(my secret?....HELIUM)
*Beauty tip for ladies who shave their legs: if you would like to eventually conclude leg-shaving from your daily routine, consider purchasing some crotch-length mens dress socks, and then wear them constantly for the next ten years…I guarantee you’ll never have to shave for the remainder of your life.
'Crotch-length mens dress socks'? We have them...they're called pantyhose, and **pure hell** if you've got a muffintop like me and that elastic around your waist with the dough stuffed into it, is a real bitch I'm tellin' ya. When you finally take them off, you have the seam and uh, "control top" weave dented into your flubber. Even worse is when you have your mother's chunky short legs (raises hand once again) and wear knee-highs. By the end of the day you feel like you wore rubber bands-the little skinny ones-around your knees all day. And that seam bump on the toe part? OUCH!
ReplyDeleteOh and that size chart graph thingy on the back of the package?
BULLSHIT! Go a size up if you like full breaths.
I haven't worn pantyhose for years-just go COMMANDO Bwahahahaaaaaaa
DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT hot glue hair from one body area to another. Salt and pepper pubes (way way TMI on that BTW, hehe) are just not going to blend nice at all on the bald spots. That's so not an IN style right now. LOL And besides, have you ever touched hot glue???? OMFG, it's like 700 freaking degrees. You'll be having skin grafts after that little maneuver. Believe a person who does crafts that hot glue is INSANE stuff. LOL Whyohwhyohwhy didn't I invest in a couple of those low temp guns years ago. I'd have alot less boo boos today. ;)
ReplyDeleteWhere was I???
OH yes, just wanting to say how FUNNY this post was. Really really funny. It's only like 5:30 AM right now and I so shouldn't be snorting chai out my nose but there it is anyway......
I think it's supposed to rain on and off the rest of the week here, so enjoy Wednesday dear one. :)
And FYI.....
Mercury retrogrades today at 22 degrees, 50 minutes of Libra.
Hair today...gone tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteHad I have known about this earlier in life, I'd have word a body sock between the ages of 20-30. I'd look like a swimmer now. Instead I still have that damned teddy bear quality minus the oh so cute factor.
If that photo is of an actual person, all I have to say is YUCK! You wonder at what point he looked into the mirror and decided, "Yep, I look good!'???
You literally made me spew my tea.
ReplyDeleteSo... if I want to get rich I need to find a way of marketing men's dress socks in underarm, bikini area and upper lip applications?
Think it has to do with the fabric?
Would they make decent "going commando" stockings?
Someone should warn guys from wearing those socks on their heads......
OMG. I am totally picturing EXACTLY what you're talking about and you're right. I never thought about what caused it before but now I know.
ReplyDeleteAnd now that I'm armed with that information, I have oodles of men I can now make fun of.
I'm also picturing crotch high mens socks and pubic hair on legs.
I don't know what's more disturbing!
Thanks for the chuckle.
Happy Wednesday!
Morning Debi!
ReplyDeleteaka Commando
OMG...I LOVED your comment!!!
It would make for a FABULOUS post!!!
I could actually FEEL what you were saying.
Only ONCE, (when I played the Stepmother in Cinderella) did I experience womens pantyhose. And let me tell ya...you are SOOOOO right!!!
After I took them off after each evening performance...I felt like I STILL had them on for hours!
Thanks for stopping by, Debi!
And thanks for starting my day with a GREAT laugh!!
Aloha!
Considering i don't shave any part of my body, I 'll skip the whole mens crotch length dress socks..
ReplyDeleteBut LOL
You are looking might Buff there baby!
That was the funniest photo! You always manage to find the perfect pic to go with your vent!
My hat off to you!
Morning Crystal Chick!
ReplyDeleteOMG...I SO totally hear ya about the GLUE GUN!!
I actually had contact with hot glue SEVERAL times, and it was a MAJOR OUCH!!#$!$ And it took 6 months for the RED spot to fade away. My skin is very sensitive.
Hey...and thanks for sharing about Mercury retrograding. OY VEY! "Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy couple of months!"
HAHAHA!
Yes, I've heard about the rain and OMG I can't wait. I really enjoy rainy days (and lots of them).
I spent yesterday afternoon walking aroung the city. It was gorgeous out. I also visited the new Comcast Building. Have you ever been there? It's incredible!!
It's like a museum!
Thanks for enjoying this post, M!
And thanks for stopping by and adding your great humor to it!
Have a WONDERFUL Wednesday!!!!
Howdy Jeff!
ReplyDeleteI actually thought of you when I was writing this post, because of how you've always shared about your abundant hair.
Have you noticed this happening to your legs yet? Like I shared...it started for me, when I was in my 40's. And now, it's almost completely GONE!
My calves look like a BALD EAGLE!
And yes, I'd have to agree with you about the photo...YUCK! I think it's a real photo with some Photoshop added. But I have seen guys dramatically pumped, and they always remind me of a balloon in the Macy's Day Parade!
HAHAHAHA!
Thanks for stopping by, bud!
Always great talking to ya!
Enjoy your Wednesday!
P.S. And watch out for those dress socks!
Morning Anndi!
ReplyDeleteSorry about the tea spew!@%?!
(did it come out of your nose too?)
Yes...I do think it must have something to do with the fabric. I think it's mainly when wearing dress socks, because they're much tighter than say, gym socks, and worn for longer periods of time.
I was thinking...maybe they should come out with a complete body sock for women that you could wear when you sleep each night, so that it would take care of the underarm, leg, and bikini area...all at once!
(maybe you and I should invent that, and then become RICH and FAMOUS LIBRA'S)
Speaking of Libra's...did you read what Crystal Chick just shared? Mercury is retrograding 22 degrees, 50 mminutes from Libra.
(I guess that means I'll be having my male PMS soon)
OY!
ALWAYS such delight talking to ya, Anndi!
Thanks for sharing your wonderful WIT!
Happy Wednesday to ya!
Good Morning Mama Dawg!
ReplyDeleteYES...and now you can POINT at all those men and say..."I KNOW HOW YOU GOT THAT WAY...YOU FREAK!"
(Ron told me)
I'm thinking that maybe I could perhaps TEASE the hair on my legs, and then combing it over the bald spots.
Kind of a 50's BEEHIVE LEG LOOK!
HAHAHAHAA!
Thanks for stopping by, Mama Dawg!
It's so nice having you here!
HAPPY WEDNESDAY TO YOU TOO!
P.S. and please tell Jesse I said HI!
Morning Lady Sorrow!
ReplyDeleteLucky you!!!
I've met several ladies who don't have to shave either.
Gosh...shaving my face is such a bitch. I try to not shave on my days off, just to give my skin a rest.
(I like looking like Grizzly Adams...it kind of makes me feel MACHO)
Oh and thank you...that photo was taking of me about a year ago...so I'm even bigger now!
(don't tell anyone, but I got that way from inhaling HELIUM)
Thanks a BUNCH for stopping by, Sorrow!
Always a blessing!
Happy Wednesday!
Thanks for the tip but i think i will pass!
ReplyDeleteAfternoon Casdok!!
ReplyDeleteOMG...it's so GREAT seeing ya!!!!
What a wonderful treat!
I hope all is well and happy for you and C!
Your comment made me GIGGLE!
I don't blame you!
Thanks for stopping by, dear lady!
Happy Wednesday to you!
Love to C!
Wow! I've never heard of such a thing. But at least you don't have to bikini wax!
ReplyDeleteAn amazingly hairless fun Ron. Hilarious. How i wish i was able to blabber so wondrous about something so normal. Great Post bud and pretty true too.
ReplyDeleteAnd you have put my mind in thought swirls. I was just trying to figure how would i look if i remove my socks one fine evening and what i find is hot-glued-underwear-curled-itchy pubic hair. Yucks!! Wish you are not serious with your plans :D
Just another thought. Have you ever faced a situation with your leg hair entangled with a rubber band? Thanks to my randomness i have and its this situation that raised all the doubts over the reason for their existence. They are neither dense enough to prevent cold neither are they short enough to look cool :)
OHMY I am dying here laughing so hard. That was priceless!!!
ReplyDeleteI've noticed with men of a certain age that the hair on the head and body diminishes whilst hair sprouts prolifically from the nose and ears. What's that all about?
ReplyDeleteLOL...I've noticed this happening to the menfolk in my life. And of course, I have the opposite problem. Hair popping up in the damndest places!
ReplyDeleteI need a chin sock.
Evening Diane!
ReplyDeleteYou said it, girl!!!!
Rrrrrip!
OUCH!@#!?!
Thanks for stopping by today, Diane!
Always a GREAT treat talking to you!
Have a nice rest of your evening!
Howdy Amit!
ReplyDeleteGreat seeing ya, buddy!
I know...I honestly don't understand HOW I come up with these bazaar topics!?! They sort of just POP into my brain. I was looking at my legs the other day and I thought, "Ok...that might be something funny to talk about." I find that everyday life, gives me some interesting topics. I'm sort of an observer of life.
Anyway...No...I wasn't serioius about the hot glue. That's just something "over-the-top" I added when I was writing this post. God, could you IMAGINE what that would feel like? OUCH!!?!?
And yes...I have felt a rubber band entangled with my leg hair. I think I may have had shorts on one day and just ran the rubber band over my legs (god knows WHY) and WOW...did that HURT!!!
Thanks for stopping by today, Amit!
It's always a real pleasure sharing with ya!
Enjoy your evening!
Good Evening Shyloh!
ReplyDeleteTee, hee!!!!!
So glad you had GIGGLE!
Thanks for enjoying!
And thanks for stopping by today too!
It's always so nice to see that you've commented!
Have a wonderful evening!
Good Evening Akelamalu!
ReplyDeleteI KNOW...isn't that freaky?
Men seem to loose hair on their HEADS...and then GAIN it on their EARS, NOSE, and BACK!?!?!
I've noticed that I even have hair sprouting from the TIP of my nose too!
I look like a WITCH!
I guess it's a male hormonal thing?
Thanks for dropping by this evening, dear lady!
Always GRAND!
Greetings Real Life Lesbian!
ReplyDeleteWELCOME!
Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment!
I've seen your avatar at SEVERAL of the wonderful bloggers I visit - so it's very nice finally meeting you!
Your comment about the "chin sock" made me HOWL!! That's very funny!
As I shared with Akelamalu...I too have noticed that I keep losing hair on certain parts of my body, only to find it popping up in other parts!
The tips of my ears have a TUFF growing out of them. I actually shave them when I shave my face in the morning, but I'm considering using HAIR GEL and making little points on my ears, like a warlock!
HA!
Anyway, thank you again for stopping by and introducing yourself...
...it's been a pleasure!
Enjoy your night!
Ron baby...hehehe. I've seen that on guys. I had to do a double take the first time...hehehe. I thought that is something you see at the circus passing through town, the cat lady and dog boy. hehehe
ReplyDeleteLucky me...i'm not that hairy...pisses my gal when I don't have to shave my legs that often...I do tell her though...I though do shave my legs for her. Hint...hint. hehehe.
That's another slap on the ass.
Here's something that's is like that...I had my shorts on, sock that go to my ankles. I mowed the back lawn...fun huh? It was a sunny day, hot too...but I like it hot, you know. Anyway..when I went in to shower I kicked off my sneakers and took off my sock...What the FUCK...I had a tan. But not from my ankles to my toes. ha. My girl laughed and said that was a farmer's tan.
That's when I went to the sstore to buy canned tan. Ronnie...I was orange from my ankles to my toes.Why do i listen to her? hehehehe
Dear Miss Jones....
ReplyDeleteTHAT'S IT!!!
The CIRCUS!!! That's exactly what it's like!
A freak show!!!
I could be called, "The Half Hairy Man" in circus tent #2.
HAHAHAHA!
Oh you CRACKED me up about shaving your legs for your girl!!!
OOOOH LA LA!
SLAP!
tee, hee, hee!
Oh my dear...and I bet you looked FABULOUS with those ORANGE ankles and feet!!!!
Would you care to join me in circus tent #2?
The Half Hairy Man meets The Orange Foot Woman!!!
HAHAHAHAHA!
God love ya, woman!
Thanks for stopping by, dear Spiky!
You always add your sparkling HUMOR!
Ciao bella
Ron Dahling, the pointy ears is either Spock from Star Trek or the Keebler Elves from the Hollow Tree.
ReplyDeleteBut...if you REALLY want to stand out, don't stop at pointy ears...go for the 'Gremlins' look-that little Mohawk thing going on. Complete the look with huge bug eyes.
Or...you can do the Chinese Crested (Hairless dog) thing...shave your whole body and just leave a little below-the-chin beard and a few 'streamers' on top your head.
Hiya Debi!
ReplyDeleteHey...you JUST gave me a GREAT idea for a Halloween costume!!!!
THANK YOU!
And I mean it!
Isn't it great to blog late at night (or rather EARLY in the morning) and discover some GREAT stuff?
Ok...it's 2:00AM...I think I need to go beddy-bye.
Say goodnight Ron..
Goodnight, Ron!
Thanks for stopping by again, Debi!
Hope you have a great Thursday!
Ha ha ha!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou know If it was me I would just save it all off or say SCREW it!
Who cares. If someone is looking at your legs,its because they are interested in something else besides the patches of salt and pepper PUBIC hair sprouting off your calves. It means they like you!!!!!
And your beauty tip for the legs, how would that work for the bikini area?
Hi Domestic Diva!
ReplyDeletetee, hee, hee....
ooooh...hey, I NEVER thought of that...
....you're RIGHT, that does mean they may be interesing in me!!!
(so, on second thought...I think I'll LEAVE the bald spots and go back to wearing my shorts)
HAHAHAHA!
I'm thinking for the bikini area, you'd have to use a complete PANT SOCK!
(maybe Fredrick's of Hollywood has one)
HAHAHAHA!
Aren't I silly?
Thanks so much for stopping by today, Diva!
I so enjoy your HUMOR!
Have a great day!
Hi Ron,
ReplyDeleteI had to SKIP most of the comments JUST so I could remember what I wanted to leave as a comment.. I'll go back and read the rest afterwards!! OMFG-- Pardon my censored French!! THIS post was sooooo HILARIOUS!!! Good think I didn't have anything to drink or it would be flying out of my nose while reading the post!! And Debi's first comment almost made me pee in my pjs!!! Commando is RIGHT!! Let's just BAN muffin tops right now!!! I haven't worn stockings in YEARS!! I hate ALL body hair- except for that on the top of my head- scalp, eyebrows, and eyelashes.. Any other hair on my body needs to disappear... I feel bad that men have WAY more hair on their bodies than women... In fact, my hubby has MORE hair on his back and chest than he did when we first met (almost 4 years ago... WTF? Why is that... I'm NOT a fan of back hair... I just want to know... WHY does hair grow on a man's back and not on a woman's?? I know it's hormones.. but WHY does hair need to grow there, anyhow.. It's just NOT attractive... I am sorry if this offends anyone..
WHat about those socks... Wish I had them on from age 2-12 years old...That would have saved me all those years of shaving.. I started shaving my legs at age 12!!! Oh well.. I LOVED reading this post!!
Adios.. LEesa
Hi Leesa!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you enjoyed this post!
I had SO much fun writing putting it together.
And no need to ever pardon your censored FRENCH (that was so cute).
Because I LOVE FRENCH!
I never censor mine.
HAHAHAHA!
And aren't people's comments THE BEST??? Sometimes I'll just go back and reread everyones comments and LAUGH my butt off!
I have no idea why hair grows on a man's back. It's ODD isn't it? I mean, we seem to lose hair on our heads...but then it transpants itself in the oddest places. Maybe as we men get older, we get colder easier, and the hair on the back helps to insulate us!?!??!
I have a little growing on my shoulders and I shave it because I HATE it! It looks like a little island of hair just sitting there.
Anyway, my friend...it's ALWAYS so wonderful getting a comment from you. You always add just FUN to these posts!!
So thank you!
Hope you had a wonderful day and a great evening.
(eating that QUICHE!!!!)
I'm so jealous.
Hey, did Barbara and her hubby return to France yet? If they did, please tell them I said HI!
Adios mucha cha!
k......NOW I understand why men wear those socks with sandals.
ReplyDeleteRon, you poor thing! I've never noticed that on men. Probably because I'm never looking that far down their legs. ;)
ReplyDeleteOMG...Mel...that's funny!!
ReplyDeleteDo you know how MUCH the sight of that makes me CRINGE???
Talk about GROSS!
I just don't understand WHAT possess them!?!?
Thanks for the laugh, dear Mel!
You always make me smile!
HOLY SHIT...Nitebyrd!
ReplyDeleteThat was FABULOUS!!!!
Love ya, you funny lady you!
That's so funny you mentioned that, because I have noticed men who had weird stuff going on with their legs. Doesn't bother me, but it is funny. :o)
ReplyDeleteNO pubic hair legs...PLEASE! That would do me in.
Howdy Rhea!
ReplyDeleteOh, DAMN...and I JUST hot glued some on!
(it looks nice, though)
Male leg hair loss on the lower legs might be made worse due to socks, but it is usually a sign of either hormonal or circulatory disease; especially thyroid or peripheral vascular disease.Hypothyroidism often runs in families. Either disease can make life shorter, or worse, not shorter, but only sicker.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise I love the posts, they're very funny. And I sit to pee as well.
Hi Anonymous!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by and adding your expertise!
So glad you enjoyed the posts.
Please stop by anytime!