Today I thought I’d share a little something that eventually seems to effect the male population.
(no…NOT impotence)
Yet I should probably be more specific and say...males who have HAIRY legs.
As a child, I noticed this thing about my fathers legs and would always think to myself, “Eeeeew…what the hell is the matter with you?”
Then it suddenly started happening to me as I got into my 40’s, and has gotten progressively more predominate.
Because of wearing socks (and particularly, DRESS socks), it seems that the daily contact and friction against a mans legs, causes the hair (along the calves) to rub off in patches, creating these beautiful never-to-grow-back-again, bald spots.
It’s quite attractive.
It looks as though I had my legs waxed by a professional beautician smoking CRACK.
I’m a pretty hairy guy, so it appears strange to see a blanket of hair cascading down my legs...and then a VOID.
I’ve stopped wearing shorts in the summer, because my legs look as though I suddenly ran out of shaving cream.
And I’ve actually thought of perhaps clipping some hair off from another part of my body and then hot gluing it to my legs…
…I mean, do you think anyone would notice patches of salt and pepper PUBIC hair sprouting off my calves?
Be honest.
Or the other possibility would be to completely shave my entire body, so that everyone would finally notice that I was a natural bodybuilder.
*And I achieved this without the aid of a single steroid
*Beauty tip for ladies who shave their legs: if you would like to eventually conclude leg-shaving from your daily routine, consider purchasing some crotch-length mens dress socks, and then wear them constantly for the next ten years…I guarantee you’ll never have to shave for the remainder of your life.
'Crotch-length mens dress socks'? We have them...they're called pantyhose, and **pure hell** if you've got a muffintop like me and that elastic around your waist with the dough stuffed into it, is a real bitch I'm tellin' ya. When you finally take them off, you have the seam and uh, "control top" weave dented into your flubber. Even worse is when you have your mother's chunky short legs (raises hand once again) and wear knee-highs. By the end of the day you feel like you wore rubber bands-the little skinny ones-around your knees all day. And that seam bump on the toe part? OUCH!
Oh and that size chart graph thingy on the back of the package?
BULLSHIT! Go a size up if you like full breaths.
I haven't worn pantyhose for years-just go COMMANDO Bwahahahaaaaaaa