Burger Lust


It’s funny how food will sometimes feel very similar to what it’s like to enjoy a carnal relationship.

This is how I feel when eating a great burger.

Even though I’m not a big meat eater by any means, once or twice a month I lust for a fat juicy hamburger.

And not only do I enjoy eating a burger, but I will also order French fries and a coke, because they seem to turn the whole experience into some sort of Kama Sutra.

Sometimes when I eat a burger, I can’t even speak.

I will close my eyes and quite often here the voice of Donna Summers singing her 80’s disco hit…Love to Love You Baby.

Now normally I eat very fast, however when I’m eating a hamburger, I enjoy lots of foreplay in order to prolong the ecstasy, leading up to the BIG moment.

Last Thursday evening, I met up with a good friend of mine for our “Burger Night.”

She and I had been wanting to try a new place, which had opened in the Fall, but because of all the holiday madness we never had the time, so last week we set a date for a Roman Burger Orgy.

The place we went to is called Goodburger, and the word GOOD is a total understatement.

It should really be called Good-God-I-Had-An-Orgasm-Burger.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a more sensual time eating a hamburger in all my life.

I literally wanted to smear ketchup all over body and place pickle slices in my underwear.

And at the climatic moment, I had to grab onto the sides of the table, because I thought my ass would vibrate off of the chair.

I think I actually heard myself cry out…“YES!..YES!…YES!”

And after the rapture had subsided, I sat there completely spent, with such a wonderful feeling of total inner peace; craving a Marlboro Light.

It was lovely.

So if you haven’t had much carnal knowledge lately, and you’re looking for inexpensive, yet high-quality imitation fornication…try Goodburger.

I guarantee it’ll be the best “Burger Big O” you’ve ever experienced.

“Oooooooooo…love to love you, baby…ooooooooo….”

I would like to close this post with a little something for my vegetarian readers, so you don’t feel left out….






32 comments

  1. Oh Ron...
    You really do LOVE your burgers !
    I personally thought that when I read your "Chocolate O " post, that you had found your food Nirvana.
    But, you have probably topped yourself !!!

    Yeah; I think that you have more than one reader desperate for a smoke after that / or a cold shower !!!

    Hugs xxxx

    P.S. Do you ger as carnal for Philly cheese steaks ?! :)

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  2. No thanks. I've been meatless since 18 I think (damn...that's like forever!) I was way fatter and used to get sick ALL the time and now very extremely rarely do (and I work with the fresh-off-the recirculated-10-hours-of-germy-airplane-air Asia tourists that get shuttled directly from the airport to check in! Sniffle, sneeze, cough cough! Some show up still wearing their surgical masks!!)

    And SLICED pickles in your underwear? Really? I just don't think that would work. Maybe it would, but would be kinda...um...
    bunchy. Dontcha think? A fine Chippendale like yourself simply *CANNOT* do bunchy!

    Oh great. I read and reply to this before bedtime. Now I'm gonna see Chippendales and pickles in my dream tonight. And probably wake up at the good part. ;O

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  3. *laughing*

    You and Meg Ryan.



    Silly fella. LOL

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  4. I love it! and I have to agree with you. We don't have Goodburger here, but I'll be on the lookout for it.

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  5. I thoroughly enjoyed that. How do I get in on Burger Night???? LOL

    Actually, hubs and I would sometimes go to Five Guys. Talk about a sensual experience. It takes awhile to get your food after you order there. (Well, they ARE making it just to YOUR liking.) So you get to sit and whisper about what you ordered.... anticipating the actual carnal feast. And as you wait you can suck down a soda or two while fondling peanuts and being voyeurs as you watch others whose orders have come up. OH.MY.GOD. It's almost impossible to wait patiently for yours. You want to scream GIVE IT TO ME NOWWWWWW.

    But lately....
    being hubs has a little cholesterol issue.....
    I've been a burger BITCH and haven't allowed him to have any damn pleasure. I know he's ready to sneak over there and order a double cheese with the works. But I call him during the day and ask what he's eaten. Usually the answer is grilled chicken on wheat pita or some other healthy sounding item. He's trying to be good. And I have allowed some things... he did get pizza for the game the weekend before last. I know, I know, that's sooooo NOT the same as a juicy burger.
    Well, I suppose, since the doc said that his good level was REALLY good and for the bad it was just a matter of cutting back a bit, I COULD ALLOW a Five Guys night. What kind of wife would I be if I took away THAT kind of pleasure forever. He'd eventually only cheat, right?? And then he'd feel guilty and tell me, right?? And then I'd have to go off in search of revenge, right?? And then I would run into Joe Perry from Aerosmith, our eyes would meet, we'd immediately have to check into the nearest hotel for hot and steamy passion. And of course he'd spend the weekend writing new songs about me.

    OHHHH NOOOOO, I cannot let my marriage become jeopardized. In order to save our perfect union I MUST allow my man that LUSTY MEAT.
    Tonight, honey, tonight.... we're going to FIVE GUYS!!!! Let me take you to places of pure ecstasy. Don't cheat. Don't force me out the door. Don't make me leave you for a throbbing hot sexy GUITAR GOD. YOU CAN HAVE THE BURGER. Let's get it with CHEESE too and really be NAUGHTY. OOOOHHHHHH you want KINKY TOO. Okay, you can have onions and pickles all slathered in mayonnaise and I'll whip you if one slips out of the burger and falls on the paper.

    Thank you, dear, dear Ron. You have SAVED my marriage!!!
    p.s.
    If I thought hubs could handle it, I'd invite you over for a threesome. But he tends to not like sharing his woman, err, I mean his burger. ;)

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  6. Bonjour Barbara!

    Yes...and sometimes having a smoke while taking a cold shower is very helpful!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    I actually have MANY food Nirvana's that allow for the Big O!!!!

    I'm Italian...so eating food is something I do with dramamtic PASSION.

    In fact, remember when you and Didier and I went out to dinner the time you came to Philly? And do you remember what I ordered?....a BURGER!!!!!

    And it was HEAVENLY!

    No...I'm not much for cheese steaks (too much gristle). I know...coming from someone who lives in Philly...I should be shot for saying that!!!

    Thanks for dropping by today Barb!

    Hope you enjoyed the Big O!

    XOXOXO

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  7. Aloha Debi!

    OMG...your comment made me HOWL!!!

    So, did you dream of Chippendales and pickles???

    WOW...you've been meatless since you were 18?????

    Like yourself, I know of several people who no longer eat meat because of getting sick. Meat is diffinately not for everyone.

    It's strange, because the only meat I really crave is beef (and I only like it in the form of a hamburger). I can't eat something like a steak or ribs - it's just too much.

    Thanks for dropping by Deb!

    Your comments always make me smile!

    Have a great day my friend!

    X

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  8. Howdy Mel!

    YES!!!!!

    That's exactly who inspired me to write that!!!

    Wasn't that the most hysterical scene??

    And the best line in the movie came after....

    ..."I'll have what she's having."

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Always great seeing ya Mel!!!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Hey guess what?

    It's SNOWING here today!!!

    YAHOOO!

    X

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  9. Hellooooo Kenju!

    It's so nice seeing ya!!!

    Thanks for stopping by.

    Oh man...this burger was the BEST!!!

    I believe Goodburger is fairly new, so I think it's just a matter of time before they start popping up everywhere. If you're a meat eater and enjoy burgers...try this place. It's HEAVENLY!

    Have a FABU day!

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  10. Good Morning Crystal Chick!

    OMG...you're comment made me HOWL and POOP all at the same time!!

    You are truly a FUNNY lady M!

    BRAVA!!!!

    And listen, thank you for sharing that!!!

    I love Five Guys Burgers too, but shit....it takes FOREVER to get your food! I thought maybe it was just the one I go to in the city, but now that you're telling me you have the same experience, I see that it must be all of them.

    And you're so right...I end up drinking two cokes before I even get my burger!!

    But WOW....aren't the burgers and fries yummy??

    If you enjoy burgers and you spot a one of these restaurants in your area, try it...you'll LOVE it!

    And let's not even mention cholesterol. I've never ONCE had that check, and I'm 53 years old!! My body has a way of telling me when things are out of balance, so I really believe that if cholesterol was an issue...I'd somehow sense something was up.

    I try not to eat or drink anything in extreme, and most every night I enjoy a half a glass of red wine. I hear that's a positive thing for cholesterol.

    *plus...it gives a nice BUZZ!

    HAHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks SOOOOO much for dropping in today, M!

    It's always great sharing with my eastcoast friend!

    Hey...and is it SNOWING there???

    I'm looking out the window right now and enjoying a beautiful snowfall!!!

    YEPEEEE!

    Enjoy your Monday!

    X

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  11. LOL only you could turn eating a burger into an erotic experience! You so make me laugh m'dear. x

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  12. Ron, Ron, Ron. You have hit upon another one of my intimate desires. THE burger. Not just any piece of chopped beef but a large greasy burger. The one that has the shiny buns and you lick the edges of the bun before you bite into heaven. That first savory tast is true delight. When you chew that warm beef and feel the beef juice form in your mouth. AH! Then, the bread and the meat play bocci on your tongue. Then, after you have gotten all the flavor out of that bite you swallow and let it get to your stomach before you take the next wonderful bite. When you wash this down with hot salty, crispy fries and a milk shake you have to check your short because you can swear you had a premature ejaculation.
    Now, once again you have worked me up to a frenzy. I am off to Johnny Rockets with my money for the burger and a bunch of quarters for the jukebox.
    MacDonald's is for suckers I want the real deal.

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  13. And not only do I enjoy eating a burger, but I will also order French fries and a coke, because they seem to turn the whole experience into some sort of Kama Sutra.

    I have to find that burger place!

    The whole time ready I couldn't help but think of When Harry Met Sally in the restaurant scene.

    God help me I need a good burger, its been awhile!

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  14. We must have sorry cows down here. I haven't had a good burger in years.

    Ron, I damn near popped a lung laughing at the vision of you smeared with catusp with pickles in your tighty-whities!

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  15. So I'm guessing you were making your own "special sauce" while enjoying that burger!

    We just went to Red Robin the other night. Good burgers and endless french fries. (Oh baby!!!) Can't say I had a Meg Ryan moment like you did, but it was tasty none the less.

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  16. Good Evening Akelamalu!

    OMG...this burger was SUCH THE EROTIC EXPERIENCE!!!

    I reach hights I never thought were imaginable!!!!

    HAHAHHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks a bunch stopping by dear lady!

    So glad had you had a chuckle!

    Enjoy your evening!

    X

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  17. OMG DAVE!!!!!!!!

    I hope you JUST HOW MUCH I PISS MY PANTS everytime you leave a comment!!!

    OMG....I was snorting, I was laughing so hard!!!

    Then, the bread and the meat play BOCCI on your tongue.!

    That was BRILLIANT!!

    Ya see...I think we Italians get just as much erotic pleasure out of eating, as we do the "real thing."

    Hey...we have a Johnny Rockets here too, and WOW...talk about orgasmic!! Love that place! And the MUSIC is what adds to the enjoyment, doesn't it?

    Oh man...thanks SO MUCH for the laugh, buddy...I so enjoyed it!!!

    Have a great time with your burger Dave!

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  18. Hi ronnie: So I'm back aafter afew day soff...ahhh, le meow.

    Hey I laughed my ass off and...am looiking for it this very minute...hehehe

    Ha...as if, huh? Oh there it is...i was sittingon it, ah-ha.

    Hey in in LA...I heard there was or is a place here in LA that was famous for cheegeburgers. It is called the HOCKEY BURGER. and under the big hockey player sign it read...made with real hockey pucks. It's suppose to be huge. I think they said it was in the City of Industry.

    Hey if anyone knows if this is true...let me know...I'll make a pilgramage and worship one of those burgers. hehehe.

    I make a pretty good burger Ronnie. The best evuh...I just don't eat burgers.

    Um...I am a vaginatarian. hehehehe.
    NO, just kidding...Who doesn't love a good burger. Yum...and with onions. :D

    ciao honey...have a fabulous evening.

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  19. Helloooo Domestic Diva!

    OMG..you're too too funny!!!!

    Hey...last night while I was writing this post, I TOO was remembering that scene in the movie, and all I kept hearing was....YES! YES! YES! YES!

    And I swear...that's exactly how I felt last Thursday night!

    This friend of mine and I had the same REACTION. We both sounded like the sountrack to a porno movie!!

    HAHAHAHAHHA!

    Thanks for dropping by Diva!

    It's always a HOOT sharing with ya!

    Hope you had a great day and evening!

    P.S. if you click on the link I left for Goodburger, it should tell you if there's a restaurant in your area. I think they're originally from NYC, but they're throughout the state. Hope you find one...you'll love it!

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  20. Howdy Sista' Nitebyrd!

    OMG...I'm telling you woman, these burgers are totally orgasmic!!

    I mean it!

    And they also serve beer and wine. The friend that I went with had a glass of red wine and she said it was great.

    I don't what the HELL they put in those burgers, but whatever it is...it's like an aphrodisiac!

    Look for one in your area, because I know they're all over the place. And if you find one...be prepared for a MAJOR "O"!

    Always a delight seeing ya, Sis!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    X

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  21. Oh man Ron, as I was reading this, I couldn't help but hear the slogan "Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger" in my head. Did you ever see that movie called "Good Burger"
    It was out about 10 years ago and was just one of those super silly movies. I thought it was just a made up place though. Maybe it was made up and this is just a coincidence.
    Anyways, I love a good burger too. I think my favs are Five Guys and Red Robin. Of course, I have never been to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger though.

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  22. HOLY SHIT JEFF, SEE...there you go again making me TOOT when I read your comments!!

    And yes...it was definately a "special sauce moment."

    I'm telling ya...I wanted to DIE!

    Hey, I've never heard of Red Robin before!? I wonder if they're just a westcoast restaurant?

    Anyway...glad you enjoyed your burger, buddy!

    Have an awesome evening and thanks for dropping in!

    Later gator!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  23. Hiya Nicole!

    OMG!

    It's SOOOOOO great seeing ya, girl!!!

    Hey listen, I'm glad you mentioned that movie, because last night when I was trying to google the link to Goodburger, I saw something listed as a MOVIE called Goodburger and thought, "What the HELL is that???"

    Now I know! I'm assuming the movie must be about the REAL place Goodburger!?!?!

    Anyway, I know you and I have talked about how FAB Five Guys is, but if you ever find a Goodburger in your area, PLEASE go! It's actually better. The food is better prepared and it's not really expensive at all. And they also serve beer and wine!

    If you go...I know you'll enjoy it!

    Hope you're enjoying this wonderful COLD and SNOW we've been having!!!

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by!

    X

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  24. Good Evening Divine Miss Jones!

    Welcome back bella!

    Hope you had a FABU weekend!

    It does the soul good to take some time and just kick back!!

    OMG...you are too too funny!!

    "Hey I laughed my ass off and...am looiking for it this very minute...hehehe

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Hey listen, I've never heard of Hockey Burger before!?!? And you mean to tell me the burgers are actually made with hockey pucks????

    OMG...I don't know about that!?

    Sounds kinda scary!

    I need to google that this evening to find out more about it!

    Anyway...I know you're a PRIMO cook, so I bet your burgers are too DIE FOR! And there is nothing in the world like a homecooked burger!!

    (could maybe email me one?)

    Tee, hee!

    Always DIVINE seeing ya Miss Jones!

    Have an orgasmic evening!

    Ciao bella burger

    X

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  25. Good Lord you made my mouth water and you made me horny!

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  26. Helloooo Dianne!

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    GO GIRL!!!!

    I'm telling you...TRY this place...it's an "O" that you will NEVER forget!!!

    Thanks for dropping by dear lady!

    Always, always, always enjoyed!

    X

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  27. Heheee...Ron you Italian Stallion!
    going and making the ladies horny! (Maybe mentioning the pickles in your undies was the icing on the cake) ;P
    I said it before and I'll say it again...who needs a man...
    we've got our Chippendale hunk Ron!
    (and Obama in the White House! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
    Happy Obama Day, you hunka hunka burnin' love! :D

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  28. I HEAR ya, Ron... Even as a vegetarian!!!
    When I was in grade school.. we had Joe's Grill--- A very small grill stand that contained four barstool seats and you sat right up against the counter and ordered from Joe (RIP). He was pretty old when I was in grade school... greasy slicked back salt and pepper hair that doned a paper chef hat... The grill was level with the counter right on the other side and you could sit there and watch him grill out the MOST DELICIOUS burgers you have ever eaten in your life... I would give anything for Joe's burger!!! It was mouth-watering... Lettuce, tomatoe, onions, pickles... and LOTSSSSS of ketsup!! I remember it all sooo vividly.... After grade school, we stopped going as it was farther away...
    Other joints like Fatburger and Tom's Number 5 replaced Joe's corner grill, but I have never forgotten it... I think that when I go back to Cali. this summer, I will stop by Joe's and see if it's still in existence... God Bless Joe's grill.. Best darn hamburgers in Hollywood in the mid-late seventies!!! I could really use one now!!!
    Take care and thanks for enlightening us with your
    "carnal knowedge."
    Cheers!!!!

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  29. Aloha Debi!

    God Love Ya Woman!

    Yea...Just call me ROCKY BALBOA!!

    "Yo Adriane!"

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    No...I don't think so!

    Oh, but you make me LAUGH!!!

    And YES!!!!! Obama is in the White House!!!

    YAHOOOOO!

    Peace, Love and Bobby Sherman!

    X

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  30. Bonjour Leesa!

    OMG...Joe's Grill sounds DIVINE!!

    And ya know, I've heard MANY vegetarians say the same thing. They DO sometimes STILL crave a burger!

    And like I shared, I'm really not a big meat eater at all, but when I do crave meat, it's ONLY a burger. I can't even eat something like a steak or ribs (it's just TOO much)

    And I think they have Fatburgers in Florida too, because I remember either seeing it or eating there.

    I'll tell ya...all this talk BURGERS is making me LUST for another one!!!

    I may have to make two trips to Goodburger this month!!

    HAHAHAHHA!

    Thanks a BUNCH for stopping by this evening Leesa!

    And for sharing in my BURGER LUST!!!

    X

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  31. ronnie, have you lost your ever-lovin' mind?? how could you possibly admit to wanting to put pickles in your pants while you indulge yourself with a fat juicy burger? OMG, I peed my pants and this is the ONLY blog on which I would admit that!!! so it's just between me and 30 others and YOU so keep quiet about that...I am a lady after all...

    I Love you, you dear man and this one probably takes the ... well, burger...for your best of all post! and now, after my shrink today, I think I shall have to go to "In and Out" burgers, yeah I know, that's what it's called, and indulge my own sensory overload as I feel a certain craving for one, who knows why, after oh say, about 3 years...you made it sound just TOO GOOD! dammit!!

    love you, kisses, ronnie XOXOX - yeah we're back to ronnie again, since you are my bro in another life without doubt! :D

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  32. Helloooo Linda!

    HAHAHAHAAHA!

    I know...aren't I a SICK man???

    I actually think I lost my mind MANY, MANY, MANY years ago!!!!!

    *and if you find it...please let me know, ok?

    And I promise not to tell another single soul that you peed your pants!

    OMG...and the burger place you go to is called, In and Out????

    Well...

    ...talk about CARNAL!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    God love ya woman!

    or rather...sister!

    ALWAYS such a delight sharing with you, Linda!!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Hope you enjoyed your BURGER!!!!

    XOXOXOXOXO

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