Shaving my Kiwis

As you can tell from this blog post, I obviously spent too much time sitting in the park last week feeding nuts to the squirrels, because I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to talk about shaving my gonads.

I mean, why not?...gonads deserve a blog post too.

(ask any man)

I had originally planned to post about how I need to use my reading glasses in order to properly shave my face in the morning, but while I was googling the Internet for images of men shaving, I began to notice articles on How-To-Shave-Your-Balls and I thought to myself, "Hell...this is a much more interesting blog topic."

(isn't it wonderful how destiny takes you where you need to speak?)

What was really interesting about these articles, was that some of them included a comment forum in which men shared their views on shaving versus going natural.

Several of the articles also gave tips on how to shave safely; warning men NEVER to use wax as a way to remove testicle hair, which I thought was a very wise warning because I can only imagine the damage it could do. It would probably feel as though you stuck your gonads on a piece of hot duct tape and then ripped it off.

*However, one advantage to doing that would be that it would most likely cause your loins to hang to the floor like a porn star.

Quite frankly, not only do I shave my kiwis, but I also coif my entire pubic area.

The reason why I do this, is because if I didn't...I would need a compass and a Boy Scout to locate my genitalia.

I'm Italian, therefore, I've been blessed with an over-abundant hair gene.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind being hairy, but I do mind my manhood looking like a toucan bird sticking it's beak out of an Amazon rainforest.

However, this wasn't always the case....

Many, many years ago, a good friend of mine was constantly telling me how much he LOVED shaving his ping-pongs because of the look and feel. At the time, I thought he was deranged because the image of getting a razor anywhere near my diamond studs made me CRINGE.

Yet, I have to admit...after trying it one hot and humid summer, it made me feel like I had just eaten a York Peppermint Pattie. I felt a cool breeze blowing between my legs.

The only slightly negative thing about shaving, is that when the hair begins to grow back...my kiwis begin to itch. But sprinkling them with some baby powder takes care of that until I shave again.

Besides, I kinda like walking down the city streets and occasionally giving myself a little "scratch."

It makes me feel like a jock....



Go Phillies!

37 comments

  1. Hey Ronnie,
    I missed you !
    I think that you have been keeping busy ... he he.
    One track mind indeed; nuts and more nuts.

    Now that's one heck of a wake up post !!
    Yes; don't even think about waxing the privates for both sexes.For the ladies, it's already painful waxing one's legs, so I'm not even going to imagine the rest.

    Welcome back my nutty friend xx

    P.S. Was the weather in Love city pretty during your break ??

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  2. This is some juicy stuff. Now we're getting somewhere ;O
    Landscaped with lightning bolts, hello kitty, or a Landing Strip? And does the carpet match the drapes? Teeheee

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  3. I hope you had a wonderful week off and fed lots of squirrels. Did you enjoy that book?

    I think women go thru the same thing. Years ago, I don't think many did it. Well, the ones who wore bikinins obviously did. But now days it seems that women like being completely bald there. I'm sort of trying the in between. It's almost impossible to keep up with though. There are just some days you don't feel like shaving anything, or keeping up the manicure on what's been done. And yes, some baby powder provides some relief for itchies. LOL

    Well... happy Monday. Happy shaving. Glad you're back!

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  4. thanks so much for sharing, lol.

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  5. I may have to write a blog about giving Mulder a Brazilian. Who knew you weren't supposed to put hot wax on a guy's balls and then rip it off? Obviously, not me!

    The itchy part is the worst!

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  6. Oh, the things I learn. LOL

    Should be interesting to see the look on himself's face when I ask the pertinent questions....LOL

    I, of course, will blame you. ;-)

    That, too--will make for an interesting look, I'm sure....LOLOLOL

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  7. Well, York Peppermint Patty aside, doesn't the smooth kiwi just look so much nicer?

    Just saying.... :)

    Bottom line, if we have to do it, you should too. Equality of the sexes and all that! *snort*

    I hope you enjoyed yor time off. We missed you around here!

    Have a beautiful day, Handsome.

    xoxo
    ~vk~

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  8. Wow, Ron, the enlightenment in this space has been blasted wide open. I wouldn't make many tree huggers aware of your situation, however. They've got enough of a problem with Amazon loggers without your repeated razing of the nether-woods. They're also not afraid to handcuff themselves to trees (or toucan beaks) in defiance.

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  9. Bonjour Barbara!

    I missed ya too, my Philly friend!

    I'll tell ya something...

    ....those squirrels got me a little nutty!

    bwhahahahahaha!

    The thought of hot wax near my private parts....NO WAY!

    Part of the weather last week was wonderful, then we ended up getting LOTS of rain and humidity, which made the temps feels like 90 degrees. Yesterday and today it's back in the 50's. I think the rest of the week is going to be pretty much the same. I am so NOT looking forward to summer.

    Thanks for dropping by Barb!

    Hope you and Didier had a great week!

    X to you both!

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  10. Aloha Debi!

    and does the carpet match the drapes?!

    HOLY SHIT....

    ....THAT WAS HYSTERICAL!!!!

    What a great laugh to start my week!

    One of these days I've got to try a landing strip...that sounds COOL!

    Great seeing ya, Deb!

    I've missed your wonderful humor.

    Hope you had a great week, Miss Kitty!

    MEOW!

    X

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  11. Helloooo Crystal-Chick!

    Great seeing ya, neighbor!

    Hell...sometimes on my days off I don't even shave my face, let alone my kiwis!

    I mainly do this during the summer months when it's hot. During the winter, I kinda like all the fur to keep my kiwis warm.

    tee, hee!

    Oh...and speaking about the BOOK.

    I almost emailed you last week to tell you that I totally agreed with you. To be honest, I couldn't even finish it. I found myself skipping pages and reading ahead. I love her writing style, but to read it in a book was just too much of the same thing. I was actually bored. I think she's one of those writers who's style is suited for short snipets, rather than a whole book.

    I've read several of her blog posts throughout the year, where she shares more of an introspective side of herself and really enjoyed them. She's not only a wonderful humorous writer, but she also has a side to her that can really dig deep into her soul.

    I watched a TON of great movies last week, which was wonderful. I also went out to dinner with some friends and had a very nice time (I ate like a PIG). It was the perfect week for me to take off from blogging.

    Thanks for stopping by, M!

    It's always great talking with ya!

    Enjoy your day!

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  12. Hi Tellie!

    tee, hee!

    Thanks for dropping by today!

    Hope you had a great week.

    I'll be catching up with everyone within the next few days.

    Enjoy your day!

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  13. Howdy Nitebyrd!

    Last night, while I was finishing this post I suddenly remembered your wonderful post about shaving Mulder's balls.

    OMG...can you just imagine using hot wax???

    YAWZA!#?!

    The links that left on this post have some really great tips on shaving. You may want to check them out.

    YES...and the itchy part is the worst. It feels like someone stuck a straight pin into my scrotum!

    bwahahhahahha!

    Thanks for dropping by, Sis!

    Hope you had week.

    Looking forward to catching up with you!

    Enjoy your day!

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  14. Hiya Mel!

    Listen, if you do ask himself about trying this, PLEASE take a picture of his face and put it on your blog, ok?

    You don't have to tell your readers anything about WHY - but "I'll" know!

    bwhahahahahaha!

    Hey...and you'd be amazed at how many women expressed delight about their man shaving!

    woo! woo!

    GREAT seeing ya, Mel!

    Thanks for dropping by!

    Give a hug to that adorable granddaughter of yours!

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  15. Hello Vixen Kitten!

    YES, I totally agree with you on both accounts....

    ....the kiwis look and feel so much nicer and if the ladies can do it, so can us gents.

    Equality of the sexes.

    RIGHT ON!

    Thanks for dropping by, dear one.

    I had an awesome week off, but I missed you all too!

    Looking forward to catching up with you.

    Please give a big HUG to Pea, ok?

    XOXO

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  16. HOLY SHIT MVD...

    Can I just tell ya how much I've missed your BRILLIANT sense of HUMOR!?!

    That was HYSTERICAL, man!!!!

    I read your comment three times and just HOWLED!

    I know...just call me the Kiwi Buddha of Enlightenment!

    Great seeing ya, bud!

    I looking forward to catching up with you this week!

    Thanks for stopping by!

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  17. Oh Good Lord! where do I even begin ...

    Is there a Kiwis equivalent of a Brazillian?
    Did you hear that waxing salons offer the 'Howie Mandel'? How's that for odd and yet somehow adorable

    Where's Howie!!

    I stopped shaving my balls years ago - premature balding is a curse for all the women in my family ;)

    It was a coolish week and it is downright cold today - it's great ain't it!?

    every time I eat a peppermint pattie I shall think of you and your nuts - and smile

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  18. Psssst Ron, don't tell the world but MWM shaves down there too. Nice and smooth. :)

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  19. Hellooo Dianne!

    Bwhahahahahahaha!

    Your comment about how you stopped shaving your balls was PRICELESS!!!

    God...I love you!

    And no, I haven't heard about the "Howie Mandel" but it sounds hysterical!

    I think the eqivalent of a kiwi brazillian, would be to wax pubic area and shave the testi area. But I imagine it would probably end up looking like a turkey neck!

    OMG...and don't you LOVE the weather we're having? After those god-awful days of heat and humidity, this 50 degree weather is such a blessing. I know you and I are NOT looking forward to summer.

    (so let's blog bitch often about it, ok?)

    Always great seeing ya, dear lady!

    Thanks for a wonderful laugh!

    Sincerely,
    Mr. Peppermint Pattie
    X

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  20. Hi Akelamalu!

    WAY TO GO, MWM!

    And I'm glad to hear that you enjoy it, m' dear!

    Isn't it soooooo nice?

    *wink*

    (you're secret is safe with me)

    Thanks for dropping by!

    Have an awesome day!
    X

    P.S. enjoy your "kiwis."

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  21. OMG
    okay, I want to know how you come up with these colorful vernacular for your boys?
    Kiwis?
    OMG
    I felt like I was reading a 10 Cent romance novel back in college to my room mate as we circled the grocery store..." and his Turgid man root was swollen with desire his kiwi's hung to the ground unshaven"
    ROTFLMAO
    Okay i am laughing so hard I am coughing again..
    Thanks darlin, this was the laugh I so needed...

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  22. Ronnie: Ball player...ha! I have always wondered about men shaving their nuts. hehe. I love that word...nuts.
    It all seems so dangerous...I mean if you hear the theme song from the movie JAWS...while holding a razor to your nads...don't do it. Tadda...tadda. Tadda-tadda-tadda-taddatadda...

    Some one screams...

    Then they're gone.....GONE!
    hehehehe.

    Personally I love a well shaved man. The twig and berries (Auston Powers saying) are so much more attractive and much more kissable. hehehe. Oh and don't forget bigger. :D

    Fun post sweetie. Ciao sweetie.

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  23. ronnie...I missed you.
    ":0)

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  24. OMG...Sorrow...can I just tell ya how much YOU made ME laugh with your reference to the 10 Cent romance novel??????

    THAT WAS BEYOND BRILLIANT!!!

    I TOO was laughing so hard I was coughing!

    Well, let me tell ya...

    ...when I first wrote this post I couldn't figure out if I wanted to use the word BALLS in the title. And as I was surfing the Internet for photos, I spotted the one of those two kiwis, so I thought to myself, "Ok that's it...I'll refer to my balls as kiwis!

    I have destiny to thank for that.

    Thank you dear lady for stopping by this evening. You truly added so much wonderful humor to this post...THANK YOU!

    Love ya!
    X

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  25. Dear Miss Jones....

    You are TOO funny, because on one of comment forums that I read, several women said the same thing as you. They prefered a well shaved man.

    (for ORAL reasons)

    I never saw any of the Austin Power movies, but I LOVED how you refered to it as the twig and the berries! That's so funny!

    I wonder where the reference "nuts" came from? Probably from the squirrels. I mean, have you ever seen the NUTS hanging off one of the males? They actually DRAG on the ground!

    hahahahahahaaha!

    Oh, I've missed ya too dear friend.

    Can't wait to catch up!

    Thanks for stopping by, Miss J.

    Ciao bella.

    Sincerely,
    Mr. Nuts
    X

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  26. I feel like I am Sorrow's roommate! hee, hee
    Thank you, I needed a good laugh tonight...now I will go to bed with kiwi's in my head. :)

    LY!

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  27. Ooooooo Oooooooo !! This made me HOOOOOWWWWWLLLLLL!!!! I love it!! You know, I can't STAND hair on the body- except- my head, my eyebrows, and eyelashes... So, to me... all other hair has to go!!! I am sooooo happy to hear you talk about this subject b/c (and I wish my hubby were like you in this sense) I LOVE a man with shaved balls and a coiffed man region!! It's so nice to see that you take the extra time to do yourself up this way!! YAYYY RON!! You get the word out there, maybe others will follow in your razor tracks...
    hehehhehehe!!

    I've missed all of you... I've been soooo OUT OF TOUCH from blogging and sooo busy with life! I even lost all of my emails so I lost your email, too... I have to go look if it's on your blog and if not, can you please email me since I didn't add it to my address book and all the emails that weren't added were lost!!
    Love to you...
    Big smooches... Leesa

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  28. Hello Dearest Gypsy-Heart!

    tee, hee!

    Well, I guess visions of kiwis dancing in your head are better than sugar plum faires!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    GOD LOVE YA, WOMAN!

    Thanks for stopping by dear friend!

    Sleep tight!

    LY
    X

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  29. Bonjour Leesa!

    So VUNERBAR to see ya, girl!!!!

    Oh, now see....I actually thought that European men would shave more so than American men, but I guess I was wrong.

    But I do remember when I lived in Amsterdam that many of the women didn't shave their underarms, so maybe shaving is more of an American thing!?!

    I really don't mind being hairy, but my "man region" is WAY out of control, so I have to keep it coiffed or I'd look like BUSH GARDENS.

    hahahahahahaha!

    Hey...it's wonderful that you've been busy. I too took some time off from blogging last week, because I had some things I needed to get organized and I also just needed a break.

    I'm also investigating ways of getting some writing done professionally.

    My email address is on the contact page. So just click the link and you'll see my address.

    Thanks SOOOOOO much for stopping by this evening, Leesa!

    It's so wonderful seeing ya!

    I know you said that you were going away (California) earlier this year, so have spectacular time!!!

    X to you!

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  30. ok dear, you are really getting down and , well, i was going to say dirty, but that is not the issue here is it....so the next step after this one is you go without the undies....heaven on a breezy warm day in a skirt, in your case, a kilt...or skirt depending on where you live and how much abuse you are willing to listen too, a kilt is safer in my not-so-humble opinion....that will be next and a good blog post too, don't you think? I assume that absolutely NOBODY I know except you, my love, will find this little comment from me, right? if so and it comes back to haunt me, I will cease to be me and become a man...*wink grin*

    i really missed you ronnie dear one that i love best in blogland....so what did you do on your vacation besides feed your nuts to squirrels? hmmm?
    XO

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  31. OMG, this is hysterical! What an empty week it's been without you. Welcome back!

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  32. Hellooo Dear Linda!

    Ok...you are WAY too psychic my friend, because the guy that I referred to in these blog post ALSO goes without UNDIES!!!

    HONEST!!!

    In fact, I bet he'd LOVE your suggestiong about wearing a KILT, because trust me...he would do it!

    bwhahahahahaahaha!

    I could tell you stories about this guy that would have you rolling on the floor with laughter. He's such a funny and sweet man.

    I had great time on my blog vacation. I got some stuff done, which I had been putting off for months, but I also spent some time with friends, hanging out and catching up on one another's lives. I also watched a TON of movies, drank some red wine, and read half a book (which was not very good).

    But it's good to be back blogging and catching up with my good friends here.

    Thanks for stopping by, sweet lady!

    Missed ya too!

    Have a great day!!!

    XOXO

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  33. Morning Chrissy!

    Thank you...you're such a sweetheart!

    As you can tell...having last week off, caused me some nutty brain damange.

    I think I watched too many Sex and the City episodes on VHS.

    hahahahahhahaha!

    Thanks for stopping by, Chrissy!

    Missed ya!

    Have a great Tuesday!
    X

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  34. I enjoyed this post! There are some men i would like to have used hot wax on!!

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  35. Helloooo Casdok!

    How are ya, dear lady??

    GREAT seeing ya!!!

    Hey...there's a couple of men I would have liked to use hot wax on too!!!!

    hahahahahahahaa!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

    I hope all is well for you and C!

    Give him a hug for me, ok?

    Enjoy your day!

    X

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  36. Ok, Ron! I just got around to finding this post today. OMG... ROFLMAO.

    Men... you guys ARE obsessed with your hardware aren't you? I have to tell you that my hubby... plays Fantasy Baseball.... and named his team the "Nads" so he could say GO NADS and not feel bad about it! He's too freaking funny and so are you!

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  37. Hello Peg!

    OMG...I totally forgot about this post!

    How embarrassing!

    *yeah right, Ron

    OMG, this made me HOWL...

    .." and named his team the "Nads" so he could say GO NADS"...

    hahahahahahahahahaha! You're husband sounds like a RIOT! Just like YOU! I bet you guys make a wonderful couple.

    And yes, us guys are obsessed with our hardware, I agree. You'd think it was something special. Like, JEWELS or something.

    HA!

    Thanks for stopping by, Peg! So glad you enjoyed my silly post!

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