City Rush Hour Chaos

One of my favorite times of the day in a city is between 4 and 6 o'clock when all the office buildings empty out and total pandemonium breaks loose, as everyone is in a chaotic hurry to get back to their quiet split levels in the burbs.

I love the melody of bumper to bumper traffic moving down Broad and Market Streets; listening to car horns and tempers blaring. There's something so endearing about hearing the delicate dialogue between two car drivers in the City of Brotherly Love...

Scene: (two cars at an intersection after the light turns green)

Characters: (two men)

Honk!...Honk!...Honk!

"Hey...get your cheap piece of CAR SHIT out of my way!"

"Hey...fuck you, douche bag...EAT ME!"

"No thanks, dude...I don't eat ASSHOLES!"

"Yeah?...well then SUCK MY DICK!"

(can't you just feel the brotherly love?)

Another thing that's harmonious about rush hour madness is that everyone is either talking on a cell phone or text messaging, therefore, no one is paying any attention to anyone around them, so the sidewalk looks like one long pinball machine as pedestrians are literally bouncing off one another.

I actually saw a woman once, who was walking in front of me talking on her cell phone; completely oblivious. As she got to the street corner, she never checked to see if the light had turned green and just continued walking. I watched as a taxi cab SLAMMED on it's brakes; missing her by an inch.

(and she never even looked up)

But I think perhaps my favorite thing about his time of day, is when you add all the bicycle riders who are NEVER reprimanded by our city police for driving their two-wheelers on a sidewalk that's intended solely for pedestrians. Honestly, the pavement looks like a track for a dirt bike race, infused with frightened pedestrians who are trying to avoid death by a Schwinn.

I would also like to add that skateboards are also a part of the chaos. It's nothing to see a pack of skateboarders with their baggy pants hanging below their asses, weaving closely between elderly people using walkers. You have no idea how many times I've been tempted to reach out and grab one of them by an ear lobe as they skate by me and scream...

..."Didn't your parents ever teach you to respect the elderly?"

..."And didn't your parents ever teach you that exposing your ass crack like that makes you look like a PLUMBER???"






37 comments

  1. Oh hell no! You did not post that nasty picture did you?

    Ha, after seeing that, the mental picture of you shaving your kiwis isn't nearly as bad.

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  2. Oh...my...gawd...Becky...look at his butt...
    (at least it wasn't FURRY! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhgh)

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  3. Written like a true city boy! Makes me wonder if you're not the next Oliver Douglas in the making. Vent Meets Green Acres...I can see it now!
    Great post. So true of our big, crappy cities these days.

    ExpatFromHell

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  4. You've described rush hour in Philly perfectly!
    And I think you got my hubby's conversation down pretty well too. hehe
    Actually, he's heading out of the City between 3:00 and 3:30 so he misses some of that chaos, he has enough drama on the job though! LOL
    It's really always busy over there to some extent though. Still, I love it. We don't come over alot, but it's neat when we do. A hot cuppa and a park bench to watch the world go by for a little bit, a good meal, a drive looking at the sights. It's an interesting place, probably even in the craziness of rush hour. Watching people is just so neat. And you must wonder if they continue on with all the rushing and texting and phoning later or just completely crash when they get home and become somewhat normal?

    Did you find New York to be even MORE chaotic or are all the big cities pretty much just the same when it's time to head home?

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  5. I am sure I couldn't cope with all that Ron, no way!

    It's never that busy here, not even in Manchester City Centre!

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  6. What a lovely post you have today. I can hear all those sounds that are music to my ears also. As for those little bastards that wear their pants down to the knees and have to walk like a penquins, well it serves them right to remain it the lower quadrant of humanity. Nothing goods comes out of exposing your grand canyon.
    "HEY YOU, BUDDY, Get the hell out of my Way!" The new music that has taken over for the more melodic phrase Please.
    "Up you Ass" is so much more in time then the obsolete Thank You.
    Now we are talking, This is such a grand place to be in.
    Well I have drop my drawers and hoist up my BVD's and roll over to see what is happening with the Fuc----g idiot next door.
    Chow MotherFu----.

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  7. Howdy Jeff!!!!!

    Listen, I had TWO photos that I picked for that last image in this post....and believe it or not...this one was the most tasteful.

    (no pun intended)

    I was amazed when I googled plumber ass just how many delightful images are roaming the Internet!

    GRRRREAT seeing ya, bud!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Enjoy your day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  8. Aloha Debi!

    What's funny about what you shared is....

    ...I didn't find one HAIRY plumber butt photo on the Internet!

    Maybe plumber's all WAX!??

    bwhahahahahaha!

    Thanks for stopping by, Deb!

    Have an awesome day!

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  9. Hellooooooo Expat!

    OMG...it's too funny that you mentioned Green Acres because last week at work, for some reason, all of us were singing the theme song to the TV show!!!

    Honest to god!

    (and of course, I'd be the Ava Gabor character on the show!)

    Always great seeing ya, Expat!

    I'll be stopping by later this evening to catch up with you!

    Enjoy your day!

    GRRRRREEN Acres is the place to be...

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  10. Too funny. As a city bust driver here in Honolulu I can really appreciate what your saying. Funny though you see that 4-6 pm traffic all day long LOL. Poor plumbers...take the rap for everything LOL. Excellent post.

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  11. Well, grabbing a skateboarder by the earlobe sounds a lot safer than reaching out for their pants. Noting how they're worn in low-slung plumber chic, if a swift breeze knocks the pants around their ankles, the hand of an angry man would cause quite a wardrobe malfunction.

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  12. Hi Crystal Chick!

    heheheheehehehe!

    Aren't the car conversations during rush hour traffic, HYSTERICAL?? I really should carry my tape recorder with me so I can do an audio blog post one day!

    YES...I see so many of the construction workers leaving the city around 3. They're so lucky to avoid the madness. They're doing some construction work up by Rittenhouse on one of the condo's, so I always see the construction guys passing me on the street on my way to the library.

    And yes...even though the rush hour chaos is insane, it IS interesting. I mean, it's a great character study. And truly...I DO love most of what city life is. And trust me, I'm ALSO a part of the madness.

    Yeah...I'm sure it's the same in most cities.

    New York is exactly the same way only MUCH more on a BIGGER scale. But the thing that's a little different about NYC rush hour, is that everyone is moving at the same speed. Here in Philly, it's more of a mixture of people moving SLOW and FAST. In NYC you're kinda PULLED along...you really don't have a choice. It's sort of an understood madness.

    Thanks for stopping by, M!

    I always enjoy are conversations, neighbor!

    Hey...isn't the weather FAAAABULOUS?

    Have a nice day!

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  13. My beloved FireByrd wants me to come to Philly in a couple weeks, and you are just killing me here!
    There is no way I want to leave the peace and quiet of my mountain for plumbers cracks and road rage..
    If I don't go, I am going to tell her it's all your fault.
    You scared me away..
    LOl

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  14. Afternoon Akelamalu!

    I've often wondered if it's the same in European cites. I've only been to Amsterdam and I don't remember it being intense.

    Now, JAPAN....WOOOO!

    And yet, the chaos of rush hour traffic there seems almost choreographed like a dance. I've never seen a more organized chaos in all my life!

    LOVE the Japanese!

    Thanks for dropping by, m' dear!

    Have a GREAT day!

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  15. Aloha Thom!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy!

    WOW...you're BUS DRIVER???

    GOD LOVE YA, I don't how you do it?!?!

    You deserve a gold star and an Academy Award!

    The bus drives here in Philly get alot of anger thrown at them.

    But I bet it's a wonderful way to get ideas for blog posts. I've always found that within any madness, there's HUMOR.

    Gosh, I know...I sure hope a plumber doesn't find this post!

    bwhahahahahahaah!

    Have a great day, Thom!

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  16. OMG...MVD...you really should have you're own sitcom or newspaper column.

    You're humor is like taking a walk through an intelligent and razor sharp fun house!

    You've got a GREAT way with words!

    Thanks for sharing, bud!

    Enjoy your day!

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  17. Hello Lady Sorrow!

    OMG..OMG..OMG...you mean to tell me you're thinking about coming to PHILLY???????

    Ok, listen....if time permits and you feel like it (no pressure), I would so love to meet you.

    And listen, don't worry about Philly scaring you, because I'll be there to protect you from the insanity.

    Besides, I know about all the nice, quiet places we could hang out for a cup of coffee.

    Please email me if that works out for you.

    Thanks for stopping by, Sorrow!

    Have a wonderful day!

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  18. HOLY SHIT...Dave...

    ..you NEVER cease to amaze me with what comes out of your mouth!!!

    "Nothing goods comes out of exposing your grand canyon".

    YOU KILL ME!!

    Oh, and ain't it the truth, buddy? "Up You Ass" is so much more in time than the obsolete!

    I don't know what it is about those pants hanging WAY below the underwear that makes me CRINGE...but it does. I mean, it looks like their crotch is down around their knees! How can they even walk?

    Oh, well...I guess it's all part of fashion evolution!?

    Thanks so much for adding your wonderful humor to this post, my Libra friend!

    It's so enjoyed!

    Have a great day.

    Chow,
    Mother Fu----

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  19. Hey Ronnie,

    Isn't it great that as pedestrians ( count me too), we are not in that honking swearing mess...
    Calmly strolling on the sidewalk,chuckling as they all get hot under the collar !

    We can just enjoy the entertainment.

    Some pedestrians are not always smart; crossing anywhere & everywhere & with cell phone: MP3 glued to the ear.
    I'm smarter than that... "sans" telephone or any gadget.

    Boy... we sure got the scenic view at the end !!! Where do you find this stuff ?!!

    Hugs to ya XXX

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  20. Funny you mention that. And thanks for the compliment. I don't blog a lot about Bus Driving. I leave that to Bill (The Old Fart). I do tell stories. Thanks so much for stopping by. Much appreciated :)

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  21. Hey Sir Ron,
    you have another HI fan! (waves to Thom) :) I'm always nice to bus drivers by the way. I always say 'thank you, have a good day' when I take the bus and when I drive I wave them in. I know they have a tough job.

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  22. I LOVE that 'city sound'! I have a radio/sound machine from Sharper Image and the one I used to use to fall asleep was 'city'. Now, I just listen to birds at work and laugh when people come in my office and say, "Do you hear a bird?" Um...no, I don't..

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  23. Bonjour Barbara!

    You said it, my friend!

    I would much rather be a pedestrian than car driver!!!

    I think the happiest I've EVER been in my life was the day I sold my car and moved back to a city.

    Oh...and absolutely! Some pedestrians are just way too busy on cell phones and such, that they end up causing much of the chaos on the streets during rush hour. Since I don't own a cell phone or Ipod, I feel much safer!

    So glad you enjoyed the BUTT CRACK photo. I found him online. Most of my photos come from googling. It's amazing the stuff that you can find!!

    Thanks so much for dropping by today, Barb!

    Always a wonderful treat seeing ya!

    Hope you had a wonderful day!

    Love to you and Didier!
    X

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  24. Aloha again Thom!

    Hey... you are so very welcome!

    You have such great blog, buddy. I really like the "good energy" you've got there - I can feel it!

    I've got you on my google reader, so I'll be stopping by to see if you ever write about your Bus Experiences - can't wait!

    Enjoy your evening!

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  25. Aloha again Debi!

    Hey...I just discovered Thom's blog from my friend Dianne last week. And when I saw that he was from HAWAII I immediately thought of YOU!

    If you have a chance, please stop by his blog and say HI. He's a really super guy and I'm sure he would be thrilled to know another Hawaiian blogger!!

    And good for you, Deb! I agree, bus drivers have a tough job!

    X

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  26. Ok...Chrissy...I AM TOTALLY FREAKING OUT!!!!

    You have no idea how MUCH you and I are related, because I TOO own a sound machine which I use EVERY SINGLE night to fall asleep.

    And guess where I got it?

    SHAPER IMAGE!!!!!!

    hahahaahhaahha!

    See...you and I are KIN!

    Thanks for stopping by, Sista'
    X

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  27. ron, you are almost turning my delicate little tummy with these ""man" posts of yours, not that they are ABOUT you but about MEN and the guy with his pants falling down, well , EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

    can we have something pretty someday? ;)

    you do know I'm kidding? (well...sort of)

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  28. Hi Linda!

    I know...I think my testosterone is over-drive this week!

    MACHO, MACHO, MAAAAAN!

    Actually, I think his butt crack is kinda CUTE!

    Ok...Friday's post will have something more for the ladies.

    How about a post on TAMPONS?

    bwhahahahahahaha!

    Thanks for stopping by, dear Linda!

    Hope you're enjoying your evening!

    XO

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  29. WHY do I live in a smalltown?

    Oh...yeah.....THIS is why.....

    *shaking head*
    You poor thing.....

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  30. Sounds exactly like rush hour in NYC.

    Rush hour where I am is all the old folks trying to make the Early Bird Special before 5:00! CHAOS! in slow motion and Cadilacs! LOL

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  31. Howdy Mel!

    Oh gosh...you have no idea how sometimes I crave the "small town."

    It's strange, because I'm both a city lover and country lover. This is why I take day trips out of town every so often.

    But I think for actually LIVING...my personality is more suited for the INSANITY of city life!?*#

    You know...

    ...insanity breeds insanity.

    bwhahahahahaha!

    Thanks for stopping by dear lady!

    I'll think of you today during rush hour; knowing your're at home sitting on the porch enjoying some SUN TEA!

    Have a great day, Mel!
    X

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  32. HOLY MOLY....Nitebyrd...

    YOU ARE SOOOOO RIGHT!

    I totally forgot about how the rush hour traffic is in Florida!!!

    It's a completely different kind of rush hour isn't it?

    stop...start...stop...start...and then CRASH!#"!

    Right in front of a DENNY'S!

    (for their mash potato's and Salisbury Steak)

    tee, hee

    Thanks for dropping by, Sis!

    Say Hi to Florida for me!

    X

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  33. Ronnie: ha...that was an awesome post. ha...Eat Me...I don't eat ass holees. ha ha. Funny.

    I think that is my plumber...hum, Wha-hey.

    skateboarders...one flew past me going 50 miles an hour...scared the bejesus out of me. Now i'm wondering...how did he get that board to go so fast. I guess i'll have to ask him as soon as he comes out of his coma, huh?

    ciao sweetie... such wonderful entertaining post.

    Oh and hey...tell my plumber the sink is plugged up again. call me. hehehe

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  34. Dear Miss Jones....

    OMG...don't you just LOVE this plumber guy?

    Actually, he did tell me that he did some work for you too and also mentioned that you had a lovely home in Brentwood where Joan Crawford use to live! So I'm thinking maybe it's a old WIRE HANGER that's clogging your drain!

    Bwhhahahahahhahaaha!

    Oh...and skateboarders! I don't know how they go so fast, but I love sticking my foot out when they fly by me and then watch them FLY through the air!!

    tee, hee!

    Thanks for stopping by, Miss J!

    Mr. Plumber will be there momentarily!

    Hope you had a great day, sweets!

    Ciao bella
    X

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  35. OMG!! I LOVE your description of the city! And, I thought it was bad here in the Paris area! NOPE... I guess NY may beat it out by a ways... I'll have to talk to Barbara about this one...
    The descriptions here are PRICELESS!! I LOVE the dialog with the two drivers that you included... I think that's what I love BEST about NYers... They're so damn frank and crude!! hehehehehe!!! Love it!
    BTW, I don't think people should be driving and talking/texting but you put a whole new light on the matter of walking and texting... I have done that, too.. and yes, it can be dangerous!!
    Take care and have a great WE, Ron!
    Leese

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  36. OOPS.. Was that Philly that you were talking about? I was thinking NY... I'm sure the same thing applies to NY and maybe worse, too!!

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  37. Bonjour Leesa!

    Yes...it was Philly that I was talking about, but it's ALSO the same way in NYC - only MORE SO!

    But the only difference about rush hour in NYC, is that everyone is moving at the same speed. Here in Philly, you have some people moving fast and others moving VERY slow - which causes a lot of collisions!#?*! I'm actually a FAST mover, so this is why I do better in NYC.

    And agree...I SO love the frankness of New Yorkers. It's crude, yes, but I LOVE it! Yet, people can be the same way here in Philly. You wouldn't believe the language you hear on the streets. I actually think it's hysterical!

    The only thing about cell phones and text messaging that bugs me, is when it's down WHILE doing other things - especially driving a car. OY VEY!

    Thank for stopping by Leesa!

    I always enjoy our chats!

    Have great weekend, sweet lady!

    xoxoxoxoxo

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