Memoirs of Baby Oil and Iodine

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

You’d never know it by presently looking at the color of my skin, but I use to resemble a tan Malibu Ken.

However, now I resemble a pale Grandpa Munster.

I’ve turned from a sun-worshiping Greek god into a sun-avoiding Transylvanian vampire.

I’m forever walking on the shady side of the street in fear that if the sun ever casts a single ray upon me…I will suddenly disintegrate into a pile of ash.

I’m sure many of you remember a time when mixing iodine with baby oil was on everyone‘s summertime must-do list. This concoction was believed to be the perfect tanning elixir. And how naive we were not to realize that the iodine was merely staining our skin and the baby oil was merely burning it; creating the perfect landscape for the possibility of future skin grafts.

I can still envision myself like a mad scientist, pouring a small bottle of red iodine into a large bottle of baby oil and then shaking it; making sure each precious drop was blended to perfection.

I remember carefully laying my beach towel on the sand, and then meticulously applying the oil to every inch of my chalky flesh.

I remember the smell of the air, as warm wafts of baby oil and iodine floated across the entire Wildwood, New Jersey shore.

I also remember hearing the sound of The Four Seasons singing, “Sherry Baby” on my RCA transistor radio.

Such fond memories.

Later, when I moved to Florida, I discovered additional aid in tan acceleration - I started using one of those silver beach mats that magnified the sun’s rays. So, between using baby oil and iodine, and my tinfoil microwave mat…I was able to cook in half the time.

I often felt like a hamburger patty being charbroiled, because whenever I would flip my body over to tan the other side, I would actually hear myself sizzle.

Tssssst!

And knowing how I am now; not being able to tolerant heat at all, I cringe at the thought.

It’s strange how I’ve gone from saluting the sun to howling at the moon.

However, I will admit…I really enjoyed the time I spent tanning.

I loved how it gave me that nice, healthy glow…






Would you care for some Red Lobster...anyone?

48 Comments:

  1. Jeff B said...:

    Never knew about the iodine trick. Probably a good thing too, as I would have been out there staining and frying with the best of 'em.

    I like the name for the tanning salon look. (Fake-a-bake-a)

  1. Jason said...:

    Great site man. I was wondering if we could possible exchange links. Let me know what you think about my humor blog.

    Jason

  1. debi_in_Hawaii said...:

    "I remember carefully laying my beach towel on the sand, and then meticulously applying the oil to every inch of my chalky flesh."

    OK, either I'm really tired, or...
    I had to read that twice. Thought you said CHEEKY flesh. Ha!!

    Yeah, I see tourists come in looking like that, or already peeling after looking like that. OUCH!! I cannot imagine sitting in a bath after radiation burns like that LOL

  1. natural said...:

    fortunately for me, i'm already tanned, naturally. a lot of my coworkers come in red and walking like zombies because they are burned. i LOVE the sun, i worship it. it's a wonderful gift to be enjoyed. if it burned me though, i doubt i would feel the same.

  1. Mel said...:

    Okay, okay....I admit to the baby oil. But no idodine happened.

    *hanging head*
    k.....I did the laying on tinfoil blankets too.

    *shaking head*
    What were we thinking?!

  1. Chrissy said...:

    OMG,I couldn't stop laughing at this! We all did these things. I am THE most caucasian person you'll ever meet next to Nicole Kidman and I actually thought that baby oil and a tin foil mat would make me look like a bronzed goddess.

    I can't believe we don't all have skin cancer from damaging our skin so early on.

  1. CrystalChick said...:

    Ah... the days of baby oil... however, I didn't use iodine in mine. For crying out loud if I had I'd have probably spontaneously combusted or something considering how pale I was. And still am.
    Now, I have melasma. So the sun is just horrible for me. It's only in the summer that I get the really dark brown patches but it's on my face, neck and down my forearms. After seeing a dermatologist and being given a lightening type cream I read the package insert and after reading 'death' could be a possible side effect I opted to not use it. LOL
    Then talking to a skin consultant/drug rep on our trip to Mexico last year we just happen to make friends with while at the pool, she told me that if one person dies... for any reason... while doing a test for a product, it can be listed. So because the cream is topical, it's not likely that I would die from using it. LOL
    So.... I might go back to the dermatologist and address the condition again.
    Either that.... or just get lots and lots and lots of tattoos instead of just the couple that I want. Do complete body art. OMG, the things I could hide with INK!!! LOL

    Well, Grandpa Munster, Lily Munster must sign off now. We can howl together at the next full moon and stay indoors where it's safe!!

  1. Dianne said...:

    Oh good heavens, we were separated at birth
    I caught up on the cell phone rant, I posted a few weeks back about shoving cell phones up certain alleys ;)

    and now Here Goes The Sun!!

    I often curse at the sun, tell it how freakin annoying it is - with all its heat and yellowish crap - stick a ray up your ass Sun!

    remeber reflectors? those tri-fold things we'd open with delight and stick under our chins so the sun's rays could bounce off the aluminum and bore deep into our cells!!

    good times ;)

    Hope sends a big ole kiss to Uncle Ron - and looks forward to the day she sits in the shade with him and feeds whatever critter isn't getting on his nerves that day

    I adore you!!

  1. Kate said...:

    The danger of skin cancer takes ALL the fun out of beach days, doesn't it? Sherry Baby, indeed!

  1. Dave said...:

    Ah, such fond memories of youth. Yes, we all indulged in that summertime ritual of baking our bodies so we could look like a necco wafer. I too put the idoine and baby oil on my already olive oil coated body and would sit in the sun and sweat and cook. The whole beach smelled like the inside of Grandma's medicene cabinet. Then the great smell of Coppertone took over and I would drive to the beach just to get my fix of that aroma.
    Now when I am at the beach I use sunscreen rated 4000 sit under an umbrella and cover my self with a hat a towel and beach shoes. But I still love the smell of coppertone.
    The only thing I cook on the beach now is a hot dog. It always tastes so great on the beach with a few fries and a Pepsi or Coke.
    Now going into the water here on the East Coast is another matter. I submit myself to self induced torture as I take little baby steps to go deeper into the abyss. When I get to the level of water just lapping up to the bottom of my gonads that is when I can take it no longer the freezing water either makes me run back to the security of the blanket or from somewhere I get the monumental courage to dive into Mother Nature's Ice Bucket. It is then when I feel my manhood shirnk to the size of an anchovie and I don't if I should continue to swim or call out a search party.

    He buddy, thanks for walk down memory lane.

    Now I return to here.

    NEMO

  1. The Peach Tart said...:

    Oh how I remember those days. I enjoyed it too but like you limit my sun exposure now. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

  1. vixen kitten said...:

    OMG I'm laughing my ass off here! You sound like me.

    As a swimmer, it was only natural that I would work as a life guard on all my summer breaks. I remember sitting in my chair, meticulously applying baby oil to every square inch of my skin. Yesireebob. 8 hours a day I was paid to work on my golden glow! I though it was a job straight from the angels in Heaven! Surely God had bestowed this gift on me because I was his favorite child! After my first week, and 40 glorious hours baking in my chair all day, I made George Hamilton look like a sun screen devotee. With my pale blonde hair, my tan got tons of attention where ever I went, and being the Leo woman that I am, I basked in it! *snort*

    Fast forward a few years. I ran into a girl I use to look up to on the swim team. She was prolly 10 years older than me, which at the time would have made her about 30. She looked like a piece of dried out leather. She was still sporting the trademark swimmer’s tan, it had just permeated ever line and crevice on her face. That was the last time I went out in the sun without sunscreen. It was out with the baby oil and in with Retin A and Clinique City Block.

    Now move over Ron, and quit hogging the shady side of the street will ya!

    xoxo
    ~vk~

  1. Barbara said...:

    Hi Ron,

    Boy have you changed ! Going from sun worshiper to sun fearer.
    I find myself in the 2nd category too, even after living years in Hawaii.
    You did like me; you moved to colder climes and believe me, the bod does not appreciate the heat & humidity like in the old days.

    I swear, the next time I go to see my family, I'll go in the winter.

    Except for plastering on baby oil & using iodine ( giving you an incredulous look), I'm no longer a sun baby !

    Hugs to you, honey XXXX

    P.S. On the flip side for you & all sun worshipers, be x-tra careful about examining your skin.
    Skin cancer can be deadly.

  1. Ron said...:

    Howdy Jeff!!!

    GRRRRRREAT seeing ya, pal!

    I freakin' LOVE the name you came up with for a tanning salon!!!

    That's a RIOT!!!!!!

    Hey listen, you should be VERY glad you never tried the iodine trick because it was murder on fair skin, such as you and I.

    Tssst!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

    Hope you're haven a GRANDE summer!

    The weather here has still been COOL - I'm crossing my fingers it stays that way!

    Later gator!!!!!!!!!

  1. Ron said...:

    Hi Jason!

    Welcome!

    Thanks so much for stopping by - it's nice meeting you!

    Listen, I appreciate you're offer for a link exchange, but I don't exhange links just to exchange links. But most definitely YES!...I will stop by your blog sometime within the next few days to check it out. I LOVE to read new blogs, so thank you for introducing yourself.

    I look forward to reading you!

    Have a great day!

  1. Ron said...:

    Aloha Debi!

    bwhahahahahahaha!

    YOU ARE A RIOT!!!!

    I may have to change that line to...

    ...every inch of my CHEEKY-Chalky flesh!

    I like that MUCH better!!!

    Oh boy...having lived in Florida, I know what you mean about seeing tourists coming into the store with PEELING flesh!

    OUCH!

    ALWAYS great seeing ya, Deb!

    And THANKS for the added word!

    Enjoy your day!

  1. Ron said...:

    Hiya Valerie!

    Oh...you are so cute!

    I HOWLED at your comment!

    ...fortunately for me, i'm already tanned, naturally!!!

    You GO, girl!

    And you're SO right...the sun IS a wonderful gift to be enjoyed!

    Thanks a BUNCH for stopping by, Val!

    ALWAYS a pleasure seeing ya!

    Have an awesome day!

  1. Ron said...:

    Howdy Mel!

    OMG...I have NO earthly idea what we were thinking?!?!

    Oh, come to think of it, yes I do....

    ...we wanted to be tan FAST!!!!

    When I first moved to Florida, my only goal was to GET tan and STAY tan. My whole life revolved around what time I could squeeze in an hour at the beach!

    OY VEY!

    And let's not even talk about the tinfoil blankets! How insane was THAT?

    Thanks for dropping by, dear lady!

    And for sharing your baby oil confession.

    HA!

    Have a great day!!

  1. Ron said...:

    Hiya Chrissy!

    I read an article once about Nicole Kidman, saying that her mother taught her at a VERY early age about SUNSCREEN. Having been born in Australian - it's amazing how gorgeous her skin is, isn't it?

    Such a pretty lady, she is!

    I think it was Coco Chanel (back in the 1930's) who started the fashion of women tanning.

    Go, figure!?!

    ALWAYS great seeing ya, my TWIN!

    Let's be PALE together!

    Enjoy your day!

  1. Ron said...:

    Hellooooo Crystal Chick/Lily Munster!

    OMG...didn't you LOVE that show???

    Herman was so sweet.

    I also loved The Addams Family!

    I have a cousin who also has melasma and struggles with the whole "sun exposure thing" because she lives in Florida. She's actually a nurse and I think I remember her telling me about the cream you mentioned. I don't know whether she still uses it or not, but I know she's very consistant with using a strong sunblock.

    I use to be involved working with people who had been severely burned in accidents and I found out that after the healing, some of them were using tatooing to even out the skin discoloration over the scars.

    As always, my wonderful neighbor...thank you for dropping by today!

    Isn't the weather GORGEOUS??? NO HEAT and it's mid-July! Crossing my fingers it stays that way.

    Enjoy your day, M!

  1. Ron said...:

    Hello Dianne!!!

    OMG...YOU ARE TOOOO FREAKIN' FUNNY!!!!

    ...I often curse at the sun, tell it how freakin annoying it is - with all its heat and yellowish crap - stick a ray up your ass Sun!....

    bwhahahahahhahaha!

    Hey listen, aren't you glad we have blogs so we can BITCH to our hearts content???

    And it's funny that you mentioned the tri-fold reflector things because while I was looking for photos for this post, I saw several of those! And YES...I DID use one of those two!

    AND a sunlamp!

    Listen, I think you and I should go live in England were the sun shines twice a year!

    And PLEASE tell Hope I said THANK YOU for the big ol' kiss!! That just MADE my day!

    *SMOOCH* from Uncle Ron!

    I adore you too!

  1. Ron said...:

    Helloooo Kate!

    Great seeing ya!!!

    Yes..the whole skin cancer thing does take all the joy out of beach days, you're right!

    I'm so glad I enjoy being a vampire now.

    tee, hee!

    And is not "Sherry Baby" a great tune???

    "Sherrrrryyyy....Sherry Baby!"

    Thanks for stopping by, sweet lady!

    Enjoy your day!

  1. Ron said...:

    bwhahahahahahah Dave/Nemo!!!

    YOU CRACK ME UP!!!!!

    a necco wafer!

    How you come up with these things amazes me!

    You have GOT to start a humor blog because I will be your number ONE fan!

    PLEASE!

    Oh boy....you have no idea how much I love the smell of Coppertone lotion too! Sometimes while I'm in CVS, I will walk over to the suntan lotion area and open a bottle just to get a whiff! That smell brings back so many wonderful memories for me. I also love the smell of Sea and Ski - remember that one?

    Thanks for the awesome laugh and the great memories, my friend!

    You rock!

    Have a great day, Nemo!

  1. Ron said...:

    Hi Peach Tart!

    GREAT seeing ya again!

    Hey...I LOVE your blog and will be returning!

    Yeah...lately I've been limiting my sun exposure to O.

    HA!

    It's so much easier being a vampire.

    Have wonderful day!

  1. Ron said...:

    Good Afternoon Vixen Kitten!

    ...I made George Hamilton look like a sun screen devotee...

    That was BRILLIANT!

    I bet you looked faaaabulous with that golden skin and blonde hair, though!

    woo! woo!

    But you are SOOO right, because the sun's affects catches up with you years later - something like 20 years later. Having lived in Florida for 20 years and then moving back East, I saw a HUGE difference in the way people's skin looked here, compared to the South.

    I use to use Retin A - isn't it amazing?? I've switched to glycolic acid and it seems to be doing the trick, but there's nothing as good as retin A.

    Thanks SOOOOO much for sharing your wonderful story, dear one!

    OMG...you're a Leo, so you must be having a birthday coming up soon! Be sure to let us know, ok? My partner of five years was a Leo too. I actually have A LOT of Leo in my chart.

    Meow!

    Have a great day, VK!

    XOXOXO

  1. Thom said...:

    WTF...Iodine in Baby Oil? No wonder I didn't use that crap my whole life.

    I liked the suntanning salons. No sand in every crack in my body. No howling rug rats bitching that the water is too cold, the sand it to hot. No smell of millions of different oils and lotion making a fragrance that always wanted to make me puke. And no sounds on the beta max of

    "Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war
    Waterloo - promise to love you for ever more
    Waterloo - couldn't escape if I wanted to
    Waterloo - knowing my fate is to be with you
    Waterloo - finally facing my waterloo"

    Oh yeah. Did I tell ya because of that I am a cook at Red Lobster? Go figure.

    Aloha from the sunny shores of the sun burnt shores of Hawai'i where I see more red and ooowww walking around than carter has pills.

  1. Ron said...:

    Bonjour Barbara!

    Hello my Philly friend!

    It amazes me how I use to be able to sit in the sun for 6-7 hours and love it. And now I can't tolorate it for 10 minutes.

    Boy...Philly is having a very mild summer so far. Barb, it's been GORGEOUS! Low temps and low humidity. Today it's only in the high 70's and the night's go down to the 60's!

    Yes, you're right...I do examine my skin regularly because for all the time I spent in the sun, it's very important. I knew a girl in Florida who was very young that had melanoma and passed away - very sad.

    Thanks for dropping by, Barb!

    Hope you're having a wonderful Wednesday!

    Love to you and Didier!

    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  1. Jen said...:

    Ooh, never heard about using iodine. I have to say that just sounds disgusting. I allowed myself to burn one too many times as a child and like you now my skin has taken on the glow of alabaster or depending on my skin condition the pastey color of a whippet. No longer do I allow myself to charbroil as the fear of cancerous lesions and wrinkles is too great.

  1. Ron said...:

    Aloha Thom!

    You are a RIOT!!!!!

    I could actually hear ABBA singing WATERLOO!

    God...I LOVE ABBA!

    Hey listen, you're not going to believe this, but while I was living in Florida, not only did I tan at the beach, but ALSO at a tanning salon. And you're right...I liked them much better too. The only things that's weird, is the way you smell after a session. Kinda like electricity or something.

    Oh boy... I bet you DO see a lot of burnt people in Hawaii!

    "Carter's got liver pills!!!"

    That's funny, because a really good friend of mine use to say that!

    ALWAYS grand seeing ya, buddy!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    I'll be dropping by your place later today - can't wait!

    Aloha!

  1. Ron said...:

    Hi Jen!

    ...the pastey color of a whippet...

    That's BRILLIANT, Jen!

    Believe me...you're not missing a thing, having not tried the ol' baby oil and iodine elixir.

    It simply amazes me at 53, how I don't have more sun damage to my fair skin.

    Thank you for stopping by, my friend!

    Always enjoyed!

    Enjoy your day!

  1. Leeuna said...:

    Wow. This brought back memories. Then along came the tanning salons and we end up looking like a piece of beef jerky. I too walk in the shade these days. :)

  1. Ron said...:

    Hi Leeuna!

    Welcome!

    Thank you for stopping and taking the time to share a comment!

    Nice meeting you!

    YUP!...I too did the "tanning salons."

    I find the "shade" so much nicer now, don't you?

    Please drop by anytime.

    You're always welcomed!

    Enjoy your day!

  1. ronnie Youkill me mister. hehehehe. i didn't know mixing stuff like that would cause that effect. hehehe.

    I'm lucky that I can go out in the summer and tan quickly...but it fades a little at night.

    i was onec in the back yard with the lawn mower...you know...wild hair and everything. It was very sunny and I was in shorts etc. Whe I finished and came in i took off my socks...WTF...I had what is referred to as a farmers tan. I looked like i was wearing short white socks. My girl said see...I told you not to do it...wait.

    BTW...don't try to fix it with tanning lotion...my white socks turned orange. *sigh*

    somedays i should just stay in bed.

    hehehe.

    fab post ronnie...xxx

    Ciao babe.

  1. Nicole P said...:

    Hey Ron!! Stopping by to say Hi.
    How on earth do you even have any working internal organs? I am surprised that you didn't cook all the way through to well done. We were just in Florida last month and it is hotter than hell down there. I cannot imagine. I had to do the whole spf50 thing or I would have come home looking like a tomato.
    Hugs Ron.

  1. Ron said...:

    Dear Miss Jones....

    I bet with your Italian/Latin heritage you tan SOOOOOO fast! I bet you get dark too!

    For as fair as I am, I tan quickly (more of a bronze), but I fade SOOOO fast. My skin just doesn't seen to hold a tan, that's why I was constantly sunning myself in Florida.

    And PLEASE don't ever try the baby oil/iodine mixture because it SUCKS!

    Thanks for stopping by, Miss J!

    ALWAYS faaaabulous seeing ya!

    Ciao bella
    X

  1. Ron said...:

    Hiya Nicole!!!!!

    I read your second comment first before answering this one and you'll read how excited I was to see you on the post below.

    But anyway, again....IT'S SO GREAT SEEING YA!!!!!!!

    I've been thinking about you for the past two weeks and meaning to email you to find out about your trip to Florida!

    I know...I talked to my mother a few days ago and she told me I would DIE if I were in Florida right now because it's sooooo hot!

    Between doing the "baby oil/iodine" trick and all the years I spent laying in the Florida sun, it's no wonder I have any skin LEFT!?!?

    Trust me, don't ever try it, it's horrible.

    Thanks oodles for dropping by to say Hi, Nicole!

    Miss ya!

    Say Hi to your family for me!

    X

  1. linda said...:

    grins**
    yep this was me too and I was so brown, people thought I was african-american with blond hair and blue eyes, I kid you not!!! I used to do the tin foil thing under my chin because I didn't seem to get as brown UNDER THERE, OMG and then lay on a plastic mattress with the hose running over my oiled up body, just sizzling and boiling at the same time! horrors, when I think of it now, I shudder!! and have also had my share of run-ins with the dermatologist, which I have to do AGAIN...geez, I wonder why!! thanks for the endless memories, ron...I can now hear Sherry Baby running through my head over and over and over and and and and and and and :)
    xoxoxoxox
    love you

  1. Ron said...:

    Hi Linda!

    You WILD suntanning woman, you!

    OMG...I'm laughing at your tinfoil under the chin because I use to be the same way about getting the PERFECTLY EVEN tan!!!! I actually use to bring a kitchen timer (I kid you not) and set it for 30 mins, and when the bell would go off I would flip over to the other side!!

    HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    And to make my face look tanner, I would bleach my hair with blonde streaks!

    Thanks for stopping by this evening, dear lady!

    I hope you're feeling well. I sent you some Reiki again yesterday - hope you got it!

    I'll leave you with one last thing...

    ...SHEE, EE, EE, EERY BAY, AY, BY...SHERRY BABY...!

    tee, hee!

    Love ya too!

    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  1. Thom said...:

    Yeah I would say we would be eclectic after coming out of the sun tan bed - ya think?

    I so love ABBA...

    "You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
    Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
    You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
    See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen"

    Oh damn...wheres the tiara when ya need the stupid ass thing.

  1. Ron said...:

    Ok, Thom....

    ...I can think of only one thing to say about your comment....

    ...Bwhwawawawawwawwawawa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You are a freakin' RIOT!!!!

    Thank you for the Thursday laugh, buddy!

    *or rather, thank you for the Thursday laugh, QUEEN!

    Have an awesome day!

  1. linda said...:

    OK, I am going to have to go and look up this "Thom" guy--don't you have a brother named that? as he is almost, now remember, I said "almost" as funny as you are!!!!!!!

    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

    nooo this...*************************************** isn't that cuter? ;)

  1. Akelamalu said...:

    I never knew about the iodine thing. I'm very careful these days about tanning having burnt myself to a crisp when I was younger! I use P20 once a day now and get a nice glow without the pain. :)

  1. Ron said...:

    Hi Linda!

    Oh PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE go visit Thom's blog because you'll sooooo enjoy it!

    I LOVE his sense of humor!

    He's not only HYSTERICAL, but the nicest guy you'll ever meet!

    So when you have some time, check it out, ok?

    Yes...very good! I DO have a brother named Tom!!

    **************************!

    That's so damn cute!

    Hope you had a great day, dear friend!

  1. Ron said...:

    Hi Akelamalu!

    Good for you!

    That SPF is SOOOO important now adays. It still allows you to get color, but safely.

    The baby oil and iodine thing was not safe.

    Thanks for stopping by, m'dear!

    Hope you had a great day!
    X

  1. nitebyrd said...:

    I'd do the same thing. Don't you want to just smack the younger you in the head, now? LOL

  1. Ron said...:

    Howdy Nitebyrd!

    YES!...absolutely!

    SMACK in the head!

    But thank god we STILL have our beauty!

    *wink*

    Great seeing ya, Sis!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    X ya!

  1. Thom said...:

    Well thank you for the compliment. Just never get on my bad side or I bring our "wire hangers" Ooops...that's your role not mine LOL

  1. Ron said...:

    Aloha Thom!

    You're so welcome bud!

    I DO hope Linda stops by your blog.

    What a TREAT!

    Peace, love, and Bobby Sherman,
    Joan

 
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