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Today I would like to share something that not only annoys me as much as having one of my testicles pop while crossing my legs, but also puzzles me because I’m starting to wonder if either I don’t speak the English language correctly, or that people who work in coffee bars drink so much caffeine that it causes them to lose their sense of audibility. And I say this because it happens to me ALL THE TIME.

Ok, so here’s the scenario….

I’m standing in line at a coffee bar and I ask for a grande cup of coffee. And then I’m always asked the same question…

“Need room for cream?”

My response is, “Just a little please.”

And EVERY SINGLE TIME I take the lid off the coffee cup, it looks like this…

Now does this look like a little to you? I guess they assumed I was going to udder an entire cow’s worth.

And after a few times of this happening, I thought maybe I would try rewording my response; being more CLEAR.

My new response became, “I only use a splash of half and half, so I don’t need you to leave a lot of room in the cup, just a smidge.”

And yet, when I looked in the cup….


So then I began ordering my coffee by not even waiting to be asked if I needed room; simply saying, “I would like a grande coffee, NO room.”

And viola!….

Now mind you, each time this happened to me I walked back to the barista and asked them to fill my cup because I purchased a GRANDE, not a PETITE grande.

And do you know what they said to me? “Oh…I thought you said MORE room.”

So after time and time again of this miscommunication, I decided that the only thing left for me to do was to tell a boldface lie.

Now when the barista asks me if I need any room, I say, “No thank you, I drink my coffee completely black, so you can fill it right to rim - almost to the point of overflowing.”

And then I take the FULL grande cup over to the condiments station and do what coffee bars HATE you to do.

I pour out the perfect amount of coffee I need for my cream INTO THE TRASH CAN.

I know, I know….I’m a little devil.

But you see, I tried listening to the angel….and it didn’t work.


  1. I don't drink coffee at the cafes. It's soooo strong it'll put hair on one's chest. LOL But I know what you mean because I ask for my drink with NO whipped cream and NO foam. Apparently they measure the milk in that metal container which fills the cup up only like 3/4 of the way so that it can accommodate things like foam and whip and cream. But I'm already getting less choco and vanilla in my drink because I'm there pretty often and don't need all that choco and vanilla AND I pay extra to get soy milk so FILL IT UP DAMMIT!!!! LOL Sometimes a barista sees there's alot of room still and will steam a little more soy milk. Sometimes they'll just splash some on top. But mostly they all know how I like my drinks and usually it's to the brim fill. Sometimes, it's almost TOO full. As if that can happen. LOL But yes, if I'm leaving the cafe and not sitting for a bit if it's way way up to the tippy top it will slosh out. Yesterday actually it happened. I had my daughter and grandson and he's 2 so doesn't do the leisurely store wander and hanging out in the cafe afterwards so well. We had to hurry on out of there. Not even to my car, I had a little accident and had to use some of my grandson's baby wipes to get the cocoa off my shirt and hands. LOL
    Still.... I'd rather have too much and be more careful than not enough. Those places make a FORTUNE!! And then they make even more for scrimping on portion size.

    They have to know you by now!!! Make them get it right!!!

  2. Funny! I'm not a coffee drinker but I see people pouring out their coffee and I'm thinking, WHAT are they doing? Now I know...

  3. It's a good thing I read all the way down before commenting, because I was going to suggest that exact solution. It's really the only way to be happy.

    And I figure that enough people throw napkins away that it isn't such a huge deal to pour a tiny bit of coffee in the trash.

    At least that's what I tell myself

  4. And THAT is why I now brew my own coffee at home.


    Plus it gives me a few extra bucks to buy black shoes and turtlenecks with!

  5. first of all I want to kill everyone who calls themselves a barista, then I want to be able to ask for a large and have it not be small because I didn't bring my freaking pretentious-to-regular folk dictionary with me

    then I want coffee shops to stop selling CDs and tees and books, and I want Enya to shut the fuck up in the background - it's AM and I don't need to be any more depressed

    and, since I am tired in the AM I would like my creamer choices cut down from the 52 now on the counter to a dozen or so
    I didn't know there were 14 kinds of hazlenut!!

    and yes!!!! I want room
    in my cup and all around me on line

  6. OMG. I loooove this post! Hysterical! This is one of those subjects where I will now see your face in my next cup of coffee...or, think of you when I see someone pouring some in the trash.
    I swear to God...I would figure out a way to bring the correct amount of milk to the counter when I order (a stash of nested dixie cups in your briefs? Could help w/the popping testicle issue, of which I am unaware, but strangely intrigued)- I'd ask for the cup, splash in my pre-measured milk and tell 'em to fill-er-up.
    It's the best I can do before noon.

  7. I'd do the same as you Ron. They just don't listen do they? Grrrr.

  8. Hiya Crystal Chick!

    THANK YOU!!!!

    ...Those places make a FORTUNE!! And then they make even more for scrimping on portion size...


    I don't ever order anything but plain coffee (I know, boring), but I've watched as people who order the types of drinks you mentioned, and it AMAZES me how much FOAM and EXTRA stuff fills the cup and how little coffee there actually is!??! And they usually cost around $3-4!!!!

    OMG, I know...Starbucks coffee is especially SOOOO strong! I had a friend who would ask for half coffee, half hot water to dilute it.

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing, M!

    Maybe one of these days you and I will share a cup of java in B&N and can sit there and BITCH about it!


    Have a great day, neighbor!

  9. Hiya Chrissy!

    YEAH...and one of those people is usually ME!


    I'm wicked!

    Thanks for dropping by, my friend!

    Hope you're having a great day!

    Hugs to Bern!

  10. Helloooooo Lora!

    Exactly! It's the only solution I've been able to come up with to get what I ordered!?!?

    OMG...and you are SOOOO right about the napkins!! I've seen people throw aways fistfuls after just wiping their mouth once.

    Always great seeing ya!

    Hey...aren't you lovin' this cooler FALL weather we're having today in Philly??


    Have a great day!

  11. Hey Nancy!

    You go, girl!!!

    I actually brew my first cup of the day at home by FRENCH PRESSING.'s the best!!!

    See! That's another thing we both have in common! We love, wine, coffee, and black TURTLENECKS!

    aaahhh...the simple pleasures in life, right?

    ALWAYS so great sharing with ya!

    Hope you're having a great day!


    I just want you to know that I LAUGHED so hard at your comment, I thought I was going to DIE choking!!!

    I actually went back and read it THREE times, so I could laugh all over again!!!

    ...and I want Enya to shut the fuck up in the background - it's AM and I don't need to be any more depressed...


    You are fuckin' BRILLIANT!

    You and I are so much alike it's funny!

    I agree with everything you said.

    Thank you SOOOO much for the wonderful laugh you gave me. I'll be taking it with me all day!

    Hey...and aren't you lovin' this weather???


    Enjoy your day, dear lady!

  13. Hiya Kathryn!!!!

    OMG...that's a GREAT idea!!!

    I never thought of bringing my own pre-measured milk and telling them to fill-er-up! I could probably buy some of those creamers they give you in a restaurant and carry them with me in my backpack!!

    Yes, and about the testicle popping issue...

    ...sometimes when a man sits down and goes to cross his legs, one of our "boys" will sometimes get misplaced and POP (crushed) under the pressure. And HURTS like HELL! You can feel the pain in your HAIR!!

    Oh well, just one of the JOYS of being MALE!


    As always, I so enjoy your shares!

    Thanks so much for dropping by, Kathryn!

    Enjoy your day!

  14. Afternoon Akelamalu!


    It's great to know that others are doing the same thing!

    Aren't we little the devils??

    Thank you for stopping by, m'dear!

    Hope you're feeling better today!

    {{{{{ m'dear }}}}}}

  15. I am the exact opposite, I like lots of cream in my coffee but I never seem to get enough room in my cups! Maybe its just a huge conspiracy; they have us all marked "oh here comes topfiller or here comes lottaroom, lets fuck with them today! I always end up having to dump coffee out, hey I work in the bus so I'm allowed! The weather here in pittsburgh is awesome too! I just love the fall. Hey have a great day!

  16. Hi Burndoutw8tress!

    So great seeing ya!

    Yeah, I think you're's a conspiracy! Damn those coffee bars!


    Hey...great to hear about the weather in Pittsburg! Don't ya just LOVE this time of the year? There's nothing like fall in the northeast! I actually work with a gentleman who is originally from the Pittsburg area and I hear nothing but GREAT things. One of these days I'll make it over and check it out.

    Thanks for stopping by. Drop by anytime. You're always welcomed!

  17. OMG...I feel so close to you now...I too have issues w/ the dumb asses who work the coffee counter....I will blog about it when I get the energy....Living in budget hell at work and soooo exhausted...

    Thanks for the funny, Ron!

  18. Hi Funny Girl!

    SEE!!! We've always said that we were RELATED!!!

    We're kin!


    Hope all is going well for you at work, dear friend. I know what you mean, because I've also been putting in some extra hours at work (which I feel blessed about) but it's taking me some time to get use to.

    Anyway I can't WAIT to read about YOUR experience at the coffee counter! I bet it's going to be a riot!

    Thanks SOOOOOO much for stopping by, FG!

    You're a doll!

    Enjoy your evening!

  19. It's a good thang I don't drink coffee, because my tolerance for stupid people is pretty much doesn't exist!

    I like your Plan B!

    Have a wonderful day tomorrow, handsome.


  20. Helloooo Vixen Kitten!

    What a FAAAABULOUS treat to see your beautiful face here!

    How are ya, dear one?

    And Honey girl?

    I me, my tolorance for stupid people is pretty much ZERO too!


    Hope all is well with your new job!

    Thanks soooo much for dropping by!

    Enjoy your evening!


  21. I suppose it has become a Pavlovian response on the coffee schleppers' parts. (The word Barista is such a sad commentary on the state of our obsession with political correctness. Umm...that might be a good blog post. I will have to think on that one.) So sorry, I digress. I think your post is a commentary on how people do not listen at all these days. Everyone is so concerned with getting on to the next thing, customer, etc. that we don't stop to really listen to what people are saying. I got a little heated there. Nice post and use of the photos. Give 'em hell, Ron.

  22. Hiya Jen!

    I think you hit the nail on the head...

    ... Everyone is so concerned with getting on to the next thing, customer, etc. that we don't stop to really listen to what people are saying...

    And being in the customer service business myself, I know the importance of LISTENING to what a customer (wants/asks for).

    This is what I so admired about the customer service while living in Japan. It was truly the best service I've ever experienced.

    oooo....that's a GREAT idea you have about a post!!! Can't wait to read it!

    You go, Jen!

    Thank you for dropping by today.

    ALWAYS enjoyed!

    Have a great day!

  23. When I got to Starfucks, I have the exact opposite problem. I want lots of room for milk because the damn coffee there is like nitro fuel. What do I get? A cup filled to the brim! Off I go to the garbage can to pour some out. What is wrong with these idiots?

  24. darling you need my coffee shop...
    not only do they know me on sight, say hello sorrow
    and make me a cup of clover coffee just the way i like it, They also don't charge what starfucks ( Sorry snitched that from Nitebird!LOL) likes to gauge you for.
    oh, and the last time i was in starfucks the kid behind the counter had so much wire in his ears, I wondered if he was picking up a frequency on mars...

  25. Howdy Nitebyrd!

    I want lots of room for milk because the damn coffee there is like nitro fuel.


    I know!...Starbucks coffee could grow hair on a golf ball! It's lethel! I love it, but SO many people I know feel the same as you. Starbucks is some pretty scary coffee.

    Thanks for dropping by, Sis!

    Hope you had a GRANDE day!

    X ya!

  26. Hola Lady Sorrow!

    ...the last time i was in starfucks the kid behind the counter had so much wire in his ears, I wondered if he was picking up a frequency on mars...


    OMG...that made me laugh my ASS off!

    Too funny!!

    Oh boy...I've never had clover coffee before, but it sounds HEAVENLY!

    And you know? It must be so nice to go some place and people call you by your name - how great!

    And it's funny because I think Starbucks is refered to Starfucks by MANY!!!

    SOOOOOOOO great seeing ya, dear lady!

    Hope all is well and that you're enjoying this lovely Fall. I bet it's beautiful where you are!

    {{{{{{ Sorrow }}}}}}

  27. Yup......more proof of "If you want anything done right, do it yourself."

    <-- now going to refill the cup with french pressed coffee

    Wonderful things happen when himself is out of the country....LOL The whole pot becomes MINE!!! :-D

  28. Helloooooo Dear Mel!

    You said it...

    "If you want anything done right, do it yourself."

    YES!!!!!! said the magic words - FRENCH PRESS! And guess what? I just recently bought a new one and I love it! There's nothing like that first cup in the morning being PRESSED, right?

    Thanks for stopping by my coffee-loving friend!


  29. i like a lot of cream in my coffee, but darn it, don't give me a half empty cup of coffee. that would just make me MAD! no half stepping, give it all to me and i'll add the cream. yikes, the half cup bothers me, i'll stop thinking about it now.

  30. I will say that as a veteran stimulant-pusher who had the same consumption policy as Tony Montana, after four hours everything sounds like the opening to the Flintstones. Sometimes "Soy Raspberry Latte" sounds like "Modern Stone-Age Fam-i-lyyyy," and "to go" comes out as the bird's >HWOOOOOOOOOOK!< before Fred slides off the dinosaur and into his car. That last one usually happens about fifteen minutes before the shift ends. We'll not get into watching the stupid advertisements make people purchase utter crap and the radio traffic. "What can I get you toda-- wait, Vick Mackey's moving in on the Biz Lat prostitution ring! Derpdaderpdadehhhhh!" and then your order becomes involved in an episode of The Shield, shakey camera and everything.

    Plus, after working at Starbucks' loser older brother, I can safely say... buy local. Please.

  31. Hi Valerie!

    You said, girl! half stepping, give it all to me and i'll add the cream!!!!

    It's so funny because today while I was at work, I stopped in Starbucks to grab a quick coffee break and guess what?

    HALF A CUP!!!!!!

    I marched myself right back to the counter and said, "Fill-er up!"


    Thanks for dropping by, Val!

    Always great seeing ya!

  32. OMG...Ben!!!!

    I was so excited to see your avatar when I got your comment!!!

    How are you, buddy?

    Your comment made me HOWL!!!

    after four hours everything sounds like the opening to the Flintstones!!!


    And listen, as a veteran stimulant-pusher...I totally trust that what you shared is TRUE!!!

    Hope all is well for you, bud!

    I miss you at the coffee bar!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Have a great weekend!

    Ciao baby!


    This cracked me up!!! You and me with those Starbucks baristas, Ron!!! I'm tellin' ya!!!
    I don't drink brewed coffee but I have some issues with my latte orders there.. .hehehe!!
    Come to France and you'll never have coffee troubles again... Of course, there are only a few places that I know of where you can actually get "brewed" coffee and Starbucks is one of them!!! Hehe...
    I have the perfect place to take you, though.. when you come... And I'm sure you'll be delighted!!

    Hugs... Leese

  34. Bonjour Leesa!

    Hey...I've often wondered if Starbucks does that same thing in Europe??

    HALF A CUP OF COFFEE's beyond annoying. And what's hysterical is that yesterday it happened to me AGAIN! And I was having the barista fill up my cup, I said, "You know...I just wrote about THIS on my blog earlier in the week!!!"

    *she seemed very unimpressed


    I think of you and Barb everytime I brew my FRENCH press coffee in the morning. In fact, I'm actually sitting here sipping a cup now!

    Always great seeing ya, Leesa!

    Thanks for stopping by!


  35. What's odd is it would seem the milk would cost more than the coffee...go figure.


  36. Howdy Steve!

    Welcome! Thanks for stopping by.

    Nice to meet you.

    Yeah, exactly...go figure!?!?

    Stop by anytime, Steve!

    Enjoy your evening!