It's Black Friday....and I'm Scared



Well folks, it’s finally here.

The scariest day of my life….BLACK FRIDAY.

I think it’s strange that for someone who has been in the retail industry for umpteen years, I’ve never known where the term Black Friday came from.

Thank heavens for wikipedia, because I discovered it’s origin right here in Philadelphia.

“The term Black Friday originated in Philadelphia in reference to the heavy traffic on that day. More recently, merchants and the media have used it instead to refer to the beginning of the period in which retailers go from being in the red (i.e., posting a loss on the books) to being in the black (i.e., turning a profit).”

Hey, what do you know….I always just assumed the term Black Friday originated from the opinion of sales associates, as a term of endearment for what it felt like to experience the horror of being eaten by Hannibal Lecter.

Let me be honest and say that if I weren’t in the retail industry you would never catch me shopping today, other than maybe stopping in CVS for emergency items, such as a pack of cigarettes or toilet paper.

What totally amazes me are the people who wake up at the ass-crack of dawn to stand in a long line, so they can get a complimentary cup of coffee and a Krispy Kreme donut for being the first 20,000 customers to enter the store on Friday morning....


I. DON’T. THINK. SO.


I wouldn’t wake up at the ass-crack of dawn on Black Friday, even if Barbra Streisand was making a guest appearance at Target; autographing each donut with a Sharpie.


“And I love ya, Barbra….you know I do.”


Can I just tell you how much I look forward to walking into work today; having to coat my body with a heavy lubricant, so I can squeeze myself through the crowds of CRAZED shoppers?


And can I just tell you how much I look forward to having every customer ask me if what I’m selling comes with a FREE GIFT?


Or the customers who mistaken my store for a FLEA MARKET; asking if I can reduce the price if they purchase two items.


But most of all, can I tell you how much I look forward to having every customer who immediately walks in the door, ask me….


“Where are the restrooms?”


And do you know what I feel like telling them?


“They’re closed for repairs. So, you can I either pee in your pants or GO HOME!”



Let the horror begin!




Please note: I think this is the perfect opportunity for me to go back and reread my previous post about how GRATEFUL I am for my job, don’t you?

47 comments

  1. Hello Ron,
    I really feel for ya babe, when we get to this time of year.It's sheer hell out there !!!

    Since we don't have Thanksgiving in France,Black friday does not exist. Xmas in the dept stores & shopping malls "sneaks up" to ya in November. I've already had to endure Xmas muzac in several stores, so, we are here too !!

    I'm chuckling by myself thinking about 2008, and how you were so busy that you had barely the time to wash your clothes. And when you washed your undies by hand & dried them on the raditor they came up stiff as cardboard !! A real "gem" of a post :)

    Big hugs to you. ((((((( Ron))))))
    Love you dude !

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  2. You can complain all you want about your job. What these people put you though is just short of criminal.

    "ass-crack of dawn." Thank you for that. I shall add that to my own personal dictionary, if you don't mind, of course.

    Hang in there! I'll be thinking of you, as I sit home safely away from the presence of crazy people.

    Hey, where's the john in this blog? I gotta go.

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  3. LOL

    I'm with ya.....'cept I'm not taking myself out there for ANY reason.

    Nope.
    <-- smarter than that

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  4. Honey, I feel for you. I worked in retail for 20 years and that was enough. I have no desire to set foot in a store today.

    Godspeed!

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  5. What would we do without Wikipedia? Oh, I guess we'd look at actual outdated BOOKS, but remember how long THAT would take?

    Anyway, ohmygaw. I'm so sorry you have to brave those awful crowds today. I just remembered I need to run out to the drugstore for a manilla envelope, and I'm already cowering in the corner, shaking.

    Best of luck today. And if you really DO tell at least one customer the restrooms are closed? I will bake you a cake.

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  6. Ooooo... BLACK FRIDAY!
    Haha the restroom part cracked me up :D

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  7. I worked retail for a LOOOOOOONG time, and here in Canada the worse day of the year is "Boxing Day" *spit on floor*. UGH!

    I refuse, to this day out of solidarity for retail workers to go to the mall and shop on Boxing Day.

    Good luck! I hope there's chocolate and coffee in abundance (and an employee washroom *snicker*)

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  8. I'll be sitting comfortably at home all day nibbling on yesterday's leftovers. I don't shop any other day of the year, so I don't see any reason to make Black Friday an exception.

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  9. Morning Anndi!

    HA!

    OMG...you were reading my mind, Twin!

    I've got the chocolate and other assorted goodies already in my backpack, and I'll get the the coffee at Starbucks!

    Thank god for CAFFIENE!!!!!

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by, Anndi!

    Have an awesome weekend, Twin!

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  10. Greetings Nothingprofound!

    Welcome! Thank you for stopping by and sharing a comment - nice to meet ya!

    OMG...I am SOOOOOOO jealous of you!

    Good for you - stay inside today and AVOID the malls - HA!

    Stop by anytime - you're always welcomed here!

    Enjoy your day!

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  11. Greetings Ajit!

    Welcome! Thanks a bunch for dropping by - so nice to meet ya!

    Ooooo...Black Friday!

    It's some scary shit!

    I've already got my dialogue rehearsed for the restroom part - HA!

    Stop by anytime - you're always welcomed here!

    Have a GREAT day!

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  12. Hiya Kathy!

    OMG....you CRACKED me up with this....

    Hey, where's the john in this blog?

    Bwhahahahahahahahaha!

    That was BRILLIANT, girl!

    Thanks for the wonderful laugh - I'll need it today. I'm heading in very soon.

    Enjoy your day, my friend!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

    Have a GREAT weekend, Kath!

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  13. Hiya JD!!!!!

    So GREAT seeing ya, girl!

    And if you really DO tell at least one customer the restrooms are closed? I will bake you a cake.

    Wonderful! So, get ready to bake me a chocolate cake with chocolate icing, ok?

    Isn't Wikipedia the BOMB? I use it look up EVERYTHING!

    Have fun at the drug store. However, I think you'll be fine, it's the BIG retail stores and malls I would FEAR!

    Thanks for dropping by, JD!

    Always enjoyed!

    Have a great weekend!

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  14. Hiya Chrissy!

    Godspeed!

    Thank you, girl! I'll need all the Godspeed I can get today!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks for stopping by, my friend!

    Enjoy your weekend!

    P.S. Hope you had a GREAT Thanksgiving day!

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  15. Oh my dear friend I do not envy you in the least! I don't get it, why would anyone stand in a line like that just to go to a sale? You've gotta be kidding me. Remeber last year when that poor Walmart guy got trampled and DIED! What the f is wrong with people? You wouldn't catch me in a store today if my life depended on it! Here's to you my friend and every other poor soul who is forced to work today!

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  16. Bonjour Barbara!

    I've already had to endure Xmas muzac in several stores, so, we are here too !!

    OMG...they had Christmas music playing in my store for the past week, already!@?$?!

    I have a feeling I'll be hating Frosty the Snowman by the end of next week - HA!

    And listen, I've already got some EXTRA underwear, so I won't have to repeat last years "radiator drama" - tee, hee!

    Always so great seeing ya, my Philly friend!

    Thanks for stopping by. Enjoy your weekend!

    Love to you and Didier!

    XXX Barb + Didier XXX

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  17. Morning Ron!

    I thought of you as soon as I woke up this morning. I'm sending you patience and strength and more patience. LOL

    I am another Canadian who won't shop on Boxing Day... can't hack it!

    I hope you have an awesome day and if anybody gives you any flack, give 'em a smack and tell 'em I said they should SNAP OUT OF IT! lol

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  18. Good Morin' Mel!

    I'm with ya.....'cept I'm not taking myself out there for ANY reason.

    You are SOOOOOOOOOOOO smart!!!!

    Enjoy your nice quiet day, dear lady!

    I'll be thinking of you!

    Thanks for stopping by, Mel!

    Have a MARVI weekend!

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  19. Hi Brndoutw8ress!

    OMG, that's right...I totally forgot about the guy at Walmart!!!

    It totally amazes me what people will do for a SALE? There is no way in HELL I would stand in line at 5AM just to get a FREE Ipod!

    Thanks for your well-wishes my, PA friend!

    May the "Force" be with me.

    HA!

    Have a great weekend, girl!

    Thanks for stopping by!

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  20. Hiya Penny!

    I'm sending you patience and strength and more patience.

    Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much, cause I'm gonna need it!

    and if anybody gives you any flack, give 'em a smack and tell 'em I said they should SNAP OUT OF IT!

    HAHAHAHAHAHA...LOVE IT!!!!!!

    Yes, I will my friend!

    Thank you for stopping by, Penny!

    Have a GRRRRREAT weekend!

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  21. Hi Everyone!

    I'm heading into work now, so I'll be responding to your comments later this evening. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

    X

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  22. Haha...I'm so glad that I don't work in retail. I make a point to not go anywhere on Black Friday. And I enjoy my sleep way too much to bother getting up that early.

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  23. Hiya Gavin!

    I make a point to not go anywhere on Black Friday.

    Way to go, buddy!

    If I wasn't in retail, I'd feel EXACTLY the same way!

    It's SCARY!!!!!!

    HA!

    Thanks for stopping by, my friend.

    Always great seeing ya!

    Hope you had a wonderful day.

    Enjoy your weekend!

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  24. I think we should rename it "Dumb Ass Friday"!

    I went to work at around six this morning and as is my custom, stopped at Starbucks for my overpriced cup of coffee. (No adjectives mind you, just coffee) The one I go to is next to a Fred Meyer store. (Like a Walmart local style) The parking lot was jam-packed with the biggest gathering of retards I've ever seen. God forbid you tried to drive slowly as to prevent the jerkwad in the car behind you from racing around the corner in his quest for the closet possible parking space.

    I can not imaging working for eight or so hours with these doofdorfs cramming into every nook and cranny of the store demanding all sorts of outlandish requests.

    Hope you had a nice glass of wine at the ready when you got home this evening.

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  25. Howdy Mr. Jeff!

    Hope you had a nice glass of wine at the ready when you got home this evening.

    OMG...you're psychic, because that's EXACTLY what I'm doing right this very second!!!

    And it FEELS so good!

    HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

    I love your rename Dumb Ass Friday. That was brilliant!

    Actually, I was pretty amazed today because it didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would. Customers were patient, happy, and non-demanding. The store was JAM PACKED, but people were acting civilized for a change. The day flew by without any aggravation - it totally blew me away.

    But just wait....

    ...it's only the BEGINNING!

    Talk to me in about two weeks, I may have a different story.

    HA!

    Thanks for stopping by, buddy!

    I hope you enjoyed your overpriced Starbucks. Don't you love paying $2.00 for cup of coffee?

    NOT.

    Have a great weekend!

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  26. I went to Old Navy yesterday, at the decent hour of 11 am. They had plenty of the jeans I wanted and scads of the $5 t-shirts. Why would anyone get up at 2 am to be first in line for the 3 am opening? They are idiots!!!

    I did think about you, Ron, and sent some good thoughts northward. (((HUGS)))

    (Unfortunately, if Chad Kroeger were signing Krispy Kremes anywhere at the ass-crack of dawn, I'd be there. Yes, I would!)

    Hope you survived somewhat intact!

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  27. Good Mornin' Nitebyrd!

    They had plenty of the jeans I wanted and scads of the $5 t-shirts.

    oooo...good for you!! AND you got them at a decent hour. I went in at 12PM and stayed later, to catch the evening shoppers. I actually ended up having an excellent day. Normally, cosmetics doesn't have a strong productive Black Friday, so I'm very happy.

    Unfortunately, if Chad Kroeger were signing Krispy Kremes anywhere at the ass-crack of dawn, I'd be there. Yes, I would!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    You GO, girl!

    Thanks for stopping by, Sis!

    Enjoy your weekend.

    We just got hit with some very cold temps, so it's beginning to really feel like Christmas!

    X

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  28. Great post, so that's where the term Black Friday came from. I lol'ed the pics especially the first one.

    Keep up the good work!

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  29. I hope you made it safely through "Black Friday"! I do not even bother with the sales on that day. The only safe places to shop that day are grocery stores & online. I am one of the lucky ones who had the day off so I pretty much just relaxed after spending "quality" (UGH!) time with family on Thanksgiving. I'm starting to need more than 1 day to recoup after being around them for a holiday. And I don't drink, but time with them almost makes me need to again...LOL!
    Have a wonderful week, my friend!

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  30. Hi OwenEng2!

    Yes...and totally suprised me when I found out it orginated here in Philly.

    Who knew?!@?

    So glad you enjoyed the photos. I have such a passion for older, black and white films - there so classic!

    Thank you for stopping by today!

    Hope you're enjoying your weekend!

    Have a GREAT day!

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  31. Helloooooooo Collette!

    And I don't drink, but time with them almost makes me need to again...LOL!

    HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

    I know EXACTLY how you feel, my friend. There are certain members of my own extended family I feel the same way!

    OY VEY!#@$!

    As you may have already read in some of my comments, Black Friday was not as stressful as it normally has been in the past. It actually went pretty smoothly.

    *As it gets closer to Christmas, that may change.

    tee, hee!

    Thank you so much for stopping by, dear lady. Hope you're enjoying your weekend!

    Have a GRRRREAT Sunday!!

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  32. Oh, poor poor Ron! Are you still in recovery mode, sweetie? I'm picturing you as a curled-up lump...exhausted and traumatized by yet another round of exactly what you've so eloquently described here...

    Do you need a hug? Maybe a brownie and a double to go with it??

    The earliest I saw for openings on Black Friday up here was Old Navy. They opened at 3am.

    I'm sorry....but if I HAD to be somewhere at 3am, I sure as hell wouldn't go to BED at all! (But you'd also never catch me near a store on this day, either.)

    Hope you're recovered and somewhat coherent!

    xoxo

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  33. Hahaha....I thought that sort of queuing for freebies only happened in Malaysia!! But I guess not! Or maybe it just happens a lot more here.....

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  34. I've never heard of Black Friday Ron but if it means I'd get to go shopping I'm all for it! LOL

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  35. Hi Akelamaluu!

    HA!....you GO, m'dear!

    I would love to go shopping with you one day, I bet we'd have a BLAST!

    And then we could go to the nearest pub for a nice glass of red wine, how's that sound?

    Black Friday was actually VERY smooth sailing this year.

    THANK GOD!

    Thanks for stopping by, my friend!

    Have a wonderful Sunday!

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  36. Hellooooooooo Kathryn!

    Last night I came home and CRASHED!?@:#

    (with a glass of wine)

    Black Friday was not bad at all, but I'm working additional hours from now until New Years, so it's taking me some time to get use to.

    Do you need a hug? Maybe a brownie and a double to go with it??

    All of the above....HA!

    Actually, Friday was a big day for chocolate!

    When I read how early some of the stores were opening on Friday, I almost died. My store opened at 5AM!!!!

    I've got to go in today, but I have off tomorrow to catch up with some R&R.

    Thanks for stopping by, Tootsie!

    Hope you're having a GRANDE Sunday!

    oxoxox

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  37. Greetings Mamapumpkin!

    So nice to see you!

    ....I thought that sort of queuing for freebies only happened in Malaysia!!

    HA!

    No way...queuing for "freebies" are everywhere!?@#$

    The first thing out of many customers mouths in cosmetic retail is...

    ..."What are you going to give me for free if I buy this from you?"

    My response....

    "How about a kiss?"

    Bwhahahahahahaha!

    Thank you for stopping by today!

    Have a wonderful Sunday!

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  38. Every post I read seems to be about Black Friday and they all say that it is BAD! I'm so grateful we don't have it in Ireland,maybe you should immigrate over here? :)

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  39. Hi Smileyfreak!

    So nice to see you!

    Oh, that's too funny!

    There must have been something in the "blog air" when it came to everyone posting about Black Friday this weekend!

    HA!

    I'm so grateful we don't have it in Ireland,maybe you should immigrate over here?

    You are SOOOOO lucky! You're not missing anything because the whole thing is all "commercial."

    Thank you for stopping by, Smiley freak!

    Hope you enjoyed a nice, quiet weekend!

    P.S. I hear Ireland is just beautiful!

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  40. Shopping and a glass (bottle?) of red wine with you sounds like heaven Ron! x

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  41. Hi Akelama!

    CHEERS, m'dear!

    X

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  42. Just thinking about writing something on Black Friday. Alas, it may not happen the way I'm going. Will be thinking of you next time I hit the stores.

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  43. i don't think so either. i have enough stuff.

    well i never get enough camera stuff, but i never go out shopping the day after. i don't want to be bothered with the crazies at regular prices. lol

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  44. Hiya Valerie!

    i don't want to be bothered with the crazies at regular prices!

    HA!

    You said it, girl!

    Hey, and speaking of camera stuff....

    ...I'm LOVIN' your new photo blog!

    You're not only a great writer, but a wonderful photographer as well!

    Thank you for stopping by, Val!

    Hope you had a great Thanksgiving Day!

    Enjoy your evening!

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  45. Hello again Jen!

    Oh...do it, my friend. With YOUR sense of humor, I bet it would make for a GREAT post!!!

    I look forward to it!

    Thanks for dropping by, Jen!

    Happy Christmas shopping!

    X

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  46. one year, many many years ago I was conned into getting up early and enjoying a black friday morning.
    I must confess that the people watching was a gas, and I have never seen so many pissed off clerks in my life.
    but I got my free krispy creme and coffee and a really good show.
    Not that I would ever do that again!
    ~laughing~
    I prefer my torture with fuzzy handcuffs and feather boas...

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  47. Hiya Lady Sorrow!

    I prefer my torture with fuzzy handcuffs and feather boas...

    bwhhahahahahahaha!

    You GO, girl!

    I too enjoy going in a mall and people-watch. It's a GREAT way to get ideas for blog posts!

    HA!

    Thanks for stopping by, dear Sorrow!

    Hope you had a great Thanksgiving Day!

    X

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