Toot-toot...hey...beep-beep!

If hearing about flatulence either embarrasses or grosses you out, you may want to close your eyes while reading this post….

I just recently started taking the antioxidant supplement Alpha Lipoic Acid.

Actually, I have no earthly idea if it’s working, but it’s suppose to be an excellent overall antioxidant which also assists in keeping your skin looking as smooth and firm as a baby’s bottom.

I’ll let you know in a few weeks if I start getting carded while buying a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, because the liquor store cashier mistakes my youthful skin for a 6 year olds.

Anyway…..

I’ve noticed that one of the side effects in taking this antioxidant is that it sometimes makes me VERY gassy.

OMG….all day yesterday I felt like a fart machine.

And if my farts were bubbles, I would have looked like the grand finale in The Lawrence Welk Show.

“A one….and a two….”

It all started in the morning about 30 minutes after I ate my breakfast; having taken two capsules while eating.

One of the greatest perks about living in a noisy city is that you can freely toot while walking down the street and no one ever notices, because if you time it just perfectly you can coordinate them with the sound of a taxi horn. And you don’t have to worry about the odor because the retched smell of the subway which permeates the grates in the sidewalk, covers it up flawlessly.

The only problem I had was while I was at work. But, I figured out a brilliant way to take care of that because I didn't want my fellow salespeople to suddenly start dropping like flies from my toxic air biscuits.

I cleverly held a bottle of cologne in my hand, so that whenever I let one loose...I simply sprayed the area around my derriere so that it smelled like a mixture of green tea and grapefruit.

All afternoon people were asking me, “Ron…you smell so good. What kind of cologne are you wearing?”

I felt like saying, “It’s called, Eau de Fart.”

And thank god I was blowin' out the "silent but deadly type" because there would have been no way in hell I could have camouflage the sound without personally handing out ear plugs.

Like an idiot, I took another two capsules with my dinner that evening, which later made taking my bath rather festive.

Let’s just put it this way....

After about 5 minutes of soaking in a nice hot bath, I suddenly discovered a way to turn my bathtub into a bubbling Jacuzzi….





46 comments

  1. Ha! My pup was a constant source of eye watering surprises until I found a dog food made of herring and rice. I am now convinced that the herring is a very magical and benevolent fish.

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  2. ron, ron, ron. you are too much. if you need to let it rip, go to another area where there are few people, pass it and run like L! hope the smell doesn't follow you.

    if it gets out before you have time to go to another area, then deny the smell and act like it's not yours. just say something stinks and spray.

    LOLOLOL. you are a funny man.

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  3. Embarassingly honestly funny! Thanks for the mental picture Ron, I needed a wake up this morning. There is another medicinal culprit out there called prilosec (the purple pill) which every female in my family takes. Imagine what Thansgiving is like for me! Having a great week over here in the burgh!

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  4. It may not matter how great your skin looks if everyone within a 100 yards needs a gas mask. Sometimes it is better to feel good than to look good.

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  5. Oh, I hear you! (and smell you).

    I don't know what's goin' on in my lower GI tract, but something has been making me VERY gassy lately. And it is of both the non-silent and VERY deadly type. It's kind of embarrassing to be a medium-sized lady and be letting out these giant old-man farts.

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  6. Good Morning Tattytiara!

    I am now convinced that the herring is a very magical and benevolent fish.

    HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHA!

    OMG...perhaps I need to try that too!

    Thanks for the tip, my friend!

    I'll let you know how it works on humans!

    tee, hee!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Have a great Wednesday!

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  7. Hiya Valerie!

    tee, hee!

    Aren't I wicked?

    I couldn't help myself, but the whole time this was happening to me all I kept thinking was, "BLOG about it!"

    if it gets out before you have time to go to another area, then deny the smell and act like it's not yours. just say something stinks and spray.

    HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks my friend! I'll definitely try that the next time!

    Always so great seeing ya, Val!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Have an awesome Wednesday!

    Sincerely,
    Stinky Man

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  8. Good Morning Brndoutw8ress

    HA!...I know, I have so SHAME.

    Hope that mental picture didn't ruin your breakfast!

    Hey...and maybe I should come to your house for Thanksgiving. I'd probably fit right in...toot-toot!

    Bwhahahaahahaha!

    So glad to hear you're having a great week over in the burgh!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

    Enjoy your Wednesday!

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  9. Hey Jen!

    It may not matter how great your skin looks if everyone within a 100 yards needs a gas mask.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!

    You're so RIGHT!

    Sometimes it is better to feel good than to look good.

    Yeah...I think I'm discovering that!

    Have a faaabulous Wednesday, Jen!

    And thanks for stopping by!

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  10. Hiya JD!

    Bwhahahhaahhahaha!

    It's kind of embarrassing to be a medium-sized lady and be letting out these giant old-man farts.

    OMG...you are so funny, girl!

    And being the little guy that I am, I too can let loose of some big ol' DOOZIES!

    I feel like an Atomic Bomb!

    BOOM!

    Thanks for sharing a great laugh!

    Wishing you a toot-free Wednesday!

    And thanks for dropping by!

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  11. hahahaha, Ron! I think I tooted a couple of times while I burst out laughing reading this post!

    A one man show you are, Ron!
    If you're getting a beep beep from this experience, your endorphins are on the rise! Another source of antioxidants!

    hahaha, I'm still laughing! ;))

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  12. Ooops pardon me - I laughed too hard! :)

    Seriously I know what you mean m'dear. I recently started taking a probiotic tablet daily and had the same problem and also I have developed a rash! I've stopped taking them. :(

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  13. Good Mornin' Petra!

    Yeah...I'm a regular one man TOOT show!

    I tooted a couple of times while I burst out laughing reading this post!

    OMG...thank you for the compliment!

    HAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHA!

    And please don't tell anyone this, but I've done the same thing while reading someone's blog post!

    Toot-toot...hey...beep-beep!

    ALWAYS so great seeing ya, Petra!

    Thanks for always sharing your wonderful sense of humor!

    Happy Wednesday to ya!

    Respectfully,
    The Toot Man

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  14. Good Morning Akelamalu!

    Ooops pardon me - I laughed too hard! :)

    Bwhahahahahahaha!

    Considering this post, you are most definitely pardoned. In fact, I welcome it!

    OMG...I too have taken probiotics in the past, so I know what you mean because they did the same thing to me!

    HOLY COW...stinky, aren't they?

    Thanks for stopping by m'dear!

    You've added some wonderful tooting to this post!

    tee, hee!

    Enjoy your day!

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  15. And if my farts were bubbles, I would have looked like the grand finale in The Lawrence Welk Show.

    I used to watch that show with my dad and OMG the visual! I can only imagine little noxious bubbles flying about and popping near poor unsuspecting people. It'll show those grumps who can't leave a poor cute bubble alone and pop them mercilessly. An attack on their senses!

    And um... your bath? Better festive bubbles and a jacuzzi than plop, plop, fizz, fizz... just sayin'!

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  16. will the side effects wear off as your fartiness grows accustomed to the pills?

    if so, then hold on for dear sweet smooth looking life

    you could get one of this little personal fans, the tiny ones, they come in such festive colors now and are inexpensive so you could color coordinate with your ties

    point the fan at your butt and send flatulence greetings in any direction you choose

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  17. Hiya Anndi!

    OMG...I was so hoping that someone would understand the Lawrence Welk reference!!!

    It's been ages since that show has been on, so I figured no one even remembered it.

    Leave it to YOU, Twin!

    I remember sitting there with my grandmother on Saturday nights watching all those bubbles floating out of that HUGE champagne glass, while everyone danced onstage - what a HOOT!

    Better festive bubbles and a jacuzzi than plop, plop, fizz, fizz... just sayin'!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks for stopping by, Miss Welk!

    Always a blast!

    X

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  18. I LOVE YOU, DIANNE!!!

    you could get one of this little personal fans, the tiny ones, they come in such festive colors now and are inexpensive so you could color coordinate with your ties...

    Bwhahahahahahahaaha!

    Yes, my dear...I know the ones you speak of and that's a FAAAABULOUS idea! They would also help me with my HOT FLASHES during the summer months!

    Speaking of....aren't you loving this weather today???

    I think maybe you're right...I think the longer I take them, the side affects will lessen. It doesn't happen to me all the time, but OMG, yesterday was a FART FEST!

    Thank god I work around cologne. It saved my life!

    Thanks a bunch for dropping by, dear lady!

    You always make me laugh!

    Thank you!

    Have a great Wednesday!

    X

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  19. I know someone who would fit this exact post. Only they aren't self conscious enough to bother hiding it. Thankfully I don't have to work with them anymore. XD

    Great post as usual though, Ron. I always get a good a laugh out of your topics.

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  20. Hi Ronnie,

    Now leave it to my buddy to pick me up like that :) I have never laugh so much about farting !!
    I didn't even know about that med and it's side effects... maybe they should put a warning label on the box. Seriously.

    I got a big kick imagining you farting in company of the trafic. God, you kill me !!!

    Pretty clever for your cologne too :)

    XXXX
    Your Philly friend

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  21. LMAO Ron... my windy friend!

    Let's get out for some fresh air, why don't we? I'm sure you'll understand when I stay UPwind? ;o)

    My date and I decided we were both going nuts on the garlic at dinner last night, so neither of us had to worry. hehe... it worked!

    How nice that people are only noticing how *good* you smell. In your head you must be thinking 'If you only KNEW how wrong you are!!!' lol

    have a wonderful afternoon tooty!

    ~garlic mama

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  22. Hi Gavin!

    Only they aren't self conscious enough to bother hiding it. Thankfully I don't have to work with them anymore...

    HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

    OMG...that was funny!

    I only wish I was that unself- conscious!

    Thanks for stopping by, bud!

    Always great seeing ya!

    Hope you had a great day!

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  23. Hello My Philly Friend!

    So glad you got a giggle!

    I've decided that after posting this...NOTHING...is too sacred to share on my blog!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    I actually went online and checked for the side effects and it did mention GAS!

    Too bad I don't still own a car. I could put my GAS to good use!

    Thanks for stopping by, my friend!

    Always great seeing ya!

    XXXXX

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  24. Helloooo Penny/Garlic Mama!

    Let's get out for some fresh air, why don't we? I'm sure you'll understand when I stay UPwind? ;o)

    Bwhahahahahahhaha!

    OMG...GARLIC!!! I freakin' LOVE garlic! I know it's stinky, but it's worth it, isn't it? At least you know if any vampires were lurking around your house, they wouldn't come anywhere near you!

    You're not going to believe this, but I was GASSY at work again today!

    Sheesh...I'm starting to wonder if it's worth taking these damn suppliments?!?!

    Soon, I won't have any friends!

    tee, hee!

    Thanks for stopping by, amigo!

    Hope you had a great day!

    Stinkingly yours,
    Your Windy Friend

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  25. ron, you are hysterical, I don't know what to quote or refer to, it's all so damned funny and it's a good thing you live in a stinky city i suppose....but how you did in a dept store with "ladies" and selling perfumes and make-up without tooting up a storm, silent but deadly, well, you must have been really giving away half a bottle in sample squirts---no pun intended :) and the bubbler on l.welk, maybe it was larry himself bathing prior to the show? you think....lastly on this tear of intellectual rhapsodies, you should see/smell/hear what my particular concoction of co-q10, carnitine, ribose and bcomplex does, no better not, you will faint dead away in the kitchen as you fart in front of the fridge. it's just so unladylike but what can i say, nobody will read this but you, dear bud.....stinky bud......

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  26. She might have a point about that 'ten foot away' jazz. Anyone standing 10 feet away from me looks to have gorgeous skin.

    I mean, think about it.....

    Maybe I oughta get me some of those things.
    I'm kinda interested in having people stand at LEAST ten feet away.......

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  27. Oh! Dear God, Ron! I have tears of laughter coming out of my eyes! I was all over that supplement until I finished reading your post. Now, not so much. I can't imagine having fabulous skin if it means I have to walk around farting like a howitzer! LOL

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  28. Sheesh...I'm starting to wonder if it's worth taking these damn suppliments?!?!

    On a more serious note - this is a very common question that people have to ask themselves about taking any medications; whether they're herbal supplements or chemical compounds... is it worth the side effects and/or potential complications?!

    I once had to take medication that made me extremely lazy, and always hungry. I didn't get to smoke it and it never even got me high! LOL! decided in the end that it wasn't worth it and I would take my chances on the ailment for which I started taking the meds!

    Have a wonderful day! I have to laugh... it's extremely windy in Whitehorse today and it made me think of my gassy friend in Philly. LOL!

    hasta luego! (until later!)
    ~Penny

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  29. Good Morning Linda!

    you should see/smell/hear what my particular concoction of co-q10, carnitine, ribose and bcomplex does, no better not, you will faint dead away in the kitchen as you fart in front of the fridge.

    Bwhahahahahahahahaha!

    OMG, Linda...that's HYSTERICAL!!!

    Let em' RIP, dear lady!!!!

    Maybe is has something to do with ALL antioxidants, perhaps?? I use to take another one called DMAE and it did the same thing. You're suppose to take antioxidants with food (which I do) but it doesn't seem to help the GAS!

    Anyway, thanks so much for sharing your "tooting" on this post. And I promise I won't tell a single soul, ok?

    *wink*

    Hope you're having a great day, Linda!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Sincerely,
    Your Stinky Bud
    xoxoxoxoxo

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  30. Hiya Mel!

    Maybe I oughta get me some of those things.

    I'm kinda interested in having people stand at LEAST ten feet away
    ...

    HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!

    Hey, ya know what? I never thought of it that way, but you'e right! Maybe this how I can keep people for standing too close to my personal space!

    Tee, hee!

    Thanks for dropping by this morning, dear lady and fellow Libra!

    Have a MAAAVALOUS Thursday!

    Hugs to the "Little Bug."

    X

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  31. Howdy Nitebyrd!

    OMG, don't do it...you'll be sorry!!

    Toot-toot!

    HA!

    I use that skincare serum which also has Alpha Lipoic Acid in it. Topically it's great, but internally it can cause tremendous GAS!

    Isn't that Eternal Skin Serum the BOMB? I swear to god, it's one of the best skincare products I've ever used.

    Thanks for stopping by, Sis!

    So glad you had a laugh!

    Have an awesome Thursday!

    Sincerely,
    The Howitzer

    X

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  32. Hello Penny!

    I didn't get to smoke it and it never even got me high! LOL!

    HA!

    Tis' true...if I have to walk around like a WIND machine, I need to ask myself...."Is it worth the price of 6 year old skin?"

    YES!

    Bwhahahahahahhahahaha!

    *only kidding

    I'll give it to the end of the month and see if my tooting subsides. Maybe my body just has to get use to it.

    Anway, my friend...thanks for stopping by again. It's always such a joy to read your comments!

    Today, it's raining and windy in Philly today also.

    Enjoy your day!

    hasta luego,
    Your Windy Friend

    X

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  33. HA!
    That's hysterical!

    And thanks for the visual of the bath. I've been chuckling to myself all day...
    :-)

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  34. Hiya Nancy!

    You've gotta try it!

    Take two capsules before your bath.

    It's much cheaper than installing a Jacuzzi!

    Bwhahahahahahhaahaha!

    Always so great seeing ya, my turtleneck twin!

    Have a Toot-free day!

    X

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  35. Hey, Ron!

    Let me just say that your post had me giggling like a senseless school girl. I think I may be regressing because a character in Glee said "penis" and I couldn't stop giggling. You know it's bad when your little sis calls you immature.

    Happy tooting!

    - R

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  36. Hey Roberto!

    OMG...it's SO GREAT seeing ya again, buddy!

    How are ya?

    I think I may be regressing because a character in Glee said "penis" and I couldn't stop giggling.

    HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Oh, that's too funny!

    Hey, listen....the older I get, the more I regress and find myself becoming more immature. So, just want until you hit 54!

    Bwhahahahahahha!

    Thanks for stopping by, Roberto!

    Hope all is well!

    Mr. Toot Man

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  37. And here I thought this was going to be a post about Donna Summer & her song "Bad Girls" or at least some cheap prostitute. But I guess farting is as good a subject as any. LOL. I have to deal with the low flying ducks every day as my hubby & daughter are always gassing me out of house & home. And, every once in awhile when I get a little bubbly myself, I get like my grandmother & get the walking toots. You know, with every step, toot toot toot toot. Ron, thanks for another fun post!

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  38. Hellooooo Collette!

    And here I thought this was going to be a post about Donna Summer & her song "Bad Girls" or at least some cheap prostitute.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    I have to deal with the low flying ducks every day as my hubby & daughter are always gassing me out of house & home.

    Bwhahahahahahahahaha!

    OMG...you are TOO FUNNY!!

    I laughed so hard at your comment...I TOOTED!

    Thanks SO MUCH for sharing on this post, Collette!

    It's such a delight having you here - you're a DOLL!

    Happy toot, toot, tooting!

    X

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  39. YES! I LOVELOVELOVE that Eternal Skin Serum! EVERYBODY - TRY IT!!!

    My daughter has started using it too.

    MMMMMWAH! A big kiss for you for telling me about it and for that Nars Orgasm Blush, I LOVE that, too!

    Have you done anything on "Smoky Eyes?" I need some help with that. Thanks, bro!

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  40. Well if you're willing to be known as 'Old Windbag', just to have 6 year old skin... more power to ya! ;o)

    Whatever makes you happy my friend... I'll just remember to bring a clothespin when we meet. ;o)

    I think it's a great idea to give the supplements a month and then decide whether you'd like to continue them or not. Now I can't decide whether to call you Smarty Pants or Farty Pants! haha!

    Have an awesome Friday Ron!

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  41. Howdy Nitebyrd!

    SOOOOO glad to hear your enjoying the serum!

    I just this minute finished applying my morning dose!

    And it's funny you mentioned smokey eyes, because I was in Sephora a few weeks ago and saw a "Smokey Eye Kit" that I need to recommend on my blog.

    Thanks for reminding me, Sis!

    X ya!

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  42. Hellooooooooo Penny!

    Well if you're willing to be known as 'Old Windbag', just to have 6 year old skin... more power to ya, !

    Whatever makes you happy my friend... I'll just remember to bring a clothespin when we meet!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

    Now that's why I call TRUE friendship!

    Thanks, amigo!

    X

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  43. I've got one word for you, my love:
    BEANO! Isn't that supposed to help eradicate the body's need to expel deadly-smelling gas into our atmosphere??

    And what was that line of George Carlin's?? Our own farts never smell that bad...it's everyone else's!

    Oh, the things we do in search of looking forever young! You keep us posted on whether these supplements do the trick. I don't know of ANYONE who wouldn't happily risk becoming a complete social misfit if we could look 20 years younger!

    BRING IT--(oh!...'scuse me....) ON!
    xoxo

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  44. Hiya Kathryn!

    Our own farts never smell that bad...it's everyone else's!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    OMG, yes....I totally forgot he said that!

    I use to have a friend in Florida who actaully said she liked the smell of her own farts - isn't that lovely?

    No wonder our friendship didn't last.

    Bwhahahahahahahaha!

    I've noticed since posting this that my farting has subsided a bit. However, I'm still waiting to see if my face looks like a baby's ass!

    HA!

    Thanks for stopping by, my friend!

    Have a great week!

    Love,

    Mr Fart

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

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  45. You needed to institute the use of a fart pillow or something to muffle both the sound and the smell...

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  46. Howdy Constant Complainer!

    You needed to institute the use of a fart pillow or something to muffle both the sound and the smell...

    HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    OMG...that's a GREAT idea!

    Why the hell didn't I think of that?

    A WHOOPIE CUSHION!

    Thank you for dropping by, buddy!

    Enjoy your evening!

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