Fear and Regret



Last week, Gavin, over at Insanity’s Musings shared a powerfully open and honest post. And in his closing, he asked his readers to share a secret and a regret.

Today, I would like to elaborate a little more on my answers.

Secret….

I am fearful.

My own mother was shocked when I told her this, because she always saw me as being fearless.

Actor friends of mine have always said to me, “I would have never known you had tremendous stage fright, because you seem to be so confident.”

And my response has always been, “Yes….I’m confident that I’m afraid.”

You see, just because I do things doesn’t mean I don‘t fear them.

Fear has always been my greatest teacher, because I was born with a cornucopia of fear.

There have been so many things throughout my life that I have feared. Such as…..

Being accepted, being judged, intimacy, failure, death, not being smart enough, flying, talking in front of a large group of people.

And I can always tell when my life needs a good kick in the ass, because a fear will suddenly plop itself right down in front of me and say, “ Now…what are you going to do with this? You can either run away, or walk into it and see what happens.”

I think the only reason people see me as being fearless, is because I refuse to allow my fears to paralyze me. So, I guess they assume I’m not afraid.

But I am…really.

There is tremendous truth in the saying, “There is nothing to fear, but fear itself.”

I believe it’s the fear of fear that overwhelms me. Not the actual fear.

On one hand, being afraid makes me feel vulnerable to the unknown. And yet, on the other hand, it’s the catalyst that propels me forward.

Regrets….

I can honestly say I have no regrets.

Because like mistakes, as long as I learn from them there is nothing to regret. That’s why I don’t believe there is such a thing as a mistake.

Everything in my life happens for a reason. So, to say that I regret something is like saying that I regret the path of my life.

If I grow….what need is there to regret?

For me, fear and regret go hand in hand.

As long as I am willing to walk through the door of my fears….

….then there is nothing to regret.





Thanks, Gavin.....you're an inspiration.

40 comments

  1. wonderful glimpse into your life, thank you for your honesty. Its not always easy for us to admit we are afraid of things. So I applaud you! Keep walking through those fears buddy! Have a great week. Oh I see that the transit system is up and running again, yay!

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  2. Wow. YOU'RE an inspiration. Everybody is fearful, but not everybody is able to face and deal with their fears.

    And if you've got your own mother fooled, you must be doing something right!

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  3. Hiya Brndoutw8tress!

    Its not always easy for us to admit we are afraid of things.

    That's what fear has taught me more than anything. Embracing fear, makes it a allie.

    YES!...YAY...Septa is up and runnung again. And I am SOOOOOOOOO glad because it's really affected the businesses in Philly.

    Thanks for stopping by, my friend!

    Have an awesome Monday!

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  4. Hey JD!

    Ever since I was a child, I knew that fear was going to be a major part of my journey.

    Facing it has taught me some of the most enightening lessons.

    So, it's been a really great "tool" in learning what I've come here to learn.

    To embrace it, and then see where it takes me.

    Thanks so much for stopping by today, JD!

    You're comments are so enjoyed!

    Have a grrrrreat day!

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  5. Good morning Ron,

    What an insightful post. Thank you for always being so open and honest with us; I love reading you and especially so when there are glimpses way down deep into your personality!

    I only have one secret and it's going to stay a secret. ;o) Mostly my life is an open book for anyone who cares to take the time to read it.

    I am like you in that I don't have any regrets. Life is too short to look back with regrets. Also, I believe that guilt is a wasted emotion. If we screw up (and as humans, that is inevitable), we should do what we can to make it right, and then MOVE ON...

    Easier said than done sometimes but I find just knowing that guilt never solves or helps *anything* is a big help.

    Hope you are having an awesome day my friend. Talk to you soon!

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  6. I think most people have fears about something Ron. The trick is as you say not to let it show and not to let it stop you doing things.

    I'm with you on the regrets - there's just no point in regretting things that have past, you can't change them you can only learn from them.

    Thanks for your openness m'dear. x

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  7. Hola Penny!

    Thanks, amigo!

    Having read Gavin's wonderful post last week, it really imspired me.

    Life is too short to look back with regrets. Also, I believe that guilt is a wasted emotion.

    Thank you.

    You're right...as humans we will screw up, but if we make it right and learn, there's no point in regret or guilt.

    It's funny, because I think I learned that from having gone to catholic school for 8 years. They LOVE guilt.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks MUCHO MUCH for dropping by, Penny!

    Happy Monday to ya!

    I'll be by later today to check out your most recents posts - can't wait!

    So, see ya later alligator!

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  8. Omg, I got mentioned in someone else's post! That's a first. (: I've never quite made that big of an impression on someone before.

    "I believe it’s the fear of fear that overwhelms me. Not the actual fear."

    I can so relate to that. I've let fear control me and lead me to do some pretty stupid things in my life. I'm just glad that I'm realizing it now instead of when I'm older and have a ton more baggage to sort through. No offense meant to all of you older then me.

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  9. Good Morning Akelamalu!

    The trick is as you say not to let it show and not to let it stop you doing things.

    That reminds me of a saying I once heard...

    ..."Never let them see you sweat."

    However, there have been times when my fear is quite obvious.

    *like when I get on a plane before a flight!!

    OY VEY.....fear is written all over my face.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing on this post, m'dear!

    Hope you're have a GRAND of a day!

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  10. Howdy Gavin!

    YOU GO, BOY!

    Your post had me thinking and feeling about your words all weekend, so thank you for inspiring me, bud!

    I'm just glad that I'm realizing it now instead of when I'm older and have a ton more baggage to sort through.

    Bravo! Very wise of you.

    Thanks for dropping by, Gavin!

    Hope you're having a super day!

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  11. Ron,
    You've really touched a nerve with this post. I actually had to back out and really think about this one.

    I find fear to be absolutely paralyzing...and is usually the reason for most of (my) procrastination. If I don't open an envelope, it's 'cause I fear what's inside. If I don't return someone's call right away, it's because I don't know yet what to say.

    I'm so proud of you for not letting fear overwhelm you! Even being able to identify it for what it is...the unknown can be a very scary, dark place and some obstacles can seem insurmountable.
    I envy anyone who can somehow manage for forge ahead in spite of the fear.

    As for regret, I'm with you. It serves no purpose, other than self-flagellation. You learn from your mistakes and move on.

    Sorry this is so long. How is it that you manage to get inside my head? Seriously, Ron! Get outta there!
    xoxo

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  12. Ron, you're an amazing human being. You really are.

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  13. Hellooooo Kathryn!

    You want to know something?

    I felt the same way after reading Gavin's post.

    You've really touched a nerve with this post. I actually had to back out and really think about this one.

    He too got me thinking and feeling about all sorts of things. I don't know whether you've read it, but his post was very powerful. This is one of the reasons why I love blogging so much - people touching people with their words.

    Hey, I'm with ya, girl...because I too find fear paralyzing. I remember the first time I got back onstage after taking a 9 year break. OMG...on opening night, I actually had thoughts of getting in my car and driving away from the theater- I was freakin' petrified. I thought I was going to throw up! However, I knew if I ran, I'd never get back onstage again.

    I think we all come into this life with various lessons to learn. And for me, one of my main lessons is to embrace fear. Now mind you...there have been MANY times in the past when I have backed away from fear. But what I noticed, is that the fear eventually presented itself to me again. I realized there was no getting away from my fears, so why not just go with them and learn?

    And do you know what I mainly learned?

    Fear has never killed me. It's only made me stronger.

    As for regret, I'm with you. It serves no purpose, other than self-flagellation. You learn from your mistakes and move on.

    Self-flagellation.

    I LOVE that, Kathryn because you're so right!

    Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this post, my wonderful NY friend!

    I enjoyed every word!

    Hope you had great day! I spent the afternoon walking around the city because the weather was flawless!

    Enjoy your evening, tootsie!

    xoxoxo

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  14. Hiya Nitebyrd!

    Thank you.

    And ditto!

    I X ya, Sis!

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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  15. Wow, what a cool blog, thanks... I stumbled upon it via another blogger. Regrets and fears are interesting things aren't they, because they're not really 'real'. I mean, we can fear things like fire, which burns, and dying, which is pretty permanent, but other than that, most of our fears are not really based in truth or reality, they are based on our past experiences more than anything else, and its unlearning them that is the hardest thing. Anyway, great blog, thanks for sharing!

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  16. Greetings Love Writing Again!

    Welcome!

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing a comment. It's so nice to meet ya!

    And thank you SO MUCH for sharing this...

    most of our fears are not really based in truth or reality, they are based on our past experiences more than anything else, and its unlearning them that is the hardest thing.

    YES!...you said it perfectly!!!

    And that's something I had to learn.

    Again...thank you so much for sharing your enlightenment on this post!

    Please stop by anytime.

    You're always welcome here!

    Enjoy your evening!

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  17. Fear does strange things to me..and, of course, I let it.

    I know enough that I need to walk through it freaking scared, but ask me if I always like it!
    NO I DO NOT!!

    I'm a 'deep end of the pool' kinda gal. I might not know how to swim, but toss me in just the same. It'll give me reason to learn REAL quick.

    And fear is just AFGO for me....'another freaking growth opportunity'.
    I'm just hard pressed to remember that when it catches me off guard as it will now and then.

    I gave up regrets some time ago.
    Waste of my energy.....

    I might have to visit Gavin, once I'm freed up on time. (you have NO time when you have a wee one sharing your space!) Sounds like a place I could sink in to.

    *hugs*
    And blessings for your week, sir.

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  18. I too believe that everything happens for a reason and there is always an opportunity to learn and to grow from what happens.

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  19. Good Mornin'Mel!

    You shared so much "good stuff."

    I'm a 'deep end of the pool' kinda gal. I might not know how to swim, but toss me in just the same. It'll give me reason to learn REAL quick.

    oooo...me too, Mel!

    It's a SURE way to learn how to SWIM, isn't it? Because it's either sink or swim!

    HA!

    And fear is just AFGO for me....'another freaking growth opportunity'.

    YUP!

    Yet, I so know what you mean when you shared "catching you off guard" and remembering.

    YUP!

    Oh, and please do visit Gavin when you have some time. I have a feeling you would really enjoy his writing. It's very deep and thought provoking - he writes from the heart.

    Thanks SOOOOOOOO much for dropping by and sharing on this post, dear lady!

    You've added much!

    X ya!

    P.S. please give "little bug" a big hug for me! And a *smooch*

    Have a great day!!!!

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  20. Hello BK!

    It's so nice seeing ya again!

    ...there is always an opportunity to learn and to grow from what happens...

    My sentiments exactly.

    When I look back on all the really "challenging" periods in my life, I see how they brought me to to where I am today.

    They're blessings.

    Thank you for dropping by and sharing on this post. It's much appreciated and enjoyed!

    Hope all is well.

    Have an awesome Tuesday!

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  21. I agree with you 100%. Our fears are tests sent to us, things the universe wants us to overcome.

    The one thing I don't want to have any regret about, at the end of my life, is a regret that I didn't tell the people I love how important they are... and with that, I want to take this opportunity to tell YOU that I appreciate you.

    *hug*

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  22. Ron,

    I just had to stop back and say that I still don't know how you did it...getting back up on that stage! So brave!!

    Yes, you're right...if you back away from fear, it just finds you again...and no-one ever died from it!

    It's still scary, though! (Sniffs)

    I think there's a motivational speaker inside of you, my love! (That, or the Dali Lama)

    xoxo

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  23. dear ron, this is a lovely and inspiring post and, as one who has many fears, it spoke deeply to me about living life despite them........thank you for being who you are and having the willingness to be open and honest here with others.......one never knows how our words may touch another, as yours did me today♥

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  24. I always thought it was natural to have stage fright even though hours and hours have been spent in rehearing.

    Isn't odd that it goes away after the first few lines are read...or the first few dance steps of a routine have been accomplished, second nature kicks in.

    later. xx

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  25. My dad always told me that mistakes were okay. You learn from them. It's when you continue to make the SAME mistakes that they turn into regrets.
    He was a smart guy, my dad. Now how come I didn't get any other THOSE genes?!
    :-)

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  26. this was so beautiful
    so open and genuine

    hugs and kudos
    as always

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  27. Hey, buddy....left something nifty for you at my blog....(:

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  28. Hiya Twin Anndi!

    awwww....thank you, friend!

    And that goes DITTO for YOU!

    After reading all your wonderful Peace posts last month, I hope you know how much you TOUCH the lives of others through your words!!

    BRAVA, girl...BRAVA!

    And I agree with you...

    ...this is why I'm SO happy I had the chance to tell my father that before he died.

    Thanks for dropping by today, Anndi!

    Hope you had a great day!

    *hug*

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  29. Hello again Kathryn!

    So great to see ya again!

    It's still scary, though!

    YUP!

    But I'm very stubborn, so there's a part of me that hates being afraid. That's the only reason why I got back on that stage.

    The Dali Lama.

    HA!....I wish!

    Don't ya just LOVE him, though? He so sweet.

    Thanks for stopping back, my friend!

    Hope you had a great day!

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  30. Helloooooo Linda!

    Thank you, dear friend!

    And I hope you know just how much your words/posts touch ALL those who visit your blog!

    one never knows how our words may touch another.

    You said it, Linda!

    Mucho grassy for dropping by today!

    Hope you're feeling GREAT and enjoying this beautiful fall!

    Love ya!

    {{{{Linda}}}}
    xxoxoxoxoxo

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  31. Dear Miss Jones!

    Hellooooooooooooooooooooooo!!

    GREAT TO SEE YA!!!

    Hey...if anyone can indentify what I mean by stage fright, I know you can! Is'nt it something?

    And you're absolutely right...

    ....after the first few lines or dance steps it goes away!

    It's the before stepping out onstage that's a bit freaky!#!?

    I think everyone should try performing onstage, just so they know how it feels.

    Thanks for stopping by, Miss J!

    Enjoy your evening!

    xoxoxoxo

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  32. Hi Nancy!

    Thank you for sharing this...

    ...It's when you continue to make the SAME mistakes that they turn into regrets...

    YES! YES! YES!

    And BTW...I happen to think you're a VERY smart gal!!!

    Thanks for dropping by, Nancy!

    Always great seeing ya!

    Enjoy your evening!

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  33. Hello Dianne!

    Thanks, dear lady!

    I felt very inspired by Gavin's post.

    hugs and kudos....back at ya!

    ALWAYS so super to see ya!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    X ya!

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  34. Hola Gavin!

    oooo...oooo...something nifty???

    I LOVE anything nifty!!!

    Ok...I'll stop by just as soon as I finish answering comments.

    Can't wait!

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  35. Oh goodness its to late and I am to tired to even think about these things. But the floor is in!! I am afraid of stuff for sure, maybe i should write a blog about it. I will. Thanks for being awesome! Also they make medicine for things like this.... xoxoxox

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  36. Hiya La La La Leah!

    Also they make medicine for things like this....

    HA!

    Yeah...and I think they call it RED WINE!

    Bwhahahahahahaha!

    Hey...GREAT to hear that the floor is in! YAHOOOOOO! I can't wait to see your after photos!!

    Thanks for dropping by, Leah!

    You're awesome too, girl!

    xoxoxoxo

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  37. What a wonderful guide for your life.

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  38. Good Evening Isabella!

    So nice to see ya!

    I felt very inspired to share this after reading Gavin's post last week.

    Thank you for stopping by!

    Hope you're having a terrific week, Isabella!

    x

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  39. I have always been fearful of just about everything. Sadly, my mother instilled that into me. It's been a tough road trying to escape the fear of the world. Fear of failure is the big one and it just about paralyzes you. The blog has been a huge leap of faith. Always worrying about what people will think or say in response has kept me back. But, I'm glad I've done it even though I've momentarily pissed a few people off along the way. Thanks for sharing, Ron. I feel your pain.

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  40. Hi Jen!

    Is'nt it something how we are so affected by how our parents/family feels about things?

    I too was raised in a rather fearful family. This is why I branched out on my own at a very young age. I didn't want to be afraid of fear.

    The blog has been a huge leap of faith. Always worrying about what people will think or say in response has kept me back.

    You GO, Jen!

    And you're so right because having a blog allows us to speak our truths.

    But, I'm glad I've done it even though I've momentarily pissed a few people off along the way.

    BRAVA!

    Thank your for sharing, my friend!

    You've added much to this post!

    X

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