Friday, March 25, 2011

My Hairy Chest and Be Careful How You Wish

Allow me to start by saying, I sincerely enjoy having a hairy chest.

In fact, I sincerely enjoy having body hair.

I’m Italian, therefore having a hairy body is synonymous with having a red wine with pasta.

Hell, even one of my grandmothers had a moustache!

Now, don’t get me wrong….it’s not like my body hair is SO MUCH that you can’t see my flesh. But, I AM hairy.

Yet, what’s really odd is that although I started getting fuzz on my body as a young teen, I didn’t get any on my chest until much later than most boys.

At night, I would pray and wish for a hairy chest because I felt terribly gypped.

But nothing happened. So, do you know what I use to do on a Saturday afternoon while no one else was home?

(oh, I can't WAIT until my mother read this)

I would take a pair of scissors and clip the hair off my legs, and then apply a thin coat of Elmer’s Glue to my bare chest. I would then take my leg hair clippings and press them onto the glue; creating my own FAKE hairy chest.

(I think I just heard my mothers jaw hit the floor)

I was probably about 20-21 years old when I suddenly began cultivating REAL chest hair, and you would have thought I discovered a five hundred dollar bill lying on the sidewalk. I was ECSTATIC!

Finally! I felt like Tarzan!

And as the years progressed, it grew more and more until it finally plateaued into a nice, virile-looking field of chest hair.

Not too much, not to little. Just enough.

Now, let me fast forward to the present…..

Over the past 3 years, as I’ve begun to lose hair on my head, it seems as though the hair has transplanted itself onto my chest; creating what looks like a FUTON mattress. I kid you not. I have so much chest hair now, that I have to use my moustache trimmer to clip it down at least once every three weeks, or I can’t even button the front of my dress shirts without having the hair getting caught in the button holes.

I recall one day while I was on the job, when one of my female co-workers was talking to me and suddenly noticed a hair on my shirt. I guess she thought it was a loose hair, so she took her fingers and quickly YANKED it off; not realizing it was attached to my chest.

Well….you should have heard me SCREAM!

I can always tell when I need to take out my trimmers and do some weed whacking because while I’m in the shower and my chest hair gets wet, it literally hangs down to my belly button. It looks like I wearing a full-length wig!

And even though I still enjoy having a hairy chest, coiffing it has now turned into a full time vocation.

So, if I can leave you with any wise advice about wishing and praying for things, it’s this…..

Be VERY specific!

Wishing you a hair-raising weekend everyone!

X

Update: Hi everyone! I'm experiencing MAJOR problems posting here on Blogger. Last night, I tried to cut and paste my scheduled post for today (which is how I ALWAYS do it), however it kept messing up. I tried it several times, but alas....it didn't work. So, until this works out....I won't be posting. Hopefully this will resolve itself soon. Thanks for your understanding.....X