Friday, April 20, 2012

My Passionata For Olives

Have I ever told you guys about my passionate love affair with olives?

I love all kinds of olives: black, green, Greek olives, pitted olives, garlic stuffed olives, you name it. And I can eat a TON of them. I will sometimes open a jar or can of olives and just sit there while watching a movie, eating half or ALL the container.

I also like them in salads, on pizza, in pasta, and in a sandwich; especially a hoagie.

And even though I only drink red wine, I’m tempted to try a martini just for the green olive.

Also, considering that I only just found out this week that olives are a fruit and not a vegetable, I wonder how they would taste with a banana in my morning bowl of Cheerios?

Yes, I eat so many olives I’m surprised I don’t have them coming out of EVERY orifice in my body.

Oh, and btw, you can also use olives for decorative purposes, did you know that? When I was a kid, I loved to take black olives (especially the LARGE ones) and place them on the end of my fingertips. Yeah, I know a lot of you probably did that as kids, but I did it for my own specific reason. I did it because it made me feel like I was wearing a set of Lee Press-On Nails. I would sit there at the dinner table and secretively imagine that I was actress, Vivien Leigh, all deck out in an evening gown and long red-polished fingernails; attending a Hollywood Gala Dinner, just after I won the Academy Award for Gone with the Wind.

I had so much fun doing this. But it was also very awkward because every time I tried to pick up my fork, the olives would POP off my fingertips and land on the kitchen floor.

Luckily, we had a German Shepard named, Ginger, who also loved olives. So she would leap up and gobble them off the linoleum.

About three days ago, I went to Traders Joe’s and purchased a can of black olives because I wanted to make some homemade pizza. But the sad part about it was that while I was getting stuff to put on the pizza, I forgot fresh basil leaves.

Major BUMMER!

But I made the pizza anyway, by adding more of the other toppings to make up for the lack of basil.

However, before I placed the olives on the pizza, I decided to have a little fun with them.

After you see these photos, you will most definitely have the right to call the Bellevue Psychiatric Ward and have me committed.

*Here’s their phone number: 212-563-3455

I honestly don’t know what possessed me to do this, but I did.

And no…..I did NOT eat these olives after I did this.

Okay, are you ready?

Allow me to present to you…..

Olive Orifice.