Anatomy Of An Illness


Today, I’m going to share some personal things about my mother and her recent diagnosis of cancer, and what she’s been experiencing on an emotional level. And just so you know, she has allowed me to share this post with you.

Let me say that what I am about to share is my own personal opinion concerning illness and emotions, and realize that it comes from a very different mindset than most people. Yet, through my own hands-on involvement as a holistic practitioner and volunteering with terminally ill hospice patients, and also those who have been infected and living with the HIV virus, I have come to witness the healing of an illness involving more than just the physical.

Being around individuals, who are either terminally ill or in the process of dying, is very enlightening. Oddly enough, being around these individuals has taught me about living because I find that when someone is facing their own mortality, they openly share things about their lives – things they would have done differently, and things they didn’t notice until they became ill.

When you’re faced with mortality, it seems you go through a ‘life review’; looking back on how you’ve been experiencing your life up until this point.

My mother never went through a period anger about being diagnosed with lung cancer because quite honestly, she’s been a heavy smoker most of her life, therefore she openly admits to having known the possible dangers.

But rather, my mother went through anger about how she was never one to speak up for herself. My mother is a very easy-going person; always giving others the benefit of the doubt. She doesn’t like upsetting the apple cart, thus most of her life she’s kept her mouth closed. She was raised at a time when children were taught not to talk back or speak up because it was disrespectful. She was also taught that other people knew more than she did.

Since being diagnosed with cancer, my mother has had some very interesting experiences with certain friends being controlling; trying to tell her what to do in a very forceful manner.

Also, prior to being diagnosed, she had certain medical professionals ignore her promptings for further testing because she could sense for a very long time that something was seriously wrong.

I guess because I’m someone who is very passionate when I get angry, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable when other people do the same, because I understand. When I’m angry, I’m angry, and have never had any reservations about expressing it. Throughout the years, I’ve learned how to express my anger in a more constructive way, but there is still no hiding when I’m angry.

Anger gets a bum rap because we’re taught that anger is BAD. But as far as I can tell, anger is like any other emotion – it’s there to be felt and expressed. Anger in itself is not harmful, however the underlining unexpressed reason for anger is.

And I guarantee that if you think back on times when you’ve been really angry, it’s been because you weren’t expressing something that needed to be expressed. Your boundaries were being encroached upon and you weren’t confronting it because you didn’t want to feel anger – which made you angrier.

For the first week after my mother got home from the hospital, she expressed a great deal of anger over the phone. It wasn’t directed at me, it was directed at how she couldn’t tolerate certain people telling her what to do any longer, and how her primary medical doctor’s office was making all sorts of mistakes with her appointments, prescriptions, and their overall neglect. At one point, she said, “I can’t get over how angry I’ve been lately, Ronnie. I got so angry in the doctor’s office today that I actually picked up a pencil and threw it across the room, and said, “No…you WILL get my prescription for me today because I need it NOW!”

And do know what I said? “Good for you…it’s about time you threw a pencil!”

I knew the reason for her sudden anger was because she was simply addressing the MANY years of allowing other people to push her around and that she had had enough. But I never mentioned it to her.

Yet it’s ironic, because one day she said to me, “This anger feels as though I’m letting go of emotions that I’ve never expressed before. Almost like getting rid of poison.”

And that’s when I said to her, “You’re absolutely right, so let those emotions RIP!”

Honestly? I think the reason that my mother is doing so well right now with her treatment of cancer is because she’s taken back her personal power; not allowing others to control her choices and speaking up about it.

Over these past few months, I’ve witness an amazing transformation occurring within my mother.

And even though she still has cancer, I’ve never seen her stronger, more confident, or more vibrant in years!

Through this illness….she is healing.


64 comments

  1. This is a beautiful post Ron. Very heartfelt. I can feel the emotions pouring out of you while reading it. I agree with you and think that many people hide their emotions until the very end. My mom did that also...it was a bit different as she had Alzheimer's. What an awful disease this is too. How I wish for two things...a cure for cancer and a cure for Alzheimer's. I am extremely glad that your mom threw the pencil!!! You GO Girl!! Glad she is being optimistic...that really does seem to help!! It's great that she is able to express exactly how she is feeling to you as well. My prayers are still with you and your family.
    xo
    Jeanne

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  2. VDaggattMay 07, 2012

    I share your mother's experience with the way kids were brought up in 'our day'. 'Speak when your spoken to' was my mom's favourite expression. It took many years for me to speak my mind but the relief when I did was immense. I felt a lot stronger.

    'Since being diagnosed with cancer, my mother has had some very interesting experiences with certain friends being controlling; trying to tell her what to do in a very forceful manner.'

    Now that made me angry, Ron. How dare they treat someone in such a way. I am so pleased your mother was/is able to deal with it.

    Thank you for this post, it provided me with a lot of food for thought. My best wishes to your Mom, tell her to keep up the good work.

    Happy Monday.

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  3. oh wow, what an insightful post, something i can definitely relate too, especially the doctors. some of them may have forgotten why those chose to be doctors. they see so much sickness that each person is a prescription and not an actual person they take time to listen to. i know i hold in a lot anger, partly because if i don't, i would lose my religion and go postal on someone. i however got tired of the crying behind stupid doctors and did what your mom did, took back my power and that helped a lot. had to ask myself why i was walking around like a person without options, when i have options. so when a doctor showed his arse and wouldn't help or listen to me, i simply moved on to the next one until i found someone who would. no more tears...well at least not because of stupid doctors. taking back power definitely makes one stronger and starts a healing process. it helps us cope with the illness a lot better when we don't feel helpless.

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  4. I've often heard similar stories from people who have cancer or another serious illness......how doctors wouldn't listen to them or take them seriously when they knew something was wrong and how their friends/acquaintances were constantly trying to give them advice on what they should be doing (as if everyone is magically an M.D. once they hear you are ill). It must be extremely frustrating. I'm glad to hear that your mom is at a good place right now, emotionally.

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  5. dianne777May 07, 2012

    like letting go of poison

    that says so much
    you begin to feel invisible when you don't express yourself
    and then you start to not see yourself as well

    I'm glad that Mom is feeling more comfortable with asking for what she needs
    She must remember how special and worthy she is

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  6. Rob LenihanMay 07, 2012

    Ron, this is such an absolutely brilliant post! You make such a brilliant observation about "the underlining unexpressed reason for anger." I had always had trouble speaking up for myself and as a result I bottled up a lot of my rage. God bless your mom for letting her emotions rip! I pray for her every day. And thanks for sharing these insights, Ron, they're tremendously helpful! Take care, buddy and have a great week!

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  7. whenpigsflyMay 07, 2012

    Ron
    I can really relate to how your mother is feeling from the perspective of being told what to do for so long and not being able to embrace her own power. I do think that feeling a total loss of control is damaging over the long run. It's like a sickness that permeates the soul. I think you are so right about her release of the anger helping in her healing. I'm thinking of her and you and sending as many uplifting "power giving" thoughts as possible.

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  8. Good morning Jeanne~

    Thank you. I've been wanting to share this post for a few weeks, but wasn't quite sure how I wanted to say it. Then, yesterday morning I just sat down at the keyboard and it suddenly came to me.

    "My mom did that also...it was a bit different as she had Alzheimer's. What an awful disease this is too. How I wish for two things...a cure for cancer and a cure for Alzheimer's.'"

    Amen! My mothers father had Alzheimer's and watching him deteriorate was heartbreaking, so I know how you feel. The mother of a dear, close friend of mine in Florida was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 9 years ago and it's been extremely hard for her because now her father is also not well. Plus, her son is autistic and is going through some rough times at the moment at his school. My friend has a lot on her plate right now.

    "I am extremely glad that your mom threw the pencil!!! You GO Girl!! Glad she is being optimistic...that really does seem to help!! It's great that she is able to express exactly how she is feeling to you as well."

    HA! Me too! When she told me about throwing the pencil, I applauded her!!! My mother and I have a very open emotional relationship, so we share EVERYTHING with one another. I feel very blessed to have her as my mother.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and for your continued prayers, dear lady!

    ((((( You )))))

    Have a great week!

    X to you and the girlz!

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  9. Good morning Valerie~

    " 'Speak when your spoken to' was my mom's favourite expression. It took many years for me to speak my mind but the relief when I did was immense. I felt a lot stronger."

    Good for you!!! I think a lot of people from that generation were taught the same thing - especially girls. However, I'm glad we're at a time when people speak their mind because it's much healthier.

    "Now that made me angry, Ron. How dare they treat someone in such a way. I am so pleased your mother was/is able to deal with it."

    Yup...it made me angry too. And I really can't share ALL of what went on concerning that because this is the Internet, but let's just say it was an ugly scene because I was VERY vocal - HA!

    Thank you so much for stopping and for your well-wishes, dear lady. My family and I REALLY appreciate that!

    (((( You )))))

    Happy Monday, and have a super week....X

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  10. Hey there Bijoux~

    "...and how their friends/acquaintances were constantly trying to give them advice on what they should be doing (as if everyone is magically an M.D. once they hear you are ill). It must be extremely frustrating."

    You are so right! I realize that some people are trying to help out of concern, and others are simply trying to control. However, I think the best thing you can do for someone who is going through a serious illness is to EMPOWER them, by allowing them to make their own choices and not TELLING them what to do because it only makes the person who is ill, more confused and upset.

    "I'm glad to hear that your mom is at a good place right now, emotionally."

    Thank you!

    (((( You )))))

    Have a wonderful week, my friend. And thank you for stopping by!

    X

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  11. Hey there ladyV~

    "especially the doctors. some of them may have forgotten why those chose to be doctors. they see so much sickness that each person is a prescription and not an actual person they take time to listen to."

    You are so right! I do realize that doctors need to remain somewhat detached because if they become overly-emotionally involved with every single patient, it would be impossible to cope. HOWEVER, it's a double-edge sword because the more detached they become, the more they seem to forget about the "person."

    " had to ask myself why i was walking around like a person without options, when i have options. so when a doctor showed his arse and wouldn't help or listen to me, i simply moved on to the next one until i found someone who would."

    Excellent! And that's exactly what my mother finally did until she found someone who would LISTEN. Her oncologist is such an AMAZING man. He's direct, yet compassionate and kind.

    "taking back power definitely makes one stronger and starts a healing process. it helps us cope with the illness a lot better when we don't feel helpless."

    Brilliantly said, girl!

    "....it's starts the healing process."

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and feelings on this post. Muchly appreciated and valued!

    Have a wonderful week.....X

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  12. Ron, I swear, you and I must be channeling each other. I just had something come up on Thursday that brought back an unpleasant memory of the past but it also showed me HOW much I changed. Although I’m still assertive and passionate which some people misconstrue as “anger”, I know that I need to channel my highly charged “passion” a little better because SOME people just aren’t comfortable with people, like you and me, who are comfortable and express ourselves so freely!

    I think if more people actually KNEW what they were really feeling and weren’t so darn afraid they would do like we do. It’s actually quite healthy, physically AND emotionally! We won’t end up with ulcers. ;-)

    However, I also know I can be a “bit much” sometimes, so I have to “tone it down” a little. Therefore I too have been learning how to express myself in more constructive ways. But I have NO intention of ever being a push over. I’m assertive; always have been and always will be.

    I’m so glad your mom “found her voice”. I truly believe when we deny our “true” self, it bottles us up inside preventing the positive energy to flow freely. Your mom has positive energy flowing through her the way Nature intended and it’s helping her!

    Way to go Ron’s Mom! Bravo!

    One day, Ron, you and I will have to talk about our “passionate verbalization”. I’m sure we have more in common than we realize! And I’d love to talk with someone who UNDERSTANDS ME!

    Have fantabulous week!

    ((You))

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  13. Hey there Lady Dianne~

    "like letting go of poison

    that says so much."

    Yes, doesn't it? And when she said that, I thought....what a brilliant analogy because that's exactly what it is...like letting go of poison.

    "you begin to feel invisible when you don't express yourself
    and then you start to not see yourself as well."

    Yes, I think that's how my mother always felt...invisible. But what's ironic is that mother has an impeccable natural insight into things, so much of what she wanted to express was SPOT ON.

    "you begin to feel invisible when you don't express yourself
    and then you start to not see yourself as well."

    Thank you, dear lady. It's amazing how much stronger and alive she's become through this illness.

    Have a wonderful week! And much thanks for stopping by!

    X and hugs to you and the gang!

    P.S. hope Siren and Isadora are doing well. I sent you a bunch of Reiki yesterday. Hope you felt it.....X

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  14. Hey there Rob~

    Thank you, buddy.

    "I had always had trouble speaking up for myself and as a result I bottled up a lot of my rage."

    Throughout my childhood and young adulthood, I did the same thing. Then, when I hit my late 20's and early 30's, I did a lot of unconscious SPEWING of my anger. It wasn't until I started my training in Reiki, did I begin to understand that my spewing anger mainly stemmed from the fact that I was letting go of all the years I held it in and taking it out on everyone. As I shared, I don't think anger is bad, however, not getting to the 'cord' of WHY I might be angry about something and suppressing it, is. And it always comes back to speaking up for myself at the time.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing on this post, Rob. And thanks for your prayers!

    Have a grrrreat week, buddy!

    X

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  15. Hey there Jen~

    "I can really relate to how your mother is feeling from the perspective of being told what to do for so long and not being able to embrace her own power."

    Isn't it something how so many of use go through that?

    " I do think that feeling a total loss of control is damaging over the long run. It's like a sickness that permeates the soul."

    Couldn't have said it any better!

    "....is like a sickness that permeates the soul."

    And I think that's why on such a deep soul level, my mother is doing so well on a physical level. She's reclaimed her personal power.

    "I'm thinking of her and you and sending as many uplifting "power giving" thoughts as possible."

    Thank you, my friend.....((((( You )))))

    Have an awesome week and thanks for stopping by!

    X

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  16. Fantastic post, Ron. I believe very much in the healing powers of positive thinking, and it sounds like your mom is doing very well because she is taking a positive and proactive approach to her treatment and also relieving stress by throwing pencils across rooms. Hey, whatever works! Hope her strength and courage continue, my friend.

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  17. Hey there Pam~

    "Ron, I swear, you and I must be channeling each other. I just had something come up on Thursday that brought back an unpleasant memory of the past but it also showed me HOW much I changed."

    HA! Isn't it ironic how we bloggers often go through similar things simultaneously?

    "I think if more people actually KNEW what they were really feeling and weren’t so darn afraid they would do like we do. It’s actually quite healthy, physically AND emotionally! We won’t end up with ulcers. ;-)"

    Exactly! I think you hit the nail on the head in saying that if more people actually KNEW what they were really feeling. That's the thing about anger, if you don't embrace it, you'll find out WHY you're angry. But many people are afraid of FEELING anger, that they just suppress it, thus, getting MORE angry.

    Me too, I often get a bit much sometimes, but am slowly learning how to express myself in a more constructive way.

    "But I have NO intention of ever being a push over. I’m assertive; always have been and always will be."

    I think it's finding that 'balance' of not being a push over and still speaking up directly, but constructively. Sometimes I can do that easily, other times it's a bit of a challenge; depending on what I'm angry about.

    "I’m so glad your mom “found her voice”. I truly believe when we deny our “true” self, it bottles us up inside preventing the positive energy to flow freely. Your mom has positive energy flowing through her the way Nature intended and it’s helping her!

    Way to go Ron’s Mom! Bravo!"

    Thank you! And I love how you said that...."found her voice."

    You're right, she has!

    "One day, Ron, you and I will have to talk about our “passionate verbalization”. I’m sure we have more in common than we realize! And I’d love to talk with someone who UNDERSTANDS ME!"

    I can't wait for the day when you and I FINALLY meet in person because I have a feeling we won't run out of things to TALK about - HA!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing on this post, my friend! Have a fantabulous week!

    (((You)))

    X

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  18. Howdy Mark~

    Thanks, buddy.

    "I believe very much in the healing powers of positive thinking, and it sounds like your mom is doing very well because she is taking a positive and proactive approach to her treatment and also relieving stress by throwing pencils across rooms. Hey, whatever works!"

    Ha! You're right...hey, whatever works!

    And you're also right in saying that BECAUSE my mother is taking a positive and proactive approach to her treatment....she's doing so well.

    I haven't seen her yet, but even from just talking with her on the phone, she SOUNDS amazing! I can actually FEEL her energy. And my brother told me she doesn't even look ill.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your supportive and positive words, buddy. Muchly appreciated!

    Have a faaaaaabulous week!

    X

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  19. Beautiful post, Ron. So directly honest yet uplifting!

    I am so happy to hear that your mom is doing so well. And yes, I think much of that has to do with her reclaiming her own personal power. That's something we all need to remember.

    Sending continued prayers and good thoughts to your mom!

    Have a wonderful week, Ron.

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  20. Hola Denise~

    Thank you. And I'm glad you found this post uplifting because I was hoping everyone would. And I own this to my mother because she is my inspiration.

    " I think much of that has to do with her reclaiming her own personal power. That's something we all need to remember."

    You're right...that's something we ALL have to remember. And going through this with my mother, I was reminded of that.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and for your continued prayers and good thoughts. Muchly appreciated!

    (((( You ))))

    Have a super week, girl.....X

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  21. Smusen63May 07, 2012

    This is a beautiful piece, Ron.
    I think this internal (emotional) healing will greatly help your mother in dealing with her illness. She has taken back her power; good for her. (I know that feeling of not being able to speak up for yourself though at the same time I've never had a problem speaking up for someone else who couldn't speak for themselves...strange isn't it?) Prayers lifted for your mother.

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  22. What an interesting and encouraging perspective, Ron. I am glad your mother is able to unburden herself in this way.

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  23. It's so awesome to hear that your mom has had such a wonderful transformation. That she was 'getting rid of the poison' ... such a strong statement and one that seems to make perfect sense.

    I'm sorry she had to deal with such horror at the doc's office. If it were a family member to anyone on that staff, you know they would have everything in order. I hope the worst of it is behind her now and she gets everything she needs immediately.

    Thanks to you and your mom for such a heartfelt post. It's always a joy to hear the different ways people heal while on their life's journey.
    Wishing her much love with the rest of the treatments and the continued ability to be strong and speak out for everything she needs.

    {{hugs}}

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  24. Hey there Suzi~

    Thank you.

    "(I know that feeling of not being able to speak up for yourself though at the same time I've never had a problem speaking up for someone else who couldn't speak for themselves...strange isn't it?)"

    No, I don't think that's strange at all because I feel the same way a times. I can get very vocal when speaking out for someone else; especially if it's someone I love or even a total stranger who I see being treated badly in public.

    Perhaps it's because it's a way to indirectly speak out for ourselves?!?

    "Prayers lifted to your mother."

    (((( You ))))

    Thank you so much, my friend. Greatly appreciated!

    Have a wonderful week!

    X

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  25. Hi there Jenny~

    Thank you, dear lady!

    This has been one of the most insightful journeys that my mother and family has gone through. As frightening as it was to receive her diagnosis of cancer, she's gain a tremendous amount of courage, strength, and power from it.

    Always so nice to see you, Jenny. Much thanks for stopping by!

    Have a lovely week.....X

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  26. Hey there Mary~

    Thank you.

    I was SO thinking of you and sister while writing this post.

    "That she was 'getting rid of the poison' ... such a strong statement and one that seems to make perfect sense."

    Isn't that something? I think it's ironic that she used the word 'poison' because it totally makes sense!

    "I'm sorry she had to deal with such horror at the doc's office. If it were a family member to anyone on that staff, you know they would have everything in order."

    HA! You said it, girl! Thankfully, her oncologist is a doll and has taken the necessary steps in making sure that my mother is treated efficiently at her primary care doctors office. Because I gotta tell ya, they are the PITS!

    Thank you so much for stopping by and for your supportive, kind, and loving words.

    "It's always a joy to hear the different ways people heal while on their life's journey."

    I think because you and I work with energy, we realize that healing means more than just the physical.

    "Wishing her much love with the rest of the treatments and the continued ability to be strong and speak out for everything she needs."

    ((((( You )))))

    And the same to your sister!

    (((( Sister ))))

    Have a maaaaaaavelous week, neighbor!

    X

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  27. Katherine KrigeMay 07, 2012

    Ron, your last line is the most poignant of the lot.
    "Through this illness….she is healing."

    That is a truth that not many will understand, but is so incredibly true, especially of cancer patients. Near the end of my husband's illness, he too discovered emotions that he had never truly allowed, let alone explored. It was a difficult road, and in accepting the end of his life, he had to know that love had been on it. His younger years had held a lot of anger, but he yearned to embrace a love that he knew was there. The people that he sought it from did love him, but struggled to show it (as they had been raised to not publicly show emotions). It was so incredibly important to him and really helped him to find a peace in his life that had been missing.

    I hope that your Mother can continue to make peace (or war, if that is her need) with her life through this journey. When you are handed such a difficult path, it makes you realize there is not enough time offered to let others make all the calls in life for you. You MUST lead your own life the way that works best for you. Empowerment is a beautiful strength.

    Blessings to you Ron
    xo

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  28. Hello Katherine~

    My dear friend, I can't thank you ENOUGH for sharing your comment. I actually got very emotional reading about your husband. You've shared certain things on your blog about him, but I didn't know what you shared here. Thank you for that!

    I know that you know (first-hand) what I mean because you've been through it. And I am so glad to hear that your husband found the LOVE he yearned to embrace. And I'm SURE, much of that had to do with YOU.

    "When you are handed such a difficult path, it makes you realize there is not enough time offered to let others make all the calls in life for you. You MUST lead your own life the way that works best for you. Empowerment is a beautiful strength."

    A-MEN!

    As I shared, I've never seen my mother so full of strength and confidence as I have during this time. I've always known she was a strong and confident person, yet watching her embrace it herself has been such a beautiful thing. She's empowered!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing yourself on this post, Katherine. You've added MUCH!

    ((((( You )))))

    Have a wonderful week......X

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  29. *waving*

    Hiya Mel!!!!

    Glad you enjoyed the trailer! Isn't that movie faaaaabulous???? It's one of my all-time favs!

    Dear lady, you've share SO MANY wonderful things on this post, that it would take me FOREVER to respond, but what I do want to respond to is this.....

    "You get to choose.
    You get stronger or you let the disease define you and decide for you.
    I've seen it go both directions.
    People do get to decide.....
    They're amazing--(both the sister and your mom)."

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!!!!

    And it's been AMAZING to watch my mother choose empowerment! I've always known she was a strong person (and I think she did too), but it's not been until this experience, that she REALLY believe it!

    "You know-- cuz you tag along with me through my journey--that there's a whole lot of similarities that happen with your mom and the sister in California."

    Yes, and I feel sooooooooooo blessed to have you here, sharing our journeys with each other because it truly helps!

    ((((( You )))))))

    Oh, and thanks so much for pointing that out to me about immortality versus mortality. I don't know what the hell I was thinking, but I just changed it, so thank you!!!!!

    And just know that whenever I'm sharing Reiki with my mother, I'm sharing with your sister too!

    (((( Sister )))))

    Thanks, Mel. Thanks for being here and sharing so openly and honestly.

    LOVE ya, dear lady!!!!!!

    (((( You )))))

    Have a faaaaaaaaabulous week!

    X

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  30. Herman TurnipMay 07, 2012

    I can only imagine the emotional roller coaster both you and your mother must be on. I'm unsure, if I were in your shoes, if I could be as introspective as you are. Sounds to me like you're the rock that your mother needs at this point in her life. Brother, all of our prayers are going out to not only your mother, but to you as well.

    Stay strong, Ron! And tell you mother that there are many of us out there sending her our love.

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  31. Hey Herman~

    "I'm unsure, if I were in your shoes, if I could be as introspective as you are."

    Oh, I think you could.

    The thing about going through something like this is that if you 'observe' it AS you're going through it, you end up discovering all the valuable lessons it's teaching you. No doubt, it's challenging because of all the emotions you're feeling, but I find that if I FEEL the emotions it makes it easier to walk through.

    "Sounds to me like you're the rock that your mother needs at this point in her life."

    Thank you, but honestly...my mother is ROCK because she's able to face what's happening to her, and move through it.

    She's my inspiration!

    " And tell you mother that there are many of us out there sending her our love.'

    Thank you, buddy! And yes, I will tell her.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your well-wishes and support. That means a lot to me!

    Have a super week!

    X to you, Karin, and Mr. Tyler!

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  32. ron, this is such a moving post... i am thrilled to hear she is finding that power that is in the "wrath" rather than the anger of the moment. wrath is righteous anger and she has reason to feel plenty. this was wonderful and moving to read. i hope she continues to improve and find all she is and the power therein. brava for her. xoxo to you and her.

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  33. Hello there Linda~

    " i am thrilled to hear she is finding that power that is in the "wrath" rather than the anger of the moment. wrath is righteous anger and she has reason to feel plenty."

    Thank you, dear friend. I like how you said that.

    And the next time I talk to my mother, I will tell her you shared it!

    "i hope she continues to improve and find all she is and the power therein. brava for her."

    Thank you, and I will also tell her you said that too!

    ((((( Linda )))))

    Always fab to see ya! Have a WONDERFUL week!

    xoxoxoxoxoxox

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  34. Hey there Ronnie,

    I would like to first thank Ron's Mom for wanting to share her feelings in this post.
    This illness seems to also been a catalyst for change and evaluation for your Mom. I would be able to share your Mom's reaction because I have very shy during a greater part of my life. I also would get stepped on, pushed aside, etc. So, it is healthy for her to let out some of her anger and express it! You have the power to do so, Ma'am!!!

    I have been finding that through my life changes, I have only since the last two years been strating to change. Getting my courage up, too, to speak a little louder, complain or ask a question.

    Wishing you continued health,happiness and growth, Ronnie's Mom.
    Hugs to you xoxo

    P.S. Ronnie- I missed this beautiful post on Monday. We had a long holiday weekend and I forgot to stop in... darn it! xoxo

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  35. Good For Her, INDEED!! I'm happy she threw the pencil too. And, she's right, getting out all of that anger IS releasing poison from her!

    So lets those feelings rip, Mom!

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  36. Hey there Barb...Bonjour!

    "I have been finding that through my life changes, I have only since the last two years been starting to change. Getting my courage up, too, to speak a little louder, complain or ask a question."

    You GO, girl!!!!!! I'm proud of ya!

    ((((( You )))))

    Isn't it such an empowering feeling to speak up in a conscious way; allowing your voice to be heard?

    "P.S. Ronnie- I missed this beautiful post on Monday. We had a long holiday weekend and I forgot to stop in... darn it!"

    No worries, my friend, it's great to see ya anytime! Hope you had a fabulous holiday weekend!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and for your kind, loving, and supportive words to my mother. I read this post and some of the comments to her over the phone last night, and she was touched and moved!

    Have a wonderful week!!!!

    (((( You ))))

    XOXO

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  37. Hey there Meleah~

    My mother is a Libra also, so you know how us 'Libras' can be once we've had enough - we let our feelings RIP - HA!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and for you encouraging and supportive words to my mother!

    (((( You ))))

    X ya, girl!

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  38. hou07grlMay 08, 2012

    God bless her heart. Now is definitely the time for others to be present for her and hear her. I am glad to know that you are giving your mom this gift. It is so insightful of you to clue in on your mom empowering herself. In a time when you have no control over your illness, peace may come from taking control in other areas where it clearly is possible. I do hope that day by day she is finding more of this peace within herself and giving herself permission to have that voice. sending sweet mother's day wishes to your mommy xoxo

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  39. Beautifully expressed! You are s right that bottling up your emotions poisons your system. Let it out! My thoughts & prayers are wih you & your whole family! {{{{{Ron}}}}}.

    Love you dear friend!

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  40. Hiya Peg~

    I think the word that my mother chose (poison) was so enlightening of her, because that's truly what unexpressed emotions/feelings ARE.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and for your continued thoughts and prayers, dear friend! MUCHLY appreciated!

    (((( You ))))

    X ya!

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  41. Hey there Diane~

    I LOVE how you said this....

    "In a time when you have no control over your illness, peace may come from taking control in other areas where it clearly is possible."

    AMEN! And it's amazing just how empowered that's made her, which in turn, has made her physically stronger.

    "I do hope that day by day she is finding more of this peace within herself and giving herself permission to have that voice."

    Thanks so much for stopping by and for your supportive and kind words.

    (((( You ))))

    Hope you're having a wonderful week!

    Much X to you and Cristybella!

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  42. You are so correct Ron.
    Healing comes in many forms and most of them are not in the normal physical realm we all want. You always get what you need not necessarly what you want. You mother's time to decide for herself what she wants and needs has been here all along she just decided now is the time to exercise this. She is no longer handing her will over to others to control her journey. What a wonder lesson she is teaching all who are around her. The sad part is that there are many who will not take the time to learn. They let thier own egos direct them and they do not let love dictate what is best for all.
    Yes, anger can enable love, love of self and love of others. The juice that flows when you let the endorphins fly in anger can aid to what your physical need is.
    Ron, please thank your mother for all of us for letting her story out. I feel a wonderful energy coming from your words and the vibrational effect that your mother has is radiating out and making all of who read your words walk a little lighter. Much love and happiness.

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  43. Hey there Dave~

    "Healing comes in many forms and most of them are not in the normal physical realm we all want. You always get what you need not necessarly what you want."

    Couldn't have said that any better, my friend! And you are absolutely correct - healing does not always mean physical.

    "You mother's time to decide for herself what she wants and needs has been here all along she just decided now is the time to exercise this. She is no longer handing her will over to others to control her journey."

    Having this illness has taught my mother so many wonderful things - mainly - reclaiming her personal power. And through this, she's teaching all of us the same thing.

    "Yes, anger can enable love, love of self and love of others. The juice that flows when you let the endorphins fly in anger can aid to what your physical need is."

    AAAAAAAAAAAMEN!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your insight, wisdom, and love. MUCHLY appreciated, buddy!

    Hope you're having a fantastic week!

    X

    P.S. lovin' your new blog!

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  44. Great post Ron - as always :)

    I was also brought up in the time when children were seen and not heard. I am thankful that, although I often let things go rather than voice my opinion, I only let it go so far. If someone continues to take advantage of me, beyond a certain point, they will have a shock when they see that I will take no more. I don't anger easily, but at a certain point I will show it, which usually renders the other person speechless. It's like a double whammy then :)

    I'm so glad your mother is 'growing' through this illness and learning to be her own person, getting what she wants and not what others think she wants or needs.

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  45. Hey there Babs~

    Aw...thank you.

    " although I often let things go rather than voice my opinion, I only let it go so far. If someone continues to take advantage of me, beyond a certain point, they will have a shock when they see that I will take no more."

    I am the SAME WAY. And it's funny to watch how people react to when I've had enough, and finally speak out.

    " which usually renders the other person speechless. It's like a double whammy then.'

    HAHHAHAAAHAHA! Same here!

    "I'm so glad your mother is 'growing' through this illness and learning to be her own person, getting what she wants and not what others think she wants or needs."

    Thank you, my friend.

    (((( You ))))

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing your loving support!

    Hope you're having an excellent week!

    X to you and Mo!

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  46. Hi Ron, first time reader.

    Beautiful post! And I agree, healing not only involves the physical but the mind and spirit as well. Glad to hear your mum is doing well and reclaiming her personal power. Wishing her continued wellness!

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  47. Greetings Matt~

    Welcome! Thanks for stopping by and sharing a comment. Nice to meet you!

    "healing not only involves the physical but the mind and spirit as well."

    You said it! And being someone who works with various energy alternative modalities (Reiki and Reflexology), I've seen it do pretty amazing things for not only the body, but the mind and spirit as well. Which is part of healing.

    Thank you for your well-wishes for my mother. Please stop by any time, you're always welcomed!

    Enjoy the rest of your week!
    X

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  48. Ron, I absolutely agree with your take on illness. I heard a saying once that "cancer is the gift we give ourselves." I don't know how true that is, but it would make sense that repressing emotions would have a toxic effect on all sorts of areas of our health. It's good to hear that your mom is finding her inner "bad ass" so to speak. It sounds like it's serving her well. My best wishes go out to both of you. I lost my mom to the disease when I was only 23 after watching her go through a long battle. It's a tough one. Big hugs, my friend.

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  49. Greetings Jayne~

    "I heard a saying once that "cancer is the gift we give ourselves." I don't know how true that is, but it would make sense that repressing emotions would have a toxic effect on all sorts of areas of our health."

    I'm beginning to think that cancer is an awakening, that gets our attention due to repressed feelings and emotions.

    "It's good to hear that your mom is finding her inner "bad ass" so to speak. It sounds like it's serving her well. My best wishes go out to both of you."

    Thank you. And I love it...."bad ass" - that's exactly right!

    "I lost my mom to the disease when I was only 23 after watching her go through a long battle. It's a tough one."

    It sure is a tough one. Me too, I lost my biological mother at 6 years old and my father when I was in my mid-30's.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Hope you're enjoying a lovely Spring. Have a great weekend!

    X

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  50. Oh, Ron - I can SO identify with your mother and her repressed anger!! I have always been afraid to express my anger and it has caused me endless problems, I just KNOW it has. I have got stressed and depressed and my health has suffered.

    I actually did get angry in the airport at Venice on the way home because I had a backache and needed to sit down and I wanted a coffee. I went to the bar and asked for a cappuccino, only to be told that I had to go pay for it first. I knew they did this in Italy, but for our whole trip we'd had waitress service and I'd forgotten. So I asked where you paid and she just airily waved her hand and said 'over there' (in Italian) and went back to her other customers and it took me a while with more walking to do before I found the cash desk and asked for a cappuccino. The cashier told me to go to the bar. I said they'd told me to come here and she actually shrugged before telling me how much to pay. I paid, went back to the bar and asked for my cappuccino, and said I wanted a decaf, and the bar girl looked at my ticket and said I could only have ordinary coffee because decaf cost more! All that extra walking, and I still had no coffee! I just crumpled my ticket and threw it and had a little temper tantrum. It felt good .. but then I worried about having done it all the way home!

    I'm so glad your mother is dealing with her illness in such a positive way. I wish I could have seen her throw the pencil - I'd have cheered! Good for her.

    I do hope the treatment will work well for her and you have a good long time yet together. I know this is affecting you deeply too, so know that I'm thinking of you as well as your lovely mother when I read your posts.

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  51. Hey there Jay~

    " I have always been afraid to express my anger and it has caused me endless problems, I just KNOW it has. I have got stressed and depressed and my health has suffered."

    You know, I think A LOT of people do that. And I sincerely think the reason is because we're taught from a very young age that anger is BAD; therefore shouldn't be expressed. So when we repress it, we just get angrier. I'm such a typical Italian, in that my emotions are clearly visible and can't hide them. I've learned (through age) to express my anger more consciously, but like I said, there is still no way to hide my anger.

    "All that extra walking, and I still had no coffee! I just crumpled my ticket and threw it and had a little temper tantrum. It felt good .. but then I worried about having done it all the way home!"

    GOOD FOR YOU! Glad you threw it and had a little temper tantrum because while reading your experience, I KNOW I would have had a temper tantrum too! Grrrrrrrrrr!#!?

    "I do hope the treatment will work well for her and you have a good long time yet together. I know this is affecting you deeply too, so know that I'm thinking of you as well as your lovely mother when I read your posts."

    ((((( You )))))

    Thank you, my friend. You are such a sweetheart. Yes, I can't wait to finally spend some time with my mother AND brother on my trip at the end of next month. I'll be spending two weeks with them, so we can have some real quality time.

    Hope you had a great weekend and are feeling better. Know that I'm always sharing "good vibes and energy" with you!

    X

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  52. Tara CutlerMay 20, 2012

    This is a beautiful and inspiring post, Ron. My heart goes out to you and your family and I hope your mom doesn't lose that new found piss and vinegar in the years to come.

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  53. ((((( You )))))

    Thank you, Tara! You're a sweetheart!

    "I hope your mom doesn't lose that new found piss and vinegar in the years to come."

    Me too!

    Have a wonderful Sunday, girl!

    X

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  54. Hi Ron, first time reader.

    Beautiful post! And I agree, healing not only involves the physical but the mind and spirit as well. Glad to hear your mum is doing well and reclaiming her personal power. Wishing her continued wellness!

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  55. Greetings Matt~

    Welcome! Thanks for stopping by and sharing a comment. Nice to meet you!

    "healing not only involves the physical but the mind and spirit as well."

    You said it! And being someone who works with various energy alternative modalities (Reiki and Reflexology), I've seen it do pretty amazing things for not only the body, but the mind and spirit as well. Which is part of healing.

    Thank you for your well-wishes for my mother. Please stop by any time, you're always welcomed!

    Enjoy the rest of your week!
    X

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  56. Preshusone37May 28, 2012

    I just recently joined a blog and you my first blog to follow. I enjoyed reading your blog, because it hits home when I think how long I have been smoking. Beautiful post.

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  57. Greetings Preshusone37~

    Welcome! Thank you for stopping by and sharing a comment. Nice to meet you.

    And congrats on starting a blog! You're gonna love blogging!

    If you stop back again, please include your blog URL in your comment so I can drop by YOUR blog. You can add it by simply clicking on the "link to your website" before publishing your comment.

    Again, thank you for stopping by and for your kind words.

    Have a wonderful weekend!

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  58. This is one of the most extraordinary things I've ever read. I'm almost speechless with awe. I've seen your icon around but this is my first visit to your site. I wish I had been here sooner. I love your style and I love your Mum. Best wishes for her in this valiant battle. I'm so happy she has taken up her sword and her shield. She is ready to conquer and she i succeeding no matter how things turn out in the end. Peace to you Darling Ron! You are my idea of a perfect son!

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  59. Greetings Linda~

    Welcome! And thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time to share a comment. So nice to meet you!

    Thank you so much for your kind, sweet, and supportive words.

    " I'm so happy she has taken up her sword and her shield. She is ready to conquer and she i succeeding no matter how things turn out in the end."

    (((( You ))))

    My mother has always been one of my great inspirations. Even though she might be fearful, she hits things head on and embraces them.

    Again, thank you for stopping by. I will be dropping by your blog sometime today.

    Hope you're enjoying a faaaaaaabulous weekend!

    X

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  60. I hope your mother beats the cancer and that she becomes a new person because of it. Good for her to not blame anyone, either. My father battled lung cancer. Unfortunately, it ended up getting him. But he always said to us that it was his choice to smoke for all the years he did.

    I hope that anger helps your mother kick the crap out of the cancer.

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  61. Greetings PJ~

    Welcome! Thank you for stopping and sharing a comment. Nice to meet you!

    And thank you for your kind and supportive words.

    So sorry to hear about your father. My own father passed away from cancer, back in 1994. It's tough losing a parent, isn't it?

    "I hope that anger helps your mother kick the crap out of the cancer."

    Thank you.

    Please stop by anytime. You're always welcomed here!

    Have a great week!

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  62. This is a beautiful post Ron. Very heartfelt. I can feel the emotions pouring out of you while reading it. I agree with you and think that many people hide their emotions until the very end. My mom did that also...it was a bit different as she had Alzheimer's. What an awful disease this is too. How I wish for two things...a cure for cancer and a cure for Alzheimer's. I am extremely glad that your mom threw the pencil!!! You GO Girl!! Glad she is being optimistic...that really does seem to help!! It's great that she is able to express exactly how she is feeling to you as well. My prayers are still with you and your family.
    xo
    Jeanne

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