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Today, I’m going to share some personal things about my mother and her recent diagnosis of cancer, and what she’s been experiencing on an emotional level. And just so you know, she has allowed me to share this post with you.

Let me say that what I am about to share is my own personal opinion concerning illness and emotions, and realize that it comes from a very different mindset than most people. Yet, through my own hands-on involvement as a holistic practitioner and volunteering with terminally ill hospice patients, and also those who have been infected and living with the HIV virus, I have come to witness the healing of an illness involving more than just the physical.

Being around individuals, who are either terminally ill or in the process of dying, is very enlightening. Oddly enough, being around these individuals has taught me about living because I find that when someone is facing their own mortality, they openly share things about their lives – things they would have done differently, and things they didn’t notice until they became ill.

When you’re faced with mortality, it seems you go through a ‘life review’; looking back on how you’ve been experiencing your life up until this point.

My mother never went through a period anger about being diagnosed with lung cancer because quite honestly, she’s been a heavy smoker most of her life, therefore she openly admits to having known the possible dangers.

But rather, my mother went through anger about how she was never one to speak up for herself. My mother is a very easy-going person; always giving others the benefit of the doubt. She doesn’t like upsetting the apple cart, thus most of her life she’s kept her mouth closed. She was raised at a time when children were taught not to talk back or speak up because it was disrespectful. She was also taught that other people knew more than she did.

Since being diagnosed with cancer, my mother has had some very interesting experiences with certain friends being controlling; trying to tell her what to do in a very forceful manner.

Also, prior to being diagnosed, she had certain medical professionals ignore her promptings for further testing because she could sense for a very long time that something was seriously wrong.

I guess because I’m someone who is very passionate when I get angry, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable when other people do the same, because I understand. When I’m angry, I’m angry, and have never had any reservations about expressing it. Throughout the years, I’ve learned how to express my anger in a more constructive way, but there is still no hiding when I’m angry.

Anger gets a bum rap because we’re taught that anger is BAD. But as far as I can tell, anger is like any other emotion – it’s there to be felt and expressed. Anger in itself is not harmful, however the underlining unexpressed reason for anger is.

And I guarantee that if you think back on times when you’ve been really angry, it’s been because you weren’t expressing something that needed to be expressed. Your boundaries were being encroached upon and you weren’t confronting it because you didn’t want to feel anger – which made you angrier.

For the first week after my mother got home from the hospital, she expressed a great deal of anger over the phone. It wasn’t directed at me, it was directed at how she couldn’t tolerate certain people telling her what to do any longer, and how her primary medical doctor’s office was making all sorts of mistakes with her appointments, prescriptions, and their overall neglect. At one point, she said, “I can’t get over how angry I’ve been lately, Ronnie. I got so angry in the doctor’s office today that I actually picked up a pencil and threw it across the room, and said, “No…you WILL get my prescription for me today because I need it NOW!”

And do know what I said? “Good for you…it’s about time you threw a pencil!”

I knew the reason for her sudden anger was because she was simply addressing the MANY years of allowing other people to push her around and that she had had enough. But I never mentioned it to her.

Yet it’s ironic, because one day she said to me, “This anger feels as though I’m letting go of emotions that I’ve never expressed before. Almost like getting rid of poison.”

And that’s when I said to her, “You’re absolutely right, so let those emotions RIP!”

Honestly? I think the reason that my mother is doing so well right now with her treatment of cancer is because she’s taken back her personal power; not allowing others to control her choices and speaking up about it.

Over these past few months, I’ve witness an amazing transformation occurring within my mother.

And even though she still has cancer, I’ve never seen her stronger, more confident, or more vibrant in years!

Through this illness….she is healing.