Friday, June 22, 2012

Leaving On A Jet Plane

Well folks, in just two more days I will be getting on a plane and heading down to South Florida, where for the next two weeks I will be basking on white sandy beaches; donning a tight blue Speedo and slathering Hawaiian Tropic suntan oil all over my body, while checking out the stud muffins on surfboards over the rim of my mirrored aviator sunglasses.

Yeah, and if you believe that you also believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

NOT!

Yes, I AM going to Florida for two weeks but have no intention of sunning myself because my skin tanning days are over. After 20 years of living in Florida, I really don’t enjoy lying in the sun anymore. I still like the beach, but more so at dusk. However, I will be using a self-tanner because I don’t want to appear too conspicuous as one of those ‘up northerners’ whose skin looks like homogenized milk – so I’m going to FAKE it. Like an ORGASM.

Oooo….and do you remember me telling you last month how afraid I was to fly?

Well, I’m STILL afraid, but not as bad as I thought I would be.

Actually, what I’m more afraid of is that my flight is SO EARLY in the morning on Monday, I fear not hearing my clock alarm and missing the plane. I figured out that I have to get up at 4:30AM to catch an airport shuttle at 6:00AM, which will take me to the Philadelphia Airport to make my 8:00AM flight. And those of you who have been reading my blog for a while know that I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON. I was actually thinking of asking those of you who live in Europe to ring my apartment with a wakeup call at 4:30AM because it will already be 10:30AM where you are. Anyone interested? If you are, I promise to mail you one of those of tacky souvenirs like, Florida Canned Sunshine, as a thank you gift.

Honestly though, I am BEYOND happy to be taking this 14-day holiday right now, that I could simultaneously blow bubbles and whistle “Stars and Stripes Forever” out of my ass through a plastic straw!

Not only am I looking forward to spending quality time with my mother and brother after not seeing them in FIVE years, but I’m also looking forward to spending time just BEING. I have no plans other than just taking each day as it comes and playing it by ear. I want to be void of any schedule.

Therefore, for the next two weeks my blogging will be off-sync. I will definitely be posting and sharing some highlights (and photos) of my vacation, but it will be erratic. I also don’t know how much time I will have to respond to comments and visit your blogs, but I will do my best to stop by and say Hi when I can in the evenings. Thank you for understanding.

I’ll miss you guys like hell, but will be thinking of you while I’m in South Beach and dancing with my close friend, Madonna, to Vogue at a hot gay night club.

*insert vogue hand movements*

Anyhow, I would like to leave you with various images I have captured over the past few months.

Please enjoy….