Chef Ronaldo Shares Two Of His Recipes


I know you are all going to have heart attacks that I'm sharing my first recipe post on this blog in 8 years, because you're well aware of my utter lack of zest and talent when it comes to the kitchen and cooking.

And I know that my brother, Tom (who is a professional chef), is especially going to have a heart attack because for the first time in 8 years, he's going to think that he landed on the WRONG blog.

However, I wanted to prove to you and Tom that just because I don't cook, I do know how to prepare food so that I don't starve to death.

Today I would like to share two recipes at which I excel. And the only reason I excel at them is because a 3-year-old child wearing a blindfold with his hands tied behind his back could prepare them.

#1 Recipe: Pizza


Ingredients:

*Garlic Naan
*Grated Parmesan/Romano Cheese
*Marinara Sauce
*Sliced Black Olives
*Olive Oil
*1 Roma tomato
*Basil

Directions:

Just jumble them all together and bake for 10 minutes. And VIOLA...a pizza!


You can also pair it with a side salad...


Eat and enjoy!


Now this next recipe is slightly more challenging, but try and stay with me as I explain.

#2 Recipe: Cereal


Ingredients:

*A bowl and spoon
*A box of your favorite cereal
*One banana
*Milk (not pictured)

Directions (read very carefully):

Just toss them into the bowl and pour in milk. And VIOLA...cereal!


Eat and enjoy!

And yes, I know you're probably overwhelmed with these two very advanced recipes (ha!) but don't worry, because if I can do them, you can too!

Oh, and by the way, I've decided to go professional and print my own business cards.

What do you think?....


Bon appetit, y'all!
X


42 comments

  1. So THAT's how you do it. I'm going to copy these recipes for future use. Oooh Ron, I can't wait to hear the cries of astonishment when Joe tastes these two new dishes... and I can't wait to see his face!!


    So Tom is a professional cook.... he will be very proud of you for mastering the technique of preparation.


    Now, where's that paper and pen.............. haha


    Happy Monday, and have a great week x

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  2. Ok, all of those photos cracked me up! I have never seen garlic naan bread before...is it mild or strong? I have to say that your pizza looks positively delicious and as we say jokingly here, "restaurant quality." Nice job!

    Next recipe should be the side salad and a yogurt parfait for dessert.

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  3. Oh my god Ron, I am peeing laughing at this post! I love your sense of humor. Your business card is hilarious! Honestly though, the pizza recipe looks delicious. I love all ingredients you used. Basil is my favorite herb. I love the way is tastes and smells, and how it adds such flavor to food.


    I think you should start a series of Chef Ronaldo recipe posts.


    Thank you for the much needed laughs this Monday morning. Have a wonderful week, Ron x

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  4. Good morning Valerie!

    " I'm going to copy these recipes for future use. Oooh Ron, I can't wait to hear the cries of astonishment when Joe tastes these two new dishes... and I can't wait to see his face!!"

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, especially the cereal. But just make sure you read the directions VERY carefully because it's a complex recipe! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    "So Tom is a professional cook.... he will be very proud of you for mastering the technique of preparation."



    Thank you. And he may even add these two recipes to the menu at the restaurant he works!


    Thanks so much for stopping by, dear lady. Have a super Monday and week!
    X to you and Joe

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  5. " I have never seen garlic naan bread before...is it mild or strong?"

    It's just perfect! The garlic adds such a wonderful taste to the bread. And it even has some other herbs baked in. I purchase it at Trader Joe's. They also sell one that's plain. I eat naan a lot - I use it for dipping into hummus and also as bread for my veggie burgers.

    "Next recipe should be the side salad and a yogurt parfait for dessert."



    HA! GREAT idea! Because those are two that I could make easily.


    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Have a delicious week!


    X

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  6. Hola Denise!

    Glad you got a chuckle :) I had so much making that business card.

    " Basil is my favorite herb. I love the way is tastes and smells, and how it adds such flavor to food."

    Mine too! Basil is soooooooooooo delicious! I like to mix it into a tomato and cucumber salad; sprinkled with some grated cheese. Yummy!

    "I think you should start a series of Chef Ronaldo recipe posts."



    HA! You think?


    Thanks so much for stopping by, girl. Have a wonderful week!
    X

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  7. Rob LenihanApril 27, 2015

    Hey, Ron, thanks for the great recipes! I'm going to try the pizza tonight, but that cereal recipe looks mighty complicated. I may have to get your help on that one!


    Boy, after reading this post i feel like Julia Child! You may want to hold up on that catering business until you get a few more dishes on the bill o' fare!


    But thanks for the funny post, buddy, It's just what I needed for a Monday morning! Have a great week and remind me never to have dinner at your house!

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  8. Ron, my husband and I read your post and had a great laugh. He wanted me to tell you that he thinks you're very funny, but that your pizza recipe looks delicious. We both had your second recipe (cereal) for breakfast this morning but yours looks much better because we didn't add a banana Lol


    Love your creative business card, Ron!

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  9. An all Trader Joe's meal...I refuse to live any place that doesn't have a TJ!

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  10. Hey there Rob!

    "I'm going to try the pizza tonight, but that cereal recipe looks mighty complicated. I may have to get your help on that one!"

    No worries, if you need my help, I can email you the directions, okay? Yes, it is kinda complicated. Bwhahahahahhaha!

    "Boy, after reading this post i feel like Julia Child! You may want to hold up on that catering business until you get a few more dishes on the bill o' fare!"



    I agree! I need to get more experience under my belt before going into the catering business. I mean, pizza and cereal are very limited, don't you think?


    Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy. Have a great Monday and week!
    X

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  11. Helloooooo there Elaine!

    "We both had your second recipe (cereal) for breakfast this morning but yours looks much better because we didn't add a banana Lol"



    Yes, adding the banana is my special touch. I think it makes the whole cereal come together - HAHAHAHA!


    Glad you enjoyed the card. I had so much fun making it.


    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Have a super Monday and week!
    X

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  12. "An all Trader Joe's meal...I refuse to live any place that doesn't have a TJ!"


    Amen, Grace! Trader Joe's is the BEST! In fact, they just recently opened one close to where my brother lives in Florida and he loves it! For so many years I've been telling him how great Trader Joe's is.


    Thanks so much for stopping by and have a SUPER Monday and week!


    X

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  13. Ron, have you ever considered writing a book entitled, "Chef Ronaldo's Quick and Easy PREP Cookbook?" I think it would be a smashing success!

    "Now this next recipe is slightly more challenging, but try and stay with me as I explain." ROFLMAO! And your business card SLAYED me!



    All kidding aside, I like your pizza recipe and may have to try it.


    Great post, dude. Hysterical!

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  14. "Chef Ronaldo's Quick and Easy PREP Cookbook?"

    HAHAHAHAHA! Matt, that's brilliant! Hey, you've given me something to ponder. Although, I think I need to come up with more recipes than pizza and cereal or else the book is going to be only TWO pages!

    "All kidding aside, I like your pizza recipe and may have to try it."



    Thanks :) It's one of those things that I can make easily and quickly. And it tastes yummy.


    Have a faaaaabulous week, buddy. And thanks for stopping by!
    X

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  15. Okay the first one I'll give you, but you're going to call a bowl of cereal a "recipe"???


    In all seriousness, I like the looks of the first one - I like having easy things I can throw together like that. I have to say, though, that I'd use greek olives and grated/shaved parmesan rather than that weird powdery stuff.

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  16. http://ladyfi.wordpress.comApril 27, 2015

    Love that second recipe - mowhahaha! Your quick pizza looks delicious.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh my, I don't know if I can handle the cereal recipe; it is just so complicated!
    I'm sure Tom will be proud you've managed NOT to starve to death...or better yet perhaps he will prepare many dinners and freeze them for you and mail to you on dry ice so you won't have to live on cereal on Naan pizza!

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  18. Ron, I've always heard that men (especially!) should learn how to cook so they won't starve to death (or have to marry the wrong person, just to get a proper meal, haha!!). Well done, my friend -- pizza and cereal takes care of two meals (and I'm assuming since you work outside your home, you probably eat lunch away, so you're good to go!!)

    Isn't it funny how kids inherit different talents and abilities? My sis and I are about as different as night and day. God's world has room for lots of different skills, right?!

    Happy Monday to you, dear, and Bon Appetit'!!

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  19. Ron, when I first read your post title in my email box, I almost did have a heart attack because I thought, you're sharing recipes now, the man who doesn't like to cook?!? Hilarious post! Your commentary always makes me laugh my ass off. And that business card is a hoot. Love the chicken! LOL


    Your pizza actually looks very tasty. I may have to try that one. Are you sure you're not a closeted chef? I don't eat cereal, so I'll have to pass on that one.


    Fun post, Ron! You never fail to entertain.

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  20. " but you're going to call a bowl of cereal a "recipe"???"

    HAHAHA! Noooooo...that was a joke. In fact, this whole post was a joke. I just thought I'd share my VERY limited knowledge of cooking.

    " I like the looks of the first one - I like having easy things I can throw together like that. I have to say, though, that I'd use greek olives and grated/shaved parmesan rather than that weird powdery stuff."



    Thank you, and yes, I agree, I usually use shavings of Asiago/Romano cheese on my pizzas, however, I ran out so I had to use that grated stuff. And thanks for mentioning the Greek olives because I'll have to try that next time. I love Greek olives!


    Have a super week, my friend. And thanks for stopping by!
    X

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  21. Thank you, Fiona :)

    "Love that second recipe - mowhahaha!"



    Bwhahahhahaha! Yes, that second recipe is very advanced, isn't it?


    Thanks for stopping by, my friend. Have a delicious week!
    X

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  22. "Oh my, I don't know if I can handle the cereal recipe; it is just so complicated!"

    I know, it took me TWO years to master that one - bwhahahahahaha!

    "..or better yet perhaps he will prepare many dinners and freeze them for you and mail to you on dry ice so you won't have to live on cereal on Naan pizza!"



    OMG...I would LOVE that! In fact, if I were ever very wealthy, I would hire a chef to do just that - prepared and cook all my meals because I so don't enjoy cooking.


    Have a faaaaabulous week, my friend. And thanks a bunch for stopping by!
    X

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  23. Helloooooo there Debbie!

    " I've always heard that men (especially!) should learn how to cook so they won't starve to death (or have to marry the wrong person, just to get a proper meal, haha!!)."

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! Loved that! I always said that if I was ever in a relationship, I would hope that my partner loved to cook. I would do all the cleaning in the house, as long as they handled all the cooking :)

    "Isn't it funny how kids inherit different talents and abilities? My sis and I are about as different as night and day. God's world has room for lots of different skills, right?!"



    Yes, how true that is! My mother, father, and brother were/are amazing cooks. However, that's one talent I didn't get.


    Happy Monday, dear friend. And thanks a bunch for stopping by!
    X

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  24. Hey ho Robert!

    "when I first read your post title in my email box, I almost did have a heart attack because I thought, you're sharing recipes now, the man who doesn't like to cook?!?"

    HAHAHAHA! Yes, and I bet a lot of people where shock when they first read that post title. Ron....cooking?!?!?

    "Your pizza actually looks very tasty. I may have to try that one. Are you sure you're not a closeted chef?"



    Thank you, and no, I am not a closeted chef by any means. I'm just someone who knows how to throw things together so that I don't starve - HA!


    Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy. Have a delicious week!
    X

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  25. You look good in white but a tad scary with that knife in your hand. Yikes! But I loved the recipes, neither of which I can indulge. But you're talking to a woman that's having a naked hot dog for dinner. Gluten free and kosher, no doubt. Himself is doing all the cooking, such as it is......which means there WILL be cursing involved (yes, even with just a hot dog. I'll get the recipe for you. :-/

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  26. "You look good in white but a tad scary with that knife in your hand. Yikes!"

    HAHAHAHA! You're right, Mel, I do look kinda scary with that HUGE knife in my hand. It look like a machete - HA!

    ". Himself is doing all the cooking, such as it is......which means there WILL be cursing involved (yes, even with just a hot dog. I'll get the recipe for you. :-/"

    OMG, Mel, you CRACK ME UP! And yes, please do get me that recipe because it sounds like my kind of recipe - a hot dog - simple and easy :)

    Thanks so much for stopping by, dear lady. Have a fantabulous week!

    I hope your eye is healing and feeling much better.

    (((((( You ))))))

    X

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  27. Ron, I bought some bananas today at the market. I'll let you know how your recipe comes out Lol.

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  28. OMG Elaine, that is so funny! Yes, please do let me know how you like it!

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  29. Mark PetruskaApril 28, 2015

    I'm impressed with your culinary expertise. Keep it up and you might one day be able to - gasp - boil water like a pro!


    When are you going to share a cheesesteak recipe, btw??

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  30. Ron, I'm like you, I have no real talent when it comes to cooking, seriously. I enjoy food and eating but I would rather eat food that was prepared by someone else, or eat out. You're pizza looks delicious and much better than I would have made. Your cereal recipe made me laugh. Love your business card!

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  31. "Keep it up and you might one day be able to - gasp - boil water like a pro!"

    HA! Thanks for the encouragement, Mark, although you may have to email that recipe to me because it sounds kinda difficult :)

    "When are you going to share a cheesesteak recipe, btw??"



    Bwhahahhaha! Cracked me up! However, that is one recipe I WON'T be sharing.


    Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy. Have a grrrrreat week!


    X to you and Tara

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  32. Hello there Suzanne!

    "I'm like you, I have no real talent when it comes to cooking, seriously. I enjoy food and eating but I would rather eat food that was prepared by someone else."



    Me as well. I LOVE to eat food prepared by someone else. In fact, I make a great dinner guest at dinner party because I will literally applaud and cheer someone else's talent for cooking. I also think food tastes better prepared by someone else. I'll even bring the wine and dessert!


    Hope you're having a super week, and thanks so much for stopping by!
    X

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  33. Geraldine H.April 30, 2015

    Tee hee...what a fun post and one that I can really "eat up"!!! ;-) What a hoot Ron, you look so cool in your kitchen whites! I don't see any sauce on that jacket though...must have been very careful when making those pizzas. Speaking of your mini pizzas, they look great! I think you could be a wonderful cook if you put your mind to it. Creative people can usually do all kinds of things with different mediums. And food/cooking is just another art form, imo.

    Thanks for the morning chuckles!!!

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  34. " I don't see any sauce on that jacket though...must have been very careful when making those pizzas."

    HAHAHAHAHA! OMG, Geraldine, I never even thought of that, but that jacket DOES look mighty clean for making pizza!

    "Speaking of your mini pizzas, they look great! I think you could be a wonderful cook if you put your mind to it. Creative people can usually do all kinds of things with different mediums. And food/cooking is just another art form, imo."



    You're right, I think if I actually put my mind to it, I might like cooking and develop a passion.


    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Have a great rest of your week!


    And bon appetit!
    X

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  35. benzekneesMay 01, 2015

    What about soup? A litre of veggie, chicken or beef stock (your choice), some cubed chicken/beef/pork/shrimp/veggies (your choice), a dash of pepper, some basil, spinach, a cup of your choice of pasta & voila - homemade soup! BTW, season to your own taste.

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  36. OMG...that sounds sooooooooooo delicious, Benze! My mouth is watering!

    And I like it because it sounds simple and easy!

    Thanks so much for sharing the recipe, my friend!

    X

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  37. Why Chef Ronaldo, did I miss your show on The Food Network? Why haven't I heard of you before? You're a genius. You know how difficult it is to making a delicious pizza seem so easy? And you're touch in making cereal. Bellissimo!
    Ron, it may have something to do with not having eaten yet. Honestly a bowl of cereal is calling to me right now. :))
    Such a wickedly amusing post, Ron! Thank you. It made my day! :))

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  38. nite byrdMay 02, 2015

    What's my favorite thing to make for dinner?



    Reservations! ;)

    Your pizza recipe sounds very yummy but the cereal looks divine! Thanks for sharing, bro. I do think I'll tweek that pizza one a bit for my horde!

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  39. "What's my favorite thing to make for dinner?

    Reservations! ;)"

    Bwhahahahhaahaha! OMG, that made HOWL. How funny!

    "I do think I'll tweek that pizza one a bit for my horde!"



    You GO! That's the great thing about any pizza recipe, you can tweek it with whatever you like.


    Bon appetit, sis!
    X

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  40. "Why Chef Ronaldo, did I miss your show on The Food Network? Why haven't I heard of you before? You're a genius. "

    Bwhahahahahaha! Yes, it was only on for half a season because NO ONE watched it - HA!

    "And you're touch in making cereal. Bellissimo!"

    Aw, thank you :) Yes, cereal is my specialty! *tee-tee*

    ". Honestly a bowl of cereal is calling to me right now. :))"



    I can eat a bowl of cereal anytime of the day. Sometimes, I even have a bowl before I go to bed.


    Much thanks for stopping by, Petra!


    Bon appetit!
    X

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  41. AkelamaluMay 03, 2015

    LOL Gourmet food!!

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  42. Bwhahahahahaha! Yeah, "Simplistic and very easy gourmet food!"


    Thanks so much for stopping by, m'dear!


    Bon appetit!
    X

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