My inspiration for this post came from my dear, longtime blogging friend, Debbie @ Musings by an ND Domer's Mom, who is not only a gifted...
Thursday, May 21, 2020
The Case of My Spotted Calvin Klein Underwear, And Good Things Come In Small Packages
Back when I was still acting, if someone had told me that I would one day be cast in a play where my character would have to strip down to just his underwear and go through a physical examination onstage in the first scene of the first act, I would have said, “Yeah right. Stop yanking my chain. No way!"
But alas, that did in fact actually happen.
Now, it’s bad enough to have to go through a physical examination in real life in a doctors office. But to have to do it in front of an audience of 250 members and feel all 500 eyes staring at your nether parts, is kind of like having one of those childhood dreams where you go to school and discover that you're not wearing any pants while standing in front of the entire speech class.
But hey, I was an actor who liked to dare myself to do things that frightened me. So I did it.
My only request to the director of the play was that once the cast got up on our feet and started rehearsing the play without looking at our scripts, I wanted to get used to taking my clothes off down to my own underwear in that first scene so that it would become second nature. I also didn't mind that everyone else in the cast and crew were watching because it got me comfortable doing it before a full audience.
But alas, that did in fact actually happen.
Now, it’s bad enough to have to go through a physical examination in real life in a doctors office. But to have to do it in front of an audience of 250 members and feel all 500 eyes staring at your nether parts, is kind of like having one of those childhood dreams where you go to school and discover that you're not wearing any pants while standing in front of the entire speech class.
But hey, I was an actor who liked to dare myself to do things that frightened me. So I did it.
My only request to the director of the play was that once the cast got up on our feet and started rehearsing the play without looking at our scripts, I wanted to get used to taking my clothes off down to my own underwear in that first scene so that it would become second nature. I also didn't mind that everyone else in the cast and crew were watching because it got me comfortable doing it before a full audience.
So, after overcoming the initial awkwardness of stripping in rehearsals, my other concerns were:
a) What type of underwear would I be wearing in the scene?
b) And what color would they be?
The director and I decided on a pair of Calvin Klein briefs because they would keep my "equipment" nicely organized.
And we decided on the color gray because white would get dirty too fast, and black would only make me look like a gay porn star.
So, gray it was.
Normally the theater provides all the costumes in a show, but since we were talking about my underwear, I wanted to buy them myself and care for them myself.
I purchased three pairs so that I could alternate them throughout the eight-week run of the play.
However, what I failed to realize is that gray would easily show the “wet spots” you sometimes get after you urinate.
And unfortunately I found that out one night when right before I had to go onstage, I needed to take a leak. After I finished and was pulling up my jeans, I saw a big ole wet spot on the front of my underwear.
Suddenly, I heard our stage manager call over the intercom, “Actors, take your places for Act One, please!"
So I quickly grabbed someone’s hair dryer in the dressing room and proceeded to give myself a blow job.
I started yelling, “WAIT! WAIT! Hold the curtain…I have a WET SPOT on my underwear. WAIT!”
I eventually got it dry and dashed onstage to take my position before the lights came up on Act One, Scene One. Whew!
The following night before the show, however, I didn't want that to ever happen again, so I came up with the clever idea of taking a wad of toilet paper and tucking it into the front of my briefs to prevent any future wet marks in case I had to pee before the scene. Then, right before I had to go onstage, I would dash into the restroom and remove it.
And I did this every single night for the remainder of the show because I was so paranoid it might happen again.
However...
On the night that all the people I worked with at the hair salon came to see a performance, I was most likely preoccupied with being nervous because I forgot to take the toilet paper out of my underwear before I went onstage for the medical exam scene.
And I didn't realized what I had done until intermission, when I had to use the restroom.
To be honest though, I didn't give it much thought until the next day at work, when one of the girls came up to me and said, “Ron, I need to tell you something.”
I said, “Yes?”
She said, “Jesus Christ, last night when you stripped down to your underwear in the play, Cathy, Connie and I, all looked at one another and said. "DAMN…for a little guy, he really packs a BIG one!”
*blink-blink*
I'm thinking, "What is she talking about?!?"
And then it dawned on me. I suddenly remembered the wad of toilet paper that I had left in my Calvin Klein undies. But instead of telling her the truth, I lied through my teeth.
I batted my eyelashes and coyly said, “Oh well, you know what they say….good things come in small packages!”
a) What type of underwear would I be wearing in the scene?
b) And what color would they be?
The director and I decided on a pair of Calvin Klein briefs because they would keep my "equipment" nicely organized.
And we decided on the color gray because white would get dirty too fast, and black would only make me look like a gay porn star.
So, gray it was.
Normally the theater provides all the costumes in a show, but since we were talking about my underwear, I wanted to buy them myself and care for them myself.
I purchased three pairs so that I could alternate them throughout the eight-week run of the play.
However, what I failed to realize is that gray would easily show the “wet spots” you sometimes get after you urinate.
And unfortunately I found that out one night when right before I had to go onstage, I needed to take a leak. After I finished and was pulling up my jeans, I saw a big ole wet spot on the front of my underwear.
Suddenly, I heard our stage manager call over the intercom, “Actors, take your places for Act One, please!"
So I quickly grabbed someone’s hair dryer in the dressing room and proceeded to give myself a blow job.
I started yelling, “WAIT! WAIT! Hold the curtain…I have a WET SPOT on my underwear. WAIT!”
I eventually got it dry and dashed onstage to take my position before the lights came up on Act One, Scene One. Whew!
The following night before the show, however, I didn't want that to ever happen again, so I came up with the clever idea of taking a wad of toilet paper and tucking it into the front of my briefs to prevent any future wet marks in case I had to pee before the scene. Then, right before I had to go onstage, I would dash into the restroom and remove it.
And I did this every single night for the remainder of the show because I was so paranoid it might happen again.
However...
On the night that all the people I worked with at the hair salon came to see a performance, I was most likely preoccupied with being nervous because I forgot to take the toilet paper out of my underwear before I went onstage for the medical exam scene.
And I didn't realized what I had done until intermission, when I had to use the restroom.
To be honest though, I didn't give it much thought until the next day at work, when one of the girls came up to me and said, “Ron, I need to tell you something.”
I said, “Yes?”
She said, “Jesus Christ, last night when you stripped down to your underwear in the play, Cathy, Connie and I, all looked at one another and said. "DAMN…for a little guy, he really packs a BIG one!”
*blink-blink*
I'm thinking, "What is she talking about?!?"
And then it dawned on me. I suddenly remembered the wad of toilet paper that I had left in my Calvin Klein undies. But instead of telling her the truth, I lied through my teeth.
I batted my eyelashes and coyly said, “Oh well, you know what they say….good things come in small packages!”
Wishing you a flawless weekend, everyone!
And be well...💗
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