Tuesday, October 13, 2020

Cilantro and Onion Are Labeled In My Own Personal Food Category As: "Pure Evil"

To all my fellow-foodie blogging friends, yes, I know you'll think I'm daft for referring to these two food items as pure evil, being that most foodies adore them.   

However, I find them spawns of Satan. 

And here's why.

Cilantro

Allow me to start by saying that having spent 20 years living in Florida, many of my friends were/are Latino, which means I've had numerous opportunities to try cilantro because Latinos use it quite frequently in their dishes. In fact, most Latinos consider cilantro as necessary as insulin. And let me add here that I LOVE Spanish food; minus the cilantro.

One of my dear friends who now lives in Texas was born in Puerto Rico and her husband was born in Mexico; both phenomenal cooks. When we all lived in Florida, she and her husband used to have these amazing food gatherings in their beautiful backyard garden, in which they did all the cooking. And oh my God it was heaven because they made everything from scratch. Her husband even made his own tortilla shells. They also grew their own fresh herbs that they would use in their food. 

However, when it came to cilantro, they knew better than to suggest adding it to my food because they were aware of how much I couldn't stand it. And I mean even the teeniest, tinniest amount I couldn't tolerate. 

It's ironic though, because everyone who loves cilantro tells me the same thing, "Oh....you'll grow to love it. But all you need is a little sprinkle, not too much. Trust me, try it again, cilantro is the best!"

And I always say, "Trust me...NO!"

Not only do I detest the taste of cilantro. But I also detest the sound.

Yes, you heard me right...the sound.

Because that's how cilantro tastes to me. Like a sound.

And this is the sound: *press the button

That is exactly how cilantro tastes/sounds to me, as if someone is screaming at the top of their lungs in a high-pitched tone.

So you see, that's why I think it's evil.

It's too damn LOUD.

----------------------------

Now, let's move on to:

Onion

Let me be clear and say that it's not necessarily the taste of onion I find evil because I enjoy the flavor, as long as it's subliminal and not overpowering the food. I don't like eating food that is smothered in onions so that you're biting into chunks. Oh, no, no, no!

You see, the primary reason I don't like onion is because of its aroma, which never goes away. 

It's an aroma that even if you get just a microscopic amount on your fingers, will stay with you for HOURS on end.  

And I don't care how much you wash your hands, or what cleansing method you use to remove it, including gasoline and a match, the aroma sticks to you like Super Glue. 

Last week I purchased a container of soup ingredients in the produce section at Trader Joe's because I wanted to make pasta fagioli, not realizing that the container included layers of diced carrots, celery, and ONIONS. I didn't notice the onions because it looked as though they were part of the celery layer. However, I did noticed them when I got home and opened the container. But rather than take it back, I decided to carefully (and I mean carefully) scoop out the middle layer of onions. Yet it didn't matter how careful I was because I ended up getting onion on my fingers, which drove me insane for the rest of the day. I even tried squeezing some fresh lemon on my fingers but it didn't work, it only made my fingers smell like lemon onions. It was hopeless, I couldn't de-stink myself. 

So, for the next several hours I kept sniffing my underarms; checking to see if my deodorant was working because let's be honest, that's what onion smells like.

The pits...

Which immediately makes me think of a South Philly Italian hoagie riddled with onions...

So yeah, cilantro and onion are two things I label as Pure Evil.

Because they are loud, stinky, and overstay their welcome. 

Therefore, my idea of the perfect storm would be one in which I was forced to eat a cilantro and red onion combo salad, while simultaneously forced to listen to a recording of Willie Nelson singing, "You Are Always On My Mind."

Because that would be the ultimate torture...

Wishing you a devilishly good week, y'all!

💗

P.S. In case you're interested in making pasta e fagioli during the autumn and winter months, this is where I got the recipe. And let me tell you, it was BEYOND delicious!

Laura in the Kitchen: Pasta e Fagioli