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I'm sure many of you who have been reading my blog for sometime now have heard me talk about one of my grandmother's. As most people have two grandmother's, I've had THREE. I had one grandmother from my biological mother's side of the family (who I adored), another grandmother from my stepmother's side of the family (who I also adored), and then there was the other grandmother from my father's side of the family who I referred to as "The Wicked Witch of the West." And it's not that she looked anything like the WWW, but she acted like her.

She used to fly around on a broomstick and cackled evil deeds. In other words, she was wicked.

I even remember thinking when I was a kid that if I threw a bucket of water on her, like Dorothy did in The Wizard of Oz, I could liquify her as she exclaimed, "I'm melting....melting...oh, what a world...what a world."

But alas, it didn't work. Trust me. *wink*

My grandmother looked identical to the character of Sophia Petrillo on the TV show, The Golden Girls. She was short, white-haired, wore eyeglasses, always carried a purse and wore a sweater (even during the peak of summer), and lastly, she was ITALIAN.


However, the BIG difference between Sophia and my grandmother was that Sophia was hysterically funny. Whereas, my grandmother had no sense of humor whatsoever. In fact, I don't think I ever saw the woman smile or laugh (or make anyone else smile or laugh) in all her 88 years of living. 

I know this sounds terrible to say, but it's the truth, she was a mean and unhappy human being who never put forth any effort to extend herself to anyone; therefore, she lived in her own isolated world of SELF. I can honestly say that when you were in her presence, you felt as if you were in the presence of an ice cube.

Sad, isn't it?

But that's how she chose to live her life. She went through the motions of getting married, having four children and nine grandchildren, yet she had absolutely no connection to her husband, children, or grandchildren. 

I remember sitting at her funeral after she passed away, watching my whole family react to her death. Like she did when she was alive, everyone there was just going through the motions of being at her funeral, but no one felt any connection to her. Everyone had the same look on their face as if to say, "I'm confused, what am I supposed to be feeling?!"

And that was the saddest part of her funeral. No one was sad

I'd love to have known what experiences in her early life made her the way she was, but she was so closed-off that there was no communicating with her to even ask. She was emotionally and socially stunted. 

Oh well, I guess we all have certain members of our family who we think of unfavorably. I've come to realize that no family is perfect. No family is a Norman Rockwell painting. 

But I will say that looking back on my grandmother's life, she has given me a lot of blog fodder over the years. So thank you, Wicked Witch of the West!

One thing that sticks out in my mind were the creepy crochet toilet paper roll covers she had in all the bathrooms in her house. Whenever I went to the bathroom to pee, I had to close my eyes because if I looked at the toilet paper roll covers, I would have nightmares that night. 

Here are a few very similar examples of the ones she had sitting on the toilet tanks in her bathrooms. Notice the dolls' eerie eyes and outstretched arms. I always feared that one of them would reach out and GRAB me by the throat, so I peed as fast as I could and got out of there PRONTO!


And get a load of these! The one on the left looks like she's sitting on top of a birthday cake covered in icing. Talk about OVERLOAD! And the one on the right looks as though she did something horrible and is looking over to see if anyone saw her do it. She has the word GUILT written all over her face, doesn't she?...


I found this final photograph online. It was part of a HOW-TO-MAKE-A-CROCHET TOILET PAPER ROLL COVER.

As soon as I saw it, I SCREAMED, because it looked as though someone had jumped off a sixty-story building and her body parts were scattered all over the street. And yet, she still has a smile on her face...


Yes, no doubt about it, tonight I'm sure I'll have several nightmares about about crochet toilet paper roll covers...


Remember to stock up on your TP, y'all! 
🚽 💗

28 comments:

  1. Oh Ron, you are TOO much! LOL, you found some excellent examples of that hideous fad!!! You have to wonder how the idea originated? Like, did someone think they needed to hide the fact that they used toilet paper? So bizarre! I do remember them, but I think my grandma (or wherever I actually saw them) only used the doll less variety. That first doll looks exactly like a doll I owned as a child. A few years ago, I came across it and threw it in the trash! Lol! The rest of the dolls remind me of the generic Barbies I had. Very early 70’s style. That’s amazing that you found instructions online. Who still makes those???

    Nice touch with your own custom made at the end, Ron! I was lucky to have two very nice grandmothers. It’s my own mother who has issues, which as you may have noticed, I have never blogged about her. It’s enough to fill a book though. Last week’s phone call involved me trying to convince her that no one swapped out her blue umbrella for a red one at Thanksgiving. So yes, I know all about dysfunctional families. Here’s to survival! XO

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  2. Ron, I loved this post because it was so honest, but at the same time, VERY funny! You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself through your writing. I agree, no family is perfect. Mine certainly isn't a Norman Rockwell painting.

    I had to laugh at your description of your grandmother as The Wicked Witch of the West and Sophia Petrillo because I still watch The Golden Girls and Sophia is my favorite character, so I could just picture what your grandmother looked like, minus the humor. LOL!

    And I also laughed at the photos of YOU as the toilet paper roll cover dolls. Hysterical!

    Great post, Ron! Thanks!

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  3. Ron, I want you to know that I laughed my ass off as I was reading this while sitting at my desk and my coworkers were asking me what was so funny. Hope you don't mind, but I shared your post with them and they too laughed!!!!

    " it looked as though someone had jumped off a sixty-story building and her body parts were scattered all over the street. And yet, she still has a smile on her face..." That was HILARIOUS!

    I do remember seeing those toilet paper roll covers eons ago, but who would imagine that people were still making them?!?!? I think my one grandmother had them in her apartment in Brooklyn when I was a kid. And yes, they certain are CREEPY. Your grandmother (The Wicked Witch of the West) sounded like my aunt (from my mother's side of the family). She was a miserable human being who made everyone around her miserable. I no longer have any association with her. I don't think that because someone is "family" you have to BE family. I pick my family members as I do my friends. Sounds harsh, but it's honestly how I feel.

    The photos of you are so damn funny! How on earth did you do that?

    Thank you for the morning laughs, Ron. OX

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  4. HA! I know, I went a little CRAZY with this post, didn't I? I couldn't help myself though, because the minute I saw one of those crochet toilet paper roll covers online last week, I INSTANTLY remembered my grandmother and how she had them in every single bathroom in her house. And they were SO creepy to me! Ewwwwwwwwwwww!

    "You have to wonder how the idea originated? Like, did someone think they needed to hide the fact that they used toilet paper? So bizarre! I do remember them, but I think my grandma (or wherever I actually saw them) only used the doll less variety. "


    Yes, I thought the same exact things! WHO still makes these?!? And how did the idea originate? And WHY did they feel the need to hide the toilet paper? Personally, my extra rolls of toilet paper are kept in a closed cabinet under the bathroom sink. Oh well, I guess those hideous TP covers were a "popular thing" back then. And I don't think they would be so bad WITHOUT the doll because it's the doll that makes them creepy! But then again, I'm not a "doll person."

    Thanks! It took me FOREVER to make those two selfie photos because I had to size them and then cut and paste my own face photo over the dolls face, and then blend the two.

    "So yes, I know all about dysfunctional families."


    Glad to hear I'm not the only one. Isn't it something how most families have "family issues" with one (or even two) other family members? My family has MANY, I just don't talk about them all on my blog.

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by, my friend. Have a fantastic rest of your week!

    X

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  5. Ron, thanks for a much-needed chuckle this morning! Did your grandmother actually crochet those TP covers, or were they store-bought? The reason I ask is that my own dear Italian grandmother did a LOT of crocheting -- doilies, baby clothes, bedspreads, you-name-it. And her work was outstanding!



    But I agree with you, my friend: these staring-eye dolls are CREEPY! And the way they're posed, with their arms outstretched, would give me nightmares, too. Kind of like they want to give you a big hug after your do your business, ha!


    I'm sorry your granny wasn't a warmer person. I suspect she'd suffered some serious letdown or hurt long before you met her, something that scarred her for life. What a shame, to go through life as if armed for battle every day.


    Hope the rest of your week is phenomenal! xx

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  6. Morning Candice!

    Glad to hear you had a giggle. I went crazy with this post. HA!

    I think MOST people have "family issues." However, I did have a friend once who SWORE that his entire family was well-adjusted and never had any disagreements or feuds. But I honestly? I never believed him.

    "I still watch The Golden Girls and Sophia is my favorite character, so I could just picture what your grandmother looked like, minus the humor. LOL!"

    MINE too! Sophia is my favorite, and then my second favorite is Blanche. OMG...she (Rue McClanahan) was freaking brilliant in that role! I still watch the show too. In fact, I'm binge-watching it at the moment.

    I took me awhile to make (edit) those photos of myself, but I'm happy with the way they came out, considering I don't use a fancy photo editing app.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Candice! Have a terrific rest of your week!

    X

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  7. Hola Denise!

    No, of course not, I don't mind at all. Glad you all had a laugh. I had so much fun putting this post together.

    HA! That was the first thing I thought of when I saw that photograph - it looked like she either jumped or fell off a sixty-story building and smashed to the ground. But I LOVE how she still has a smile on her face. LOL!

    "I do remember seeing those toilet paper roll covers eons ago, but who would imagine that people were still making them?!?!? "

    I KNOW! Who the hell is still making those things?!?! But I swear to you, I saw MANY tutorials online, so people must still have an interest in making them. Aren't they CREEPY-LOOKING?

    ". I no longer have any association with her. I don't think that because someone is "family" you have to BE family. I pick my family members as I do my friends. Sounds harsh, but it's honestly how I feel."


    Oh no, I don't think that sounds harsh at all because I feel the same way about certain members of my family, I no longer have any association with them (and haven't in over 40 years). Like you, I choose my family members like I do my friends. By choice.

    Thanks. I made (edited) that photo by taking a photo of my face and then carefully cutting and pasting it over the face in the photos. It took me SO LONG though because I don't use a fancy photo editing app.

    Have a faaaaaaaabulous rest of your week, girl. And thanks for stopping by!

    X

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  8. Hellooooooooo there, Debbie!

    " ..were they store-bought? The reason I ask is that my own dear Italian grandmother did a LOT of crocheting -- doilies, baby clothes, bedspreads, you-name-it. And her work was outstanding!"

    GREAT question! I honestly don't know if she crotchet them herself or if they were store-bought or she got them from someone else in our family that crochet them. I don't ever remember my grandmother knitting or crocheting things when I was a kid. The only thing I remember about anything she did, was cooking. Of course, being Italian, she loved to cook. And I have to say, her cooking and baking were outstanding. And so was my fathers' cooking. My dad was an excellent cook!

    Aren't those dolls (especially the eyes) CREEPY?!?!?

    "Kind of like they want to give you a big hug after your do your business, ha!"


    HA! Yes, either that or STRANGLE you, LOL!

    "I suspect she'd suffered some serious letdown or hurt long before you met her, something that scarred her for life. What a shame, to go through life as if armed for battle every day."


    Yes, I suspected the same thing. But she was so shutdown and closed-off that you couldn't even talk to her. Like I said, she was emotionally and socially stunted.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Have a PHENOMENAL rest of your week too!

    X

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  9. Ron, I have to start by saying that the photographs of you KILLED me. I'm still laughing! I love them both, but the one of you in the blue ensemble is priceless. You look like a crochet toilet paper roll cover SUPERMODEL.

    "if I threw a bucket of water on her, like Dorothy did in The Wizard of Oz, I could liquify her as she exclaimed, "I'm melting....melting...oh, what a world...what a world."

    But alas, it didn't work. Trust me. *wink*

    LOL!!!!!!

    This is the first time I've ever seen these things, but I have to agree with you, they are eerie and creepy. I had no idea there was such a thing as toilet paper roll covers. Who knew? Both my grandmother's are super cool, I love them. However, there are a few other family members who I could do without. Like you said, there's no such thing as a perfect family. We all have a family cross (or two) to bear. LOL!

    Thanks for the entertainment, Ron. You are so amusing!

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  10. Hi Daniel!

    "You look like a crochet toilet paper roll cover SUPERMODEL."


    OMG...that CRACKED ME UP! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I initially only had one photograph, but then I spotted another one, so I decided to do a collage. In the blue ensemble, I think I look like Glenda the Good Witch in The Wizard of OZ!

    Aren't they creepy?!?!? They were very popular in the late 60's. A lot of people used toilet paper roll covers in their bathrooms. My grandmother had them in all her bathrooms.

    Glad to hear you have such cool grandmothers, that's awesome! My other two grandmother's were loves, but my father's mother was another story. Even my father felt that way. She was not a very nice person. Yes, I think the majority of people have family member issues.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Daniel! Always great to see your comments. Have a grrrrreat rest of your week!

    X

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  11. LOL ...no pun intended, but the last two images are a "scream". Thank goodness I have to sit to pee with my back to them.

    Nightmares indeed.

    But, yet your narration had me in stitches. (1 single crochet stitch at a time.

    http://hootin--anni.blogspot.com

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  12. I pity people who have such little joy in their life. Something certainly impacted her negatively and she was never able to recover from it. That's very sad. Maybe crocheting was the only thing that gave her joy? Creepy, yes. I remember seeing them and thinking....Why? But, I've always admired people who can crochet intricate items and to look at the detail of these is amazing to me. I've tried to crochet but don't have that gene. Hope all is going well with you. X

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  13. Oh my God, this is a thing?!? Toilet paper roll covers?? Doesn't this world have enough misery without people knitting condoms for willy rolls?!

    I can certainly see why you whizzed and ran, Ron. I'd probably go looking for a nearby gas station and use their can rather than face those crocheted voodoo dolls.

    I swear there's a horror movie in this story and I hope to God no one ever makes it! Those things would give nightmares to Freddy Krueger.

    The only exception, of course, is the Ronnie version. I would proudly display those in my bathroom. And then run down to the gas station!

    Great post, buddy, and I really love that line about "No family is a Norman Rockwell painting." Short, to the point, and oh, so true!

    Take care!

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  14. Hey there Anni!

    LOVED your pun!!!!!!!

    "Thank goodness I have to sit to pee with my back to them.

    Nightmares indeed."


    It's so funny you said that because even though I normally STAND to pee, whenever I would pee in my grandmother's bathroom, I would SIT so that I didn't have to look at them while I peed. Tee- hee!

    Always great to read your comments, Anni! Thanks so much for stopping by and have a superb rest of your week!

    X

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  15. Yes, it sure is Lisa! And no one could get through to her because she was so shutdown.

    I don't think she crochet the toilet paper roll covers in her bathrooms because I never saw her knit, crochet or sew anything. I think she acquired them from someone else, or perhaps she even bought them.

    Me neither, I definitely don't have that gene. LOL!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Hope all is going well with you too. Enjoy the rest of your week!

    X

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  16. OMG Rob, your comment CRACKED ME THE HELL UP!!!

    " Doesn't this world have enough misery without people knitting condoms for willy rolls?!"

    Bwhahahahahahahaha!

    "I'd probably go looking for a nearby gas station and use their can rather than face those crocheted voodoo dolls."

    So TRUE! And you're right, they DO look like voodoo dolls!

    It was challenging to edit those photos, but it was also a lot of FUN!

    As much as I love Norman Rockwell paintings, I think they are an "ideal" of what a family could be, but not necessarily always.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your brilliant wit, buddy! Take care and have a terrific rest of your week!

    X

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  17. Ron, like I told you many times before, you need to do stand-up and tell stories about your life. This was hysterical! I can so picture your grandmother as a combo WWW and Sophia from the The Golden Girls. And you just educated me (and my girlfriend) about toilet paper roll covers because neither one of use knew about them. Those things look scary as all hell. I can't imagine being a little kid and seeing them in the bathroom.

    The ones of you are a RIOT! I love the expression on your face. You never cease to amaze me with your photo editing. Well done, dude! STILL laughing!

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  18. Hiya Matt!

    Thanks, but I could NEVER do standup, I'd be terrified. And that's why I admire standup comedians so much, it takes a lot of guts to get up there by yourself and be funny!

    "And you just educated me (and my girlfriend) about toilet paper roll covers because neither one of use knew about them. Those things look scary as all hell. I can't imagine being a little kid and seeing them in the bathroom."

    Aren't they hideously scary as all hell?!? And they were very popular back in the 60's. And from what I've seen online, some people are still making them.

    I had fun making that photo edit but it took me a while to do it. I had to redo it THREE times.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Matt! Wishing you and your girlfriend and most excellent weekend!

    X

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  19. "I choose my family members like I do my friends. By choice." Amen, Ron!

    Again, that photo is SO funny! The edit looks really good.

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  20. " I've come to realize that no family is perfect. No family is a Norman Rockwell painting. " Ron are you ever correct is saying that! I love my family, but it's not without a few thorny people who make things uncomfortable when we get together.

    I LOVED THIS POST! Being the same age, I remember these crochet toilet paper roll covers so well! I had several relatives who had them in their bathrooms, and like you, I thought they were scarier than hell. LOL! But I have to say that the way to described them made me (and my hubby) laugh our asses off. And the pièce de résistance was the photographs of YOU. We literally we rolling on the floor.

    Thank you for your humor, Ron. I agree with one of your readers, you need to do stand-up comedy! I would definitely pay to see you.

    Have a great weekend ox

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  21. Forgot to mention in my first comment that I loved your reference to your grandma looking like Sophia Petrillo. She was hilarious, wasn't she? I still watch that show.

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  22. Helloooooooooo Elaine!

    Yes, I agree, every family has a few thorny people. I love the way you said that, btw! I remember being at my grandmothers house on the weekend sometimes, and feeling so awkward being there because you could feel the tension, which was so uncomfortable.

    Yup, these crochet toilet paper roll covers were so popular when you and I were growing up. But it amazes me how people are still making them today. I found a lot of how-to's online.

    HA! I enjoyed making those two photos, but it was challenging. I made them three times before I got it right.

    Thank you, but I could never do stand-up. I don't have the guts. I really admire them though because it's not easy. I can act onstage as a "character" who has a script to follow, however, stand-up comedy is way too "improv" for me. And the audience can be ruthless if they don't like you, by throwing tomatoes at you. LOL!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Have an AWESOME weekend!

    X

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  23. Wasn't the character of Sophia HYSTERICAL?!? Estelle Getty nailed that role! Brilliant actress! I too still watch that show and STILL laugh over and over again. The comedy is timeless!

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  24. I read this post before, even started to comment, and then don't know what happened... guess I wandered off for some reason? This month has been a little crazy! LOL
    It is sooo sad that some people like your grandmother go through life so miserably. Yes, there must have been something that she couldn't get past. I remember my dad's mom had a wonderful laugh! She died when I was 19 so it's sad we didn't know each other longer.
    OH, but those crocheted toilet paper covers! Yikes! The work is nice... but... it's just a weird thing to put together.

    Those last photos though... hysterical.
    Oh, and The Golden Girls... what a fun bunch of ladies! Really enjoyed that show.

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  25. Hey there, Mary!

    Oh no worries, my friend. I do things like that all the time, I start to do something and then suddenly get distracted or completely forget what I was doing in the first place. LOL!!

    Yes, it is sad that some people like my grandmother go through life so miserably. And that's what you saw when you looked at her, she looked absolutely miserable. I could tell you MANY things she did when she was alive, but I don't want to go into the specifics online. She could be very mean. But I learned something from her, I learned that what you put out comes back to you. She never gave love, therefore love was something she never got.

    Aren't those crochet toilet paper roll covers HIDEOUS? I think it's the doll that makes it so creepy.

    Wasn't The Golden Girls the BEST? I still watch it almost every day and I still laugh as hard as I did when I first saw the episodes. Even MORE!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, neighbor! Hope you're having a great week!

    X

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  26. So sad about your grandmother not being an especially happy person, Ron, when she apparently had such an extended family. Sadly, I never really knew my grandmothers, although I have seen a few older photos of myself as a young child with my maternal grandmother, but have no memories of her.

    Seeing those crocheted was hilarious and no one in my immediate family ever made them. However, my two aunts did made cloaks for religious statues and I remember my mother had one on her bedroom dresser.

    The photos of you on the crocheted toilet covers was hysterically funny and would have made me laugh vs. having any nightmares.

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  27. Hi there, D!

    Yes, it certain is sad about my grandmother not being a happy person, especially with such an extended family, you're so right. And it's weird because none of us really knew her. She and my grandfather stayed married, but their relationship was always strained. He passed away first (very young), then she passed away years and years later.

    "Sadly, I never really knew my grandmothers, although I have seen a few older photos of myself as a young child with my maternal grandmother, but have no memories of her."


    Sorry to hear that, but in way, I felt the same way because although I mingled with my grandmother, I still never knew her.

    Aren't those crochet toilet paper roll covers HILARIOUS?

    "However, my two aunts did made cloaks for religious statues and I remember my mother had one on her bedroom dresser."


    Wow...that's so cool! And I know what you mean by cloaks for the religious statues because we had them in my church as well. And until you mentioned it, I totally forgot about them.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, D! Hope you're having a fantastic wee! It's been unseasonably warm here lately, so it doesn't even feel like winter. I hope we get some snow this winter.

    X

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