Thursday, December 09, 2021

Memories Of Crochet Toilet Paper Roll Covers In My Grandmother's Bathroom

I'm sure many of you who have been reading my blog for sometime now have heard me talk about one of my grandmother's. As most people have two grandmother's, I've had THREE. I had one grandmother from my biological mother's side of the family (who I adored), another grandmother from my stepmother's side of the family (who I also adored), and then there was the other grandmother from my father's side of the family who I referred to as "The Wicked Witch of the West." And it's not that she looked anything like the WWW, but she acted like her.

She used to fly around on a broomstick and cackled evil deeds. In other words, she was wicked.

I even remember thinking when I was a kid that if I threw a bucket of water on her, like Dorothy did in The Wizard of Oz, I could liquify her as she exclaimed, "I'm melting....melting...oh, what a world...what a world."

But alas, it didn't work. Trust me. *wink*

My grandmother looked identical to the character of Sophia Petrillo on the TV show, The Golden Girls. She was short, white-haired, wore eyeglasses, always carried a purse and wore a sweater (even during the peak of summer), and lastly, she was ITALIAN.

However, the BIG difference between Sophia and my grandmother was that Sophia was hysterically funny. Whereas, my grandmother had no sense of humor whatsoever. In fact, I don't think I ever saw the woman smile or laugh (or make anyone else smile or laugh) in all her 88 years of living. 

I know this sounds terrible to say, but it's the truth, she was a mean and unhappy human being who never put forth any effort to extend herself to anyone; therefore, she lived in her own isolated world of SELF. I can honestly say that when you were in her presence, you felt as if you were in the presence of an ice cube.

Sad, isn't it?

But that's how she chose to live her life. She went through the motions of getting married, having four children and nine grandchildren, yet she had absolutely no connection to her husband, children, or grandchildren. 

I remember sitting at her funeral after she passed away, watching my whole family react to her death. Like she did when she was alive, everyone there was just going through the motions of being at her funeral, but no one felt any connection to her. Everyone had the same look on their face as if to say, "I'm confused, what am I supposed to be feeling?!"

And that was the saddest part of her funeral. No one was sad. 

I'd love to have known what experiences in her early life made her the way she was, but she was so closed-off that there was no communicating with her to even ask. She was emotionally and socially stunted. 

Oh well, I guess we all have certain members of our family who we think of unfavorably. I've come to realize that no family is perfect. No family is a Norman Rockwell painting. 

But I will say that looking back on my grandmother's life, she has given me a lot of blog fodder over the years. So thank you, Wicked Witch of the West!

One thing that sticks out in my mind were the creepy crochet toilet paper roll covers she had in all the bathrooms in her house. Whenever I went to the bathroom to pee, I had to close my eyes because if I looked at the toilet paper roll covers, I would have nightmares that night. 

Here are a few very similar examples of the ones she had sitting on the toilet tanks in her bathrooms. Notice the dolls' eerie eyes and outstretched arms. I always feared that one of them would reach out and GRAB me by the throat, so I peed as fast as I could and got out of there PRONTO!

And get a load of these! The one on the left looks like she's sitting on top of a birthday cake covered in icing. Talk about OVERLOAD! And the one on the right looks as though she did something horrible and is looking over to see if anyone saw her do it. She has the word GUILT written all over her face, doesn't she?...

I found this final photograph online. It was part of a HOW-TO-MAKE-A-CROCHET TOILET PAPER ROLL COVER.

As soon as I saw it, I SCREAMED, because it looked as though someone had jumped off a sixty-story building and her body parts were scattered all over the street. And yet, she still has a smile on her face...

Yes, no doubt about it, tonight I'm sure I'll have several nightmares about about crochet toilet paper roll covers...

Remember to stock up on your TP, y'all! 

🚽 💗