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Now that the holidays are upon us, I thought I'd share a post about a traditional holiday eat -- fruitcake.

Last Tuesday, while grocery shopping, I walked by the bakery area to take a peek at all the delectable holiday desserts. And boy, you should have heard me. I was actually verbalizing my mouthwatering “Ooooo's” and “Aaaaaah's” as if I was experiencing some type of erotic stimulation.

That is, until my eyes spotted the FRUITCAKE.

And then suddenly my smile turned into a look of horror because it was like abruptly coming face to face with Hannibal Lecter. 

It immediately transported me back to a Thanksgiving Day in my childhood, when I must have had the flu or something, because I remembered eating a piece of fruitcake and then spontaneously throwing it up.

Do you have any idea how delightful it felt to have dried fruit and nuts projectile out of my mouth and nostrils as I leaned over a toilet bowl?

Yes, it was truly one of those special Thanksgiving Day Paul Anka Kodak Moments that will be etched in my memory for as long as I live.

And the odd thing about this is that I’ve never been fond of fruitcake. So I don't know why I ate a piece that day. Other than perhaps thinking that maybe I'd suddenly like it? 

I've always found fruitcake not only ugly to look at but also disgusting in texture. 

Eating fruitcake is like eating a piece of Styrofoam that’s had plastic pieces of dried up fruit and nuts hammered into it.

I mean, does anyone know this for sure, but is fruitcake purposely designed to be STALE? It tastes like it's been sitting out in the open-air for three and a half months. Therefore, why do they bother packing it in an airtight tin can to keep it fresh?

To me, fruitcake is sensory overload. Between the look, texture and taste, there is just too much going on for me to handle all at once.

Another reason I hate fruitcake has to do with my cantankerous Italian grandmother (my father's mother), who always had a fruitcake displayed on a buffet table in her dining area during the Christmas holidays. Her house always smelled like mothballs, and all her furniture was covered in plastic. 

She had such a warm and inviting home. 

Introducing Nanny Carnavil...


Memories light the corners of my mind. Misty water-colored fruitcake memories of the way she was...


So as you can tell from this post, I'd rather eat a box of thumbtacks than fruitcake. 

I seriously think they should reserve fruitcake for anyone on death row as their last meal.

Between the memory of upchucking fruitcake on that one particular Thanksgiving Day, and the Christmas memories of my least favorite Italian grandmother who reeked of the Estee Lauder perfume, Youth Dew, is it any wonder I hate the sight of fruitcake?

Nanny Carnavil: "Ronnie, would you like a piece of fruitcake?"

Me:


🎄Happy Holidays, y'all! 🎄💗




26 comments:

  1. I can withstand a bite of it every decade or so. It's the candied green cherries that get to me!! I personally detest the smell, the texture, the artificial colored fruit and you name it...there's a reason behind it all that I don't like it much. Just pour me the rum in a glass and call it good.
    Even garbage birds refuse tidbits. Ants are very hesitant consuming it...yep, there's a reason.

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  2. Lol, I know that most people DESPISE it, but I’m one of those weirdos that always liked it and so did my Dad. I remember my grandma always having a little round tin of it and would slice us a little piece. My mom also had a recipe for making fruitcake muffins that had pumpkin in them and were delicious. Sadly, I’m now prediabetic and I’m afraid a piece would send me into a glucose coma!! Dried fruit is the worst when it comes to sugar.

    But omg on the old lady perfume!! I was at TJMaxx a few days ago and an employee was drenched in something vile and kept walking by me! I had to hold my breath every time! It was awful!

    Happy Hump Day, Ron! XO

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  3. Ron, I could not stop laughing at your commentary about your Italian grandmother - the smell of mothballs, furniture covered in plastic, Youth Dew perfume - ROFLMAO!!! By the way, I worked with a woman years ago who wore Youth Dew, so I know what it smells like, HELL!

    Can you believe I've never eaten fruitcake? And judging from your experience, I have no intention of ever trying it. Even without tasting it, it just looks horrible.

    Thanks for the early morning laughs, Ron! I needed this humor today. Very funny man you are!

    Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and didn't eat any fruitcake. xo

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  4. "Even garbage birds refuse tidbits. Ants are very hesitant consuming it...yep, there's a reason."

    OMG Anni, that made me laugh so hard!!!!! Yup....there's a reason!!!!

    And you're right, the candied green cherries are pretty scary. They look as though they've gone bad and turned green.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your fruitcake sentiments. HILARIOUS!

    X

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  5. "....but I’m one of those weirdos that always liked it and so did my Dad."

    Okay, so now I know what you get you when we eventually meet one day --- a tin of FRUITCAKE. LOL! And I know the place to get it too. There are several bakeries in the Reading Terminal Market who I know carry it.

    " I remember my grandma always having a little round tin of it and would slice us a little piece."

    Yes!!! I know exactly what you mean because my grandmother had that same round tin!!!!

    And you're so right, dried fruit is packed with so much sugar. I used to eat a lot of dried cranberries, but stopped. They have a ton of sugar.

    "But omg on the old lady perfume!! I was at TJMaxx a few days ago and an employee was drenched in something vile and kept walking by me! I had to hold my breath every time! It was awful!"

    OMG, how funny! It's like some people have so sense of smell, so they DRENCH themselves in whatever perfume/cologne they wear. From all my years in the beauty/fragrance industry, I find that men OVERDO their cologne application more so than women. We have a guy who comes into our store every single day and sprays HALF the bottle on himself. After he leaves, you can literally smell the cologne in the air for HOURS.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Happy Hump Day!

    X

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  6. "By the way, I worked with a woman years ago who wore Youth Dew, so I know what it smells like, HELL!"

    OMG, isn't it the WORSE smelling perfume? And my grandmother wore it constantly. To this day, whenever I smell it, I immediately think of her. I feel that way about Chanel 5 too. I worked for Chanel for six years and it was my least favorite perfume. And yet, it's the most sold perfume sold all over the world at Christmastime.

    "Can you believe I've never eaten fruitcake? And judging from your experience, I have no intention of ever trying it. Even without tasting it, it just looks horrible."

    Trust me, you're not missing anything. LOL!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Candice. Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving too!

    X

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  7. The visual of your grandmother is truly hysterical, Ron. I'm half Italian, and it must be in the genes because my grandmother was cantankerous as well And guess what? Her furniture was covered in plastic too. And also all the lampshades. She was a great cook, I've got to hand that to her.

    Not a fan of fruitcake either. I know others may enjoy it, but I can't get past the look of fruitcake. The ones I've seen have been in a block form; resembling a cinderblock. And just as hard too! And I died laughing at --- "I seriously think they should reserve fruitcake for anyone on death row as their last meal."

    LOVE the graphics you used in this post. You should do standup, you're a very funny storyteller! Thanks for the laughs this morning.

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  8. Hey there, Daniel!

    I think you're right, it must be in the genes. LOL!!!!! And OMG, I cannot believe you mentioned the lampshades being covered in plastic because my grandmother did the same thing, I kid you not. But it was the smell of mothballs that always did it for me because as soon as you walked into her living room, the smell hit you in the face with the force of a speeding train.

    And yes, she was an excellent cook - both entrees and desserts. Her Pizzelle's were soooooooo good.

    " The ones I've seen have been in a block form; resembling a cinderblock. And just as hard too! "


    CRACKED. ME. UP!!!!! I've seen them in that form as well. Others I've seen in a round tin.

    Thanks! I found all the graphics online. When I googled (I hate fruitcake), I was shocked to see all the photos and articles written by so many people who felt the same as me about fruitcake.

    Always great too read your comments, Daniel. Thanks for stopping by!

    X

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  9. Ron, I would have keeled over because I can't stand the smell of mothballs. Someone I work with stores their winter jackets and coats in mothballs during the summer. I could literally smell him when he walked past me, it was THAT strong!

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  10. Isn't the smell so pungent and gross? My grandmother used to place a box of mothballs in her vacuum cleaner bag, so any time she would turn vacuum cleaner on, the smell PERMIATED the whole house. YUCK!

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  11. Someone in my family also vomited up fruitcake! We don't even SPEAK about fruit cake because of the fruit cake vomiting incident!

    I've never tried fruitcake (see above), but I've never said, "mmm, that looks delicious!" There are so many other fruit breads/cakes that are far superior. Rotting banana(s) bread is the first one that comes to mind.

    By the way, I spent the entire post listening to Paul Anka. Thank you for that lovely gift. 😘❤️

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  12. Ron, this is just too too funny and ironic because on Monday at work, my coworkers and I were planning our annual office Christmas party (date, secret Santa presents, and food). And one of the things we ALL agreed upon was that no one should even think of bringing fruitcake as one of the desserts because we all hate it. LOL! I emailed all of my coworkers and even some of my friends and family the link to this post because I know they will love it!

    As I've said so many time in the past, you are freaking HILARIOUS whenever you talk about stuff that you don't like or things that annoy you. I agree with Daniel, you should consider standup comedy, you'd be GREAT!

    I will NEVER look at fruitcake again without thinking of you, Ron!

    Thanks for your humor, dear man. I look forward to it! xo

    P.S. I noticed on your sidebar "What I'm Watching at the Moment" the series 'From Scratch.' OMG, I watching it too, isn't it incredible? I'm have two more episodes to go and I'm already crying my eyes out. Such a beautiful love story. And the fact that it's true story makes it even more special.

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  13. "Someone in my family also vomited up fruitcake! We don't even SPEAK about fruit cake because of the fruit cake vomiting incident!"

    OMG Kari, you're kidding me? You see.....fruitcake is notoriously lethal. LOL!!!!!

    And I TOTALLY agree, there are so many other fruit breads/cakes that are far superior! Yes, I LOVE banana bread!!!! Also, pumpkin bread. But fruitcake???? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

    "By the way, I spent the entire post listening to Paul Anka. Thank you for that lovely gift."

    Aw....you are welcome! So glad to hear you enjoyed the Paul Anka song! Doesn't it bring back such wonderful memories? And it's funny but anytime I hear it now, I immediately think of that Kodak commercial from the 1970s!

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by, Kari! Have a great rest of your week!

    X

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  14. Hola Denise!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG, that is sooooooooooooooooo uncanny!!!!!!! I was in Trader Joe's today and saw that they too have a fruitcake by the checkout area. And I had to laugh because I know how I feel about fruitcake. YUCK!

    I remember the Christmas party we had a work in my last job. The manager ordered everything from a restaurant, so no one had to bring anything. She ordered from the Italian restaurant from across the street. And she told us that we could each order whatever we wanted.

    Yes! Yes! Yes! to "From Scratch"!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Isn't it faaaaaabulous? I found out about it from a woman I work with who watch it when it initially aired and said that she thought of me because she knew I would love it. Which I did! I watched all 8 episodes and bawled my eyes out. I'm not going to tell you any specifics, but the ending is so touching. Make sure you have tissues handy because it's a tear-jerker. What I really loved about the story is that it didn't sugar coat anything about death and dying. And it was extremely honest about the process of grieving. After I watched it, I went online and found interviews with the REAL woman who wrote the book. I also love Zoe Saldana, so I watched a lot of interviews with her talking about the role. She was amazing in the movie, wasn't she?

    Have a great rest of your week, girl. And thanks so much for stopping by!

    X

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  15. Very funny, Ron! And my feelings are with you about fruitcake. I remember eating it as a kid, but as I got older I wondered why the hell I ever ate it as a kid because I found it so unappealing. Like you said so perfectly, "Eating fruitcake is like eating a piece of Styrofoam that’s had plastic pieces of dried up fruit and nuts hammered into it." TRUE!!!

    Another one I don't understand is Panettone, do you know it? It's similar to fruitcake, but a million times more dry.

    I love the cartoon. LOL!

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  16. "Another one I don't understand is Panettone, do you know it? It's similar to fruitcake, but a million times more dry."

    OMG Clair, yes.....I DO know Panettone! I see them all the time in stores around this time of year. However, I have to confess that I've never tasted it because even just looking at the photo on the box, it looks sooooooooooo DRY and very much like fruitcake. And it's ironic you mentioned Panettone because I used to follow someone on YouTube (a drag queen) who made Christmas videos in which she would go shopping for Panettone to give to all her friends as a holiday gift. LOL!

    I found that cartoon online. Isn't it hysterical?

    Thanks so much for stopping by, and have a faaaaaaaaabulous rest of your week!

    X

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  17. Laughing out loud over this post, Ron, despite my disagreeing with you -- I'm probably the only one in the whole wide world that actually likes fruitcake! I pick out the nuts, of course, because they don't agree with me, but I love the dried fruits (especially the cherries!) and raisins. If you put enough brandy in it, it's quite delicious!


    Laughing over your Italian grandma, too! Mine never had fruitcake. She made the most yummy fig cakes (one of these days, maybe one of my aunts will pass the recipe down to me). Somebody should keep the tradition alive, don't you think?


    That said, I can appreciate your distaste of the stuff. When I was little, I threw up tomato soup and haven't been able to eat any since. Memories that awful just kind of stick with you.


    Happy Holidays, my friend! xx

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  18. Hellooooooooooooooooo there, Debbie!

    "....I'm probably the only one in the whole wide world that actually likes fruitcake! I pick out the nuts, of course, because they don't agree with me, but I love the dried fruits (especially the cherries!) and raisins. If you put enough brandy in it, it's quite delicious!"


    No, you are not the only one because one of my other longtime reader's (Bijoux) also loves fruitcake! And I'm sure there are others.

    "Laughing over your Italian grandma, too! Mine never had fruitcake. She made the most yummy fig cakes (one of these days, maybe one of my aunts will pass the recipe down to me). Somebody should keep the tradition alive, don't you think?"

    Yes, I do. And even though she was my least favorite grandmother, she was a very good cook. Her Pizzelle's were the best I've ever eaten.

    " When I was little, I threw up tomato soup and haven't been able to eat any since. Memories that awful just kind of stick with you."

    OMG, mine is sauerkraut. I threw that up one time after having it for dinner one night. I haven't touched it since.

    Happy Holiday, my friend. And thanks so much for stopping by!

    X

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  19. I know, one of my coworkers watched all eight episodes and she said the same thing. I love Zoe Saldana too! Talented and oh so GORGEOUS! I watched view interviews with the writer as well and really loved how open and honest she was with her grief. She's remarried and looks and sounds so happy. And I'm happy FOR her.

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  20. I know, isn't she stunning? I saw her in a movie back in 2009 (Center Stage) and that's when I was first introduce to her. She's actually gotten more beautiful with age. And did you know she's married to an Italian man in real life? That's why she sounded so authentic speaking Italian in the movie because she fluent. And me too, I'm so happy for Tembi Locke.

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  21. LOLOL! I'm not a fan of fruitcake at all either. One of my magazines has an entire section on fruitcakes! Needless to say, I skipped the entire section! But, I do like the Jimmy Buffet song, Fruitcakes>/I>! 🤣 Hope you are enjoying the holiday season. 🎄

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  22. Lisa, I cannot believe that I never heard of the Jimmy Buffet song, Fruitcakes, being that I used to be a big fan of his song, Margaritaville, and spending time in Key West, Florida. However, I found the video on YouTube and ENJOYED it!

    Hope you're enjoying the holiday season as well. Thanks for stopping by!

    X

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  23. Ron, you're killing me with this post and your talk of your Italian grandmother (Nanny Carnavil) because I used to call my grandmother Nanny as well. Who was, by the way, also "cantankerous." She was my mother's mother. Yet, my father's mother was the complete opposite.

    I'm in total agreement with you about fruitcake, it's horrendous. However, my hubby loves it. That's something that he and I have completely different tastes, when it comes to food. Oh, and we also have a difference of tastes when it comes to sushi. He loves it, I would rather eat a box of thumbtacks!

    "I seriously think they should reserve fruitcake for anyone on death row as their last meal." LOL! I agree!!!!!

    Fun post, sir! Happy December! xo

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  24. " I used to call my grandmother Nanny as well. Who was, by the way, also "cantankerous."

    OMG, how funny! Nanny must be an "Italian thing." I've also heard Nonna and Nana.

    " Oh, and we also have a difference of tastes when it comes to sushi. He loves it, I would rather eat a box of thumbtacks!"

    Meeeeeeeeeee too! That's one of the only things I didn't get into when I lived in Japan for a summer, sushi. I'm not a fan of seafood or fish at all.

    Happy December to you too, my friend. And much thanks for stopping by!

    X

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  25. Ron, dude, not only did your opinion of fruitcake make me laugh my ass off, but so did the commentary of your Italian grandmother. You seriously need to write a sitcom using experiencing from your own life. It would be hysterical! You could entitle it, "The Ronnie Chronicles" You could make it into a mini series!

    I have to admit that I've never tired fruitcake. I've seen it in stores, but have never been tempted to try it. And from your description, I don't think I ever will. LOL!

    Thanks for the laughs, Ron.

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  26. Hiya Matt!

    Hey, if I ever do write a sitcom, I will be using your title suggestion. It's GREAT! HA! I actually have an idea about a sitcom that would be about the beauty industry that is set inside a retail store. There has never been a sitcom on that subject matter, so I think it would go over well and be very funny.

    "I have to admit that I've never tired fruitcake. I've seen it in stores, but have never been tempted to try it. And from your description, I don't think I ever will. LOL!"

    Good for you! And do your self a favor and don't try it. Not unless you're on death row. LOL!!!!!

    Have a fab weekend, my friend. And thanks so much for stopping by!

    X

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