Tuesday, August 08, 2023

More Goodbye Hello Kitty!

*This post is for you, Bijoux 💖

I know after posting this, hardcore Hello Kitty fans will come out of the internet woodwork and most likely report my blog to the Hello Kitty Police Department and have me arrested.

So if you don't see me for a while, you'll know I'm in jail for taking the name of Hello Kitty in vain; spending solitary confinement in a dirty litter box. 

I think it’s odd that someone who loves cats as much as I do, feels a strong aversion to all things Hello Kitty. They are way too cutesy-wootsy. And that's exactly how I feel about cupcakes too. I find cupcakes excessively foofy and way too sugary-sweet. They have too much frosting on the top, too much cake on the bottom, and are too tall for anyone whose jaw does not unhinge to consume in the correct balance of top to bottom. And most of the time you end up getting frosting all over your nose. No, thank you. 

Anyway, getting back to Hello Kitty...

My anti-love affair with Hello Kitty all started when I had a job working in a gift shop and was assigned to the Hello Kitty section of the store.

You have no idea how insane it made me to stock and organize the plethora of Hello Kitty merchandise.

The gift shop sold Hello Kitty pens, pencils, erasers, notebooks, diaries, key chains, earrings, and necklaces. Hell, I’m surprised they didn’t have an adult section with Hello Kitty condoms.

I must also add if you've been reading my blog for a while now, you know I spent a whole summer in Japan and loved it. I adored everything about that country. That is except for all the Hello Kitty paraphernalia. Hello Kitty is everywhere in Japan. And I mean EVERYWHERE. In fact, Hello Kitty was born there. She is the Empress of Japan. They call her Empress Kitty. 

Below are several items I found online that made me gag from Hello Kitty cuteness overload….

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The advertisement for this Hello Kitty product states - "This Hello Kitty Bed Set is Adorable and Super Comfy (this bed cover features a giant stuffed head alongside additional limbs to keep your child pleased)".

Excuse me, but I totally disagree. This Hello Kitty bed cover is godawful and super SCARY! I can only imagine the horrific CATMARES I would have sleeping in this feline bed with its limbs wrapped around me...

I put this item on my Christmas Wish List this year. So if any of you would like to gift me, please feel free to email and I will send you my mailing address and a thank you note...

A must-have item for Hello Kitty fans! I guess it’s for those fans who want to design a Hello Kitty Couture Line...

I'm thinking of purchasing the sewing machine for myself and making this fabulous Hello Kitty raincoat, just in time for the fall season. Couldn't you picture me wearing it, carrying a bright pink Hello Kitty umbrella and pink rain boots?...

Yes, you would have to be stoned to use this thing.

Hello Kitty Bong - "Because even when you’re smoking weed, it’s important to keep it cute"...

Interesting, don't you think? It's a Hello Kitty tailpipe for your car. I think this should also come with a license plate that says, I-H8-KITTY...

Just what I always wanted. Pimple patches in the formation of Hello Kitty. However, with these patches, they INCREASE pimples instead of reducing them; causing cat scratch fever...

If I died and was sent to hell, THIS would be my hell...

And THIS would be the toilet paper in the bathroom...

However, I did find one item online that may change my opinion about “certain things” Hello Kitty.

This...

HELLOOOO…..kitty!😻

Have a great week, y'all!

💖