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These words make me what to SCREAM!”

I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me….

I’m at work, getting ready to go on a break or take my lunch hour…and suddenly half the people I work with ask me to bring them back something to eat or drink.

(or possibly their dry cleaning or have their tires rotated)

I DESPISE this…and do you want to know why?

Because it’s MY break and MY lunch hour and I’m not some little GoFER!!


I can’t tell you how much this burns my buttocks.

I finally got to the point where I made a general announcement to the entire staff and told them to please don’t ever bother asking me to do this, because I’m a selfish little bastard and the answer will always be NO.

*I have made exceptions on a rare occasion if someone is ill (or dying) and needs a band-aid.

But other than that…NO WAY!

I made this my rule when at one time, while going for coffee, 3 people asked me to also get them a cup in which each coffee needed 7 different condiments in it. They wrote it all down on a piece of paper which ended up looking like the Da Vinci Code. I spent my entire break getting coffee for them, and then ended up having 5 seconds to drink my own.

One time (and I swear to God) a girl I worked with, asked me to get her TAMPONS while I was going on a break.

And I responded, “Yea, sure…so what do you use, The OB Method or just plain Tampax? And while I’m at it, how about a nice hot water bottle for your CRAMPS?”

Could you believe the GONADS on her???

And then I said, “You’ve GOT to be out of your mind, woman. Because not only will I NOT do that for you, but I’m going to pretend that you never even asked me”

Look, I’m a mean man, I admit it. But I would never have ask her to get me a can of JOCK ITCH SPRAY while she was going for lunch!

The End


  1. You should have got the tampons for her then put one in a cup of hot water for each of the others and told them they were out of coffe so you made them a cup of tea from Mary's supply.

  2. That is too funny, and really true...luckily i,m the boss at work, so i dont have to get anyone anything...however I still find myself doing stealth lunch runs, otherwise i,m loaded up with 20 coffees, donuts, buns, gun parts, gaffa tape..etc...I cant believe that woman asked you to get tampons, i dont even ask my partner to get stuff like that for me...where has the femme fatale mystery gone?

  3. OOOOH SHHHHIT, made me burst a coronary blood vessel with that!!!!!

    DAMN...why the hell didn't I think of that????

    You are the funniest damn man I know!

    GOD....that was GREAT, buddy!

    THANK YOU!!!

  4. Ola, Enigma!

    I know...can you believe the size of her GONADS????


    What's next....CONDOMS???

    And the really funny part of this story, is that she was HURT that I wouldn't get them for her...duh!

    (how unsensitve I am)

    That's so NICE of you to do lunch runs...and your the BOSS! I bet they all love you, though.

    Thank you, dear lady for stopping by this's always a pleasure!

    The Gofer

  5. Lol!
    Hope you feel better now!!

  6. Hi Ron,
    I feel your pain!!!
    I used to work for a company that employed about 80 men and one woman (me). I was the "secretary" so therefore it seemed to be in my job description to run everyone's errands. But you know what? I also did the payroll so I just gave myself as long of a break as I needed to compensate for this.

    Let's hope this comment works.

  7. I'm pretty sure no one would dare ask me to pick up tampons....out of fear of how they might be delivered to them. And they're all smart enough to know not to drink my coffee cuz it's a bit 'thick' for them. LOL

    Yup, I'd say I have the people in my life well trained!

    Practice, sir.....practice, practice, practice! LOL

  8. My response to lazy ass people that want me to fetch them things is, "I'm not your fucking mother, get it yourself!" The majority of co-workers no longer even look at me, which works out very well.

    Don't you miss Calvin and Hobbs terribly?

  9. Perhaps this is the universe's way to help you with the lesson of generoisty and letting you know that we are all one in this world. To be able to serve others is what it is all about.
    The opportunity to buy others coffee or lunch and to be able to use every minute of your break for someone else and not yourself is the ultimate sacrifice.
    Then when you return with the coffee or lunch you can sit in front of the person and say I bought this for you and because I want to continue to do things for you I ate the lunch and drank the coffee for you. As for the lady with the tampons bring them to her with joy and ask to drop her panties so you can fix the pad or the tube in the best stratgic position to absorb the most.
    Then the next day after you have taken your morning dump wrap it up and take it in to the people and say this is the remainder of the lunch and coffee I just wanted to make sure you had it all.
    Bless you my dear friends.

    Oh Ron, on the way out can you get me a new car loan.

  10. Morning Casdok~

    Yes...I feel renewed and cleansed!!!

    Thank heavens for Vent!!!

    Tee, hee, hee...

    Thank you for dropping in today, Casdok...and I hope your having a lovely one!

  11. Yeaaa, Nicole...your comment got published!!!

    And thanks again for letting me know about that!

    I bet you were fabulous at your job, Nicole. I know it's not easy to oversee many tasks.

    And GOOD for you, girl!

    You saw to it that you got a NICE LOOOOOONG break.


    Thanks for stopping by, Nicole...and congrats again for your POST OF THE DAY!!!!

  12. Howdy Mel~

    Oh...your tampon reference made me hoot!!!I can just imagine how it could be delivered!?!

    Hey...and don't ya love the fact that nobody touches your coffee? I like mine "thick" no one ever dares to take a sip (which is another thing I despise)

    Sounds like you've got them all trained...good going!

    How's the new computer going????

    Isn't it FUN to play with all the new buttons and gadgets???

    So good seeing ya, Mel...always fun sharing!

  13. Aaaaah, Nitebyrd...why do I think you and I would make GREAT working buddies???

    Probably, because we wouldn't irritate the shit out of each other...because we know what BOUNDRIES are!!

    We have respect...DAMN IT!

    (and we're also gentle and kind)

    tee, hee!

    I love venting with you, Nitebyrd...isn't it great therapy to just LET IT OUT??

    Enjoy your day, wonderful lady!

  14. Ooooooh Dave...ok, you and Jeff should form a stand-up comedy duo and play Vegas and Tahoe. And I'll be your manger!

    DAMN!!!! You amaze me with what you come out with!!


    I can be both in harmony with the Universe...and a bastard ALL at the same time!

    The "morning dump" suggestion is priceless!!!

    You ROCK, Dave!

    Thanks for always adding both humor and enlightenment to this blog!

    Mr. GoFer

    P.S. And about that car loan? I can get you one with a 0% interest rate...just let me know!

  15. @Nitebyrd....Yes, I do miss Calvin and Hobbs! He was the perfect vocal expression for so MANY of us! And what a great little face!

  16. I have to confess...I am like you. :O

    I would add your experience..the people that never pay you back..they are always going to give it to you later.

    This is why I am a hermit. I know this sounds mean and cold hearted, but I'm really not! hee, hee.

    Good "venting" energy to you my dear friend!! :)

  17. Evening Dearest Gypsy-Heart~


    I TOTALLY agree with what you shared here...because that TOO has happened to me!!!

    "Just get if for me now..and I'll pay you back when I get to the ATM machine"


    Or the ones who NEVER pitch in for the TIP at a restaurant!!!

    And I don't think your mean or cold-hearted at all. You read what I tell everyone at work...I simply WON'T do it!

    I don't ask people to do it for ME!

    ALWAYS good energy when you come here, Gypsy-Heart...and I'm so appreciative of that!

    Thanks for venting by!

  18. I know what you mean. One time, a bunch of higher-ups were in for a meeting. My boss asks me to go pick-up lunch sandwiches for the meeting! I was about 3rd in command there and thought one of the other, less busy people working could do it. Nope! I went and placed the order, making sure everyone in the meeting I didn't like didn't get what they ordered, and was back in a flash...

  19. Howdy Buffalo~

    Oh, man...that's tooo funny!

    Hey, the next time (if there ever IS a next time) I may have to try this. That's one sure way NOT to be asked to GoFOR things!!!

    Just SCREW up the order!

    Thanks for stopping by Buffalo. Enjoy your day!

  20. I was already cracking up laughing at your post, and then I read dave's comment... I'm still trying to catch my breath - hilarious!

  21. I don't mind doing the odd favour but when they start taking advantage of my good nature - I flip totally! Not a pretty sight!

  22. Afternoon Misty Dawn~

    It's ALWAYS so great seeing you!

    YES!!!! Dave's comment made me do the SAME THING! I laughed my butt off!

    I feel so blessed to have some of the funniest people in the blogworld leaving comments here. They add SO MUCH wonderful humor to my posts. I could actually do another post with their comments.

    I'm so happy that they make you laugh!

    Thanks for always taking the time to stop by, Misty Dawn...I really appreciat that!

    Enjoy your evening!

  23. Ola Akelamalu~


    That's the thing that bothers me the most too...taking advantage...and just assuming that you'll be doing this for them every time!!!

    When I flip out...I'm NOT a pretty sight either!!


    Thanks for stopping by today, dear lady. I always enjoy your visits and imput. you think you could get me a roast beef sandwich on rye, with a diet coke, and an order of chips???


  24. Hi, here from Nicole's blog. I love to read a good vent and this is a classic! And don't worry, even if I was a coworker, I wouldn't ask you to buy me tampons. (Now coffee on the other hand...)

  25. Greetings Sniz~


    And thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and leaving a comment. It's always a pleasure to meet someone new!

    Don't cha' LOVE Nicole? She such a sweet gal. sounds like you have a WONDERFUL sense of humor...your comment made me laugh so hard!!

    Please stop by anytime you wish...the door is always open!

    Thanks again for saying Hi!

    P.S. So... how do you take your coffee...a little half and half or just black?

  26. I have to ask...You must be a really sweet guy, because either you have "ask me" tatooed to your forehead , or you're really nice.
    people are afraid to ask the evil biach, Most folks only ask someone who looks like they might do it...
    So obviously you look like a tampon buying man..
    Sorry, i just couldn't resist...
    (big cheesy grin)

  27. Howdy Lady Sorrow~

    SOOOOO wonderful seeing you!!!! made me laugh, because one of my dear friends in Florida said the same thing about me.

    She always use to ask me, "Why the hell does EVERYONE come up to you and SHARE everything???"

    Even when I'm in a drug store or super-market...people will just come up to me and ask where the hell things are!!?!?!?

    I think it's because I'm approachable. However, I had to learn how to draw strong boundries around myself, because people WILL try and take advantage of me. And I no longer allow that.

    However, I DO find great humor in what people will ask of me.

    SOOOOO happy you stopped by today, Lady's always a pleasure!

    Enjoy your weekend!

    P.S. Hey...can I get you a cup of coffee while I'm out?

  28. Do you want mustard on it? :)

  29. Akelamalu~

    YES, thank you. Preferably...honey mustard...

    tee, hee, tee....

    You're funny!