Flying is for the Birds

The last time I flew was awful. And the whole ugly experience has turned me off to ever wanting to fly, unless it’s some kind of an emergency or I find myself just dying to go somewhere.

Can someone please tell me when commercial planes suddenly became the size, look and smell of a cattle car??

I won’t repeat the airlines name, but I want everyone to know that I’m thinking about them right now and I CAN’T STAND THEM!!!

The aircraft was the grungiest thing I’ve ever seen. The bathroom smelled and looked like an outhouse. And the flight attendants all looked like they needed a refresher course in personal hygiene and grooming. They also had the personalities of a piece of dry-wall. I don’t think I ever saw one of them smile.

(what ever happened to the FRIENDLY SKIES?)

It was only a 2 ½ hour flight and I didn’t expect a 3 course gourmet meal, but the generous offer of a single soft drink was absolutely laughable.

And maybe it’s me…but have the airlines added an extra 75 seats and another row of passengers to the aircraft without me noticing? I mean, I’m a little person and don’t require much ass space, but it seems as though the seats have been reduced to a foot stool. And when was the last time any of them were cleaned?

Like, maybe 1965 when flight attendants wore hats?

The plane ride itself was like being in the movie, Final Destination. The flight felt like it was a test flight for Evil Kanevil. The take-off was like climbing up the side of a bumpy mountain. And the landing was like free-falling down the side of a bumpy mountain (my groin felt like it was in my mouth). And the weather conditions were perfect…sunny and clear. So there was no reason for the roller coaster ride we endured.

I’ve air-traveled quite a bit in my life. I’ve flown throughout the US, Europe and Asia…so I know what a flight is suppose to look and feel like.

What bothered me the most about this experience, was what seemed to be like an attitude of, “We don’t really care anymore.” There was not an ounce of professionalism, pride or integrity.

Look, I’m not expecting my flying experiences to be the Concord…but I’m also not expecting them to be a flight into the depths of hell, either.

Like I said, unless I suddenly win a trip to Italy or Japan…I don’t think I’ll be flying much.

And if I do…I think I’d rather strap myself to a LARGE bird and ask him to take me there.

And I’ll even pay for the gas!

Now…were did I put that crash position manual?




Photo: Zerohdog

22 comments

  1. Sorry i cant tell you when commercial planes changed, all i do know is that your right!!!

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  2. Hi Ron
    As I have said before, I hate flying too! My #1 reason is the possiblity of falling from the sky in a cattle car size fireball though.

    PS Love the new look!

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  3. Thanks, Ron. I'm flying to The Big Easy next month. I hate to fly and now I'm REALLY looking forward to it! LOL

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  4. Oh Oh Oh please!
    Can you see my hand up in the air? waving back and forth?
    MY turn!
    My good man you have not even hit the tip of the iceberg.
    You forgot to mention getting a half a can of coke, and them not wanting to give you a drop more.
    You forgot the 10$ earphones so you can listen to satellite static. You forgot the HELL of Airport security.
    I had them WAND my 8 year old!!! when i took her to Disney. Traumatized the hell out of her! She couldn't figure out why they thought she was a "CRIMINAL"!!!!
    UGH
    SO right there with you!
    If my family wasn't spread all over the dang planet, I'd never set foot on a plane again.
    I don't want nail clippers, i want a can of Lysol and some handy wipes!

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  5. Morning Casdok~

    Good seeing you, dear lady!

    I'm telling you...I think they started changing about the same time the flight attendents stopped wearing those cute little "Jackie Kennedy Pill-Box hats!!!"

    tee-hee!

    Enjoy your day...and thank you for stopping by!

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  6. Morning Nicole~

    Oh, God...could'nt you just SEE you and I on a flight together???

    The two of us could just sit in the "crash position" for the whole flight!!!

    And we could "blog" about it on our laptops!

    tee-hee!

    Thanks my friend...I finally finished rearranging the template at 1AM. I figured out a way to get a little more width between the columns. Thanks again for ALL your help!!

    Always nice seeing ya, Nicole!

    Have a nice day!

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  7. Oh God, Nitebyrd...I'M SOOO SORRY!!!

    But I'm sure YOUR flying experience will by MUCH better than mine!!

    (because I'll PRAY for you)

    tee-hee!!!

    Listen, just drink a few of those beers that you enjoy so much (before you get on the plane). And bring some sanitary wet wipes, ALSO maybe, a boxed lunch!!

    (Oh...and some rosary beads)

    Don't worry...you'll be fine..just shut your eyes!!

    Always good laughing with, Nitebyrd. Thanks for FLYING by!

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  8. Oh, Lady Sorrow....you made me giggle beyond belief!!!

    Damn...it's the TRUTH!!!

    They had to WAND your 8 year old?????(poor thing)- What did they find?...a Mickey Mouse key ring that you probably paid $50.00 for????

    Oh God...and the earphones you talked about ...those probably have NEVER been washed...can you imagine the ear wax build up???

    And the thing about being offered a soft drink is...you NOW have to drink it out the can!!

    Jeeeese!

    I'm telling you...I'm getting to the point, if I need to go somewhere...I'd rather just WALK!

    God Love Ya, Lady Sorrow!! Thanks for sharing in my VENT. Isn't is fun to bitch??

    Thanks for stopping by and have a WONDERFUL day with your CLAY!!

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  9. This is hilarious! I loved this little comment inserted amidst the rant (quote: "what ever happened to the FRIENDLY SKIES?")

    Just came on by to say hello - I am on mini break for a bit but will be stopping by for a good laugh or some such as always will be found around your place. :) HUGS!

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  10. I think I've flown with that airline, if not it was very similar! We were once upgraded to business class flying from Bankok to Frankfurt, then the flight from Frankfurt to England was on a Lancaster bomber - at least that's what it felt and looked like!

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  11. Afternoon Sibyllae~

    It's always a joy to see you!!

    Hey...I as just thinking about you too. I really love your blog and what you express with it. It's like a beautiful gallery of EVERYTHING!!!

    It's WISE to take a break when you feel the desire to do it...good for you!

    I just wrote a post that I may publish this week about DOING JUST THAT - the importance of taking little breaks with blogging! It's healthy for all of us!

    Thank you so much for taking the time to always stop by to say hello. It's always appreciated, Sibyllae!

    And remember..."Fly the friendly skies of United!"

    (non-stop to most cities)

    Have a nice evening!

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  12. Oh my God, Akelamalu...I thought I SAW YOU on that flight!!!!

    However YOUR seat was in "first class"..and MINE was in a lavatory!!!

    Tee- hee!!!

    Isn't the WORST to travel and feel unconfortable??? I mean...where can you GO?? It's not like you can just walk off the plane!

    OOOh...you went to Bankok??? How wonderful!! You and I like to visit all the unusual places!!

    Thanks for flying in today, dear lady...always a pleasure!

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  13. You didn't even touch on the damn metal detectors, and other security that is alot of work, and pretty much useless...

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  14. The last time I flew was to southern Calif. in what felt like a Ford Pinto with wings. My knee caps became one with my torso because of the seat in front of me being so close.

    The flight attendants (poor things) looked like they had been beaten with an ugly stick. Yikes! The female attendant had a mustache thicker than mine!

    The male one just had that look like, "please let this plane land before I throw up again."

    Ah yes, good times...godd times indeed!

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  15. Good God, Jeff...you freaking make me piss in my pants with your comments!!!

    The PINTO line just about killed me. And the UGLY STICK and MOUSTACHE did me in!!!

    GOD...you're funny!

    It is pitiful though...when I think about how luxurious flying use to be. I mean...do you remember when they actually gave us SILVERWARE to eat our food with???

    Now...they THROW a bag of peanuts at us.

    Thanks for your comments, Jeff...you always add SO MUCH to my posts!

    Enjoy your evening!

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  16. Howdy Buffalo~

    Hey...THANKS for reminding me about the WHOLE irritating process of security!

    And you're right...it's always such a pain in the ass...AND useless!!!

    Thanks for adding your wonderful voice to this post!

    Enjoy your evening, Buffalo!

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  17. Hi Ron

    Yeah. Hello... you got me laughing with this one.

    Friendly Skies... rrrright. More like the Greyhound of the Clouds.

    I've taken the plane a few times recently, and in all fairness, the flight staff was well-groomed and courteous. The pilot was the one who had me worried... doing what sounded like a standup routine over the intercom and sounding like he was itchin to git into barnstorming the control tower. Wrong career.

    But yeah, the seats... practically sitting arm in arm with the person in the next seat, and SECURITY. ARggh. The terrorists won.

    Oh, and by the way, the Concord's been discontinued. Have an ice day. :D

    Way to Vent!

    Greg

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  18. The airport security ordeal is what I dread.
    I think one of the scariest things for me was in a little airport in Italy. You know how exhausted you are after 13 hours of flying. You finally get there, and all you want to do is to get through their airport. Well, wouldn't you know it the drug dog stayed around me for what seemed like "forever" smelling my pants. I finally figured out it must be about my dog Ringo's scent..so I laughingly explained that to the military men...as they stood around me WITH GUNS DRAWN!! Then I realized they could not understand what I was saying..and they WERE NOT LAUGHING! :o
    Finally, they cleared me. I only had my two carry on bags, and most of that rolled canvas and paints. I am a "ready to go in five minutes" kind of traveler/person.
    Thank god!!
    Can you imagine if I had five checked bags (which some of the others in my group had).

    Thank you again for my daily VENT fix!!

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  19. Howdy Greg~

    Oh, man....your Greyhound remark made me MAJOR giggle!!!

    The pilot sounded like a frustrated comedian, but his remarks would have WORRIED me to!!! WOOOO!

    And THANK YOU for letting me know about the Concord...damn, I had no idea about that! You can tell how much I read the newspaper and watch TV!?!!?

    Oh well, my dream of someday taking a 2 minute flight to Italy is shattered.

    tee-hee!

    And the security!!!! I'm surprised they don't just make us get to the airport the DAY before our flight and do a complete background check!!!

    Thanks SO MUCH for sharing in this VENT, Greg...always a DELIGHT!

    Have an ice night, buddy!

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  20. OH MY GOD, Gypsy-Heart!!!!

    I would have DIED!!!!

    How HORRIBLE!!!!

    I bet you were scared shitless!

    GUNS?????

    Damn!

    It's funny that you mentioned this ordeal, because when I flew to Japan...they did the SAME THING (minus the guns) to one of the cast members in our show! He must have looked suspicious...because they interrogated him for 45 minutes in another room! And like YOU...we were ALL so tired from the 27 1/2 hour flight!

    Flying has turned into SUCH and ordeal, hasn't it?

    This is why I fly so little.

    It's so much easier to WALK!

    Tee-hee!

    God love ya, woman...and thank you SO MUCH for stopping by today and sharing yourself in this VENT. I love having you here!

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  21. Ah, but I always get to meet such interesting people on the flights.......

    10 hours on an international flight---YES I'm flying Business section, thank you!
    Omgosh.....
    Can't imagine having to sit wedged in between folks for 10 hours.
    And people worry about postal workers...LOL

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  22. Oh...Mel...you always make me GIGGLE!

    That's very true...however uncomfortable flying may be...I TOO have met some REALLY interesting people on flights!

    Oh, I envy you...BUSINESS CLASS...wooo-woo. This means you'll get fresh fruit, cheese, and wine.

    Meanwhile...the UNDERCLASS in the rear will get a soft drink and pretzels!

    Tee-hee!

    Great seeing ya, Mel...thanks for stopping by today!

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