Monday, March 03, 2008

Flying is for the Birds

The last time I flew was awful. And the whole ugly experience has turned me off to ever wanting to fly, unless it’s some kind of an emergency or I find myself just dying to go somewhere.

Can someone please tell me when commercial planes suddenly became the size, look and smell of a cattle car??

I won’t repeat the airlines name, but I want everyone to know that I’m thinking about them right now and I CAN’T STAND THEM!!!

The aircraft was the grungiest thing I’ve ever seen. The bathroom smelled and looked like an outhouse. And the flight attendants all looked like they needed a refresher course in personal hygiene and grooming. They also had the personalities of a piece of dry-wall. I don’t think I ever saw one of them smile.

(what ever happened to the FRIENDLY SKIES?)

It was only a 2 ½ hour flight and I didn’t expect a 3 course gourmet meal, but the generous offer of a single soft drink was absolutely laughable.

And maybe it’s me…but have the airlines added an extra 75 seats and another row of passengers to the aircraft without me noticing? I mean, I’m a little person and don’t require much ass space, but it seems as though the seats have been reduced to a foot stool. And when was the last time any of them were cleaned?

Like, maybe 1965 when flight attendants wore hats?

The plane ride itself was like being in the movie, Final Destination. The flight felt like it was a test flight for Evil Kanevil. The take-off was like climbing up the side of a bumpy mountain. And the landing was like free-falling down the side of a bumpy mountain (my groin felt like it was in my mouth). And the weather conditions were perfect…sunny and clear. So there was no reason for the roller coaster ride we endured.

I’ve air-traveled quite a bit in my life. I’ve flown throughout the US, Europe and Asia…so I know what a flight is suppose to look and feel like.

What bothered me the most about this experience, was what seemed to be like an attitude of, “We don’t really care anymore.” There was not an ounce of professionalism, pride or integrity.

Look, I’m not expecting my flying experiences to be the Concord…but I’m also not expecting them to be a flight into the depths of hell, either.

Like I said, unless I suddenly win a trip to Italy or Japan…I don’t think I’ll be flying much.

And if I do…I think I’d rather strap myself to a LARGE bird and ask him to take me there.

And I’ll even pay for the gas!

Now…were did I put that crash position manual?




Photo: Zerohdog