Tattoo Torture

I’ve learned something very interesting about life…

I must never say never…because I NEVER know.

I always said I would never get a tattoo, yet back in the mid-eighties I found myself with two friends…at tattoo parlor, trying to decide between getting either Popeye or a little devil holding a pitchfork engraved on my right shoulder

Which do you think I chose?

(hint: “The devil made me do it“)

First off I would like to say, that those of you who have a tattoo and claim that it didn’t hurt…are either made of Styrofoam, or you border on S&M.

For those of you who have never experienced getting a tattoo, I want you to close your eyes and try to imagine someone taking a sewing needle that’s attached to a jack-hammer, and they’re slowly running it over your skin for 30 minutes to an hour.

Doesn’t that sound like something you’d much rather do than have a Swedish massage?

I’m sorry, tattoo lovers…BUT IT HURTS LIKE A FRIGGIN’ MOTHER!

Anyway, I graciously volunteered that my two friends go ahead of me, so I could see how they would react to the procedure. And like the two liar’s that they were…they kept telling me that it was completely painless, but their dilated pupils were a dead give-a-way. However, I was determined to go through with it.

The tattoo artists were a husband and wife team. I can’ t remember the man’s name, but the woman's name was Peaches. And for some stupid reason, I thought because she was a woman, and had such a sweet sounding name…that she would have a more gentler touch.

(god, am I naive)

A needle is a needle, no matter how you stick it.

As soon as she started, I thought, “HOLY SHIT…WHAT I HAVE I DONE?”

I was sweating so bad, that she had to wrap several paper towels under my armpit in order for her to hold on to my bicep. I actually jumped at one point and she said, “Keep moving honey, and you’ll have the shittiest tattoo I’ve ever done.”

ooops!

Once they start a tattoo, there‘s no turning back…so I bit my lip and tried to imagine morphine.

My only saving grace, was the fact that the tattoo image was small and had very little detail, so it only took 30 minutes.

(30...slow and agonizing minutes)

When she finally finished, I said, “You mean your done?…you’re really done???”

She said, “Yes…I’m done.”

I thought, “Good…now let me pay you for this self-inflicted torture, so I can get the hell home.”

And on the way out…she said something so completely insane.

“After everyone gets their first tattoo, they literally turn into an addict…so I know you’ll be back.”

“Yea, uh huh…I’ll see ya tomorrow, Peaches.”


Enjoy your weekend, everyone!

Weekend Movie Recommendation: Best in Show


22 comments

  1. Hi Ron
    Interesting topic.
    I think that men in general have a low tolerance for pain. I do not mean this to come out as a sexist, girls rule, boys drool kind of statement. I just think it is a fact. I am not sure if our creator intended it to be this way or we have evolved to allow women a higher pain tolerance. Regardless of how it came to be or why, it is true that women have no choice but to endure one of the most painful thing in the world, which is childbirth. Men do not have to endure this and will never understand that physical pain.
    With all that being said, I have 2 tattoos. I can honestly say that the one on my ankle was very tolerable. I wouldn't even rank it higher on a pain scale than a bee sting.
    Now, the one on my back was a different story. It hurt like a bitch. I almost didn't let the guy finish it. I would rank that tattoo as the 4th most painful thing I have ever been through, #1 being childbirth, #2 being kidney stones, and #3 being breaking my ankle.
    My husband has talked for many years about wanting a tattoo, but I constantly have to remind him that the tattoo process involves lots of little needles going in and out of your skin over and over again, very fast.....and then he stops talking about it for a while.

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  2. Peaches, love that name.

    I think tattoos can be really neat, I love the idea of expressing oneself through art on the body...but it's just too permanent for me...I change my mind a lot, and I could see myself getting sick of it after a while. plus, most people OVERDUE it, big time and end up looking like they graffitied all over themselves. lol

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  3. OMG, you little devil, what a hysterical story... and that second picture... priceless!! LOL

    I have no tats myself, just lots of scars from things like pregnancy and surgeries. That was a fun topic on Rhea's blog the other day.
    BUT, my daughter has LOTS of them. I want to say 13 or 14? Most are small. Ranging from a hideous off-center blackened star on her wrist (what was she thinking???) to the name 'Dan'. And again, what was she thinking, as her fiance's name is Cody. LOL At the time, she was in a signficant relationship of a couple years and he got her name too. You know, young love and all that. Her name is a little more unique... Deidre... so I often wonder whether Dan got his removed after they split?
    So add to those a couple of kokopelli, her Gemini symbol, and a Tigger in bounce pose on her calf with her son's name scrolled out above it and you can picture my daughter and all her ink. If she had the money, she'd do a full back design. It doesn't stop there either.... she has one of those barbell thingies in her tongue, I think a belly piercing, AND a rod thru the back of her neck. To each his own, right??? LOL
    Hey, they were all things she'd done after she became of age and could pay for herself.
    My BIL's arms are covered in tats. Started out with one here, one there, and now he's working on sleeves.
    My husband has one. He got it for me for Valentine's Day about 10 years ago. He comes in one day and kneels down beside me and says, 'honey, I've got something for you'.... starts to remove his shirt. I'm wondering where this is going. Did he join Chippendales and he's practicing???? So when the shirt came off and I saw my name on a banner over a red heart that sits over his heart, I freaked!!!! Sooooo kewwwwlllll! It's his only one. He's said a couple times that he might like to get another some time but never found exactly what he wanted.
    He did say that the chest area was a delicate place to have a tattoo and it was fairly uncomfortable.

    Have a great weekend!!! What will you do in this terrible heat wave that we are supposed to get??
    I have a craft fair tomorrow but am sure I will not be able to stay the day. I am going to try and set up a table or two just to earn the space money back atleast but the heat might be too bad even for that short time.
    Whatever you do, stay cool!! :)

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  4. I'm taking 7-up's motto here, "Never had it, never will".

    I realize I just used the N-word twice there, but at 42 years old. Not having a tat at this point, I'm pretty confident that I can go the distance without one.

    The second picture you put up is hallarious. I'm trying to imagine the thought process there.

    "Let's see...I've filed my teeth down to fine points and I have more ink on my face than a Bic pen factory...Yep, I'm ready to face the world now."

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  5. Okay..
    I am a pain junky
    or completely insane
    I confess
    LOL
    I have 17 tattoos and only one of them hurt like a bitch...
    but chid birth still hurt more
    and breaking my leg,and my collar bone,having my ex break 4 ribs, 2 cnd degree burns, I could name a lot of things that hurt more, but I love my tattoos, they are so ME! I have NEVER seen another living soul with the same tattoos I have, and I think even on my old body, they are sexy as hell.
    I also think it's sexy as hell that you have a little devil...
    perhaps you should get an angel on the other shoulder?
    Maybe it wouldn't hurt as much?
    ~insert mischievous grin here~

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  6. Hi Nicole~

    I TOTALLY agree with you that women have a much higher tolorence for pain...absolutely!!!! And I don't in any way, take your remark as sexist, because I personally believe it's true.

    And I think you brought up a VERY, VERY EXCELLENT point, that it has MUCH to do with the simple fact that women go through child-birth. I mean, come on...I know of NO man who doesn't CRINGE in pain at the thought. I know that "I" certainly do.

    And as you shared, I think the "location" of the tattoo depends on the degree of pain. I've heard several people who enjoy tattoos say the same thing.

    I think different types of pain affect people differently. I found tattoo pain excruciating, however, I've had an absess in one of my teeth, and as painful as it was...I found it easier to experience.

    I'm glad I experienced getting a tattoo, honestly. However, I didn't enjoy the experience enough to wish to repeat it again. And for as long as it's been since I first got it...the "little devil" needs to be touched-up desperately.

    However...I think he will remain that way!

    Tee, hee!

    Thanks SO MUCH for sharing your feelings, Nicole.

    P.S. And tell your hubby...that I would seriously think twice about it!

    Enjoy your weekend, Nicole!

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  7. Oh, Jeff...you ALWAYS make me laugh til I fart!

    You are TOO DAMM FUNNY, bud!

    That's ok...I still use the NEVER word at times. It makes me realize how much I NEVER know!

    Yes...and about the closing photo...

    I searched and searched for the perfect photo for DAYS!!! And then last night, as I got completely disgusted and frustrated...THIS photo popped up and I thought...THAT'S IT!!! That's the one!!!

    Isn't the guy HYSTERICAL???

    And what I really liked about the image, is that he honestly looks HAPPY with himself. It may not be MY cup of tea....but hey...to each his own!

    As always, buddy....thank you for stopping by and adding your wondeful humor to these posts!

    It's so enjoyed!

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  8. Howdy Rhea~

    It's funny that you mentioned the "permanent part" of getting a tattoo, because when I showed my mom...that's the first thing that came out of her mouth, "OMG...do you know that that's PERMANENT???"

    I said, " Shit...no!"

    tee, hee!

    Yes...in as much as I did not enjoy the pain, I can honestly appreciate the "artist talent" it takes to create them. I've seem some on several people that I thought were, breathtaking!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Rhea. It's always a treat to see ANOTHER avatar!!!!!

    You crack me up!

    Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

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  9. Good Afternoon Lady Sorrow!

    I think Nicole and you agree....child birth is MUCH MORE PAINFUL!!!!

    Trust me...I believe you both!

    OUCH...I've heard that a collar bone break is HORRENDOUS! And any burn, as far as I'm concerned is painful. Have you ever experienced a STEAM burn??? Oy vey!

    I think it's WONDERFUL that you enjoy your tattoos...honestly. And like I shared with Rhea, I've seen some on several people that were freaking brilliant!

    I LOVE to see a tattoo on someones back, right along the waistline. SEXY! Also, I enjoy seeing little ones along the back of someones neck. SEXY too!

    And you know something???? At one point...I actually considered getting an "angel" for the other shoulder. I think it would have been cute!

    Hey, your right...maybe it WOULD be less painful!!

    (however I'm too chicken-shit to find out)

    GREAT seeing ya, lady Sorrow! And thank you for always sharing your awesome energy!

    Love ya!

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  10. Afternoon Crystal Chick~

    I'll tell you...I've got the best damn comedians leaving comments on this blog!!

    You ALL crack me the hell up!!

    Thanks for your humor, M!

    OMG...I once knew a guy who had the "barbell thingy" through his tongue and he said it hurt like HELL! He also said that it got infected at one point too! I worked with a beautiful young lady who had her belly button pierced and it actually looked GREAT.

    Yes, that's the thing about getting someone's NAME tattooed. I mean, what happens if you should split up? I guess it serves as a nice reminder!?!?

    That's so sweet how your husband presented his Valentine's gift to you!!! He sound likes such a NICE man! I bet you guys make a wonderful couple!

    See...I guess Peaches was right. Your brother-in-law and daughter certainly went back for more!

    I KNOW...we're expecting a heatwave, hitting in the high 90's!!! It's suppose to peak by Monday and then continue through part of next week!!

    GOD....I HATE BEING HOT!!!

    Make sure you have LOTS of H2O with you at the craft show. And a drop of peppermint essential oil on both your wrists will help cool you too! Also try a few drops on your feet.

    I use a lot of peppermint during the summer...it's awesome!

    Thanks SOOOOOOO much for stopping by today, M! Your words are always a joy to read!

    Stay cool!

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  11. Very interesting topic! I know dozens of people that say it doesn't hurt, but when someone asks me, I tell them the truth, "I'm weak and it hurt like hell..." I didn't turn into an addict, but I did forget the pain, much like a mother forgets the pain of childbirth and then has another, and another... I managed to forget two times, and I have three tattoos, one of which is a cover up so I have sat in the chair of pain FOUR times so far. I will NEVER get another tatoo, the last one just hurt WAY TOO MUCH!
    And oh yeah, thanks for reminding me about that! ha.

    Have a great weekend.

    Rebekah

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  12. Howdy Bekah!

    Thanks for joining in on this tattoo post, and sharing your experience!

    WOW...you sat 4 times????

    It's as you said for me too...I've met many people who said it didn't hurt...or that it DID hurt, but they were willing to endure, because they desired the art work.

    You made me laugh with your NEVER getting another one, because I too feel the same way (it hurt like hell), BUT....we NEVER know, do we???

    (maybe if the tattoo artist supplied a "general anasthectic"...MAYBE!?!!?)

    Ha!

    ALWAYS nice talking to ya, Bekah. And thanks again for sharing!

    FABU weekend!

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  13. Welllllllllll......I do have pierced ears (one on one side, two on the other side)
    And I had a tattoo (party dot...geeze, there's a confession) that I sand papered off--(yup....how desperate is that!) Nope, don't have a clue how I got it. (which might be a very very good thing...LOL)

    Oh, there's the radiation dots that got tattooed against my wishes (it's just how they do it).
    Other than that.....no marks on the body.

    ....oy......
    None of that sounded very good, did it...LOL

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  14. Hello Dear Mel~

    Your comment TICKLED me!!!!

    YOU SANDPAPERED IT OFF???

    Did it HURT?

    And yes, I have seen those radiation dots on people who have had treatments.

    I also have two piercings on my right earlobe, that I had done back in the late 80's. I haven't worn an earring for like a millon years, so I'm SURE their closed up by now!!

    (and I don't want to try it to find out either!)

    OUCH!

    I guess you can tell from some of the comments left here, that NOT ALL tattooing is PAINFUL.

    But for me?...just call me SISSY BABY!

    Thanks for stopping by, my friend. Great talking to ya!

    Have a "chalk-fun" weekend!

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  15. I randomly landed in your blog and I'm glad I did. Your entry was so funny! No tattoos for me!

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  16. Hi Nica!

    Welcome...and thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. It's nice meeting you!

    Glad you enjoyed.

    The art of tattooing is truly an gift, however, for me...I think the next tattoo I get, will be one of those lick and stick ons!!

    tee, hee!

    Please stop by anytime. The door is always open!

    Enjoy your weekend!

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  17. I did consider it, but I don't think I will ever have one.

    People lied to me too about having my nose pierced...it hurt like hell!! :O Thank god it only lasted a few seconds!!

    I recently had someone ask me about using my painting images for a tattoo...which I have no problem with. Actually, I think it will be fun to see it.

    I like your choice. :)

    Love ya!

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  18. Ola Dear Gypsy-Heart~

    OUCH!

    I can't IMAGINE getting my nose pierced, because I thought getting my ear pierce was painful enough. But you're right...it was only a quick SECOND!

    HEY!!!!! I think that's a FABULOUS idea about using your art pieces as a tattoo! You've got some awesome pieces that would make such beautiful body art!!!

    ooooh...good idea, good idea!

    Thanks for stopping by, dear friend. It's always so great seeing you!

    Enjoy your weekend!

    Love ya!

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  19. Ron, the pain is part of the mystique of tattoos. Well, maybe I am just a wee bit of a masochist because I do adore getting tattoos. I've got 7, brother. Only one is small. I must confess, I'm addicted. I will be getting more.

    I think there are tattoo people and no tattoo people. Mine are all very meaningful to me and are beautiful. I was a very young child when I knew I wanted tattoos. (Popeye, love?) They have always attracted me. The guy in your end picture, though - not so much.

    "Best In Show" is the funniest movie. Next weekend - "A Mighty Wind."

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  20. Evening Miss Nytebyrd~

    WOW 7!

    Thank you for sharing the point about the "mystique of tattoo's" and I believe you, because I've heard others share similar words.
    And also that each tattoo held a special meaning.

    I guess the pain is part of the WHOLE process of the beauty!

    And believe me, I've seem many tattoo's that I thought were works of art. So I most definately appreciate the talent that goes into them!

    I think it's awesome that you enjoy getting tattoo's. And hey....there are much worst things to be addicted to, ya know?

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your passion for tattoo's, dear lady.

    And YES!!!! Don't ya just L-O-V-E "Best in Show?" Somehow I knew you would! Guest is a genius!

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  21. LMAO!!!

    OWWWWWWWWW!!

    I am such a baby when it comes to pain! When I was little I was desperate to get my ears peirced! But after the first ear was peirced, I was freaking out of there!!!

    I refused to have the second one done, so for a year I had only one ear peirced (a guy can get away with it but not a girl!)

    A year later I decided to go back to have them both done, but the first peircing had closed up!

    So I had a woman on each of my ears and they had to click their guns at the same time!

    As soon as they did, I was OUT OF THERE!!! (Mum also had to pay first because they knew I would run away screaming!)

    But hey! At least both ears got peirced finally!

    So If I were to get a tattoo... Heck! It would look ridiculous! Because it would not be complete!

    LOL It would probably be of a huge line, from the scraping of the needle as I run away!

    You're very brave Ronnie, very brave! *GiGGLeS* xx

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  22. Oh, Giggle you make me GIGGLE!!!

    Your stories are always so enjoyable to read!!!

    And didn't you hate how after you got your ears peirced, how HOT they got?? I thought my ear was going to POP off!

    And the tattoo...forget it...it was a slow torture!

    I'm glad I have a tattoo, but have no intention of tryin it again!

    I'm a sissy baby...I admit it!

    boo, hoo!

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