Ok…so you’re going to have to guess…One day last month, one of my blogger friends here at Vent, sent me something very special in the mail.
Knowing my love of trolls, this person sent me my very own Cheerleader Troll, who I decided to name Nikki.
And being the sick, demented creature that I am, I decided to share some photos I captured of Nikki, while she was stripping at a proctologists convention here in Philly, one evening last week.
Now please excuse the blurriness in some of these photos, but I just recently purchased a cheap piece of CRAP digital camera, that I got at a local drug store on sale.
(you get what you pay for, right?)
Oh well….I’ll upgrade later.
WARNING: If troll nudity frightens or offends you, please close your eyes immediately.
Anyway…heeeeeeres NIKKI!
She begins slowly, feeling the rhythm of the music pulsating within her veins. She’s a little nervous, but those five martinis she had before the show, begin to loosen her up. And then suddenly….
...she turns around and moons the audience - giving them a tease. The crowd begins to hoot….WOO! WOO! WOO!….this gets Nikki going, so she does a quick spin….
...giving the audience a peek at her fresh Brazilian wax. The audience goes INSANE…banging on the tables and stomping their feet, screaming, “NIKKI!…NIKKI!…NIKKI!” And with one flick of her wrist….
...she rips off her blouse, exposing her voluptuous chest. The crowd goes WILD with LUST. And finally…she can hold back no longer and goes for the kill….
…she tears off her skirt and shows it ALL! Total pandemonium breaks loose, and the security guards have to hold back the crowd, as they try to get up on stage with Nikki and touch her.
As a farewell gesture, Nikki throws her skirt into air, but unfortunately….
…it lands on her head, making her look like a complete rectum.
(but the proctologists understood)
*Nikki is currently available for stripping at: conventions, bachelor parties, bachelorette parties (Nikki swings both ways), retirement parties, and any other party you would like to see a troll strip.
*For fees and availability, contact Nikki at: 1-800-THE-TROL
…it lands on her head, making her look like a complete rectum.(but the proctologists understood)
*Nikki is currently available for stripping at: conventions, bachelor parties, bachelorette parties (Nikki swings both ways), retirement parties, and any other party you would like to see a troll strip.
*For fees and availability, contact Nikki at: 1-800-THE-TROL
bwaaaaaahhhhhaaaaahhhhhaaaaaaaaa with morning beverage spitting out through nose. Thank GAWD it wasn't HOT!
ReplyDeleteThis is freaking hilarious, Ron.
If the sedation from yesterday's procedures hadn't worn off I'd swear I was seeing things. LOL
I LOVE her outfit. It's purple and just FAB!!
But I think after the proctologist she needs to see that hottie Robert Rey on Dr. 90210 for some boobies and nipples.
I'm jealous over that perfect Brazilian wax though.
What a terrific post. I'd say that camera works just fine. I'm not lacking in visuals.
And today is HUMP DAY, isn't it??? hehe
May you and Nikki have many more fun times together! ;)
But DO NOT take her to the park! Your squirrels will be wrecked for life.
OMG! Ron, I damn near had to call 911! I'm spewing coffee all over and choking from laughing so hard.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a perv! Who knew? Must be why I love ya' so much!
BWAAAHAHAHAHA! *koff*
Oh my. That was hilarious.
ReplyDeleteListen, if you don't have enough to do over there I have some stuff that I could use a hand with.
Haha.
That really was funny.
Have a good day!
*covering eyes*
ReplyDeleteACKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!
Holy hell Ron, my internet is f'ed up today. Really pissing me off. It took like 3 whole minutes to go from your post to the comments. I do not have the patience for that kind of slowness. SO I guess I should make it good while I am here....finally.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I was LMAO through this whole thing. This post is just twisted, you know that right?? But still so funny.
Second of all, I couldn't get past the name you chose for your troll.
Nikki? Why Nikki?
A lot of people call me Nikki and I HATE it!!! I feel like a little girl when I hear that name.
But now I am going to associate it with troll strippers.
LOL!!!! This will be all the more reason for me to yell at people to "PLEASE STOP CALLING ME NIKKI!!"
Anywhooooo
Great post Ron.
You had me cracking up.
Morin' Crystal Chick!
ReplyDeleteAren't I SICK?
I actually JUST thought of doing this post as a last minute thing, yesterday afternoon.
It took me ALLLLL night to crop the photos and then postion them on the post page. Blogger makes it almost impossible to use photos. Thank God I know a little bit about HTML, cause I had to rearrange it a tad.
OY VEY!
BUT Nikki turned out cute, didn't she?
GOD LOVE NITEBYRD!!!
The little camera that I got has no ZOOM lense. It's a point and shoot camera. I've never had a digital...and it's FUN to be able to download and then customize your photos. Very cool!
Anyway...thanks for stopping by this morning M! And sorry for making your beverage spit out of your nose....
...but NIKKI does that to people.
The little HOTTIE!
Enjoy your day, M!
P.S. and thanks for your suggestion about Robert Rey. Does he do trolls?
Morin' Miss Nitebyrd!
ReplyDeleteOMG...I thought I was going to call 911, for police backup after Nikki stripped that night, because those proctologists went ape-shit over her!
tee, hee..
Last night, after I hit PUBLISH...I read this post all the way through and thought...
"I ain't right!"
But it SURE IS FUN!!!
Thank you SOOOOOOOOOO much for Nikki, dear Nitebyrd.
As you can tell...she brings me many hours of entertainment!
(probably too much!)
Thanks for stopping by, you wild woman!
Hey Bekah!
ReplyDeleteFunny you should say that, because yesterday when I was putting this post together...I ACTUALLY thought the same damn thing...
"Ron...you REALLY must get a life!!"
HA!
Actually, I'm on a few weeks vacation right now, so I've got A LOT of free time to act like a mental patient!
AND I LOVE IT!!!
Great seeing ya, Bekah!
And thanks for dropping by for some troll stripping!
Mornin' Mel!
ReplyDeleteThat's why I felt the need to WARN people...
It can be QUITE SHOCKING!!!
tee, hee.
Great seeing ya, Mel!
P.S. Next time Nikki gets a job, I'm thinking of adding BUBBLES to the routine. Sort of a Lawrence Welk theme...
Hi Nicole!
ReplyDeleteHey, listen...I'm having the SAME DAMN PROBLEM with the Internet too!It's driving my insane! I thought it was Blogger at first, because it only seemed to happen when I was doing stuff on this blog.
I LOVE blogger, really I do...but their commenting system needs a HUGE overhaul. It takes TOO DAMN LONG!
I think the Internet must be going through something right now, cause it's happening with a lot of people I talk to.
S-L-O-W
Anyway....
So glad you enjoyed Nikki's erotic dancing routine!
She's WILD isn't she???
When she arrived in the mail, I started jumping up and down saying,
"Thank you Nitebyrd...thank you Nitebyrd!"
That was the coolest thing she could have ever done!
Anyway...the name NIKKI was the first name to pop into my head when I saw her. To me...she looks just like a NIKKI.
It's SO ironic that you're nickname is Nikki!!
I like it though! I think it's a cool name!
So be PROUD of your nickname.
Nikki is...!
Thanks for stopping by, Nicole!
And yes...I am most definately TWISTED!
tHAT IS HYSTERICAL, rON !
ReplyDeleteI'm back to blogging again - you are always welcome to come visit :)
Ron, you scare me sometimes! THis was freakin' hilarious. Scary, but hilarious.
ReplyDeleteI can honestly say I've never seen a troll strip before.
You have to tell us what exciting word searches you get on your site now about trolls and stripping.
hahahaha...heheheh..hahahah. Oh that is funny. It looked like one of my shows when everything went all wrong, hehehe. Um, where's the dance pole? hehehe.
ReplyDeleteThe little things is a cutie.
tell me where can I get hold of her agent/manager. I think we need some entertainment here at work...it will help build moral. :D
ciao baby.
Helloooo Annie!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you enjoyed Nikki's routine.
She's practicing more, so she's getting much more comfortable with it!
GLAD to see ya back, Annie!
Howdy Rhea!
ReplyDeleteI SCARE me at times too!
You know what they say, "There's always a touch of INSANITY in an artist!"
But so glad you enjoyed it!
YES...I'll let you know about the "word searches" I get from google. The last post I did on trolls, believe it or not...got more than I thought it would. I guess there's a lot of troll collectors out there!
Thanks for stopping by, Rhea!
Great talking to ya!
That was how my ex wife behaved and come to think of it your Nikki has uncanny resemblence to her.
ReplyDeleteThe ex was plastic also.
It is so nice to see that a guy in Philly can have so much fun with a troll. It sure beats all the other things you could be doing. Like going to a prune farm or milking a lizard. Thank you for your post it made me smile and laugh out loud. I think I just peed my pants.
Ola Miss Jones!
ReplyDeleteOMG...THANK YOU for mentioning a DANCE POLE!!!
I never thought of that, but I think it would be a WONDERFUL addition!!!
(although, I wonder if her Pom-Pom's would get in the way?)
HA!
I'm actually her manager/agent at the moment.
(until I can get William Morris interested in her)
So just let me know...I'll give you a great deal!
VUNDERBAR seeing ya, Spiky!
Thanks for stopping by!
Helloooooo DAVE!!!!
ReplyDeleteOMG...it's SOOO great to see ya back, buddy!
I've missed your wonderful humor!
Holy Cow...you made me BUST out laughing with your reference to your ex-wife!!!
That was hysterical!
Yes, having some time off from work...and receiving this wonderful gift from Nitebyrd...has gotten my creative and insanity juices flowing...
But damn...it's FUN!
Thanks so much for taking the time to stop by today, Dave!
What a GREAT treat!
I think Nikki could turn her life around. She needs to start doing lectures at troll high schools about the dangers of falling in with the wrong troll crowd.
ReplyDeleteIf she must continue stripping then for heaven's sake get her a pole. She needs some way to keep her balance.
OH DIANNE....you are TOO TOO funny, girl!!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely LOVE the idea of her giving lecture tours to Troll Schools!!!
(she could do some "one-day stops" all across the country and even EUROPE!)
And perform in the evenings. I think FRANCE would love her!
And you're RIGHT!
I do need to add a pole.
I mean, it's the LEAST I could for her, ya know?
Hows PVC?
AREN'T WE SICK???
Thanks for stopping by and giving your wonderful imput, Dianne!
Always great having your humor here!
LOL that was so much fun Ron!
ReplyDeleteI love Nikki's hair - it's almost the same colour as mine! ;)
Afternoon Akelamalu!
ReplyDeleteoooooh!
I'll tell Nikki you enjoyed her...she'll be THRILLED that someone from the UK saw her!
That's her goal...to tour Europe and take them by storm!
tee, hee!
YES...I wanted to color her hair similar to Marilyn Monroe...but it came out more like Judy Jetson!
ALWAYS great seeing ya, my friend!
Thanks for stopping by for a troll strip!