Wednesday, November 05, 2008

I Sit to Pee

I know this is very personal and I’m probably going to regret ever saying this on the World Wide Web, and it may one day even prevent me from getting a job at K-Mart, but…

…I like to sit when I pee.

There...I said it.

However, when I’m in a public rest room, I DO stand.

But that’s only because the seats are so disgustingly FILTHY and I value my ass much more than that.

And you can forget about me trying to pee at a urinal, because I would rather my bladder BURST…than stand there with nine other men, staring at a wall covered in graffiti and talking about the Philadelphia Eagles.

um...I don't think so!

But at home, and also when I’m in someone else’s home…I sit.

And please don’t laugh, because I would like one person here to tell me where it’s documented, that men are naturally born with the genetic coding to stand while peeing.

I mean….who invented this silly task?

And I’ll tell you the main reason why I like to sit, and that’s because it’s LESS MESSY.

I don’t care how careful a man is…it always back-splashes EVERYWHERE.

And another reason I like to sit, is because it’s actually much more comfortable than standing up and trying to aim my “binky” at a puddle of water.

Sometimes when I have to pee in the middle of the night, sitting down is especially helpful because I can rest my head against the sink and continue sleeping. This way, it keeps me in a restful state of relaxation, so that when I get back into bed…I just nod right off.

And besides that…try STANDING and peeing while your half asleep, and then take a look at the toilet seat the next morning…

…I guarantee it’ll look like someone took a garden hose to your bathroom in the middle of the night.

I’m sorry…but I’m a man who likes to take a seat when I pee.

Because I would much rather sit, than do this….