Safety-Cap Drama


There are so many more enjoyable things I’d rather do, than try to remove a safety cap from a aspirin bottle.

Such as…RAMMING A KNITTING NEEDLE INTO MY EYE!!!!!

Not only are safety caps resistant to children…. but they’re resistant to anything HUMAN!

In fact, I think it would take several sticks of dynamite wrapped around a hand grenade, to get the caps off.

It would be so much easier if the bottle tops just came with a locker combination.

Anyway…a few days ago, I needed to take two aspirins…

…so I headed for the medicine cabinet and proceeded to remove the cap.

Well…whatever headache I was experiencing at the time had only gotten WORSE, because the tension that was building throughout every cell in my body, while trying to get the DAMN cap off…became like an erupting volcano.

I did as I was instructed: to line up the two little arrows between the cap and the bottle, and then I proceeded to flip the cap off with my thumb…

..NOTHING!

I PUSHED.

I PULLED.

I TWISTED.

I then tried realigning the arrows….

I PUSHED.

I PULLED.

I TWISTED.

I then put my reading glasses on and tried realigning the arrows AGAIN…

I PUSHED.

I PULLED.

I TWISTED.

By this time, the tip of my thumb had started to swell in agonizing pain, because of all the pressure I was using.

I decided to take a short break to calm myself down, because I thought I was going to go break a blood vessel in my neck.

After a minute, took a deep breath and then I tried it again.

I carefully lined up the arrows…

I PUSHED.

I PULLED.

I TWISTED.

…MUTHER F*CKER!!#?*!?!!!?

I suddenly grabbed the bottle in my fist…and FLUNG IT AGAINST THE WALL!!!!

….and that seemed to do it…

…I had no more pain.







22 comments

  1. Sounds like something I'd do! LOL

    What happens to me is sometimes I wake up in the morning with what feels like an axe-to-the-head headache (I think while I'm sleeping I'm teeth-grinding from all the stress I'm under) and usually it wears off or a nice Frappuccino will soothe me and I never have to take any aspirin. For ~*~OBVIOUS~*~ reasons, I can't get in the habit of taking anything. So I just tough it out.
    (Though I have a bunch of knitting needles if need be)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Been there, done that!! Sometimes it's just best to give the bottle to a child. They get into lots of things they aren't supposed to. It's a gift.

    My grandson has already found the electrical outlet on the side of my bookcase BEHIND a pillow, hubby's desk drawer filled with all kinds of crazy little TOOLS, the STOVE knobs if his high chair is even the tiniest bit close enough to stretch his body wayyyy over to reach, and he can take off his pants and his diaper and pee all over his crib before his Mommy even wakes up. Hmmmm.....
    if you aren't using those aspirins.... maybe I can borrow them for my daughter. She's gonna need an econo size bottle and he can help her open it!

    Happy week!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aloha Debi!

    aaaahh....isn't it AMAZING what a Frappucino with DO for you???

    Body AND soul!

    It's like a wonderful healing salve that washes away ANYTHING!!

    I think Starbucks should advertize themselves as "pain-relieving!"

    HAHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks for dropping by Deb!

    Hope you enjoyed your first FRAP of the day!

    Konichiwa!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Morning Crystal Chick!

    Doesn't that "FLINGING" the bottle across the room feel FABULOUS????

    And I totally agree with you....I think a child has a much BETTER chance of opening a safety-cap than an adult!

    Children are SOOOOOO smart!

    Holy cow, M....you reminded me of something when you mentioned about Alex and the electrical outlet....

    ...when I was a kid, I stuck a car key in one!!

    OMG....talk about SHOCKING!!!!!!

    Even to this day...I still remember what that felt like!!

    BZZZZZT!

    Thanks for dropping by, M!

    Hey...and aren't you enoying this suddden "crispness" in the air??

    It feels so refreshing!!!

    Happy week to you too!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hate those childproof locks! There should be another option for those who haven't got children in the house don't you think? :(

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yeah, this is almost an everyday scene at the Dustbunny household. However, the top on the radio active, extremely lethal toilet bowl cleaner is the WORST!

    ReplyDelete
  7. YES...Akelamalu!!!!

    Absolutely, positively!!!!

    Brilliant idea, dear lady!

    There should be separate shelves...

    *one for people with children

    *and one for households with NO children

    Of course....being the CHILD that I am...I wonder which shelf I would choose???

    HAHAHAHAHA!

    MUCHO thanks for dropping by and for your GREAT suggestion!!!

    BRAVA!

    Enjoy your evening!

    ReplyDelete
  8. YEEEEEES...Lady Nitebyrd!!!!

    You are absolutely CORRECT!!!!

    Toilet bowl cleaner AND also Draino are the WORST of all!

    Of course I totally understand WHY...but it STILL makes me want to SCREAM and throw things!!!

    There's something so liberating about FLINGING things, isn't there?

    GREAT seeing ya, SIS!

    ALWAYS a JOY!

    Hope you're having a MAAAAVALOUS Monday!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Howdy Lady Sorrow!

    I know....

    I SNORT every time I do this!!!!

    Thanks for dropping by today!

    Sincerely,
    Mr. Drama
    X

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anytime I have to open a "safety cap" I give it to my children to open. It takes them three seconds!

    ReplyDelete
  11. *snickering*

    The good news is--I don't have this problem cuz I don't buy asprin in the bottle. It's never been effective with my headaches. I'm guessin' being grateful for headaches that flinging to bottle cures is a good thing!

    The bad news is those safety tops on toilet bowl cleaners are something I don't GET to avoid. And one dare not fling those for fear of the toxic contents eating a hole through your wall/floor.
    Now those....suck!

    ReplyDelete
  12. OMG Domestic Diva....that is so funny!

    You and Crystal Chick said the same thing!

    And both of you having children....I believe you!

    So maybe safety caps are only on this planet to IRRITATE adults!!!'

    HAHAHAHHA!

    ALWAYS fun seeing ya, DD!

    Hope you had a fabulous DIVA Monday!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Evening Dear Mel!

    It's funny, because I RARELY get headaches or PAIN, for that matter...so I guess that bottle wasn't use to being OPENED or something!?!?!

    I sure showed it though...didn't I???

    WAAAAAAACK!

    OMG...it felt glorious too!

    HAHAHAHHAHA!

    And yes, like Nitebyrd shared... those bathroom cleaners are NASTY to get open, aren' they???

    I guess there's no avoiding safety-caps, right Mel?

    DAMN IT!

    I wonder if the Faries have anything to say about that!

    HA!

    Always wonderful sharing with you, dear lady!

    Happy Monday

    ReplyDelete
  14. LOLOLOLOL...oh this is so hysterical and isn't it the truth??? what's up with that anyway? the absolute worst is - are you ready? - generic immodium!!!! you know , those little tablets you are supposed to peel the top off of to get at the pill? well, just try that sometime when you have to go really badly, can't, freak out when you have to and can't for WHATEVER reason, dig for gold to find the teeny thing in my purse and then, sweat beads on forehead, try and get a fingernail, key, knitting needle, scissors, knives, screw driver, drill bits, saw, machine gun....OMG, I CANNOT GET THOSE DAMNED THINGS OPEN!!! by now, I would be so freaked out, I have to call my therapist's pager and husband to come open the damned thing...well, you get the idea...they make the useless aspirin cap look like child's play (which it is- not ADULTS!), which is also impossible so now I just don't put the lid back on ONCE *we* get it off!

    sigh....are we just getting old? XO

    ReplyDelete
  15. Greetings Linda!

    OMG...your comment made me HOWL!!!

    I know EXACTLY what you're talking about when it comes to those DAMN tablets that you have to PEEL...in order to get it out!!!!

    I've experienced that with allergy medicine I sometimes take during the Spring.

    HOLY MOLY!!!!

    WHAT IS THAT FOIL EVER MADE OFF????

    Cause you're right...it takes a DRILL BIT to get it out!!!

    Oh...how funny!

    Thanks SOOOO much for sharing your delightful story, Linda!

    You've added MUCH to this zany post!

    Hope you had a GREAT Monday, and are enjoying your evening!

    Thanks for stopping by, dear lady!
    X

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hey Ron!!

    Love it.. Well, not that you had pain in the making... but that you described it so funnily... I can relate COMPLETELY!! I've had times where I couldn't get the darn cap off so I handed it to a kid and said, "Here, you do it..." and within seconds the darn kiddo had the cap off.... Saved me some heartache!!!
    Hope you're feeling better by now...
    Hugs,
    Leesa

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ronnie, sweetie. I know how you feel. I pushed up and pushed up and it wouldn't open. I chipped a nail.

    I man i know they are suppose to be kid sake but they are not. I was so angry that i had chipped a nail...that I thew it...just like you. But my eldest son just happen to walk around the corner.

    *BONK* Right on the noggin.

    Oh he's okay...he's hard headed like his daddy. Why...he said he knew one day I would pay him back for that golf ball he there and hit me on the forehead when he was 6 years old.

    Ronnie...it's true. he threw it and it hit me square on the forehead and a bump rose quickly. I though didn't throw the bottle at him...knowing he was going to come around the corner.

    Anyway...the prince opened the bottle for me. Thaat god...cause the next step was the can opener. hehehe

    Um...what arrows? Huh?

    Ciao ronnie..you rock sweetie.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Bonjour Leesa!!

    OMG...I finally figured out through several commentors on this post...

    ....that KIDS can open them!!!

    So maybe their only ADULT PROOF!

    HAHAHAHA!

    And yes, my friend...I felt immediately better after that THROW!

    It was like I threw away the headach.

    It was magic!

    Thanks for dropping by, Leesa!

    Always a DE-light!

    Hope you had a wonderful Tuesday!
    X

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dear Miss Jones!

    OUCH!@@$!?*!

    A golf ball to the forehead???

    Oy chee mamba!

    Hey...I'm SOOOO glad to hear that I'm not the only person on this planet that throws things!!!

    Maybe it's our Italian blood, ya think?

    We're very passionate people who LOVE to express every emotion!!

    aaaah....but I LOVE it!

    Don't you?

    I finally figured out WHY those arrows are on the bottle...

    ...because there actually pointing in the direction of the WALL!!!

    HAHHAHAHA!

    WACK!

    Thank for sharing your awesome story, my friend!

    You always make me feel like we're both, two of the most SANE people in the world!

    Ciao bella
    X

    ReplyDelete
  20. I find driving over it repeatedly helps.

    The other day, my Chicklet was looking at an empty one and let it slip she's gotten one to blow up the other day. I didn't ask, somethings I just shouldn't know about.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh WOW...Anndi!

    BRAVA!

    PLEASE ask Chicklet if she'll email me the "formula" to do that.

    Tell her I'll pay her $100.00, payable through PAYPAL.

    HEE.HEE.HEE!

    Honestly, kids find the BEST ways to open these damn things!

    SO I quess the answer is...

    "Think like a KID!"

    ALWAYS fun sharing with ya, Anndi!

    ReplyDelete