Monday, November 10, 2008

Safety-Cap Drama

There are so many more enjoyable things I’d rather do, than try to remove a safety cap from a aspirin bottle.

Such as…RAMMING A KNITTING NEEDLE INTO MY EYE!!!!!

Not only are safety caps resistant to children…. but they’re resistant to anything HUMAN!

In fact, I think it would take several sticks of dynamite wrapped around a hand grenade, to get the caps off.

It would be so much easier if the bottle tops just came with a locker combination.

Anyway…a few days ago, I needed to take two aspirins…

…so I headed for the medicine cabinet and proceeded to remove the cap.

Well…whatever headache I was experiencing at the time had only gotten WORSE, because the tension that was building throughout every cell in my body, while trying to get the DAMN cap off…became like an erupting volcano.

I did as I was instructed: to line up the two little arrows between the cap and the bottle, and then I proceeded to flip the cap off with my thumb…

..NOTHING!

I PUSHED.

I PULLED.

I TWISTED.

I then tried realigning the arrows….

I PUSHED.

I PULLED.

I TWISTED.

I then put my reading glasses on and tried realigning the arrows AGAIN…

I PUSHED.

I PULLED.

I TWISTED.

By this time, the tip of my thumb had started to swell in agonizing pain, because of all the pressure I was using.

I decided to take a short break to calm myself down, because I thought I was going to go break a blood vessel in my neck.

After a minute, took a deep breath and then I tried it again.

I carefully lined up the arrows…

I PUSHED.

I PULLED.

I TWISTED.

…MUTHER F*CKER!!#?*!?!!!?

I suddenly grabbed the bottle in my fist…and FLUNG IT AGAINST THE WALL!!!!

….and that seemed to do it…

…I had no more pain.