My inspiration for this post came from my dear, longtime blogging friend, Debbie @ Musings by an ND Domer's Mom, who is not only a gifted...
For my male readers, I know you will understand what I’m about to share on this post.
For my female readers, I sincerely know that you experience your own frustrations when it comes to dressing and having to put on pantyhose, a bra, styling your hair, and applying makeup. Not to mention having to select the coordinating shoes, handbag, and jewelry accessories.
So for you ladies, I ask that you simply read this and say, “ Oooooh…..you poor baby. I feel sooo sorry for you.”
Saturday morning while getting ready for work, I got to the point of total insanity while trying to tie my tie properly.
After thirty-something years of doing this, I can normally tie my ties blindfolded without ever having to concentrate on how to do it. However, on this particular morning I felt like a 54 year old virgin learning how to tie for the first time.
Perhaps it’s because I was in a hurry, or perhaps it was the cause of a full moon and that mercury was retrograding and shitting over my fourth house in Libra, but it took me FOUR attempts to tie the damn thing.
For some reason I couldn’t get the front and back of the tie to line up evenly.
The first time I tried, the front of the tie was hanging so low it was literally touching my crotch.
I looked like one of those Barnum and Bailey circus clowns.
Then the second time I tried, the back of the tie was hanging about 3 inches below the front of the tie.
Which looked as though someone had taken a pair of scissors and cut off 3 inches from the front.
I did this over again two more times until I thought I wanted to commit suicide by taking the tie and STRANGLING myself with it.
I ended up getting so frustrated, I started sweating like a pig and huffing and puffing like wild bull, while spitting and screaming horrible obscenities through the mirror at my tie.
One of which was…..
“YOU MOTHER FUCKING BASTARD!!!”
But after the fourth try, I finally got the thing tied properly.
And guess what?
It only took me twenty minutes and aged me ten more gray hairs and facial wrinkles to do something that should have taken me ONE minute.
In case this ever happens to me again, I’ve decided that I will buy myself a few emergency clip-on ties, like the one’s I use to wear in Catholic grammar school when I was a little boy.
So all I have to do is simply clip that sucker on…..and GO!
What do ya think?
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