La cucaracha!

There are only a few things that make me want to leap up and stand on a chair, curling my fingers and toes, and scream in HORROR.

One of those things is the sight of someone wearing white gym socks with flip flops, and the other is watching a cockroach scurry across my apartment floor.

Such as it was last Tuesday evening.

About once a year (during the warmer months), I bare witness to a roach that has somehow found access into my apartment; causing me cardiac arrest. And I’m not talking about your average run of the mill little roach, I’m talking about a huge, and I mean HUGE cockroach. So huge, you could literally throw a saddle on it’s back and gallop into the sunset while drinking a salted margarita, singing “La cucaracha.”

I kid you not.

While living in Florida this became an almost every week occurrence because of all the humidity and dampness. Florida is the perfect stomping ground for cockroaches. In the Sunshine State they call them Palmetto bugs. And in case you didn’t know, Palmetto bugs are actually the Florida state bird.

That's how big they are.

However here in the northeast, especially us city folk, we refer to any and all bugs as illegal aliens. I sincerely think bugs should be forbidden to enter a city without a passport and a green card.

Now I realize that bugs (even cockroaches) have a purpose in this world, however I don’t think that purpose should involve me having to see them. EVER.

Anyhoo….last Tuesday evening, as I got up from my desk and walked towards the kitchenette, I saw something move on floor out of the corner of my eye. And when I turned to look to my left, I saw a GARGANTUAN brown roach running across my nice hardwood floors; heading into the bathroom.


OH.

MY.

GOD.

I FREAKED!

For the first few seconds I stood there paralyzed; staring at this hideous creature that invaded my home. And I could sense that the roach knew I had seen it because it stopped dead in it’s tracks; thinking to itself, “Holy shit….I’ve been had!”

Without moving my head, I looked around my apartment for something to SMASH it with. Just then, the roach ran into the bathroom and cleverly hid itself under the radiator. I quickly grabbed the closest thing to my left hand, which was a small beautiful oriental three-panel screen which I had purchased in Japan. And as I slowly crept into the bathroom on my tippy toes, I held my murder weapon above my head, anticipating the roach’s next move. Finally, that little bastard darted out from under the radiator and began running towards me….yes, TOWARDS ME! I JUMPED up, but then with one quick move and a sissy-mary SCREAM, I threw my beautiful oriental three-panel screen on top of the roach and then stomped on it.

SMASH!!!!!!!

And when I lifted the screen, I saw this……



Yeah, I know this picture is gross, but not any grosser than this one……

Beauty Night And Taking A Break

Hola everyone!

Just wanted to let you know that I’ll be taking this week off from blogging, because I’ve got a lot going on at work.

However, I will leave you with this whimsical little video to enjoy....

Have a faaaaabulous week!

I’ll miss you guys and gals!

X

Note: Please feel free to visit my You Tube Channel, where you will find more of my madness.

There's A Secret At Midnight

For those who don’t have much interest in beauty products, you may find this post kind of boring. But then again, maybe not. Because its always amusing to read how some people will believe anything you tell them; even if what you tell them sounds so far-fetched and totally unbelievable.

(I take after my father in that he use to LOVE to pull people's legs)

First, I’ve got to say that the beauty item I’m about to share with you is in fact an outstanding product because it truly does what it claims.

It REALLY works.

(and it should for $115.00)

When I first moved back to Philly, I had the opportunity to be a representative for Guerlain, which is a cosmetic, skincare, and fragrance company from France.

I think out of all the various divisions within Guerlain, skincare is their strongest division. They offer some of the most effective skin treatments on the market.

Take for instance, Midnight Secret, which is a late night recovery treatment that works while you sleep. It detoxifies, replenishes and oxygenates your skin, repairing and counteracting signs of fatigue. You'll wake to a radiant and refreshed complexion.

Similar to that radiant and refreshed complexion you receive after having a 4-hour marathon of wild, multi-climactic sex with the man or woman you love.

So, on second thought, you can save yourself $115.00 by just doing BOOM-BOOM at midnight.

Honesty though, the first time I tried Midnight Secret and then glanced at myself in the mirror the following morning, my skin had a youthful glowing appearance, similar to Brad Pitt in the movie “Thelma and Louise.”

(Okay…perhaps that’s a slight exaggeration)

However, I did see a difference in my skin. It appeared refreshed, more even, and brighter. My under eye dark circles also seemed less noticeable.

One of things I never really understood about his product was WHY they chose to call it Midnight Secret. The operative word being Midnight.

So, I decided to make up my own reason, by telling customers who were thinking about purchasing it, that the only way this product would work was if they applied it at the stroke of midnight.

I remember sharing this with a customer one afternoon….

I said, “Now listen, I cannot stress this enough. You must, and mean MUST apply this product at midnight SHARP, or it won’t work.”

She said, “What do you mean it won’t work?”

“Well, if you apply it before midnight it will be too early, making your skin look worse. And if you apply after midnight it won’t do a damn thing, because it’s too late.

She looked at me in total confusion and said, “But, I normally go to bed around 10:30, so what am I going to do?”

I said, “You’re going to have to change your bedtime, or can forget about purchasing this product.”

Then I paused slightly, smiled, and busted out into laughter saying, “HA!…GOTCHA!”

(laughing) She said, “Oh my god, I thought you were telling me the truth!”

She ended up buying Midnight Secret, yet I couldn’t help but imagine if what I had told her was partially true.

I mean what if she applied Midnight Secret at 10:30 instead of midnight….

Ooops!

Wishing you a gorgeous weekend everyone!

X

Going Green and Recycling Dental Floss

I know this is probably too much information to be sharing with y'all, but considering that last year I confessed PUBLICALLY about shaving my gonads, come to think of it, what I’m about to share with you really isn’t too much information at all.

It’s just plain GROSS.

Okay, let me just come right out with it….

One night last week after I ate my dinner, I went into the bathroom to brush and floss my teeth.

See, Dr. Dentist Susie! ….I DO have good dental hygiene habits, aren’t you proud of me?

However, as I was pulling the floss from the dispenser, I noticed that I only had enough for one more flossing, which meant I would have nothing to use in the morning after I ate my breakfast. And I was NOT about to walk to the drug store at 9:30 p.m. and get mugged and raped in this godforsaken city, just to purchase a new roll of dental floss. I would have probably chanced it to purchase a Rita's Italian Water Ice, but NOT dental floss.

So, after I finished cleaning my teeth, I contemplated what I could possibly use in lieu of floss, until I could get to CVS after work the next day.

I looked through every drawer and closet, thinking to myself, “Okay, what can I use? What can I use?”

I suddenly got a brilliant idea of using sewing thread, but when I tried to rehearse with it to see if it would actually work, it just kept breaking every time I attempted to slide it down between my teeth.


I also tried using a long hair from one of my troll dolls, but if any of you own trolls and have ever attempted this yourselves, you’ve most likely discovered that the second a troll hair makes contact with saliva, it DISINTEGRATES.

That’s because trolls are really shrunken little dead people who were evil, and have been cursed by given a face that looks as though they're perpetually STONED, and hair that resembles COTTON CANDY.

Anyway….

I finally came to the conclusion that the only thing I could do, was to recycle my already-been-used dental floss and use it again in the morning.

Yeah, I know…….NASTY.

However, I did take care to wash the floss thoroughly, and then sanitize it with tea tree oil.

And I have to say, I think the floss worked just as well used, as it did new.

I mean my teeth ended up looking great…….

See, Dr. Dentist Susie! ….I DO have good dental hygiene habits, aren’t you proud of me?

The Gray Area of Attraction

Quite often, I seem to get my inspiration for future blog posts from something that another blogger has shared in one of their blog posts, or through comments either left on this blog or someone else’s.

So, thank you everyone!

Such as it was in my recent Pussycat Dolls post.

My longtime and very artistically gifted blogging friend, Linda, always seems to give me food for thought in her comments; asking me an interesting question or simply expressing a thought she may have had.

Thanks, Linda…xo

In that post, I shared about how I find the Pussycat Dolls sexy.

In Linda’s comment she said….

“it's interesting to me that you find them sexy when you're gay ....”

My response to her was…..

“Just because I'm gay, doesn't mean I don't find women sexy. I think women are beautiful; equally as attractive as men. I just prefer men as a partner....”

And I truly believe that most gay men would response similarly.

Personally (and I’ve shared this before), I can see and appreciate the beauty in both sexes. And even though I may be more drawn to a man on an intimate level, I believe this world would be one dimensional and very boring without the presence of women.

I think if we could be totally honest with ourselves, most people would share that whatever their sexual preference is, they too have at one time or another found a member of their opposite sexual preference attractive.

And that doesn’t mean you’re gay or even bi-sexual, it just means that you can view anyone as attractive or sexy.

Sexy is sexy, regardless of the gender.

To me, sexiness encompasses more than just the physical part of a person, anyway. It also has a lot to do with the way a person carries themselves. The aura they exude.

I’ve come to the conclusion there is no such thing as only black and white when it comes to attraction. There is a whole area of GRAY which is not really definable, but it's there.

It's those spaces between black and white, which represent our ability to purely appreciate the beauty of everyone.

So, yes…even though I prefer a partnership with a man, I can still find a woman very sexy.

It’s that simple.

Wishing you a beautiful weekend everyone!

X

A Glorious Sunday in the Park With George

Yesterday morning, as I opened the windows in my apartment and felt how cool and breezy it was outside, I instantly remembered WHY I love this time of the year so much.

It is at this time, when I can begin to feel the subtle changes in the season as we begin to move into Fall.

Alleluia!

Sunday was absolutely glorious.

The sky was bright blue; void of any clouds. The sun shined brightly, yet there was not a single trace of heat or humidity in the air. And the best part, was that the temperature was only a mere 71 degrees, which made the breeze feel like I was experiencing my own version of heaven on earth.

Fortunately I had the day off, so I walked to a nearby park and sat on a blanket under my favorite tree while listening to soothing music coming from my CD player; sipping a tall Starbucks coffee.

I watched, as everyone around me seemed to experience the same sense of euphoria, as they walked their dogs, played Frisbee, and laid in the cool grass; simply reveling in the day.

It was as if there was a contagious soon-to-be-Fall energy that was being passed around by everyone in the park, connecting us all to the same feeling of relaxed excitement.

Normally in a city, people will very rarely make eye contact because they’re too busy talking on their cell phones or text messaging to even notice anyone around them. However, on this day total strangers where actually looking at one another and saying, “Hello.”

Everyone had a huge smile on their face.

Including the dogs.

Which reminds me…..

….about an hour after sitting under my favorite tree and enjoying the day, I noticed a woman walking her ADORABLE dog on a leash. The dog was obviously sniffing for a place to relieve itself, when suddenly he found the perfect spot, which was about three feet from my blanket. I watched, as he squatted; leaving a lovely little POOP right in front of me. He then did what many males dogs do, by kicking up the grass with his hind legs, as if making martial art moves like Bruce Lee.

And take a guess where all that grass landed?

Yup…....

Oh, what a glorious Sunday in the park with George!

Sway......Pussycat Dolls

Waaaaaaay back in my dusty archives, you will find a post in which I shared my secret crazy desire to reincarnate in my next life as a female, so I can audition to be one of the Pussycat Dolls.

However, there is a slight chance I may come back with a female body, yes, but with my current face.

So, that may not work….


Those of you who aren’t familiar with the Pussycat Dolls, can read about them here.

In the meantime, I will give you a quick CliffsNotes version.

The Pussycat Dolls are an all-female, singing/dancing modern burlesque group that originated in Los Angeles, California. Currently, there are several casts of the Pussycat Dolls who tour the globe. They also have a nightclub in Las Vegas.

People seem to have two opinions of the Pussycat Dolls. They either think they’re demeaning to females; showing themselves as merely sex objects with no talent or brains. Then, there are others (such as myself) who think they’re freakin’ fabulous.

(but then again, I’m nothing but a shallow little twit.)

I see them as incredible sexy, multi-talented, and plenty smart. Because if they weren’t smart, how could they be so successful?

And as far as being demeaning to females, I think of them as just the opposite. When I watch these ladies perform, I see a celebration of female beauty. Granted, not all females may look like them, but some do. So, why not just sit back and enjoy them.

I mean not all males may look like David Beckham, but I can certainly see him as a celebration of the male form.



(I hope to god he didn’t have Mexican for lunch before posing for this photo.)

Anyway, at the time I published that first Pussycat Dolls post I didn’t have DSL, therefore was unable to add a video. Not unless I was willing to walk from Philadelphia to Chicago and back, while waiting for the video to buffer.

NOT!

So, today I would like to share my favorite Pussycat Dolls video, as they sing and dance to one of my all-time favorite songs, Sway.

Sway was first made popular by Dean Martin. His version is awesome too, except not nearly as, shall I say….HOT?

So, fasten your seatbelts everyone, it’s going to be a BUMP and GRIND night!

Sway pussycats, sway…..

Have a meeeeow of a weekend everyone!

X