“Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain”

Thanksgiving evening, I rented one of my all-time favorite films, The Wizard of Oz.

I could instantly remember as a child, viewing this spectacular piece of celluloid on television, traditionally the weekend before every Thanksgiving.

Isn’t it amazing how sometimes a film, music, and things such as aromas, have the power to instantly transport you back to a strong memory?

All the members of my family would gather in the den eating popcorn and drinking coke; being just as excited to watch this film as we had been the year before. The only inconvenient thing about watching it on television, was that you never got the chance to rewind it and view certain scenes again, like you can now with a DVD. So it was even more special, because we only got to see it once a year. And the only pauses you got while viewing this film, were during the commercial breaks, whereupon everyone would RUN to the bathroom for a pee-pee break and then RUN back to the television set, as not to miss a single second.

Watching it again last week, made me feel like a little kid. I was all giddy and excited, anticipating these wonderful characters coming to life. I laid on the floor with my pillows and blanket, all cozy and warm on a cold and gray, rainy evening. It felt WONDERFUL!

Today, I would like to highlight a bit of this magical film for you…..

Dorothy singing, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” No one sings it like Judy!

The Kansas tornado that blows Dorothy’s house into the sky.

The evil Miss Gulch riding by on her bicycle/broomstick. This part always scares the shit out of me!

Dorothy in Munchkinland.

Glenda, the Good Witch of the North.

Secret: I always wanted BE her, so I could wear that faaaaaabulous dress!

I think I look much better than Billie Burke, don’t you?

I’m too sexy for this dress!

The Wicked Witch of the West. She always reminded me of one particular member of my family. Especially her green face and cackling voice!

The Wicked Witch of the East, after being SQUASHED by Dorothy’s house.

Dorothy wearing the infamous Jimmy Choo Ruby Slippers.

Dorothy and her three traveling companions. The Lion (my favorite), the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man.

The great and powerful Oz.

A montage of Dorothy returning home; realizing she had the power to do so all along.

“There’s no place like home….there’s no place like home….”

If you have a chance this holiday season, please watch this beloved film. Not only is it entertaining and fun, but more so, I think it’s the message this story shares that is the real magic. The message that as an adult, I sometimes forget.

Everything I need, when it comes to guidance, knowledge, and true happiness, is always inside.

Right in my own backyard.

P.S. if you have some time this week, please view the short video clip of Judy Garland singing, Over the Rainbow on my sidebar. It will touch your heart.

Another Retail Story: “Me no like this color……”

The quote you see above are the words I hear almost EVERY SINGLE DAY at work.

“Me no like this color…..does this free bag come in different color?”

For those of you who might not be familiar with purchasing cosmetics or fragrances in a department store, we in the cosmetic industry have created a monster.

And that monster is called, A Gift With Purchase.

Sometimes certain companies will offer a free gift with a minimum purchase, in an attempt to persuade a customer to buy something from them.

Often that gift is either a handbag (for females), or a gym bag (for males). They each come in only one color and one style, but somehow certain customers believe they’re entitled to a choice. And most of these certain customers are people who will try to barter; wheeling and dealing with you until they get the price they want, and the color bag they want.

Funny, these are the same certain people who own practically every single convenient store in the city of Philadelphia, and who charge $7.00 for a pack of chewing gum and then won’t allow you to use your debit card unless you purchase something for $10.00 or MORE.

And funny, these are the same certain people who ALWAYS come into my store looking for a DISCOUNT.

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of waiting on two delightful certain ladies who were inquiring about a free handbag that came with a fragrance. First of all I have to tell you straight up, that the handbag this company was offering looked like something you would find at a circus, as the prize you’d win for seeing how many balloons you could pop using darts. It was the cheapest and most gaudiest-looking handbag I have ever seen, but you’d swear these ladies where getting a free handbag from The House of Chanel.

And after about 45 minutes of closely inspecting it; outside of scanning it through an MRI machine to see if there were any imperfections, one of the ladies looked up at me and said, “Me no like this color….does it come in blue?”

OMG, I wanted to SCREAM, because the thought of this hideous-looking handbag coming in blue made all the hair on my body want to jump off.

*and no, the photo you see above was not the actual bag

But instead I calming said, “I’m sorry, it only comes in this color.”

Whereupon she said, “Well, me no like this color.”

Whereupon I said, “Well, I don’t know what to tell you, this is the only color it comes in, you don’t have a choice. ”

“But me no like this color, I want blue.”

“It’s a FREE gift, so you get what they give you.”

“But me no like this color, I want blue.”

“Well, outside of taking a blue crayon and coloring this handbag, there is nothing I can do about that.”

“But I want BLUE handbag.”

“Um, it sounds to me like you’re looking for a blue handbag, not a fragrance. So perhaps you should walk over to our handbag department and look at the Coach purses which come in a variety of colors, but I guarantee it won’t be FREE.”

And as they walked away; shuffling their feet, I thought to myself….

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!$#!?*!?@!?

Please pray for me…….it’s Black Friday.

Wishing you a flawless weekend everyone!

X

Being Thankful for the Challenges

Since I normally post on Mondays and Fridays, I’m going to miss Thanksgiving Day, therefore I thought I’d share my gratitude post today.

Like most people, I sometimes tend to get wrapped up in my daily life; overlooking the blessings that are directly in front of me, but somehow don’t always see.

I can be very self-absorbed at times, and bitch and moan about the most ridiculous things.

Why is it that it often takes a challenging life-altering experience to cause you to notice all the good you have in your life?

Well, I guess that’s why they’re called life-altering, because they ultimately seem to sober you into prioritizing what is really important and what is not.

Last week, my good friend Jimmy, shared an enlightening post about being grateful for even our challenging experiences, because they are an invaluable teaching tool.

And he’s right.

I mean think back to some of the really challenging times in your life, times when it was so dark you didn’t think you'd ever find the light. Times when you were afraid, confused, lost, and felt extremely vulnerable and small.

And I can almost bet that when you now look back at those times, you see them as some of the best experiences in your life, because they molded you into the person you are today.

There is great power in feeling small.

With each challenge, as difficult as they were, gave you wisdom and strength.

Wisdom to notice the things you overlooked as blessings.

And strength to embrace and grow for future challenges.

Life is not always smooth and easy sailing. But that doesn’t mean these experiences are negative.

On the contrary, they are actually great blessings in disguise.

So, today I would like to give thanks for the challenges I’ve had in my life.

For without them, I would never know gratitude.......

I would also like to take this time to thank each and everyone of you for being a HUGE part of my life.

For all that you share……I am grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving Day Everyone!

X

Munchkin Trial Sizes

If you were to go shopping with me in a CVS, Rite Aid or Walgreen's, you would most likely find me making a B line over to the trial size toiletry section of the store.

I can’t help it, I know it’s more practical to purchase full size products, but for some reason I LOVE having about 50 thousand little trial sizes overflowing in a basket that I keep in my bathroom.

I’ve got everything from dwarf size products of hand cream, shampoo, hair gel, baby powder, body wash, you name it, I’ve got it. I even have trial sizes of Q-tips and band aids. My bathroom looks like one of the Lollipop Guild munchkins from The Wizard of Oz lives here.

Everything is tiny.

I do this mainly because I‘m a new product junkie, and enjoy trial and error before actually purchasing a full size product. But I also do this because I like switching from various products - I get bored using the same stuff all the time. Besides, I find the trial sizes so freakin’ cute.

I’ve never been one who shops at places like Costco or Sam’s; buying everything in bulk. Somehow it makes my bowels feel anxious and overwhelmed, seeing 50 rolls of toilet paper wrapped in what looks like a thick piece of clear plastic tarp, and needing a forklift to get them home. I realize it’s more economical to purchase quantity (especially with a family), but when you’re only shopping for one, it’s more fun to buy in the immediate moment. And since I live in a studio apartment….little is better.

Yet, there are certain things I will purchase in regular full sizes. Things, such as my Rembrandt toothpaste, my Art of Shaving shaving cream, and my Secret deodorant (yes, I know it‘s a woman‘s deodorant, but since it‘s strong enough for a man I can use it too. Shhhh....it's a secret). These are my constant can’t-live-without full size staples.

Oh yeah, and there's one more thing I will always purchase in a FULL size…….

Ooops!…..sorry, I didn’t mean to brag.

*or rather, slightly exaggerate.

Wishing you a big ol’ MAGNUM weekend everyone!

X

The perfect solution for screaming cell phone users

As most of you already know, I don’t own a cell phone.

Yeah, I can just hear recent readers gasping, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T OWN A CELL PHONE….HOW DO YOU EXIST?”

Easy….I just don’t have one.

And since I’m not a doctor, lawyer, or Oprah Winfrey, I don’t require a cell phone for any type of immediate emergency.

If someone can’t get hold of me at home, then they can leave a message on my voice mail and I’ll call them back ASAP.

Plain and simple.

However, there was a time when I DID own a cell phone in lieu of a landline phone because it was actually cheaper for long distance phone calls. Yet, now with the all-inclusive long distance deals they offer on home phones, I got rid my cell phone years and year ago. Like back in 2001.

The thing I really dislike about using a cell phone is the uncertainty of getting a clear and uninterrupted connection. I can’t stand talking to someone on a phone while our conversation is muffled and going in and out as if we’re talking under water on a CB radio. And god forbid you lose your signal, it’s like you suddenly entered the Twilight Zone and your conversation is floating around in mid-sentence somewhere in outer space; waiting to get reconnected. That drives me absolutely crazy.

I'm not a big phone talker as it is, so if I have to talk on the phone....I want it to be as clear and easy as possible.

But above all, the thing I most dislike about cell phones is the lack of privacy and having to hear a great many people hanging their dirty laundry in public. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people talking about things they should be discussing in total privacy.

And in a soundproof room.

And wearing a straitjacket.

While chewing on VALIUM.

I mean if you're going to have a SCREAMING argument with your wife, at least have the decency to wait until you're home, not while walking down the city streets during 5:00 rush hour pedestrian traffic, so that we can ALL hear about how she cheated on you with a 23-year old cashier at Burger King.

However, the other day I finally came up with the perfect solution for screaming cell phone users…

Now SCREAM all you want!!!!

When your life is going down the toilet, just flush

Nope….this post title is not intended to be sarcastic or snarky.

And as you continue reading, you’ll find it’s quite the contrary.

Funny, I didn’t even plan on this post, however when I accidentally found the above awesome photograph on the Internet, I was instantly inspired to say something with it.

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If you’re like me, there have times when you’ve looked at your life and exclaimed, “My life is going down the toilet!”

Some days it feels like we’re simply meandering along; merely existing.

Other days it may feel like our life is not going as expected or planned.

We often have a preconceived idea of where we think our life is suppose to be, and when it doesn’t meet our expectations we feel as if we’ve done something wrong, which only makes us feel worse.

We seem to believe that if we take all the necessary steps to create our life, it’s going to happen exactly as planned. But what we often fail to realize is there will be moments between our creations that we didn’t plan on. Moments that are ‘bridges’ between creating, where we will discover some of the lessons we need to learn. Lessons about letting go of certain things, and accepting others.

I’ve discovered that creation is not a straight line.

Creation involves curves, detours, and road blocks.

Creation is exactly what it means…..“making something: the bringing of something into existence.”

Therefore, how can we possibly be sure of a direct route, while creating something that doesn’t even exist yet?

We can’t.

Because it’s a process. A process of learning who we are as we’re creating. A process of flushing out what was; bring into existence what will be. And in order for us to make room for what‘s new, we sometimes need to get rid of stuff that‘s old.

Perhaps when we feel as if we’re meandering through life; merely existing, it may actually be a necessary period of acceptance and seeing things differently. Or when we feel as if our life is not going as expected, it may mean there is a different route we need to take.

Creation is all about discovery.

Now, getting back to your life going down the toilet.

Think about it. What is a toilet used for? A toilet is something we use to get rid of waste.

Sometimes when you feel that your life is going down the toilet, it is. However, it’s not really your whole life that’s going down.

It’s only the shit you don’t need.

So, just flush.…

…..and realize you’re making room for what is to be created.

(okay….I just couldn’t resist a little snarky sarcasm at the end)

Wishing you a flawless weekend everyone!

X

My Post-Halloween Video Post

I know you’re all going to think I’m a wackadoodle for posting this a week after Halloween, but hey, it’s true….

….I’m a WACKO!

Last weekend, I saw a clever and hilarious video e-card over at my dear friend Leesa’s blog and went absolutely bonkers; therefore immediately had to create one myself.

So, let me say right off the bat that I STOLE this idea from Leesa.

THANK YOU, LEESA!

Okay, now pretend that today is October 31st and it’s Halloween night while you’re watching this star-studded music video that I am in.

It may take a minute to buffer, but trust me, it’s worth the wait.

With guest appearances by Madonna, Vin Diesel, Brad Pitt, and Paula Abdul.

*Celebrity Gossip: Madonna was a total a DIVA on the set, but it was worth it because I finally got to work with her, even though she tried desperately to upstage everyone. Vin Diesel was just a big lovable teddy bear and very charming. Brad Pitt confessed to me that he REALLY IS a vampire. Paula Abdul was just a doll, however she kept messing up her dance steps; looking to me to help her - could you just DIE?

I hope you all had a spectacular Halloween and ate lots of candy.

Allow me to extend your holiday and share with you….a Halloween Rap!

Note: I had MAJOR difficulty embedding the video on this post, so you will find it on the post below.

Enjoy…....and boo!

*you will find the comment link below the video.

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Do you wanna hear about my mornings?

Today, I thought I’d share a little bit about how I wake up every morning and greet the world on a work day.

Now I can’t exactly say I’m an I-hate-the-morning-type-person, nor do I wake up feeling like Attila the Hun. But I’m one of those people who needs to wake up slowly and with as little to do to get myself ready for work, so I prepare everything at night, thus not having to contend with it in the morning.

All my clothes are selected and ironed. My shoes are polished. My bag that I take to work with me everyday (filled with supplies) is sitting by the front door, stocked, and ready to go. Even my French press coffee maker is readily-positioned in the kitchen with my coffee cup and spoon, so that all I have to do is throw in the coffee grinds and boil the water.

I don’t want to have to THINK about anything in the morning, because my brain feels like a foggy sunrise on Shutter Island.

Luckily, I’m not required to be at work until early afternoon, so I enjoy staying up until usually 1 a.m., and arising at 9 a.m.

But even still, I can’t just pop out of bed - I like to move gradually. And I need at least two hours to be able to SPEAK to anyone.

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Example:

This past Monday morning, I had to go down to my apartment managers office to talk to her about something, and when I walked into her office and opened my mouth to speak, I sounded like I had just smoked the most killer Colombian grass - I could barely form sentences that made any sense whatsoever. I finally had to say to her, “I’m sorry, I know I sound like Janis Joplin, but I just woke up about 20 minutes ago.”

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The only things I want to do first thing in the morning are have my cup of coffee and cereal, stretch my body, and then quietly read emails and maybe visit a few blogs.

Then I shave, shower, eat something light, and am out the door by 12:30 to be at work at 1:00.

I enjoy the fact that my job doesn’t required me to go into work really early, because my physical energy and mental capacity gradually escalate throughout the day. I actually get more energized as the day moves on, so by evening I’m RARING to go when most people are winding down.

So, here’s a tip if you ever come to visit me and spend the night, or I come to visit you and spend the night….

…..don’t talk to me until the following night.

Or at least until I’ve had my coffee.

Wishing you fabulous mornings this weekend everyone!

X

Allow Me To Brag About Your Children

There are two things I cherish on this planet.

Children and dark chocolate.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while now, you know how much I honor and adore children.

When I first began Vent, I wrote a post about a zany idea for starting my own business called, “Rent-a-Baby.” A place where you could rent a baby like you would a tuxedo, for those of us who will never have children but would like to rent one for a special occasion or simply the weekend. And then when you returned it, the baby would be steamed cleaned and re-rented. I actually think it’s a fabulous idea, however I never went through with it.

Anyway, there are several people who I blog with, who have at one time or another shared a post about the children in their lives, whether it be their children or grandchildren. And for me, these are some of my most favorite posts to read because they always warm my heart and make me smile.

Today, I would like to share three of the children from some of my wonderful blogging friends.

So, without further ado, allow me to present (and BRAG) about these three little angels from heaven.

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Hope - grandchild of Dianne

The thing I LOVE about Hope is that not only is she a flawless beauty, she’s also smart as a whip. She brilliantly combines beauty and brains, and tops it with a dose of humor.

Hope was born July 3, 2009. Her dad was hoping for a July 4th baby but Hope arrive at 10:39 PM, showing her own independence.



Hopes loved just about everything. Her curiosity is endless. She loves books and will go to her book shelf, pick on and lead you to the sofa to read with her. She doesn't like anyone turning the pages though and will be stubborn about that. Her daycare teacher has had to discuss this with her a few times.

She loves pigs. We think it started with the Christmas viewing of "A Christmas Story" - she was just 6 months old and the scene where the little boy sticks his head into his plate of food and snorts like a pig really caught her attention. She has several stuffed pigs and she hugs them and snorts - then she giggles.

When you hold Hope in your arms she will always pat your back. Even if she's cranky or tired or hurt - she pats your back and nestles as close as possible. I think that may be my favorite thing she does.

Tyler - child of Herman Trump

Okay.....is this not the most PRECIOUS face you EVER saw??? Doesn’t this picture make you wanna reach inside and just squeeze those adorable rosy cheeks of his?

Born: On a dark and stormy night in February of 2010

Likes: Chewing on his favorite blanket, running around in his baby walker, pulling the cat’s tail, drooling, Cheerios, smiling, talking in nouns, Grandma & Grandpa, bath time, pounding on dad’s computer and being a chick magnet.

Dislikes: Nap time, Cookie Monster (scary!), Emeril Lagasse (unsure why, but he makes Tyler cry), strained green beans.

Life Lessons Learned So Far: Falling down sucks. Mommy doesn’t like having her hair pulled, and apparently neither does the cat. I’m unsure if my name is “Tyler” or “buddy” because mommy and daddy call me both. When I smile I can make everybody else smile too.

Favorite Gibberish Word: Gah!

What Tyler wants to be when he grows up: Starship Fighter Pilot

The Bug - grandchild of Mel

Upon first seeing this little cherub, I knew she was a very special soul. And as you read her bio, you will see why.

I'm not sure what to say about the bug.....other than she is a gift from G-d. Her mother had been diagnosed with cancer -- and treated, successfully to date (G-d is gracious, eh?). Pregnancy was not suppose to happen.

When she discovered there was a peanut--she chose.

The bug is a gift from G-d....a brilliant child of G-d that shines into all of our lives and graces us with smiles and warmth and great joy.

She is not 'ours', but a gift on loan--she is treasured and revered.

She is loved well.

And she is love.

Pure, powerful......love.

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I would like to thank Dianne, Herman, and Mel for allowing me this opportunity to share the children in their lives.

Because through them….I love children.

X