Monday, August 08, 2011

The Dark Night Of The Soul - Part 2

For those of you who might be new to my blog and have not read Part 1 of this series, I ask that you scroll down and read it before reading and commenting on Part 2. Thank you.

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The book I felt so drawn to pick off the shelf was called, Dark Night Of The Soul by St. John of the Cross.

“The Dark Night of the Soul is when we are beleaguered by darkness: spiritual and mental and where no hope seems to be near and everything we try to do is thwarted. It is where the soul is forced to persist and enter into the illumination and kinship with God.

The Dark Night of the Soul refers to a time of powerfully intense internal struggling and questioning of purpose. This usually occurs just before a spiritual awakening. It is facing your demons, so to speak, and the abyss threatens to swallow you whole. If successful, the process strips away most of the ego that holds you back from seeing yourself as a pure being. It is not something that can really be sought after; it is something that occurs as it should on your path to enlightenment. It is, by definition, a terrifying yet necessary part of some people's spiritual development.”

For the first time in having moved back east, this book began to point me in the right direction to some clarity. I began to see that what I was going through on a human and physical level, had more to do with a spiritual process that was bringing me closer to what my soul wanted - to be stripped bare, so that I would have only the power of God to rely on.

Allow me to share here, that I think on some level I asked for this experience because about a year before all this happened, I was in a deep meditation one evening and clearly remember saying to God, "I want to know you. Deeply"

Do I have proof that I actually went through the dark night of the soul? No, I don’t. But I know in my heart that I did.

The dark night of the soul lasted two years for me. They say that each person experiences it in a different time span. Some longer, some shorter.

Walking through the dark night was perhaps the most frightening and vulnerable experience I have ever been through because I had to go through it alone and trust my intuition. Or rather, trust the promptings of God to lead me.

So many things happened to me during that time, which would take far too long to explain. But let’s just say everything that could possibly go wrong in my life, went wrong. Yet looking back, these things weren’t wrong….they were exactly right.

I lived day by day, moment by moment. Not knowing what was ahead, or knowing when this dark night would finally be over.

Little by little, I could feel myself gaining interior strength. I slowly began to feel lighter and clearer. I began to feel my humanness and spirit merge. I no longer felt separated. The best way I can describe this in one word would be that is was like a marriage.

A union of my soul with God.

Gradually, everything started to turn around and I regained a calm sense of spiritual stability.

You may be thinking to yourselves, “So what did walking through the dark night of the soul teach you? And how did it changed your life for the better? And how did it bring you closer to God?”

Well, you see…..

I had to know darkness, so that I would know light.

I had to go through being stripped of everything I thought was power, to learn what true power is.

I had to be totally alone, to learn that I am never alone.

I had to be blinded, in order to learn faith.

I had to learn what it was like to be small, so that I would know humbleness.

I had to learn that no matter what challenges life may toss my way, I will be provided for.

And most importantly, I had to lean what my relationship is with God.

To surrender. And to allow my purpose to be His purpose.

Now even though I went through this and learned these things, that doesn’t mean I still don’t struggle.

Also, going through this does not mean I no longer have challenges or experience fear.

However, there is a big difference in how I now struggle with challenges in my life, than how I use to struggle with them years and years ago. Because I now know that whenever I’m struggling with challenges or fear, I‘m really only struggling with my limited human mind.

And as terrifying as this experience was for me, I look back at it as one of my greatest blessings.

Because now I finally see.

That I am always loved.

And I am always safe.



Thank you all for allowing me to share a very personal part of my life’s journey with you. And for reading it with an open heart….X