On Ending Relationships


I owe my inspiration for this post to my blogging buddy, Brit at Blunt Delivery.

So thanks, Brit!...X

Last week, she shared a post about endings - and in particular, endings to relationships. Her words caused me to remember a time back in the 80’s when a relationship with my then partner came to an end.

Within her post, Brit asked some thought-provoking questions which I thought were very insightful as to what we often ask ourselves whenever a relationship is in question.

One of her questions was:

“So what determines whether you make it?”

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As most of you already know, back when I lived in NYC, I had a relationship with a man that lasted for five years.

And this was a relationship I had bet my life on would last forever.

However, it didn’t.

In fact, in the end, I was the one who ended it.

It would take too long to explain all the details of our relationship, yet what I can tell you is that our relationship was one of great passion. And I don’t mean just physical passion, I mean an overall passion that made our relationship beautiful, and at times, volatile.

We were like two magnets that were drawn to one another.

We loved each another with such an intensity, but at the same time we disagreed with that same intensity.

We were both much younger when our relationship came into being, so I know that the core of our struggles came from our lack of life experience.

He was three years older then I and had had prior relationships, therefore was more savvy in the ways of manipulation. I on the other hand had had no prior relationships, therefore threw myself into our union with total child-like abandonment; never concerning myself with mind-games. I believed that when you loved someone, there was nothing to hide or withhold. And I also believed in loyalty and commitment.

Let me say, that he was a very good-hearted person deep down and had many wonderful qualities, so I don’t wish to paint him as someone who was all negative. It’s just that he demanded so much. As attractive and talented as he was, he was as equally insecure. But, I never saw this until much later.

I took me years to realize that the reason for his many sexual indiscretions during our relationship was because he needed constant reassurance that he was attractive to the world.

And it took me years to also realize that for as much as he loved me, HIS existence would always be more important.

I tried to accept by overlooking the things I didn’t like, but then ended up resenting myself for accepting those things.

So I began to get vocal, and that’s when the friction commenced.

It was okay if I was passive, yet when I began to assert myself, he didn’t like it.

Our last six months together were a roller coaster ride of ups and downs; fighting, then making up.

In reality, we could both feel that an ending was inevitable, but we desperately clung to the love that connected us.

After one of our most heated arguments, when things got a tad physical, we both decided that a temporary separation over the summer would do us some good by clearing the air and then starting over.

I went back to Florida and stayed with my family for a few months. However, it was during that time when I was alone, I began to replay our five-year relationship over in mind and came to the conclusion that I no longer wanted to participate.

I realized that I had lost myself in our relationship.

My life became his life. I became the invisible man.

But I was as much responsible for that as he. Because I allowed it by not loving myself enough.

Therefore, if I wanted to continue in our relationship I knew I would have to accept it under his terms, and I didn’t want to.

I was exhausted.

So I ended it. Over the phone.

He was shocked.

Yet, as I shared with Brit in my comment on her post, he and I spoke again after 15 years of not seeing or speaking to one another. And our conversation was a very positive one because we both expressed how we remembered loving one another, and sincerely thanked each other for having been in one another’s lives because we learned something.

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Now back to Brits question: “So what determines whether you make it?”

God, I really don’t know the answer to that.

But I do know that after you’ve tried for five years to make it work by accepting the person for who they are, I think you can still love them, but also know when it’s time to move on because you realize that the things you were trying to accept about that person…..are just not acceptable.

So you make a choice.

And does that mean you didn‘t "make it" in the relationship?

No, I don’t think so. It just means you grew out of the relationship……





Have an AWESOME weekend everyone!

X

55 comments

  1. I'm no expert, Ron, so I can't make a valuable comment. However, I do think that life is fast moving and people change as it flies by. Changes come naturally as we age and if two people don't make those changes together or at the same time then trouble starts. I live near to two lovely, lovely men who were together for many, many years and now they have parted. I feel more upset about that than the many het friends who's partnerships break up. I wonder if this is why there are fewer marriages these days. Sorry to have rambled, delete this if you think it is inappropriate.

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  2. Thank you, Ron, for being so candid and open. I had a relationship in college where I was TOTALLY committed to the relationship I was in, but the guy cheated on me. The amazing part to me was how NOT sorry he was......the stereotype of really only being sorry that I caught him. I broke up with him, but the magnetic part of the relationship kept me tied to him for about a year. Dark days. But you know what? You're right! I grew from that whole sordid affair because it taught me that I DO deserve better than that.

    As much as it's painful, these relationships are important. I think it's awesome that you were able to talk to him 15 years afterwards and that you were not bitter. Good for you! I have never had that sort of opportunity, but I can honestly say that I wish my former love only the best.

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  3. Pamela D HartDecember 02, 2011

    “And it took me years to also realize that for as much as he loved me, HIS existence would always be more important.
    I tried to accept by overlooking the things I didn’t like, but then ended up resenting myself for accepting those things.”

    Ron, I’ve always said that if you have to give up too much of yourself to maintain a relationship, then it’s time to evaluate it and either make changes or move on. It seems you did exactly that. So for as “young” and “inexperienced” as you said you were, you were pretty darn mature and insightful.
    It’s a testament to you, as the compassionate person you are, to be able to talk to your ex with kindness, after all these years. There are so many people who cling to negative past wounds and it makes them so bitter. You were able to remember the pleasant memories but learned from the undesirable ones, then tossed them aside in order to maintain kindness in your heart.
    You are a true treasure.

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  4. What an incredible, deep, insightful, and heart felt post! I would expect no less from you.

    What you said about him being savvy in manipulation and you going in with child like abandonment resonated in me. I have had many relationships including a failed marriage and a marriage that has now lasted almost 16 years. I found that having that child like abandonment and total honesty is what makes a relationship work. But only if BOTH parties enter into it that way. There are never reasons nor a time for mind games. Relationships are for real. They arent a game.

    It is wonderful that you can see things for what they were now and that you have gained both closure and insight into your relationship. Always love you above any other. And if you are outgrowing the place you are in, then you are right. It is time to change. It doesnt mean you failed.

    I wish a beautiful weekend to a beautiful person.

    XOXO
    D

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  5. You may not have made it in your relationship, but you made it in life. To have remained in the relationship would have been damaging to you. You learned and grew from the experience and that is the greatest gift of all. You learned is that real love does not manipulate and you are worth far more than to be treated secondary. Hope your weekend is fabulous, Ron.

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  6. Good morning Valerie~

    "However, I do think that life is fast moving and people change as it flies by. Changes come naturally as we age and if two people don't make those changes together or at the same time then trouble starts."

    Brava!

    What an ACCURATE comment, dear lady!

    And you're right....perhaps this is way there are fewer marriages these days.

    Change. Change is inevitable, therefore if the two people don't make them together or at the same time then the trouble starts. And that's exactly what happened to us. It's funny because life has a way of pushing you into change whether you want to or not, doesn't it?

    Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your VERY insightful comment, Valerie. And not at all inappropriate. In fact, your comment was spot on!

    Have a faaaaaaabulous weekend......X

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  7. Ron, this is such a fine post. It really shows that you have to get out there and live or you will never learn. I think your words about "the things you were trying to accept about that person…..are just not acceptable" really get to the heart of this issue. My mother always said that you have relationships to make life better--when the exact opposite is happening, it's time to leave. I think it's great that you guys were able to speak to each other after 15 years and express your mutual gratitude. There are some people I'd like to thank for being in my life. Thanks for posting, buddy, and have a tremendous weekend.

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  8. I upgraded and can finally comment again!
    praise be

    I can relate to the feeling of being invisible
    I am a peace keeping matriach in far too many relationships and I often let things slide that actually hurt me
    not really a good idea

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  9. Oh, Ron, you are SO insightful (now...lol). That last photo says it all...you HAVE to love yourself first. You can't truly love someone else until you do and you have to stay true to yourself or you are being unfair to the other person and the relationship.

    You are such a great guy. You deserve such happiness that I can't even describe. Have a fabulous weekend my dear friend!

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  10. Good morning Bijoux~

    "I broke up with him, but the magnetic part of the relationship kept me tied to him for about a year. Dark days. But you know what? You're right! I grew from that whole sordid affair because it taught me that I DO deserve better than that."

    You GO, girl! And I know EXACTLY what you mean.

    "As much as it's painful, these relationships are important."

    *applause*

    Because these are the relationships that teach us about our relationship to US.

    "I think it's awesome that you were able to talk to him 15 years afterwards and that you were not bitter."

    The reason I called him was because I kept having the same recurring dream about him for over two years - that he died. Therefore, I was very concerned about knowing whether not this dream was true. So I looked up his phone number and called him one day. Weeks later, (after our conversation) I realized that the dream was actually 'symbolic' meaning, that his death meant a finally ending to our relationship and I needed to put closure on it by talking to him once more.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your your story and insight, my friend. Muchly appreciated and valued.

    Have a super weekend.....X

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  11. Hey there Suzicate~

    "To have remained in the relationship would have been damaging to you. You learned and grew from the experience and that is the greatest gift of all. You learned is that real love does not manipulate and you are worth far more than to be treated secondary."

    ((((( Suzi )))))

    You're absolutely correct, my friend.

    Thank you for stopping by and sharing your wise and insightful words.

    You ROCK!

    Have a fabulous weekend.......X

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  12. Hiya Pamela~

    "Ron, I’ve always said that if you have to give up too much of yourself to maintain a relationship, then it’s time to evaluate it and either make changes or move on."

    BINGO! And it took me YEARS to realize that.

    "So for as “young” and “inexperienced” as you said you were, you were pretty darn mature and insightful."

    It's funny because my intuition has always been so accurate when it comes to things, however, it was tough to make my mind follow that intuition. And I think having those few months alone (not being around him) allowed me to bring my heart and mind together.

    "It’s a testament to you, as the compassionate person you are, to be able to talk to your ex with kindness, after all these years."

    Actually, it wasn't just me because he TOO spoke with kindness and compassion.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your wisdom and kind words. Muchly appreciated.

    Have a wonderful weekend.......X

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  13. Hey there MYFWBS~

    Thank you. You're a sweetheart!

    "I have had many relationships including a failed marriage and a marriage that has now lasted almost 16 years. I found that having that child like abandonment and total honesty is what makes a relationship work. But only if BOTH parties enter into it that way. There are never reasons nor a time for mind games. Relationships are for real. They arent a game."

    OMG....I LOVE HOW YOU SAID THAT!!!!!!!!

    BRILLIANT insight!

    And you're right...relationships ARE for real. They aren't a game.

    "Always love you above any other. And if you are outgrowing the place you are in, then you are right. It is time to change. It doesnt mean you failed. "

    You GO, girl!!!!!

    Thank you. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, my friend!

    ((((( You ))))))

    Have a beautiful weekend too!

    XOXO

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  14. Hey Rob~

    "It really shows that you have to get out there and live or you will never learn."

    Isn't it something how we always seem to learn MORE from the experiences that are the most challenging?

    Challenge = growth.

    "My mother always said that you have relationships to make life better--when the exact opposite is happening, it's time to leave. "

    You are sooooooooooooooooo correct, Rob! And my parents said that same thing to me.

    I always thought that a relationship would complete me - and make life better. However, it's the exact opposite. Unless I am completely accepting of myself and a happy person, there is no relationship in the world that will fulfill those needs because I will always be placing too much pressure on the relationship to complete me.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your insight on this post, buddy. Muchly appreciated and valued!

    Have tremendous weekend too!

    X

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  15. Hey there Lady Dianne~

    *clapping*

    Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay....you finally upgraded to Chrome!!!!

    You GO, girl! You're gonna LOVE it! And you'll find that it works so much better with Blogger too!

    "I can relate to the feeling of being invisible

    I am a peace keeping matriach in far too many relationships and I often let things slide that actually hurt me

    not really a good idea."

    Being a Libra, I'm the same way. Libras are always trying to keep peace, but often end up neglecting their own for the sake of others.

    Not a really good idea, you're right.

    Thanks soooooooooooo much for stopping by and sharing on this post, dear lady!

    (((( You ))))

    Have a fantabulous weekend!

    X to you and the gang!

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  16. Hey Peg~

    "That last photo says it all...you HAVE to love yourself first. You can't truly love someone else until you do and you have to stay true to yourself or you are being unfair to the other person and the relationship."

    Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ....you have to stay true to yourself or you are being unfair to the OTHER person and the relationship.

    Isn't it something how if you don't truly love and accept yourself first, no one else can fill that desire?

    Thanks oodles for stopping by and sharing your wisdom and insight, dear friend. Muchly appreciated and valued!

    (((( Peg )))))

    Have a glorious weekend.......X

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  17. We have to accept a person for who they are. If who they are is making us unhappy, we don't love who they are, but who we want them to be. It's better to leave the relationship. Does that make sense?

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  18. Ron, thank you for sharing such honesty in this post. I think we've all at one time or another have experienced a relationship in which we lose ourselves - I certain know I have. And as you shared, unless we learn to completely love ourselves first, we will always be looking for that in another person.

    When we respect and love ourselves, others will do the same. And if they don't, then it's time to end it. That doesn't mean we didn't 'make it', it just means we respect ourselves.

    Have a wonderful weekend, Ron!

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  19. Hey there Babs~

    "Does that make sense?"

    Yes, it certainly does!

    And you made a great point - loving someone can be different from not loving who they are. I think you can love someone, but realize they'll never be what we want them to be. And that doesn't make them wrong, just not right for you.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing, my friend. LOVED your comment!

    Have a FAB weekend......X

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  20. Hola Denise~

    "When we respect and love ourselves, others will do the same. And if they don't, then it's time to end it. That doesn't mean we didn't 'make it', it just means we respect ourselves."

    I agree, girl.

    Thank you for stopping by and sharing your insight and thoughts on this post. Mucly appreciated and enjoyed!

    Have a wonderful weekend too!

    X

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  21. i'm no expert either. breaking up is hard to do, but when it gets to this point:

    Therefore, if I wanted to continue in our relationship I knew I would have to accept it under his terms, and I didn’t want to.

    and you know it, it's time to jump. it gets old when the entire relationship is all about one person and their needs. it's give and take.

    one thing i feel that makes a relationship last is when both are parties involved are looking out and keeping an eye on the interests of the other person.

    when one person feels it's all about them and their needs, the other person's needs are not being met or taken care of. that's selfish.

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  22. hi ron, apologies to be so vacant lately...this is such a touching and honest portrayal of love, no matter it's outcome. i have a fierce outlook on love that means no matter anything "tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." isn't that so true? thank you for such a brilliantly moving post...it is a glimpse into your world i have never seen and do appreciate the gift it is. xoxlinda

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  23. Hello Lovely Linda~

    No apologies needed, my dear friend....I totally understand that this is such busy time of the year for most folks, therefore our time is limited in blogging. In fact, I will be taking a my annual Christmas in retail break very soon, as my hour increase these next two weeks. I do hope you're feeling better.

    Thank you for your sweet and kind words.

    "i have a fierce outlook on love that means no matter anything "tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." isn't that so true? "

    Yes, it certainly is true! I don't for a second regret those five years with my partner. Actually, I'm forever grateful because we both GREW.

    Again, thank you so much for stopping by today and sharing yourself on this post. Muchly appreciated and enjoyed!

    Have a glorious weekend!

    (((((( Linda ))))))

    xoxoxoxoxo

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  24. Love how you ended this post Ron. ♥

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  25. Hey there ladyV~

    GREAT to see ya, girl!

    "one thing i feel that makes a relationship last is when both are parties involved are looking out and keeping an eye on the interests of the other person.

    when one person feels it's all about them and their needs, the other person's needs are not being met or taken care of. that's selfish."

    Yes, I agree with you 100%. And like you shared....it's a give and take.

    I think the most important thing I learned from this relationship (on both our ends) is that you have to have a healthy sense of self-esteem and respect for yourself, because when you do....you're not always relying on the other person to fulfill that need.

    My feeling is that two wholes...make a whole. Not two halves.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your AWESOME insight on this post topic. You've added MUCH!

    Have a grrrreat weekend, V!

    X

    P.S. Happy holidays!

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  26. Thank you, Katherine!

    And thank you so much for stopping by!

    Have a wonderful weekend, my friend!

    (((( Katherine )))))

    X

    P.S. Happy Holidays to you and your girls!

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  27. Boy you're a wisened man (yeah--new word alert!).

    Experience is a good teacher, albeit a bit painful--but that seems to be where I get my 'life lessons'. Seems that's true for you as well. Lucky us, huh? ;-)

    Seriously--I have to look in the mirror for my part in those lessons. Over and over again *I* was going to help that person become the great person I knew they were.
    Bless my pea picking heart!! (doubt that's a 'Libra thing'...maybe 'human thing'?)

    Umm....small problem--that ain't love.
    And I ain't settling for less in my life--in the giving or in the receiving.

    AS is.
    Warts and all.

    It's kinda cool to be on this side of the lesson. (though I'm sure there's another one lined up for me to learn.....LOL Ain't that just how it works!)
    I don't have to critique the other persons performance.
    I don't have to write their job description NOR do I have to do their corrective work plan for a job NOT done well.
    That ain't mine TO do. And boy am I relieved for that one! (I hate doing performance reviews. LOL Ask my boss.) My job is to love as I've always wanted to love and to critique my own darn performance--adjust at will, keep lovin'.
    Same goes for whoever's on the other end of the relationship.
    The end!

    It's way cool.
    Way easy.
    Wayyyyyyyyyy weird....but I like it.

    Yeahyeahyeah......no one believes it's really that simple but me and I'm NOT going to sell a bazillion books with that simple of a solution to the relationship gig, but--there ya have it!
    I'd suck as Dear Abbey, huh? ;-)

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  28. Hiya Mel~

    "a wisened man (yeah--new word alert!)"

    HA! I LOVE IT! I think I'll have to start using that word myself!

    "Seriously--I have to look in the mirror for my part in those lessons. Over and over again *I* was going to help that person become the great person I knew they were."

    Me to, Mel. I seriously had to look in the mirror for MY part in this lesson, because afterall, it takes TWO to tango.

    "Umm....small problem--that ain't love.
    And I ain't settling for less in my life--in the giving or in the receiving.

    AS is.
    Warts and all."

    You said it - warts and all. And as ladyV shared....."a relationship is a give and take"....in which both parties must participate.

    "My job is to love as I've always wanted to love and to critique my own darn performance--adjust at will, keep lovin'.

    Same goes for whoever's on the other end of the relationship.

    The end!"

    BRAVA! And no, it's not at all weird, it's the TRUTH.

    "I'd suck as Dear Abbey, huh? ;-)"

    No, actually you'd be a GREAT Dear Abby!

    Thanks sooooooooooooo much for stopping by and sharing your awesome wisdom and insight on this post, dear lady.

    LOVED IT!

    (((((( Mel/Dear Abby ))))))))

    X

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  29. Very nice post. I could have written this myself because I'd had a similar type relationship with someone in which I learned the same thing - love yourself.

    Funny how when we don't find the love within us, we search for it outside ourselves; hoping to discover it.

    Glad to hear you had the opportunity to speak again, I'm sure it put closure on your relationship and made you both feel good. I seems to me that your relationship did make it. Because you learned.

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  30. I certainly don't qualify as an expert either. I only know, like you, that I took the time to learn from the patterns I observed in my past relationships. And like you, I observed that I lost parts of myself, mostly by making a choice to shut them off in order to be loved. I felt that the person I was, was not worthy of love.

    Hmm. That was a startling realization.

    But you're so right, it is important to love yourself, to value yourself in order to fully exist in a personal relationship with another person. If you don't, then it's like a lie. You're not really paticipating as yourself and consequently turn off the ability to fully experience your life. The chance for touching profound happiness is gone.

    At the age of 49 when my bride Cristybella and I married one another, it was the first time in my life I knew in my heart of hearts that one of the reasons I loved her was because I loved the person that I was with her. I felt whole loving her.

    I pray that Brit finds peace and wisdom as she is healing and can feel God's love wash over her.

    Excellent post today Ron, thank you!! sending our love xoxo

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  31. Hey there Diane~

    OMG...can I just tell ya HOW MUCH I LOVED your comment????

    " And like you, I observed that I lost parts of myself, mostly by making a choice to shut them off in order to be loved. I felt that the person I was, was not worthy of love. "

    You are sooooooooooooo right! That was part of it too.....not feeling worthy of love.

    "it is important to love yourself, to value yourself in order to fully exist in a personal relationship with another person. If you don't, then it's like a lie. You're not really paticipating as yourself and consequently turn off the ability to fully experience your life. The chance for touching profound happiness is gone."

    You completely hit the nail on the head with that!!!!

    "it was the first time in my life I knew in my heart of hearts that one of the reasons I loved her was because I loved the person that I was with her. I felt whole loving her."

    Diane, that was so beautiful!

    And I can honestly tell you that whenever I think of you and Cristybella being together, I think of a PERFECT match. And can feel the love you both share, just from the energy of your words!

    ((((( Diane + Cristybella )))))

    Thanks ever so much for stopping by and sharing your wisdom and love, my friend.

    Always appreciated.

    Have a beautiful weekend! X to you and C!

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  32. Love your positive response to what was inevitably a heartbreaking and tough decision. Five years is a long time to invest in somebody, and if it doesn't work out in the end, that's wrenching.

    "I believed that when you loved someone, there was nothing to hide or withhold. And I also believed in loyalty and commitment."

    I believe in these same things, Ron. And maybe I'm naive, but I honestly feel that - if all the other pieces are in place and the two of you were meant to be together - then, absolutely, you should have no secrets, and adhering to loyalty and commitment isn't a sacrifice or work...it just happens naturally, of course.

    I grew out of my relationship with my ex-wife, and I'm far better off for it today.

    Great post.

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  33. Howdy Mark~

    "Five years is a long time to invest in somebody, and if it doesn't work out in the end, that's wrenching."

    Yes, it was wrenching. After it ended, I remember feeling as though one of my internal organs was missing. And I think much of that had to do with being my 'first love.'

    "And maybe I'm naive, but I honestly feel that

    - if all the other pieces are in place and the two of you were meant to be together"

    No, I don't think you're naive at all because you can FEEL when it's meant to be (whether it works out or not). Some relationships are long term, some are not. But, I still think (regardless) they are meant to be.

    "- then, absolutely, you should have no secrets, and adhering to loyalty and commitment isn't a sacrifice or work...it just happens naturally, of course."

    Right you are, my friend! It just happens naturally!

    "I grew out of my relationship with my ex-wife, and I'm far better off for it today."

    Amen! Me too!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your insight and wisdom on this post, buddy! Muchly appreciated and enjoyed!

    Hope you're feeling better and healing well!

    Have a faaaaaaaaaaaabulous weekend!

    X

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  34. "I realized that I had lost myself in our relationship. My life became his life. I became the invisible man."

    Oh snap. I can TOTALLY relate to that, Ron.

    And, since I still don't know how NOT to do that - I am better off staying single.

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  35. Hey Meleah~

    "Oh snap. I can TOTALLY relate to that, Ron.

    And, since I still don't know how NOT to do that - I am better off staying single."

    HA! Me too! "Libra thing" perhaps?

    But truthfully, I actually enjoy being single right now.

    However, one thing this relationship taught me was that for future relationships, it's important for both people to keep their individuality, yet at the same time.....SHARE their individuality with one another.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, girl! Hope you're enjoying a FAB weekend!

    X

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  36. Very touching and candid post Ron - Congrats!
    You definitely took the best possible decision when you ended this relationship and it shows how much both of you have growacomplished in these past 15 years. Both images are a great addon too...

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  37. Greetings Tatiana~

    *waving hello*

    So great to see ya!

    "You definitely took the best possible decision when you ended this relationship and it shows how much both of you have growacomplished in these past 15 years. "

    Thank you for sharing that. And you're right, it really was the best possible decision. And even though I actually ended it, we BOTH knew deep down that it was time. It was so nice talking to him after 15 years, and I could tell that he grew too.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, and for your thoughtful and kind words. Very much appreciated.

    Hope you're enjoying your weekend and this holiday season!

    X

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  38. No matter the relationship, it's work. I do think some people are better at being in relationships than others. But, it's also being in the right combination at the right time. I've been very lucky and my husband and I always know when it's time to compromise.

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  39. Hey Jen~

    You're absolutely correct.....

    " I do think some people are better at being in relationships than others. But, it's also being in the right combination at the right time."

    Being in the right combination at the right time.

    I think my partner and I were at the young age, where we thought the love/passion we shared were ALL there was to a relationship. But as we grew, we began to see beyond that and realized we were not the right combination.

    Also, it's as you shared, you have to know when to compromise and both parties have to be willing to do that.

    "I've been very lucky and my husband and I always know when it's time to compromise."

    BRA-VA!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your wisdom on this post, my friend. Muchly appreciated and valued!

    Hope you're having a FAB weekend!

    X

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  40. How very true. We DO grow out of relationships. We grow out of childhood friendships, we grow out of teen friendships, we grow out of loving relationships, too, and I believe it's inevitable that we should.

    If you can weather the storms, equally committed to making it work, and if you can accept all parts of the other without compromising your own self, then all is good. But it's no good if one of you feels resentful for whatever reason, and the other just expects them to deal with it quietly on their own.

    Sounds as if you dealt with your failing relationship pretty well, Ron. Good for you for having the guts to examine your own self and your feelings and to end it. But I'm really glad that you spoke, years later, and acknowledged the good - that's great!

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  41. Hey there Jay~

    You are so spot on, my friend.....

    " We grow out of childhood friendships, we grow out of teen friendships, we grow out of loving relationships, too, and I believe it's inevitable that we should."

    You're right....it's like an evolution.

    "If you can weather the storms, equally committed to making it work, and if you can accept all parts of the other without compromising your own self, then all is good. But it's no good if one of you feels resentful for whatever reason, and the other just expects them to deal with it quietly on their own."

    BRA-VA! Exquisitely and accurately expressed!!!!!

    "Good for you for having the guts to examine your own self and your feelings and to end it. But I'm really glad that you spoke, years later, and acknowledged the good - that's great!"

    Thank you. Like I shared, I think we BOTH grew from our relationship, therefore we look back on it with lessons and LOVE.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your wonderful insight, Jay!

    You've added MUCH!

    Have a super Sunday!

    X

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  42. Herman TurnipDecember 04, 2011

    Relationships are a fickle thing. Plunging head-first in a marriage was the most exciting and terrifying experience of my life. How could I be sure that we'd be able to make this thing work out for the long haul? It's a job. Give and take. All of that jive. But after going through several relationships in the past, I was confident that Karin and I were going to be able to go the distance.

    I guess, if I had to boil it down, is that dedicating yourself to a relationship requires thinking with both your mind and your heart. And hey, if you want to end it all, the phone's always there to help you do your dirty work ;-)

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  43. Hey there Herman!

    "Relationships are a fickle thing."

    Yes, they certainly are, aren't they?

    "How could I be sure that we'd be able to make this thing work out for the long haul? It's a job. Give and take. All of that jive. But after going through several relationships in the past, I was confident that Karin and I were going to be able to go the distance."

    You are so right, a relationship is a job. A give and take.

    And I'm so happy to hear that you and Karin are able and willing to go the distance. Brava to you BOTH!

    "I guess, if I had to boil it down, is that dedicating yourself to a relationship requires thinking with both your mind and your heart."

    Exactly! With both your mind AND your heart!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your insight and wisdom on this post, buddy. Muchly appreciated and enjoyed!

    Hope you had a super weekend!

    X to you and the family!

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  44. Nice post, Ron. Honest and candid. I could have written this myself because I had a very similar relationship where I was also the invisible man. I too ended it.

    Some relationships are just not healthy ones if both partners are not willing to see themselves honestly. Like you shared, I think you can still love someone, but also know when it's time to call it quits.

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  45. Hey there Scott~

    Great to see ya again, buddy!

    "I could have written this myself because I had a very similar relationship where I was also the invisible man. I too ended it."

    So you know what I'm talking about, hu? Like I shared in this post, I was as much responsible for that as my partner, because I allowed it. And when I finally learned to love and respect myself, something shifted in me, and I spoke up.

    You're right, some relationships are healthy if both partners are not willing to see.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing on this post, Scott. Really appreciated it!

    Have a great week!

    X

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  46. Love the photo. Until you love yourself, it's difficult to bring much to a relationship. The magnet thing is such a clue. When it's difficult to pull apart...there's something...wonky. I'm still working on finding myself INSIDE my 24 year marriage.

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  47. Greetings Rebecca~

    Welcome! Thanks so much for stopping by!

    "Until you love yourself, it's difficult to bring much to a relationship. The magnet thing is such a clue. When it's difficult to pull apart...there's something...wonky."

    You are soooooooooooo correct! The magnet thing is such a clue - when it's difficult to pull apart...there's something...wonky. It's so strong, that you can't see PAST the magnetic pull.

    Again, thank you for stopping by and adding your insight to this post.

    Have a great week, Rebeccca!

    X

    P.S. Thoroughly enjoyed your blog. I'll be back!

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  48. Disclaimer: I suck at relationships, which is why I'm single.

    Having said that, I'd call a 5 year relationship a rousing success. And then it was done. No failure involved. This whole "till death do us part" stuff. Great if you can do it, but I like "So long as we both shall love" better.

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  49. Hey Jayne~

    "Disclaimer: I suck at relationships, which is why I'm single."

    HA! Thank you for your honesty, my friend. And I think I would have to agree with you - which is why I'm single too.

    "This whole "till death do us part" stuff. Great if you can do it, but I like "So long as we both shall love" better."

    BRILLIANT! And I TOTALLY agree - so long as we both shall love.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Jayne! You ROCK!

    Have a grrrreat week!

    X

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  50. Hiya Ron...

    I'm back... :)

    WOW! This was intense and very insightful.. Thanks so much for sharing your own experiences... I am sure that even though it was a long time ago and you have come so far since then.. that at the time, it must have been frustrating.. for one - to be so much in love with someone- and lose a part of yourself - and when realizing it.. you have to decide what is important and what makes you happy...

    I have learned, very much through experience and my own reflections-- that
    the hardest thing is not 'ending a relationsip,' per se.. it's ending one with someone you love intensely... But, I remember the ones that were the hardest were the ones where I really, truly loved the person.. and it just wasn't meant to be for us..
    That said.. the recovery after the break up is often so hard and tumultuous, that it's where we become the strongest and learn the most about ourselves! And after we have healed and have 'refound' ourselves.. we are able to continue on and be happy again..
    Sometimes what's important is finding ourselves again... if the relationship can't be saved, that is.. and growing from the experience...

    PS - I think it's really great how you had the chance to reconnect with him after all these years gone by!

    Namaste...
    Leese

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  51. Hey Leesa~

    LOVE your comment! It so filled with insight and truth!

    " I remember the ones that were the hardest were the ones where I really, truly loved the person.. and it just wasn't meant to be for us."

    Yes, and that's what he and I finally realized - it just wasn't meant to be for us any longer. We learned what we learned, but it was time to move on.

    "Sometimes what's important is finding ourselves again... if the relationship can't be saved, that is.. and growing from the experience..."

    AMEN! And that's what we both learned the most.

    It was great to talk to him again after 15 years because we were able to put complete closure on our relationship.

    Again, thanks so much for stopping by and sharing you insight, Leesa! Muchly appreciated and enjoyed!

    Have a SUPER week!

    Namaste and X

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  52. SpriteskeeperDecember 18, 2011

    So well written!
    I recently ran into an old flame, and this was someone I thought I'd never want to see again, he was so manipulative, but there he was, with his wife and son, giving me a hug as if we'd been the best of friends. And his wife mentioned that he had said such good things about me. And I learned that I had been holding onto this grudge of over 15 years, and suddenly, I let it go. I wished him happiness and went on about my day. It's funny how some people remember only the good while others dwell on the momentary bad.

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  53. Greetings Spriteskeeper~

    Welcome! Thanks for stopping by and sharing a comment. So nice to meet you. I've seen your name over at Peg and SuziCate's blog.

    "And I learned that I had been holding onto this grudge of over 15 years, and suddenly, I let it go."

    Yes, I know exactly what you mean because I did the same thing. However, after talking to him again after 15 years, I think we both were able to have closure on our 5 year relationship, and let it go.

    " It's funny how some people remember only the good while others dwell on the momentary bad."

    Amen!

    Thanks again for stopping by. I hope you're enjoying this holiday season!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family!

    X

    P.S. I'll be sure to stop by your blog just as soon as I finish with my insane working schedule next week.

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