4 More TMI Things About Me


Over the past five years, I’ve shared a lot of TMI on this blog, but it occurred to me last weekend that I left some stuff out.

I just want to warn you that if TMI makes you cringe and turn away from your computer monitor, you might wanna put both hands in front of your eyes and look through the cracks of your fingers while reading this post, because it’s TMI at its BLUNTNESS.

Are you ready?

Okay, here goes…..

1) I poop faster than anyone I know.


I realize that many people consider taking a poop a monumental and time-consuming event. But for me, I poop at least twice a day (sometimes three), and can do it faster than Houdini could say, “Hocus-Pocus.”

When I’m ready to go, I’m ready to GO.

(I don’t think I’ve ever had a constipated day in my entire life)

I remember on Sunday mornings after my family would have our after-church breakfast (eggs, bacon, scrapple, and toast), my father would traditionally take the Sunday edition of the Philadelphia Inquire into the bathroom with him, and stay there for almost an HOUR reading it from front to back, while doing a poopie. Well, I certainly didn’t take after my father when it came to that, no. I poop so fast that I can’t get beyond the first two sentences in the first chapter of the book that I’ve had in my bathroom for the past year, before yelling, “BOMBS AWAY!”

And after a YEAR, I still don’t even know what that book is about.

2) I can’t eat a banana without thinking of the word fellatio.


Yes, you heard me right! There is something about eating a banana that always makes me feel like Linda Lovelace in the movie, “Deep Throat.” I’m sorry, but there is no way to eat a banana, other than breaking off pieces and placing them into your mouth without it resembling PORN. Whenever I bring a banana to work to eat as a snack, I crouch down on the floor behind one of the cosmetic counters, so that no one can see me ‘going down.’

3) I manscape my chest hair.


I know in the past, I’ve confessed to shaving my kiwis, but I also manscape my chest every month. I don’t shave or wax; I use an electric clipper with a guard to prune my overly abundant hairy pecs. Because if I didn’t, I would need a flashlight and a pitchfork to FIND my pecs. I have so much hair on my chest that it stands out about three feet from my body. If I ever fell out of a 50-story window, my only hope is to land on my chest because it would cushion the blow like an air bag and probably save my life.

4) I wear bronzing powder.


Look, don’t laugh, because REAL men eat quiche and wear bronzing powder. Well, at least SOME real men do. Like me and Boy George. In fact, I’ve been wearing bronzer for YEARS. Now I don’t wear mascara, lipstick or eyeliner, but do like a bit of color on my face to give a subtle and healthy glow. The only problem is that I have to watch HOW MUCH I put on. There have been some days when I got a little heavy-handed, and ended up looking like a bronzed Elizabeth Taylor in the movie, "Cleopatra."

So, how was that for some blunt TMI?

Okay, you can uncover your eyes now…..

67 comments

  1. So what, women wear bronzing powder all the time... grins. Heehee I can tell you something about me now, I so so so dislike hairy men so I'm glad you shave it off. As for pooping, all I can say about that is that you must be eating the right sort of food whaaaaaaaaaaaa. Now please forgive me 'cause I can't stop laughing. Have a Marvellous Monday.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, this is probably going to ruin bananas for you in the future.....but I think of BJ's AND poop when I (rarely) eat a banana!!!! It has to do with a Dr. Oz episode on Oprah...........put 2 and 2 together on that one! And I've never understood the need to have reading material in the bathroom either! I'd think someone has a real problem if it takes them more than a few minutes!!!

    I never knew men used bronzing powder! Doesn't it stick to your facial hair? I've used a liquid bronzer (the creams make my face break out) for years now, but only in the summer months. It's nice to take a break from foundation then.

    Fun post, Ron!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. That first cartoon made me laugh out loud literally!

    I don't mind too much information when it's about you Ron. x

    ReplyDelete
  4. whenpigsflyApril 02, 2012

    That might have been a little too much information but we're all friends here. Right? Right! I think more men could use a little bronzer. You get to a point in your life where you need a little help with the complexion. I'm sad to say that I've moved past the days when I needed nothing on my face.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hahaha!!! Love it. And the photos were a riot too.
    Hmm.... well, for pooping, there is no particular pattern to mine. I won't say any more on that. hehe
    I know there have been times I've eaten a banana that hubby will say something snarky, or just look at me with a big grin. It's funny, but I've been packing my son's lunch and putting a banana in it every day. I wonder if the guys all sit around at lunchtime and give him grief about it. LOL
    Thank ye gods I don't have chest hair. ha! Hubby doesn't either. So neither of us have to shave there. No comment on any other regions. ;)
    I wear make-up, but just the basics. I actually do have a tube of liquid bronzer that I bought when my daughter was selling Avon but never used it. I'm sooooo light skinned that I would really have to know how to apply it or I'd just look silly. I tried that sunless tanning stuff a few times without much success. They aren't are orange as they used to be, but on me they look unnatural. And I can't seem to not get streaks no matter how carefully and thoroughly I rub it in. Since I didn't want to be mistaken for an Oompa Loompa, I stopped using it.

    Scrapple. I never much liked it. My mom would cook some slices and I'd go for the most crispy one and then smother it with ketchup. Hubby orders it sometimes at the diner. Bleh, I can't take it at all now since I don't have to eat it. Wonder if all your commentors will know what it is. Hell, we don't even know exactly what it is. ha!

    Boy George. A very interesting person. Even with all the troubles he's had over the years, there is just something very likeable about him. I listened to his music years ago, will still stop and sing if I hear an old tune on the radio. And when he laughs in an interview it's just delightful.

    Happy Monday! Hope your week is wonderful, my friend. x

    ReplyDelete
  6. Rob LenihanApril 02, 2012

    Wow, Ron, you really went bananas on this post! And good for you! I can be incredibly tense sometimes, so I'm glad there's someone out there willing to give the straight poop! Maybe you should get the Cliff Notes version of that book because at this rate you'll never finish it! Now I'm off to shave my chest. Take care and have a great week, buddy!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lol, you laid it on us today! Love the lego toilet guy!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Ronnie,

    My statement before the Nat'l Inquirer gets a scoop of all this: "I am not shocked". Geez; either my tolerence level is high or we have known each other in another life... Maybe both!

    The one that surprised me the most was probably the bronzing powder. When we met, I never noticed this. Honestly. If you feel better with some of that than why not?

    As for the rest, it is of course pretty much "man stuff"(I don't know about the bowel movements; that is probably just your rhythm). Whatever turns you on, babe :)... Sorry, Naners don't do it for me!

    Have a great day and see ya during the week!
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  9. Good morning Valerie~

    "Now please forgive me 'cause I can't stop laughing."

    That's what I LOVE about, dear lady...you're so cool!

    "I can tell you something about me now, I so so so dislike hairy men so I'm glad you shave it off."

    HA! Well, I don't mind hair on a man, but OMG....my chest hair is out of control. And what's really funny is that I didn't get chest hair until much later (in my 20's). But when I did...it was a bumper crop! And the older I get, the MORE hair I get!?

    "As for pooping, all I can say about that is that you must be eating the right sort of food whaaaaaaaaaaaa."

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, I eat a lot of fiber (cereal, salads, veggies), so that's probably why. However, you would think with all the bananas I eat, it would plug me up!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Valerie. Have maaaaaaaaavellous week!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  10. Good morning Akelamalu~

    When I saw that cartoon online, I laughed out loud too!!!!!

    Isn't it hilarious?

    "I don't mind too much information when it's about you Ron."

    Aw....thank you. I got a bit carried away with this one, but I can't help it. I suddenly got the idea for this post last Saturday.

    Thanks for stopping by, m'dear. Have a great week!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hey there Bijoux~

    "Well, this is probably going to ruin bananas for you in the future.....but I think of BJ's AND poop when I (rarely) eat a banana!!!! It has to do with a Dr. Oz episode on Oprah...........put 2 and 2 together on that one!"

    Bwhahahhahahahahaha! OMG, HILARIOUS!!!!! And thank god I'm not the only one who THINKS that!

    "And I've never understood the need to have reading material in the bathroom either! I'd think someone has a real problem if it takes them more than a few minutes!!!"

    Me neither. I mean if it takes more than a few minutes, there IS a problem. Either that or perhaps some people use that time to sit back, read, and enjoy some 'quiet time.'

    Bwhahahhahahahahaha!

    "I never knew men used bronzing powder! Doesn't it stick to your facial hair? "

    There is a bronzing powder that the French company Guerlain puts out which is specifically made for men (it's called, Terracotta). It's matte and very natural looking. I started wearing it back when I lived in Florida to blend in my tan. It's like $65.00, but it lasts for two years!

    Yes, I've tried liquid bronzers and they made me break out too. Plus, I sweat, therefore it causes liquid bronzers to streak on me.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Have a terrific week!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hey Jen~

    "That might have been a little too much information but we're all friends here. Right? Right!"

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Right!

    "I think more men could use a little bronzer. You get to a point in your life where you need a little help with the complexion."

    OMG, trust me, there are A LOT of metrosexual men out there who use things like, bronzing powder, concealer, etc, to help their complexion. In fact, I met many men who are much more high maintenance than most women.

    I mean as long it looks natural, why not?

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Have a glorious week!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hey there Rob~

    "Wow, Ron, you really went bananas on this post!"

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! Didn't I? I can't help it, but last Saturday night I suddenly got the idea for this post and I went WILD!

    "And good for you! I can be incredibly tense sometimes, so I'm glad there's someone out there willing to give the straight poop!"

    HA! Now the only time I get tense is when I have to poop in someone else's bathroom. And let's not even talk about pooping in a public restroom. NO WAY!

    " Maybe you should get the Cliff Notes version of that book because at this rate you'll never finish it!"

    Bwhahahhahahahahaha! That CRACKED ME UP!!!!!

    Thanks for stopping by, buddy. Have a grrrrrrrreat week!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  14. I just started wearing bronzing powder daily about a month ago. I just use the light bronzer to give me a "glow". I was sitting in a meeting with the new VP that I report to now (she's about a year older than me) and she said, "oh my God, your skin is so beautiful. I wish I was younger." To which I HAD TO respond, "I'm only a year younger than you."

    I thought she was going to fall off her chair. I told her to go buy a Clarisonic. I wasn't going to give away my bronzing secret. Shhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

    Have a great week!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Katherine KrigeApril 02, 2012

    teeheehee, oh my! I think I might have squirted in my panties a little. Thank you for those Monday morning giggles Ronnie darling! I am suddenly feeling kind of peckish. Happen to have a banana in the kitchen that is screaming my name. bwahahaha

    Have a stupendous week love!!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Gooooood morning Mary~

    I LOVED YOUR COMMENT!!!!!!

    It's funny about the photos because you should have seen what I was Googling to find them!

    "I know there have been times I've eaten a banana that hubby will say something snarky, or just look at me with a big grin. It's funny, but I've been packing my son's lunch and putting a banana in it every day. I wonder if the guys all sit around at lunchtime and give him grief about it."

    Bwhahahahahhahahahaha! See! What did I tell ya. You just can't eat a banana without it looking like......

    "I actually do have a tube of liquid bronzer that I bought when my daughter was selling Avon but never used it. I'm sooooo light skinned that I would really have to know how to apply it or I'd just look silly...."

    As I shared with Bijoux I can't use a liquid bronzer because I sweat, therefore it streaks on my face. Plus, I can NEVER get it to look even. That's why I prefer a matte powder bronzer. You can either try Guerlain Terracotta or something much cheaper and good, called, NYC -Smooth Skin Bronzing Powder. You can find it in CVS or Rite Aid.

    "Scrapple. I never much liked it."

    OMG, me neither! Scrapple is basically the odds and ends of the pig. I think it's something that those of us in the north east know about. My father LOVED it, so we had to have it with our Sunday morning breakfast. But since then, I've NEVER eaten it. BLAH!

    "Boy George. A very interesting person. Even with all the troubles he's had over the years, there is just something very likeable about him."

    I soooooooo agree! There is something about him that I really like. Plus, I really enjoy his music. Whenever I hear one of his songs, it instantly reminds me of the 80's!

    As always, thank you for stopping by, my friend. Have a stunning week!

    X

    P.S. can you believe how COLD and WINDY it is today? See...I knew we'd get more colder weather this month.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hey there Suzi~

    Tee, hee!

    I went a bit CRAZY with this one, didn't I?

    Don't you LOVE the little Lego guy???

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Have a great week!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  18. Bonjour Barbara~

    "My statement before the Nat'l Inquirer gets a scoop of all this: "I am not shocked". Geez; either my tolerence level is high or we have known each other in another life... Maybe both!"

    Bwhahahahahahahhahaha! OMG, Barb...that made me HOWL!

    "The one that surprised me the most was probably the bronzing powder. When we met, I never noticed this. Honestly. If you feel better with some of that than why not?"

    Glad to hear that because I try to apply it as light as possible, so that it looks natural. But, sometimes, I do get a bit heavy-handed and end up looking like Cleopatra!

    "As for the rest, it is of course pretty much "man stuff"(I don't know about the bowel movements; that is probably just your rhythm). Whatever turns you on, babe :)... Sorry, Naners don't do it for me!"

    You're right...."man stuff"....HA!

    I adore bananas, but I truly have to watch how many I eat because of the sugar.

    Thanks oodles for stopping by this morning, dear friend! Have super week!

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hiya Chrissy~

    "I thought she was going to fall off her chair. I told her to go buy a Clarisonic. I wasn't going to give away my bronzing secret. Shhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"

    Bwhahahahahhhahahaa! You GO, girl!!!!!!

    And shhhhhhhhhh....I promise not to tell!

    Isn't bronzing powder the BOMB? And just a little touch makes a HUGE difference. I've not tried a Clarisonic, but I hear from MANY people how awesome they are. We sell them in the store I work at. I may have to purchase one this year.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Chrissy! Have a great week!

    X to you, Millie, Vinny, and Dino!

    Woof! Meow!

    ReplyDelete
  20. OMG, Katherine.....your comment made me HOWL!!!!

    "I am suddenly feeling kind of peckish. Happen to have a banana in the kitchen that is screaming my name."

    Bwhahahhahahahahahahaha! Freakin' HILARIOUS!!!!

    And just take a guess at what I'm eating right now...

    that's right, a BANANA!

    Swear to god!!!!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Have a stupendous week too!

    ((( You )))

    X

    ReplyDelete
  21. My. GOD.

    I am speechless. I don't know if it was the quickie poops that got to me or the bronzer. Or, for that matter, anything (and everything) in between. You're a brave soul for sharing all this, Ron.

    "(I don’t think I’ve ever had a constipated day in my entire life)"

    Is this thanks to an abundant intake of prune juice, or are you just a naturally gifted pooper?

    Never mind...I don't want to know...

    ReplyDelete
  22. Howdy Mark~

    "I am speechless. I don't know if it was the quickie poops that got to me or the bronzer. Or, for that matter, anything (and everything) in between. You're a brave soul for sharing all this, Ron."

    Tee, hee! I know, I don't know what came over me today?!?!

    I guess after FIVE years, I needed to dig for the DEEP stuff - HA!

    "Is this thanks to an abundant intake of prune juice, or are you just a naturally gifted pooper?

    Never mind...I don't want to know..."

    Bwhahahahahhaha! Well, I've always been a naturally gifted pooper, however I do eat a hefty amount of roughage!

    Thanks for stopping by, buddy! Have a maaaaavelous Monday!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  23. Pamela D HartApril 02, 2012

    Ron, I love TMI when it makes me ROF and LMAO!

    You might be a lightning fast pooper but I'm a turtle slow one. I could read War and Peace plus I only go like every 3 days! When I go I do a happy dance! My husband looks at me like I'm nuts because he goes twice daily, although he's not fast like you. I think he sits in there for quiet time ;-)

    Bananas. I have to agree with you. I break pieces off and eat them that way. I also think the same way about Popsicles!

    My son does the chest manscape. He's a hairy beast like my side of the family. My brother and Dad are hairy like Austin Powers--looks like someone put a freaken fur rug on their torso (plus they have back hair). I used to tease my son that when he hit puberty he would turn into a werewolf during full moons. I had him going because my side even has pointy canine teeth (I had mine filed). It was funny! Poor kid, no wonder he's a bit crazy (like mother like son!).

    Why can't men use bronzer? Some tan in tanning beds, don't they? I think it looks good--healthy. And hey, men on TV and in movies use make-up. Just don't use so much that you look like Tammy Faye Baker!



    Have a super duper week!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hiya Pamela~

    "You might be a lightning fast pooper but I'm a turtle slow one. I could read War and Peace plus I only go like every 3 days! When I go I do a happy dance!"

    Bwhhahahahahahahaha! HILARIOUS!!!!! It's funny because I've heard more women share the same thing. I think men are more POOPERS - HA!

    "Bananas. I have to agree with you. I break pieces off and eat them that way. I also think the same way about Popsicles!"

    Yes! Yes! I think the same thing when eating a popsicle, especially those long and narrow ones you can get at the grocery store - tee, hee!

    "My son does the chest manscape. He's a hairy beast like my side of the family. My brother and Dad are hairy like Austin Powers--looks like someone put a freaken fur rug on their torso (plus they have back hair)."

    Same here, both sides of my family, the men were/are very hairy. I think it may have to do with being Italian? We're like FUR balls!

    "Why can't men use bronzer? Some tan in tanning beds, don't they? I think it looks good--healthy. And hey, men on TV and in movies use make-up. Just don't use so much that you look like Tammy Faye Baker!"

    My sentiments exactly. I mean why can't men use a bronzer? And only a few times has anyone ever asked me if I had something on my face because my skin looked so smooth. But most of the time no one can ever tell I'm wearing bronzer. And speaking of Tammy Faye Baker, I just recently watched a You Tube of her being interviewed by RuPaul! OMG....what a great interview. She was such a sweet lady!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend! Have a super-duper week too!

    Or rather, super-pooper week - HA!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  25. This is HILARIOUS, Ron!

    What is bad, is I don't think twice about anything you posted with the exception of eating scrapple! I just don't think I could choke that down.

    (For the record, I poop faster than anyone I know too... contest is ON!)

    Hope you have a brilliant week!

    XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hey there Diane~

    "What is bad, is I don't think twice about anything you posted with the exception of eating scrapple! I just don't think I could choke that down."

    Bwhahahahhahahhaha! OMG...THAT KILLED ME!!!! And I had a feeling you wouldn't think twice about this because you're so COOL!!!

    And you're absolutely right about the scrapple - gag me with a spoon!

    "(For the record, I poop faster than anyone I know too... contest is ON!)"

    Yaaaaaaaaaay another pooper shooter!!!!

    Okay, contest is ON!

    On your mark, get set, goooooooooooooooooooo!

    Bwhahahahahahahhaha!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, girl! And thanks for sharing the laughs!

    Have bellissima week!

    Ciao, baby!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  27. "I can’t eat a banana without thinking of the word fellatio."

    SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! ME TOO! And that's why I do NOT eat them!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. oh wow!!
    I blow bananas and manscape my chest too!
    small world

    ReplyDelete
  29. I laughed like crazy at #2. No, not you DOING #2... the second TMI... I can just seeing you crouching behind the cosmetics counter performing your fellatio on your under-ripe fruit! Thanks for the laugh today!

    Hope you have a wonderful week!

    ReplyDelete
  30. ...lol...Once again, you kill me! lol... :oD

    ...I'ma fast pooper too. I dunno what it is but when I go there isn't no messing around. I sit, poop, wipe, I'm up, I'm outta there. End of story. My husband on the other hand is like your father. Our bathroom to him is a place to do his duty, relax and read. Seriously. :o)

    ...I'm glad to hear you manscape. I never was fond of men with lots o' hair on their chest, back or other. Eeek. *shudders* My ex-husband was a Russian body builder so it was the norm for him to shave his entire body before doing a competition or show or whatever you call 'em things they do...*giggle*shrug*

    ...And I get the whole banana thing but I don't care. I love bananas and I unabashedly eat 'em with nary a thought of what it might look like. No one is gonna rob me of my moment because their mind is in the gutter, uh uh. :o)

    ...Yay for you regarding the bronzing powder. It doesn't surprise me because you work in the industry where you not only sell that type of product but your appearance is important too. Besides we all know you're a very fashion forward type of fellow and we wouldn't have expected any less from you. So, surprised? Nah. ;o)

    ...TMI is fun! lol... :o)

    ...Have a spectacular rest of the day dear!

    (((you)))

    ...Blessings

    ReplyDelete
  31. "I blow bananas and manscape my chest too!"

    Bwhahahahahahahahahaha! Dianne, I LOVE YOU, WOMAN!!!!!!

    Small world indeed!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, dear lady! Have a SUPA' week!

    X

    P.S. hope you're feeling better.....(((( You ))))

    ReplyDelete
  32. Hey there Peg~

    " No, not you DOING #2... the second TMI... I can just seeing you crouching behind the cosmetics counter performing your fellatio on your under-ripe fruit!"

    The people I work with always know when I'm eating a banana because they can't find me - Bwhahahahahhahaha!

    Glad you had a giggle. Thanks a bunch for stopping by!

    Have a wonderful week.....X

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hello there TJ~

    "...I'ma fast pooper too. I dunno what it is but when I go there isn't no messing around. I sit, poop, wipe, I'm up, I'm outta there. End of story. My husband on the other hand is like your father."

    Exactly!!!! What is it with some people who use this time to almost MEDITATE? I wish I could, however it happens so fast for me that I can't get past my first, Ooooommmmmmmm! HA!

    "My ex-husband was a Russian body builder so it was the norm for him to shave his entire body before doing a competition or show or whatever you call 'em things they do...*giggle*shrug*"

    OMG, I had no idea you were once married to a body builder - how cool! Personally, I don't mind having hair on my body, but what's really odd is that the older I get, the more hair I seem to grow. And truthfully, my chest hair looks like JUNGLE, yet the hair on my head is vanishing!

    " I love bananas and I unabashedly eat 'em with nary a thought of what it might look like. No one is gonna rob me of my moment because their mind is in the gutter, uh uh. :o)"

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! You GO, girl!!!!!!! LONG LIVE BANANAS!!!!!

    "It doesn't surprise me because you work in the industry where you not only sell that type of product but your appearance is important too."

    Yes, that, and the fact that I'm one of those high maintenance guys who is VAIN :O

    Thanks oodles for stopping by, dearest lady! Wishing you a glorious week!

    (((( You ))))

    X

    ReplyDelete
  34. 1) I poop faster than anyone I know.

    Ha ha ha! You haven't met Mo yet! She doesn't have time to sit before she's up again! I have Never known such speed! Sadly, I am not gifted with the same ability.

    I don't give bananas a second thought. I just devour them, though I've been know to pull a few jokes on Mo with cucumbers - Shhh! That's a secret ;)

    ReplyDelete
  35. "SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! ME TOO! And that's why I do NOT eat them!!!!!!"

    Bwhahahahahahahahahaha! Meleah, you crack me the hell up!!!!

    Libra thing, perhaps????

    I'll eat them full front in the privacy of my own home, yet when I'm in public, I either break little pieces off or HIDE under the table - HA!

    Thanks for stopping by, girl! Have a super week!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  36. Hey there Babs~

    "You haven't met Mo yet! She doesn't have time to sit before she's up again! I have Never known such speed!"

    Hahahahahahahahaha! You GO, MO!!!!!!!! She sounds like Speedy Gonzales! Please tell Mo that it's great to meet another fellow-fast pooper. There are so few of us!

    "I don't give bananas a second thought. I just devour them, though I've been know to pull a few jokes on Mo with cucumbers - Shhh! That's a secret ;)"

    Bwhahahahahahahaha! Babs, that's HYSTERICAL!!!!!

    Shhhhhhh.....and I promise not to tell your secret.

    And speaking of cucumbers, I think the same thing any time I'm in the produce section of the grocery store and pick up a nice BIG cucumber - HA!

    Thank so much for stopping by, my friend. And thanks for the GREAT laughs!

    Have a MARVI week!

    X to you and Mo!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Ron, I really admire your confidence. I have been with Paul for about five years now, and there are still things that he does not know about me....Secrets, that the key to a sucessful marriage, right?

    ReplyDelete
  38. This is way too too too funny!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Greetings Bill~

    Thanks so much for stopping by. It was great meeting you today on your blog. I'll be back, for sure!

    Well, I don't know if it's confidence or stupidity, because one day this post may come up when a future employer Googles my name on the Internet. Oooops!

    " I have been with Paul for about five years now, and there are still things that he does not know about me....Secrets, that the key to a sucessful marriage, right?"

    HA! You're absolutely right. When I was with my partner, there were also things he didn't know about me either.

    Shhhh....some things are a secret.

    Have super week, Bill!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Fast poopers are a good thing especially in a house with one bathroom.

    Manscaping of any and all body hair is always appreciated.

    Bronzer is unisex.

    You always make me laugh. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  41. Hey there Lady Nitebyrd~

    THANK YOU, DEAR LADY!!!!!

    ((((( You )))))

    And I'm so glad you had a giggle :)

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by, Sis!

    X ya!

    ReplyDelete
  42. bahahahhaa.

    oh my ron! you were one of my first stops now that i'm back from my hiatus. You are so hilarious and i've missssssssed you!!!!!

    Um, duh, of course you manscape you hairy manly italian you. and yea, i always break off my bananas when i'm eating in front of people AWKWARD!!

    xoxoxoxoxox MUAH

    ReplyDelete
  43. OH. MY. GOD.......it's BUNT!!!!!!!!

    Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!

    Where the HELL have you been, girl? I thought you totally left blogland?!?

    It's faaaaaaaaabulous to see ya!!!! So glad you're back from your hiatus because you've been missed!

    And what a perfect post for you to read...."BLUNT" TMI - HA!

    "and yea, i always break off my bananas when i'm eating in front of people AWKWARD!!"

    So glad to hear someone else does that!!!!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Blunt! Have a terrific week!

    xoxoxoxoox MUAH!

    ReplyDelete
  44. I LOVE IT! Anyone who can openly talk about pooping is AOK in my book!

    My dad used to go in with the paper and was there FOREVAH. I used to ponder that. Is it not coming out? Does he need some prune juice? Or is he just getting away from the family with the paper for a bit? Me? I wanna get in and out, just like you. High five, fellow pooper!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Helloooooooooo Katherine~

    "Anyone who can openly talk about pooping is AOK in my book!"

    Aw, thank you, but I can't WAIT until my mother this post - ooops!

    "My dad used to go in with the paper and was there FOREVAH. I used to ponder that. Is it not coming out? Does he need some prune juice? Or is he just getting away from the family with the paper for a bit? "

    Bwhahahaahahahaha! Your father sounds EXACTLY how my father use to be. OMG...he was in there FOREVAH!!!!

    " Me? I wanna get in and out, just like you. High five, fellow pooper!'

    *high five*

    Meeeeee too!!!!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Have a WONDERFUL week!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  46. Herman TurnipApril 02, 2012

    Hey man, the throne is the place where I do my crossword puzzles. Many has been the time that I've lost track of time and had my cheeks fall asleep. Heh...

    ReplyDelete
  47. Hey there Herman~

    Bwhahahahahahahahahahahaha!

    OMG, I just spewed a mouthful of crackers and hummus all over my computer keyboard while reading that.

    HILARIOUS, MAN!!!!!!!

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing a GREAT laugh, buddy!

    Except, now I have to clean my keyboard!

    Have a faaaaaaaabulous week!

    X to you, Karin, and Mr. Tyler!

    ReplyDelete
  48. hahhhaa. ron you are too much and too darn funny. my natural airbags deflated a long time ago. maybe landing on my belly would have the same effect.

    no comment on the banana. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  49. Dying here. Just dying. Thank you for sharing TMI with us. Keep it coming. I love seeing how far people will go with how much they put out there. Thanks for putting out. Oh, that didn't sound right.

    So, listen, Mr. Fast Pooper. I would beat you in a race. I'm not saying we should actually set up a race, because really, well, how to you run such a thing? Anyway, I'd win. Just sayin'.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Good morning ladyV~

    "my natural airbags deflated a long time ago. maybe landing on my belly would have the same effect."

    Bwhahahahahhaha! OMG, girl....that CRACKED ME UP!!!!

    However, having seen your faaaabulous figure I doubt that.

    "no comment on the banana. ;)"

    Tee, hee!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, V. Have a terrific week!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  51. Gooooood morning Kathy~

    "I love seeing how far people will go with how much they put out there. Thanks for putting out. Oh, that didn't sound right."

    Bwhahahhahahahaha! HILARIOUS!!!!

    OMG, I don't know how much further I can go than this one, but I'll try :O

    " I would beat you in a race. I'm not saying we should actually set up a race, because really, well, how to you run such a thing? Anyway, I'd win. Just sayin'."

    You GO, girl!!!!! And can you imagine how a race like this would run? Maybe it could be a new reality show, called, "Poop Racers!"

    And the winner would receive $10,000. plus a years worth of BRAN and TOILET PAPER!

    HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, neighbor. Have a maaaaavelous week!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  52. LMAO, Ron. Just the thought of a race. OMG. It would be really easy to tell who won, but really hard to actually participate. Because, um, you know, it's POOPING! I don't know why I find this so funny, it's really rather, uh, gross. You started it! Still cracking up over this.

    ReplyDelete
  53. "I don't know why I find this so funny, it's really rather, uh, gross. You started it! Still cracking up over this."

    On your mark, get set.....POOP!

    Bwhahahahahahhahaha!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  54. jamesgould72April 03, 2012

    hahaha that was fantastic

    http://goo.gl/5EyQR

    ReplyDelete
  55. OK, if you two could poop on demand, now that would be a TV show!

    ReplyDelete
  56. Yeah, kinda like....On-Demand TV!

    Bwhahahhahahahahaha!

    Hope you're enjoying a terrific Tuesday, my friend. Thanks for stopping back!

    X,
    Mr. Pooper

    ReplyDelete
  57. LMAO the poop one had me laughing! That is a running joke in my house! Although I cant say I have never been constipated...when I poop I mean business! My boyfriend always makes fun of me because when I do its loud and assertive! I dont have all day- why not use all your strength and get it out it one push? Lol!

    ReplyDelete
  58. "when I poop I mean business! My boyfriend always makes fun of me because when I do its loud and assertive! I dont have all day- why not use all your strength and get it out it one push? Lol!"

    Bwhahahahhahahahahahaha! OMG, Shae, that made me HOWL!!!!!!! HILARIOUS, girl!!!!

    Some people act like pooping is giving birth to a baby - it comes in contractions - not me.

    Like you, I get it out in one BIG push!

    Thanks for stopping by, Shae. And thanks for the GREAT laugh!!!!

    Have a faaaaaabulous week!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  59. Oh. My. Gawddddddd.


    <-- laughing

    Lemme assure you, it's a much needed laugh!

    I have no clue what bronzing powder even IS. (sad but true....LOL)

    I don't know what to say about the timely ETA of poop--but I can tell you there's a book in the restroom that's been there for a good three years. IT IS NOT MY BOOK. (just felt a need to clarify that....LOL)

    I took hormones when I was doing treatment for breast cancer--I'm afraid I have had chest hair. NOT an excess, mind you....thankfully.
    Cuz I plucked it. LOL
    And no, I'm NOT sharing WHERE it was on the chest, tyvm. :-/

    As for the banana.
    I take pride in opening the banana from the opposite end that most folks do (I've watched movies with monkeys.....they're SMART and I learn well.). THAT's where I've trained my brain to go. LOL That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Hiya Mel!!!!!

    Aw....so glad you got a giggle, dear lady!

    ((((( You )))))

    I was needing one too, so I went a little CRAZY with this post. Aren't I WICKED????

    "I have no clue what bronzing powder even IS."

    Bronzing powder is basically a FAKE tan-look. I use it 'lightly' to give my face a little GLOW.

    "I don't know what to say about the timely ETA of poop--but I can tell you there's a book in the restroom that's been there for a good three years. IT IS NOT MY BOOK. (just felt a need to clarify that....LOL)"

    Bwhahahahahahahahaha! It must be 'a GUY thing' because I know more men who enjoy reading while taking a poopie.

    "-I'm afraid I have had chest hair. NOT an excess, mind you....thankfully.
    Cuz I plucked it. LOL
    And no, I'm NOT sharing WHERE it was on the chest, tyvm."

    OMG, Mel, you KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    "As for the banana.
    I take pride in opening the banana from the opposite end that most folks do (I've watched movies with monkeys.....they're SMART and I learn well.)"

    Holy cow, you just taught me something because I had no idea monkeys did that!?!? I've gotta try that tomorrow morning when I peel my banana for my cereal!

    Thanks OODLES for stopping by, my Libra friend. Hope you're getting all rested up and comfy-cozy being home again.

    Have a great rest of your week......X

    ((((( You ))))))

    ReplyDelete
  61. Ron,
    Thanks for sharing your TMI with the whole world. I love going into the loo and taking along the complete set of Funk and Wagnel Encylopedias A - Z and devouring the entire collection in one sitting. I love the time alone with just me and the crosswords puzzles and the King James version of the bible. Nothing flows as well as crap and scripture.
    As far as the banana thing that never occured to me I just savor the taste of the fruit and picture myself on an island lying under a banana tree with my feet in the water and my ass in the sand ( as the song goes).
    I too trim my chest hair expect I spell words and put special fonts that reach from man nipple to man nipple. I have never bronzed myself put I put talcum powder in my crotch to help keep me dry on a humid day.
    Another thing I do is stir my coffee with my finger when I am spoonless.
    I have to run now and collect the entire works of St. Augustine, I feel a good dump coming on.

    DC

    ReplyDelete
  62. Bwhahahahahahahahhahahahahaha!
    Bwhahahahahahahahahhahahahaah!

    Dave, Dave, Dave.....I laughed so hard at your comment, I just about fell off my chair!!

    "I love the time alone with just me and the crosswords puzzles and the King James version of the bible. Nothing flows as well as crap and scripture."

    OMG... that was HILARIOUS, MAN!!!!!!!!!!!

    I too trim my chest hair expect I spell words and put special fonts that reach from man nipple to man nipple. I have never bronzed myself put I put talcum powder in my crotch to help keep me dry on a humid day."

    Bwhahahahahhahahahahahaha!

    My jaws hurt, I'm laughing so hard!!!!!!!!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your incredible wit, my friend. You REALLY should start your own humor blog, you. are. hysterical.!!!!!

    Hope you're having a great week. And HAPPY EASTER!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  63. Jay of The Depp EffectApril 05, 2012

    "If I ever fell out of a 50-story window, my only hope is to land on my chest because it would cushion the blow like an air bag and probably save my life."

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Good thing I wasn't actually taking a swig of tea then, Ron, my ol' mate, because if I had been you could have been responsible for my untimely demise!

    That was one of the funniest posts I've read for a long time!

    Bronzing powder, huh? And I thought it was all natural...

    ReplyDelete
  64. Helloooooooooo Jay~

    Tee, hee...aren't I silly man?

    "Bronzing powder, huh? And I thought it was all natural..."

    Oh, but it IS natural.

    It's called naturally-looking FAKE tan!

    Bwahahahahahahhaha!

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by, my friend! Hope you're having a faaaaaaabulous week!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  65. la skjødtApril 06, 2012

    doesn't bronzer work wonders?? that and brow powder are my musthave's and of course, lipstick or i look dead and then some...and loved this-you made my day!

    I know in the past, I’ve confessed to shaving my kiwis, but I also manscape my chest every month. I don’t shave or wax; I use an electric clipper with a guard to prune my overly abundant hairy pecs. Because if I didn’t, I would need a flashlight and a pitchfork to FIND my pecs. I have so much hair on my chest that it stands out about three feet from my body. If I ever fell out of a 50-story window, my only hope is to land on my chest because it would cushion the blow like an air bag and probably save my life.
    hahahahahahahahahahahah you are hilarious! i thought everyone with Italian had hairiness? ok, so i am perhaps a bit kidding. ;)

    sorry i have been away...i hope i am back now! much lovexoxoxoxoxox and thanks for that Reiki!

    ReplyDelete
  66. Hello Linda~

    Yes....bronzer works WONDERS! Now that I no longer lay in the sun, it adds the perfect amount of color to my face, naturally. When I lived in Florida, I would use it to blend in my tan.

    LOVE bronzer!!!!

    "hahahahahahahahahahahah you are hilarious! i thought everyone with Italian had hairiness? ok, so i am perhaps a bit kidding."

    No, you're absolutely right....us Italians are VERY hairy! I honestly don't mind have a lot of hair on my body, but my chest hair is WAY out of control!!!

    Thanks oodles for stopping by, dear friend. Hope you're feeling better!

    ((((( You )))))

    xooxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete

I moderate all comments before publishing. Thank you for stopping by.