My inspiration for this post came from my dear, longtime blogging friend, Debbie @ Musings by an ND Domer's Mom, who is not only a gifted...
Do you remember when Charmin became the most popular toilet paper to use?
OMG…it was like the crème’de la crème of toilet tissue.
Remember those silly TV commercials where Mr. Whipple would scold the customers who were caught squeezing the Charmin, by always saying…
“Please don’t squeeze the Charmin!”
And then when nobody was looking, he would hypocritically begin to erotically squeeze the Charmin himself?
Well….I actually think that my father could have been Mr. Whipples’ understudy.
You see, when I was younger and still living at home, Charmin toilet paper was as mandatory a staple in our household, as salt and pepper. And god forbid if my mother came home with any other toilet paper besides Charmin, because my father would have a total conniption.
We always knew when my dad was taking a “poopie” because not only would the newspaper be missing, but we’d sometimes hear the sound of his BOOMING voice from behind the bathroom door….
“Jesus Christ, Ann, how many times do I have to tell you…I only want CHARMIN in this house!”
Whereupon, my mother would say, “I’m sorry Frank, but that toilet paper was on sale, so I thought I’d try it.”
“I don’t CARE if it was on sale…just spend the GODDAMN money on Charmin!”
“Ok, Frank.”
At which point, my mother and I would BURST out laughing.
My father was obsessed with Charmin and refused to use anything else.
Me? I use either Scotts brand or something similar. Usually CVS or Rite Aid has a store brand that comes very close to Scotts.
I don’t like using quilted toilet paper and I’ll tell you why…
First of all it’s a rip-off, because if you look at the amount of sheets you get on a quilted roll, compared to the amount of sheets you get on a roll of Scotts, it’s amazingly different. Scotts has 1000 sheets, while most of the quilted toilet paper has 200-250. One roll of Scotts has the same amount as four rolls of the other stuff, plus…I don’t have to keep changing the roll every hour.
I’m sorry, but if I’m going to spend a small fortune on what toilet paper costs these days, I want more wipes for my buck, or rather butt.
Oh, and listen to this…the other day I actually saw a toilet paper in the drug store that contained the added moisturizing ingredients of aloe vera and vitamin E.
WTF?
Excuse me…but I guess I didn’t realize that wiping my hide has suddenly turned into a spa treatment.
What’s next…some collagen and a clay mask?
And one more thing…
…maybe I’m using too much, but whenever I use the quilted toilet paper, my toilet always gets clogged and overflows.
And there’s something about an overflowing toilet that truly frightens me. To watch the water slowly rising to the rim, makes me feel like I‘m 6 years old again. I start to panic and then back away from the toilet; holding out my hands, screaming… “NO, NO…PLEASE STOP DOING THAT. GO AWAY. GO DOWN!!”
No sir, I’d much rather use a toilet paper that’s a lot more economical and a hell of a lot easier to flush.
Even though it may feel a tad bit rougher on my sphincter…..
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