Monday, September 05, 2011

A Tragedy!

A terrible tragedy has occurred in my life.

And no, this tragedy has nothing to with the fact that they discontinued my favorite face wash from Oil of Olay.

No….it’s MUCH worse.

Worse than the time I found out that Lady Gaga wasn’t really a man in drag.

And worse than the time I got caught FORGING my report card in Catholic grammar school because I didn’t want my parents to find out I had gotten 7 red F’s.

Last week, while heading over to my favorite video store I discovered this sign….


Now I want you all to try and visualize a 55-year old man (acting like Joan Crawford) throwing himself against the door and banging his fists against the glass, screaming, “NO! NO!…THIS CAN’T BE TRUE! PLEASE TELL ME THAT I’M SLEEPING AND WHEN I WAKE UP THIS WILL JUST BE A DREAM!”

But I wasn‘t dreaming, it was a harsh reality.

(like the harsh reality of when MGM Studios fired Miss Crawford)

TLA Video CLOSED!

And quite frankly, I don’t know what I’m going to do because it was the last video store in this city. Blockbuster went out of business years ago, along with Hollywood Video, so TLA was the only place I could rent movies.

Well, I guess there’s always Netflix, but I’m not one of those people who can rent a video and then wait for it to be mailed to me. No way. I’m the kind of person who spontaneously feels the desire to watch a movie and wants it NOW.

It’s called instant gratification.

OMG….I’m utterly devastated about this!

However, I did find out from someone at work that there’s an adult video store (which means they rent DIRTY movies and sell glow-in-the-dark CONDOMS) about five blocks from where I live, which also rents selected Hollywood films. Which might not be a bad idea because I can rent “Gone With The Wind” and “Danny And Steve Gone Wind Surfing” on the same night.

*insert snicker*

But I ask you……what the hell is HAPPENING to this world?

First, all the music stores are closing down because of the Internet.

Second, all the bookstores are closing down because of the Internet.

And now, all the video stores are closing down because of the Internet.

I’m so mad at the Internet right now, I could spit rusty razor blades out of my mouth.

I HATE YOU INTERNET!

Oh wait. That’s right. I can’t hate the Internet.

I blog.

I LOVE YOU INTERNET!