The Unsuspected Lip Balm


This is the time of the year when I have to start using a lip balm.

I’m not real fond of Chapstick, because it always feels like I've just applied a tapered dinner candle to my lips.

Each year I like to try a different brand of lip balm, because I believe in taking chances with my life and living dangerously.

Anyway…about a week ago, while was in the drug store purchasing my daily addiction of Cryst-O-Mint Lifesavers…I happened to see a lip balm by the cash register, that was on sale.

So while standing in the GOD FORSAKEN LONG LINE and WAITING FOR HELL TO FREEZE OVER…I picked up the lip balm and read the package.

I instantly liked what I saw, because it claimed to be all natural and contained Pure Beeswax, which meant that it would not feel thick on my lips.

Another plus, was that it claimed to give the lips a “natural finish.”

Not only can I not stand the feeling of waxy lips, but I’m also not fond of when a lip balm makes my mouth look as if I’ve just applied two coats of clear nail polish. I swear, some lip balms end up looking so shinny, I feel like I should also be wearing a lip liner.

So I thought, “What the hell, Ron…buy it.”

As soon as I got outside, I ripped open the package and swiped some on.

It felt really comfortable on my lips, and also had a nice citrus taste.

I was very happy with it.

And as I was running errands all afternoon, I kept reapplying it. I went to the bookstore; went grocery shopping; stopped at the Dollar Store…and then home.

I like to brush my teeth the minute I get in the house, because it makes me feel refreshed. So I headed for the bathroom and flicked on the light.

And when I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

My entire mouth was coated with sparkly GLITTER!

HOLY SHIT…had I REALLY been walking around all day, looking like this???

I immediately grabbed the lip balm out of my backpack and inspected it closer…

…DAMN…there it was…little specks of clear GLITTER!

And I’m thinking to myself, “Why in heavens name would they put GLITTER in a natural lip balm that was intended to protect and moisturize???

And if this was their idea of a “natural finish”…I’d hate to see what their definition of a HIGH GLOSS finish would be.

I couldn’t help but imagine what people were thinking of my lips all afternoon....



It looked like Tinker Bell had just SNEEZED on my mouth!





24 comments

  1. I'm here at work laughing so hard I have teary eyes.
    I needed that after today...
    The scumbag detail guy finally sent a reply to my BBB complaint, claiming that *I* am making falsifications, among other things.
    I just want this nightmare to be over.
    and by the way,
    Burt's Bees contain NO glitter.

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  2. And people say it's a rude world...

    HA! Not one person mentioned the twinkle lips. LOL

    Betcha looked cuter than a bug's ear.

    *snickering*

    <-- isn't necessarily polite

    :-D

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  3. OMG I love Crysto Mint lifesavers!!!! Always was my fav. Haven't had them in awhile though. :(
    I must remember to get a roll next time I'm at the store.

    I think you would look fabulous in glittered lip balm. I personally wouldn't think anything of it. I'd walk by and look and say, now there goes a man that can really pull off sparkly lip gloss. ;)
    Might actually ask you where you got it 'cause we ALL should have some fun. And hey, the lips are protected at the same time. I'd say you got double your money's worth.

    How about that snowstorm up North. Bet you're hoping we get something soon here!! Stay warm and enjoy your fabulous sparkle!

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  4. O
    O
    O my GOD.
    The Teen so sympathizes with you.
    He grabbed some chap-stick I had picked up for my glitter gal, swiped it on his lips and dashed for the bus.
    It's a good thing i am not a completely evil mom.
    when i saw what was sitting NOT where I left it, i put 2+2 together and dashed up to the bus stop with a soapy rag and some kiss my face lip balm.
    needless to say the look on his face when he wiped off his lips and saw the glitter,
    he he he
    is one i will cherish always.
    Thanks for the giggles!
    and the great tale!
    Kid is gonna be thrilled to know he's not the only male in the world pissed off by glamour chap-stick.

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  5. Aloha Debi!

    Tee, hee!

    Anyway...sorry to hear you're having a ICKY day!

    (that damn SCUMBAG!!!)

    And thanks for mentioning the Burt's Bees, because someone at work uses it (another guy) and he says it's great...and NO GLITTER!!!

    Later in the week, I actually found a lip balm that was made by the Drug Store Brand (RiteAid), and it was PERFECT! NO SHINE and NO CANDLE WAX!!!

    Thanks for stopping by, Debi and I hope you have a enjoy your evening!

    Sincerely,
    TinkerBell

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  6. Morning Mel!

    I was actually thinking that I would create my Hallowen costume around those glitter lips!!!

    I could maybe go as: Disco Hello Kitty!

    HAAHHAHA!

    And no...no one mentioned my glitter lips. I think they were embarrassed for me. It was a CLEAR glitter, so you only saw it when the light hit my mouth.

    (and I can only imagine what they looked like when the SUN hit my lips)

    Thanks for stopping by today, dear Mel!

    Alway so nice to share the morning with ya!

    Have a GLITTERY day!

    Clap your hands...,
    Tinkerbell

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  7. Hellooooo Crystal-Chick!

    AAAAAAHHHH....someone ELSE who LOVES Cryst-O-Mint Lifesavers!!!

    Ya, know...they're getting harder and harder to find. I get them at RiteAid, but the store must only get ONE box delivered, because they're ALWAYS out.

    Either that, or they're very popular and go fast!

    Anway...I LOVE THEM!!! It's like the perfect mint taste.

    Oh darn...maybe I should have KEPT the lip balm!!!

    Maybe why no one was saying anything to me that day...was because I looked HOT!!

    Glitter Man!

    HAHAHAHHA!

    ooooh...oooooh...and YES how about that SNOW??? One of the maintenance guys in the building said that his wife had called him and said that it was snowing where they lived.

    (only 10 miles from the city!!!)

    And YES....I hope Center City gets some!!!


    Thanks for stopping by this morning, M!

    It's always a GREAT time!

    Later,
    Tinker Bell

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  8. Good Morn'in to ya, Lady Sorrow!

    OMG!!!!!!

    That's SOOOOOOO funny!!!!

    I mean, what's with this GLITTER in lip balms????

    And if it contains it....I think it should say so on the package!!

    The odd thing about his particular lip balm, was that it was placed in the area of ALL natural products, so I didn't even imagine that they'd put glitter in it!!

    (even if it was ORGANIC glitter!)

    HAHAHAHA!

    And I'll tell ya, the last photo I added on this post, is almost EXACTLY what my mouth looked like (minus the pink tone).

    I felt like I had Doris Day lips!

    Anyway, my dear friend....thank you SO MUCH for sharing that wonderful story on this post!

    God...it really made me LAUGH!!!

    And please tell your son, that REAL men DO wear GLITTER!

    *and eat quiche!

    Have a great day, Sorrow!
    X

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  9. That is hilarous!!! I needed that laugh today. Lip glitter, the next fashion sensation for the kids. Market this and you will make a bundle.

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  10. Afternoon Mr. Dave!

    So glad you had a GIGGLE, my friend!

    Jeees! Whatever happened to SIMPLICITY?

    I mean, my personal belief has alway been.....

    ...less is MORE!

    Which includes GLITTER!!?@>#?!

    Oy Vey...

    At least it gave me something to POST about!!!

    HAHAHAHHA!

    Always a JOY seeing ya, buddy!

    Have a wonderful day my Libra Pal!

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  11. hehehehe...hahahahahaheheheheh

    wait...stop.

    hehehehahahaahah!!!

    I can't stop. I mean it...I can't stop laughing. hehehehehhe.

    hehehe...hehehe...he..heheheeehhe

    My stomach hurts from laughing.
    hahaha...haaaa!
    **************
    Sweetie, I'm back and i have to say I couldn't comment on this post. I just laughed my ass off...I'm surprised I didn't fall on my ass and just lay there giggling.

    oh....thank you honey that made my day. heheheehhhee

    I'm going to come back and re-read this you know...just for the laughs.

    Oh and my brother-in-law is addicted to blistex. I don't know how many little tubes I've found between the cushions of my couches. I think he buys them by the box.

    hehehe...take care sweetie...this was a good one. :D

    Ciao babe.

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  12. Howdy Miss Jones!

    YEEEEEEHAW!

    Glad you got "tickle" my friend!

    oooooh....and speaking of BLISTEX, I've know several people in my life, who have beed VERY addicted to that stuff...literally!

    I found out from somewhere (who the hell knows where) that the reason being, is because of the CAMPHOR.

    Isn't that strange? But somehow the sensation of camphor is habit forming!!!

    It's like a COOOOOL peppermint pattie blowing across your lips!

    HAHAHAHAHA!

    MUCHO THANKS for stopping by today, Miss Spiky Jones!!!

    *I love saying that....

    Miss Spiky Jones!

    Have an awesome evening!

    I hope your ankle is feeling much better!

    {{{{{{{{more good energy headed your way{{{{{{{{{

    Ciao bella!

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  13. But you always sparkle, they just assumed it was an extra strong sparkle day!!

    I can't apply anything without a mirror. Anything! I can barely run my hand thru my hair without a mirror

    It's not vanity at all!! Trust me. It is this odd motor skill issue.

    So in this one case it would have worked to my advantage.

    Mary Kay has wicked lip balm.

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  14. Oh....Dianne....your comments always make me LAUGH!

    Thank you, girl!!

    OMG, that is SOOOOOO funny!

    You had me howling!

    ooooh....and I know the May Kay lip balm you may be referring to. I use to know someone in Florida who was a representative for MK, and I actually think I tried that lip balm before. And you're RIGHT...it is WICKED!!!

    Thanks for reminding me!!

    And thank you for the DELIGHTFUL chuckle you gave me this evening!

    Sincerely,
    Tinker Bell

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  15. When you do the disco Hello Kitty, don't forget the roller skates!

    ReplyDelete
  16. You said it Debi!

    What would Disco Kitty be WITHOUT roller skates?

    HAHAHHAA!

    Hey....I see that you came up on Feedjit as coming from California again!

    I think you REALLY live in California NOT Hawaii...admit it!

    HA!

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  17. Hey Ron,
    I'm just getting over a laughing/coughing fit as I finish reading this :)
    Boy, I bet you were HOT STUFF !!!
    I'm sure that waked up some of those middle class" stiffies" that you talked about !
    No Ron; you are just IN TIME for Halloween !

    Take a closer look next time when choosing lip balm ;)

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  18. Tinkerbell! Too damn funny, Ron!

    Thanks for the laugh. I just found out the asshole accountant who supposedly filed an extentsion for our taxes is now claiming ignorance!

    I might need some of that lip balm to trade for cigaretts in prison.

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  19. Good Morning Barbara!

    Yea, you're right....I think I need to start using a pair of binoculars when I read package labels in the future!

    HAHAHAHAHA!

    They were clever though, because those damn little pieces of GLITTER were CLEAR...so you really couldn't see them, until the light hit them!

    OMG...and I don't even want to think about what the "stiffies" of this city thought! They probably were too scared to even say anything!

    GOD LOVE THEM!

    Thanks for stopping by today, Barb!

    Hope all is fantastice with Didier and you!

    Have a GRANDE' Thursday!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Morning Nitebyrd!

    OMG...you're kidding????

    And WHAT an asshole!!!

    And he certainly DOES sound IGNORANT!

    Buy him some Glitter Lip Balm and then have Tinkerbell send him off with all the Lost Boys!

    HAHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks for stopping by today, Nitebyrd!

    I'll be sending ya lots of "good energy" to help with the "tax thingy."

    Enjoy your day!

    Tink

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  21. Somebody needs to follow you around with a camera and make a new reality TV series.

    The ability to laugh at ourselves is a wonderful gift. Thanks for sharing.

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  22. Howdy Mr. Jeff!

    I remembering sharing with one of my commenters here, a while back...that some of the GREATEST stories come from non-fiction.

    There are so many little incidents and encounters that happen to all of us throughout our day, that make for the GREATEST entertainment.

    I always enjoy standing back and watching myself, paying attention to all the small details of a situation that I may be involved in.

    And it's ironic that you mentioned a camera, because THAT'S what it feels like I'm doing....

    ...filming myself and then typing it out on a page.

    It's SO much fun!

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by today, Jeff!

    ALWAYS a GREAT time!

    Enjoy your evening, bud!

    Later!

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  23. Oh Ron, I'm splitting my sides here laughing! Lucky it was only glittery and not tinted eh? :)

    Got back from Poland late last night and you are my first stop this morning m'dear! x

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  24. Morning Akelamalu!!!

    Oh...that is so SWEET of you, my friend!!!

    THANK YOU for being your first stop!!!!

    I actually answered your comment above, first, so all my welcome back hoopla is there, but here it is again, ready?...

    WELCOME BACK AKELAMALU!!!!!!

    YAHOOOO!!! YEEEPPEEEEE!!!!

    SO GLAD TO SEE YA!!!!!

    WOOOO-WOOOOO!

    Anyway, I bet you had a fabulous time and are going to share some wonderful photos with us!

    Can' wait!

    And yes...thank god it was ONLY glitter and not tint...

    ....however, I've been told that I look nice in RED!

    HAHAHAHHAA!!

    Have a wonderful day, dearest lady!

    And I'll be by your place later this evening, after work!

    Happy HALLOWEEN!

    ReplyDelete