Friday, August 26, 2011

My Teeth Take A Bath

My Promise:

I promise this will be the LAST post you’ll ever have to read that has anything to do with my teeth.

*I think*

But, I just couldn’t allow this MONUMENTAL event to pass by without sharing it with you faaaaaaabulous guys and gals.

What would you say if I told you it’s been OVER 20 years since my last professional teeth cleaning?

Did you all just GASP?

Did you all just FAINT?

Did you all just do a POOPIE CRAP in your pants?

Well, Monday, my new dental hygienist did all three of those things when I told her.

However, just before she fell off her stool and cracked her skull on the trash can she said, “I’m amazed your teeth look this clean. How did you do it for over 20 years?”

I replied, “Well, easy, I use TWO different kinds of toothpaste - one for plaque, one for whitening, I floss every time I eat, and use a perio-therapy oral rinse twice a day for my gums.

After twenty years, I imagine she thought my teeth would look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame….


But I’ve got to be honest, I still think my mouth looked as though it were in need of a professional cleaning. I had quite a bit of tartar buildup behind my lower front teeth. Also, my teeth had a slight yellow cast to them which was caused by the two cups of dark roast coffee I drink everyday. Plus, I’m a light smoker.

I sincerely thought when the hygienist saw my mouth she was going to get wide-eyed and say, “I need to get out the jackhammer, a Brillo pad, and a bottle of liquid Clorox.”

Apparently, my teeth weren’t as heinous as I thought because she didn’t have to do as deep a scaling as I imagined she would.

Last week, my dentist did a full mouth examination and said that my gums were in excellent shape, and my teeth were tight and strong.

Looking at my x-rays, though, it was quite obvious that I will be having some serious work done on two of my teeth. One being the bridge that caused the abscess, and the other being an upper molar that needs a crown. But, other than that my teeth are healthy.

Who knew?

And I was SHOCKED because I assumed after looking at the x-rays my dentist was going to say, “Oh goodie, now I can buy that condo in Bermuda I always wanted.”

Anyway, after the hygienist finished polishing my teeth she handed me a mirror and said, “Look, Ron!”

*blinking*

Holy macanoli!….it appeared as though I was staring at the reflection of someone else’s mouth.

My teeth GLOWED! And when I ran my tongue over them they felt as smooth as butta.

I’ve decided not to eat or drink anything for the rest of my life because I don’t want to dirty them.

Here’s a photo of the end result…..

Cheese!

Wishing you a sparkling weekend everyone!

X

Update (Saturday the 27th): Hi everyone! Just wanted to let you know that because of the hurricane which will be effecting us here on the east coast today and tomorrow, we may lose power. Therefore, if you don't see me online, you'll know that's why. Take care, be safe, and I'll see ya soon! X