Does the Devil Really Wear Prada?

Last week while I was on my blog break, I watched one of my all-time favorite movies, The Devil Wears Prada.

Don’t ya just LOVE that film?

Anyway…watching it again reminded me of just how NOT fashion conscious I am.

I mean, I think I always look well-dressed and put-together, but I can’t say that what I’m wear is necessarily IN the current fashion.

I don’t follow trends, nor do I own anything with a designer label.

Unless of course, you want to call the Gap a designer label.

My own personal fashion for dressing up, is wear something SIMPLE and BLACK, because anything simple and black, fits into any situation and always remains classic.

I’m very lazy when it comes to my clothes. I don’t want to think about anything. I just want to put it on and go.

And you should see the way I shop!?!

I never go out shopping for a complete seasonal wardrobe. I shop in pieces. I buy a few dress shirts one day, and then maybe a pair of black dress slacks, a month or two later. And then six months down the road, I’ll buy a tie or a belt. I’m not one who will spot something in a store and says, “OMG…I have to HAVE that!”

Also…I’m a bargain shopper.

I refuse to take out a home equity loan to buy clothes.

I know everyone says that buying high-quality is better than buying lower-quality, but I beg to differ. I’ve bought some very inexpensive pieces of clothing, that have lasted me an eternity. And I know of many people who always insist on buying high-quality, and then complain that the buttons fell off and the threads pulled out, the first time they wore it to their daughters divorce hearing.

I’m sorry, to me, there’s no such thing as high-quality anymore.

Quality has gone to shit.

Amen!

Now…getting back to Does the Devil Really Wear Prada?

I don’t think so.

And I’ll tell you why…

…you see, my grandmother use to always call me her Little Devil.

And this little devil only wears…Payless.

Wishing you a devilish weekend, everyone!

X

*Don't forget to check out my new featured highlights below the header.

Giving My First Injection

No, this post title is not referring to the first time I had sexual intercourse…sorry.

This post is about the first time I had to give a needle injection to a real patient.

I’ve had several different occupations in my lifetime, and one of them happened to be a certified medical assistant.

Yes…you heard right.

A certified medical assistant.

WTF was I thinking???

To be perfectly honest with you, the only reason I decided to go to school was because I had a secret fantasy about the possibility of meeting a handsome doctor, falling in love, adopting a cat together…and living happily ever after in a beautiful stucco home with a swimming pool, off Las Olas Blvd. in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Well…can I tell you something?

That fantasy remained a fantasy, because it NEVER happened.

But I’ll tell you what DID happen. I discovered that I hated being in the medical profession, because I hated sick people, coughing and sneezing in my face.

So after my medical assistant internship was over…I quit.

(it was the shortest occupation I’ve ever had)

But let me share something that happened to me during my internship…

I was given a position at a walk-in medical clinic in Hollywood, Florida.

As an M.A., my job was to take the patients initial stats, draw blood, take x-rays, and also give injections. And I’ll never forget the first time I had to give an injection into a patients’ buttocks. I was scared to death, because you have to make sure that you don’t inject the needle anywhere close to the base of the spine. In school, they teach you how to divide the buttocks into four imaginary sections, so that you have a safety guideline. But I was so nervous, I couldn’t remember where the hell the imaginary sections were.

My first-time patient, was a woman who had come into the clinic with a horrible flu. The poor woman was so sick, that the doctor ordered a penicillin shot.

So there I am, with this woman’s bare ass draped over the examination table, staring me straight in the face, and all I could think about was the imaginary buttocks guideline. I was almost half tempted to ask her if she wouldn’t mind if I took out a Sharpie and drew the imaginary guideline on her ass, so I wouldn’t accidentally paralyze her.

I felt like I was playing a game of darts and was trying for a bulls-eye.

So I nervously grabbed the fleshiest part of her tush with one hand; taking careful aim with the other, and then quickly injected the needle.

After she left the clinic, all I kept thinking to myself was, “OMG…I hope she doesn’t wake up dead tomorrow.”

When I got to work the next day, the first thing I did was call her on the phone to see if she was still alive. And when she answered the phone I said, “Hello…this is Ron at the medical clinic following up to see how you’re doing.”

She said, “Fine…I’m starting to feel better, thank you.”

And as I hung up the phone I let out a sign of relief....

“Oh, thank god….but I still think I need more practice”

*Don't forget to check out my new featured highlights below the header!

My Blog Facelift

Hi folks…it’s great to see ya!

I hope you all had wonderful week.

Well, I gave Vent a little facelift and I hope you’re not too shocked!?!

Ok, so tell me….

Do you think this new design is PINK enough?

It kind of reminds me of Pepto-Bismol or Bazooka Bubble Gum!

I had such a great time customizing this new look. As you may have noticed, I’ve changed all of the sidebar graphics. Oh… and I want to apologize to Gypsy-Heart for removing the little animated “smoking dude” who use to sit on the upper right hand corner, puffing away. I know you LOVED him dear lady, and so did I…but I got so damn tired of buying him cigarettes! Anyway, I swapped him out for an animated “movie director” who by the way, doesn’t animate. I don’t know what’s up with this, but every time I try to download him, he doesn‘t move!?! I’ll keep trying, so maybe one day you’ll see him yelling through his megaphone - it’s really hysterical.

I will be doing something a little different with this blog design. Periodically, I’ll be changing the background area, borders, and font colors to keep things fresh and fun.

My newest addition is the navigation bar. If you look along the bottom of the header, you’ll find a series of links. This was a major SON OF A BITCH to customize. I had to research the advice from three different customizing websites to figure out how to make it work, but it finally WORKS! And my favorite thing about the bar, is that when you run your cursor over the links, the little blue stars disappear and then reappear!

How friggin’ disgustingly cute is that?

Within the next few weeks I will be adding addition links, which will highlight cool things that I come across, such as: blogs, products, photos, movies, celebrities, and books. I haven’t been able to post as much as I had planned on my review blog, so my idea will be to share various things on this blog, but keeping them separate from my regular posts. So whenever you stop by, please take a look at the navigation bar to see if I’ve added something new.

Another thing that I’ll be doing, is using this area to spotlight the many talents of YOU, dear readers. So don’t be surprised if you see your art work, photographs, blog posts, or Etsy Shops highlighted up there.

Anyway… I‘ve really enjoyed this little break from blogging to work on some other stuff, but it’s OH SO NICE to be back!

I’ve missed ya!

Hope all is going well in your lives and I look forward to catching up on your blogs!

Happy Monday!

P.S. and remember…think PINK!

Cut...Taking a Break

Howdy folks!

Just wanted to let everyone know that I’ll be taking this week off from blogging.

I want to spend some time focusing on writing posts, and also playing around with my blog design (so don’t be surprised if you see some changes on my template). I’ve also been thinking about adding a few new things to this blog - woo! woo!

Wishing you all a FABULOUS week!

And I’ll see you again next Monday!

Peace, love and CareBear Underwear,

Ronnie

X

The Love in my Life

Since tomorrow is a special day to remember the love in our lives, I would like to share the love in my own life.

I have come to understand, that it makes no difference whether you’re single, married, or in a relationship with someone.

There is a Love that is always present.

I’ve been single for most of my life. And I can honestly say that being single, has never made me feel less wanted, less cared for, or less loved.

Love comes to me in many forms.

Family.

Friendships.

Nature.

And also, through my own personal spiritual connection.

I have always felt held, supported, and guided through my life.

I have always felt wealthy in the way of love.

And I use to wonder to myself, “Why do I feel so loved? Because I honestly don’t feel as though I give as much love, as I receive.”

And then one day I realized something…

Love is not something that is mine to give.

Because love is not something that comes from me.

Love is something that is delivered through me.

Love is constant.

It is giving and receiving simultaneously.

And it was during the darkest times in my life; when I felt scared, lost, confused, and thought I was alone, that I was reminded about the love in my life.

And it came to me in a whisper...

I am always here.

Therefore, feel that you are always loved.

Happy Valentines Day everyone!

X

Please note: I made this little Valentine heart to share with you, so if you would like to take it, please right click and save it to your computer. And remember...you are always loved!

My Crazy Mirror Dream

About two nights ago I had the craziest dream.

I dreamt that I had been abducted by aliens and was taken aboard their spacecraft.

And after being anally probed by several of the aliens (without a lubricate, mind you), I was carried into a room that had a large mirror hanging on one of the walls. I was then placed in a chair that was positioned directly in front of the mirror.

Suddenly, the aliens began to laugh.

KeKeKeKeKeKeKeKe!

And as they giggled, they pointed to the mirror as if to say to me, “Look!…Look!”

And when I turned to look at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t believe my eyes!

...as my reflection began to morph onto various images...

First…I looked like Ben Stiller in the movie Zoolander




Next…I resembled Sarah Jessica Parker from Sex and the City



Five seconds later, I morphed into David Beckham posing in a Giorgio Armani underwear ad....WTF?



And then to my complete HORROR…I transformed into Richard Simmons!!



From there, I turned into Betty Crocker.



And then, without any warning I became Ronnie TRIPLETS!



From triplets…I morphed into Madonna.



From Madonna…I became the evil Cruella deville

At this point, I began I thrashing in the chair and yelling at the aliens, “STOP! STOP! STOP THIS MADNESS…I WANT TO LOOK LIKE MYSELF AGAIN…STOP THIS, YOU ALIEN FREAKS!”

And then, ZAP!…

…I suddenly awoke in my bed with the sheets wrapped around my neck and a very sore buttock.

And when I finally calmed down, I realized that it had only been a horrible dream.

So I got out of bed and went into the bathroom to splashed some cold water on my face.

But when I looked into the mirror…I let out a blood-curdling SCREAM!!!

Please Note: If you want to have a load of fun like I did, visit: Face in Hole - you’ll LOVE it!!

The Freedom in Aging

My mother once reminded me that when I was in my mid-teens, I casually said to her, “I can’t wait until I‘m forty.”

And she laughed, asking me, “What do you mean?”

I said, “I can’t wait until I reach forty years old, because something great is gonna happen to me."

“Yea, right…you’re saying that because you’re fourteen years old, but just wait until you actually GET to forty.”

And I said, “Yea, I can’t wait…..”

To be honest, most of my youth was spent in a constant state of inner struggle and frustration. I was always in a hurry to move ahead; wishing I was somewhere else other than where I was, and wishing I was someone else other than who I was.

I spent ten years of my younger adult life (30-39) trying to dramatically change myself, attempting to remove certain things that I didn’t like; shifting myself into a nice little organized puzzle. But ironically, all of my attempts to change myself, only kept leading me back to the original puzzle with missing pieces. And it took me one more year to finally find those missing pieces…..

You see, I never fully accepted myself for who and where I was at the time.

I was always trying to change myself before I was actually ready.

And most of what I thought needed changing, didn’t need to be changed.

So when I turned forty, I began to relax into my life.

My life was no longer about changing or fixing myself, but became more of a journey in embracing myself. Because as I began to embrace myself, I just naturally changed without any effort on my part, other than the willingness to allow myself to change with my life.

Age has brought me a tremendous amount of freedom….

the freedom to be who and where I am for right now

the freedom to accept and adapted

the freedom to dance with my life - to sometimes lead, and other times follow

the freedom to try something new and learn from my mistakes

the freedom to celebrate my strengths

the freedom to be conscious of my weaknesses

the freedom to laugh at myself

and the freedom to stop touching my life…

…and just let it be…

Glory Alleluia for Febreze

Besides chocolate and glow-in-the-dark condoms, I don’t think there’s ever been anything invented that has given me more pleasure and more reason to shout….

.. GLORY ALLELUIA!!!

For those of you who may live in various parts of the world, and have no earthly idea what I’m talking about, Febreze is a fabric refresher that miraculously neutralizes all kinds of offensive odors. It typically comes in a spray form, but more recently has been made into a laundry detergent, candles, and also plug-ins.

I don’t know how or why this stuff works, but it does, so I always have it handy in my apartment.

And what’s amazing, is that I’ve found a hundred different ways to use it.

When I had cats, it was a great way to neutralize litter box odor.

I also like to spray it in my kitchen trash can to eliminate any nasty garbage smell.

I will quite often spray it inside my sneakers to keep them smelling fresh.

It’s also very helpful to use in my bathroom after I do a stinky #2.

And because I smoke, I spray it on everything in my apartment: the carpet, sofa, mattress, throw pillows; even the ceiling fan, and I’ve never once had anyone say that my home smells like a cigarette.

But I think perhaps the most effective way that I’ve used Febreze, was in an emergency situation.

However, before I tell you, you must promise not to breathe a word of this to another living soul, ok?

Remember, it was an EMERGENCY situation and I had no other choice.

Back in December when I was working horrendous holiday hours in retail, there was a time when I didn’t even have a free hour to do a load of laundry. One morning while I was racing off to work, I noticed that I had completely ran out of clean underwear…Shit!

So a got a brilliant idea….

….I grabbed the pair that I had worn the day before out of the hamper, and lightly misted the crotch area with Febreze.

And then after twirling them in air a few times, to dry them…

…I took a little whiff…

And found them delightfully refreshed and reusable…

Have a refreshing weekend, everyone!

X

Little Piggies Went To Market

Today I thought I’d share something about one of my other occupations.

Being a Foot Reflexologist has made me very aware of peoples views on feet.

People seem to:

*appreciate and enjoy them.

*ignore them, like they don’t even exist.

* have a phobia about them.

*or think they’re the most disgusting part of human anatomy.

The first thing out of many people’s mouths, when they discover that I’m a foot reflexologist is…

“Eeeeew…I can’t believe you actually TOUCH people’s feet. Doesn’t that totally GROSS you out?”

And my response is…

“Yes, it TOTALLY grosses me out…that’s why I do it.”

Several people have also expressed…

“Hell…I don’t even notice or think about my feet until I accidentally step on a piece of glass.”

I actually had one person say to me…

“I HATE feet. I hate feet so much, that I can’t even touch or look at my own.”

And I thought to myself…

“Then how the hell do you ever put your shoes and socks on?”

But my all-time favorite reaction is….

(winking at me) “Oh…so I guess you have some sort of kinky foot fetish, right?”

And my smart-ass answer is…

(winking back) “Yes, I do…and to be totally honest, the only reason why I became a foot reflexologist, was so that I could walk around with a constant pump tent"

Obviously, because of my occupation, I appreciate and enjoy feet. I find them one of the most fascinating parts of our anatomy, because I know they are an excellent tool for staying healthy. When my feet feel good, so do I. And yes, I do find feet attractive - I actually see them as a work of art.

I enjoy taking good care of my own feet, by wearing comfortable shoes and using certain products; keeping them callus-free, soft, and in good shape. I also massage my feet at least once a day, because it makes my whole body feel wonderful.

And what I’ve enjoyed noticing within the past five years, is that it’s not only the women of the world who are taking the time to care for their feet with regular pedicures and massage, but also the men. And I think that’s great!

So take a tip from me…

Start giving your feet the attention they deserve, because if you do, they’ll not only feel good, but also look good.

I mean come on, look at mine…..

Let's Talk About Toilet Paper

Do you remember when Charmin became the most popular toilet paper to use?

OMG…it was like the crème’de la crème of toilet tissue.

Remember those silly TV commercials where Mr. Whipple would scold the customers who were caught squeezing the Charmin, by always saying…

“Please don’t squeeze the Charmin!”

And then when nobody was looking, he would hypocritically begin to erotically squeeze the Charmin himself?

Well….I actually think that my father could have been Mr. Whipples’ understudy.

You see, when I was younger and still living at home, Charmin toilet paper was as mandatory a staple in our household, as salt and pepper. And god forbid if my mother came home with any other toilet paper besides Charmin, because my father would have a total conniption.

We always knew when my dad was taking a “poopie” because not only would the newspaper be missing, but we’d sometimes hear the sound of his BOOMING voice from behind the bathroom door….

“Jesus Christ, Ann, how many times do I have to tell you…I only want CHARMIN in this house!”

Whereupon, my mother would say, “I’m sorry Frank, but that toilet paper was on sale, so I thought I’d try it.”

“I don’t CARE if it was on sale…just spend the GODDAMN money on Charmin!”

“Ok, Frank.”

At which point, my mother and I would BURST out laughing.

My father was obsessed with Charmin and refused to use anything else.

Me? I use either Scotts brand or something similar. Usually CVS or Rite Aid has a store brand that comes very close to Scotts.

I don’t like using quilted toilet paper and I’ll tell you why…

First of all it’s a rip-off, because if you look at the amount of sheets you get on a quilted roll, compared to the amount of sheets you get on a roll of Scotts, it’s amazingly different. Scotts has 1000 sheets, while most of the quilted toilet paper has 200-250. One roll of Scotts has the same amount as four rolls of the other stuff, plus…I don’t have to keep changing the roll every hour.

I’m sorry, but if I’m going to spend a small fortune on what toilet paper costs these days, I want more wipes for my buck, or rather butt.

Oh, and listen to this…the other day I actually saw a toilet paper in the drug store that contained the added moisturizing ingredients of aloe vera and vitamin E.

WTF?

Excuse me…but I guess I didn’t realize that wiping my hide has suddenly turned into a spa treatment.

What’s next…some collagen and a clay mask?

And one more thing…

…maybe I’m using too much, but whenever I use the quilted toilet paper, my toilet always gets clogged and overflows.

And there’s something about an overflowing toilet that truly frightens me. To watch the water slowly rising to the rim, makes me feel like I‘m 6 years old again. I start to panic and then back away from the toilet; holding out my hands, screaming… “NO, NO…PLEASE STOP DOING THAT. GO AWAY. GO DOWN!!”

No sir, I’d much rather use a toilet paper that’s a lot more economical and a hell of a lot easier to flush.

Even though it may feel a tad bit rougher on my sphincter…..