Time Released Freshness

As you can tell from this post and the one I published on Monday, this has been a week of WTF’S.

Ok, here we go…..

First, I ask that you notice the words Time Released Freshness on the laundry product above.

Second, I ask you….WTF???

I bought this detergent about two weeks ago and really like how it cleans my clothes, but I’m having difficulty understanding how the “time released freshness” works.

Indulge me here, as I try to figure out what happens when you put on your clothes after washing them in this stuff.

I mean do you think it works like a time-released Advil or Motrin?

Does the freshness gradually release over a 4 hour period whenever you experience pain?

Or is it like one of those self-winding watches?

Does the freshness gradually release as you move in your clothing throughout the day?

Or perhaps it’s like one of those time released seasick patches you wear on a cruise ship.

Does the freshness gradually release into your skin if you should suddenly get nauseous?

I even thought that perhaps it works like one of those automatic public restroom deodorizers.

Does the freshness gradually release every time it recognizes whenever you sweat or pass gas?

Or maybe, just MAYBE, do you think it’s all just a sales gimmick and the “time released freshness” is nothing but TOTAL….

Yeah….that’s probably it.

Wishing you a weekend of time released freshness, everyone!

X

Standing in My Personal Space

During the first year of this blog, I wrote a somewhat similar post about people who stand too close in my personal space.

Since then, I think I’ve begun to understand why some people may do it.

Maybe it’s because I’m extremely sensitive to people’s energy, but I don’t like anyone who I’ve just met, standing too close to me while we’re talking. And when I say close-to-me, I mean like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

THAT close.

Have you ever met people who do that?

I have.

I once had a customer stand so close while she was talking, I felt saying….

“You know, if you stand just a little bit closer you might be able to get a sample of my DNA.”

Sheesh!

She was totally oblivious to personal space.

Me, I try to be aware of everyone’s space and will never stand too close while we’re conversing. I’m even more so that way when it comes to contact with little babies and animals. I’m always appalled when I see someone run up to a strange baby and start touching it without any thought of a baby‘s sensitive energy. Or those people who complain about getting their hand bit by a strange dog because they immediately start petting it without first trying to sense if the dog even wants to be petted.

Cat’s have the right idea - they just get up and walk away when their space is being invaded.

Babies and animals have personal space too. And they deserved to be respected.

I also love while in a grocery store, how you’ll be standing there looking at an item on a shelf and someone will walk directly in front of you; stop, then turn their back to you while looking at the same shelf as if you weren’t even standing there. Some people have absolutely no sense of anyone else even being around them.

It seems to me that people are losing their ability to SENSE one another. And I’m beginning to wonder if a lot of that has to do with technology. So much of what we do now-a-days to communicate with one another is from a distance, so we can know longer sense closeness.

Whether it be sensing someone else’s space or even sensing when other’s are around us, has almost become numb.

Perhaps some people have gradually become unaware of personal space through forgetting how to interact and communicate close.

Think about it…..

Ok, I Thought I’d Seen Everything

You would think that after living in New York City for five years, I would have seen everything that could possibly shock the hell out of me.

Um....apparently I haven’t.

Yesterday when I got into work, one of my fellow-employees showed me something that she found sitting in the candy section of the store.

She immediately came running over to me screeching at the top of her lungs, “Oh Ron, look….you’re gonna LOVE this!”

And the sick part was that as soon as I saw it, all I kept thinking was “OMG….this is gonna make a great blog post!”

Now, what I found very peculiar about this item is that it was included within the Valentine’s Day candy.

I still can’t wrap my brain around the reason why they were selling a candy dispenser in the shape of cow, that dispenses candy pellets out of it’s ASS.

I’m wondering….

….what exactly does this have to do with LOVE?

And to top it all off, the cow makes a MOO sound that actually sounds like one of the munchkins from the Wizard of Oz having an earth-shattering orgasm when you press on it’s back, as it PLOPS out a bright-colored TURD into a silver milk container.



Isn’t that special?

And doesn't that make you just wanna pop it into your mouth?

Well….

I guess this gift would be perfect for someone who you love so much that you could just SHIT.

Transcending Gender

Wednesday evening I watched an engrossing documentary entitled, Almost Myself.

Director, Tom Murray takes his viewers on a cross country journey to explore just a small part of the vastly diverse transgender community.

The film follows the lives of women who were male at birth. Stories include their journeys of boyhood to womanhood and the struggles of transcending gender.

Almost Myself is truly a fascinating film. It’s poignant, touching, humorous and very informative.

Throughout my life I’ve met and gotten to know several transgender male to females. In fact, I currently know a beautifully vivacious and talented woman who was born male. She and I have had many an open and honest discussion about the process she went through - from the time she first knew she was meant to be a woman, to the investigation of the long-involved psychological and physical procedures.

Out of all the transgender individuals I’ve known, I have never met a more confident, content, and totally happy human being. There is never a doubt in her mind that she is what she was meant to be.

A woman.

And when I’m in her presence, that’s exactly what I feel.

A woman.

I have always supported gender transition, whether it be from male to female or female to male, because I believe that everyone should live their life being whatever gender makes them whole.

As I was watching this film, a question came to my mind as to what actually defines a man, a man and a woman, a woman?

Is it only the physical, or does it also have something to do with the spirit?

One of the women in the film said something that was extremely enlightening. She shared that the challenge for most family and friends of transgender people, is the ability to transcend the “physical form” of you. She believes that gender transition is a spiritual calling. It calls everything within you as a human being to come to terms with what appears to only be a physical issue, but really is a way of redefining your being based solely on your spirit.

And you know what?

I believe it too.

Transcending gender…..a journey of the spirit.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

X

Note: I realize that some people may have strong opposing opinions on gender transition, but I ask that you be sensitive in your comments to all people who may be reading and commenting on this post. Thank you.

There’s Nothing Like An American Ford

No, this post is not really about the Ford automobile, but rather the American fashion designer and film director...

…Tom Ford.

Monday evening while I was searching the Internet for photos to add to a post I’m putting together for my other blog pertaining to Tom Ford’s latest men’s fragrance, I saw picture after picture of what I consider to be a very attractive man.

One of my dear blogging friends Linda, had asked me last year what “type” of man I was attracted to.

And that was very hard to answer, because my “type” varies.

I think we all have a “physical type” that we're initially attracted to, but if you’re like me, you have also discovered that sometimes you'll be drawn to someone who doesn’t necessarily fit the bill of what your eyes see as attractive.

That's because attractiveness encompasses more than just the physical.

Personality, talent, a persons heart, and humor are the things for me that REALLY make someone attractive.

But, since I’ve never met Tom Ford and have no idea what his personality and heart are like, I’m just going to say this based on his physical appearance….

….HUBBA-HUBBA!

I initially have a tendency to be attracted to dark haired gentlemen. Either dark haired or salt and pepper.

I like dark eyes, paler skin, and a 24/7 5 o’clock shadow.

Body weight is not something that I ever really focus on because I’ve been attracted to both slim and more full-figured men.

Vince Vaughn is more of a full-figured man and I find him very “teddy bearishly sexy”

So you see, my attraction varies.

But, getting back to Tom Ford.

Right now, for the sake of this post, I’m going to put away all my “seeing the depth in a person” and show you what my whoremones are initially attracted to.

Let’s just say that if I were walking down the city streets and saw this man, I would definitely trip over a trash can or a baby stroller and then whip out my binoculars to get a closer look….

So tell me....wouldn't you really rather have a Ford than a Buick?

On Taking a Bubble Bath

One of the reason why I enjoy the colder winter months is because I can soak in a hot tub filled with bubble bath.

Aaaahh…..

Feeling that hot water taking the chill off my muscles and bones is pure heaven.

Yeah…yeah…I know it’s not good for your skin to soak in hot water, but that’s what they made Vaseline Intensive Care Body Lotion for.

Now, let me just say that my apartment is a studio. Which means I live in one room. It’s a fairly large room, but it’s one room. Most of my adult life I’ve lived in studio apartments and thoroughly enjoy it. It forces me to live my life uncluttered. The smaller the space, the less shit I have to worry about collecting. I’ve got four massive windows in my apartment, so it never feels as though I’m closed in. For a small space, it feels very open and airy. And also I love the hardwood floors.

Now, the bathroom.

The bathroom to me is absolutely adorable. It’s adorable because it’s about the about the size of one of those bathrooms you'll find on an airplane.

Teeny-tiny.

It’s so small that I can multi-task by sitting on the commode, whilst brushing my teeth at the sink at the same time.

(and I kid you not, because I’ve done that before)

Now, the bathtub.

The bathtub is so big that it literally IS the whole bathroom. It’s one of those fabulous vintage bathtubs that’s so big, you could actually use it as a guest room if you ever had someone sleep over. It’s long and very deep. Deep to the point of whenever I sit inside, I need to wear a pair of water wings and sit on a phone book to see over the edge.

(but remember, I’m a little guy)

My favorite thing to do in the winter is to fill the tub with steaming hot water and a whorish amount of bubble bath and soak for 20 minutes. And if I’m in a playful mood, I’ll also throw in my little rubber duckie and let him float around in the bubbles with me.



(and don‘t laugh, because you haven‘t lived until you‘ve bathed with a rubber duckie)

But, my absolute favorite thing to do while I’m in a bubble bath is to get creative with the bubbles.

Lookie here…..

I look like Jane Jetson.

Blog Spotlight: Photo A Day Blog

Gosh….I can hardly believe it’s been almost a year since Valerie and I met.

(she’s the lady in the lampshade)

I immediately knew from not only her comments but also her blog, she had a great sense of humor, was creative, and just an all-around really nice human being.

Her blog, Thinking Out Loud Blog, is currently on hiatus.

Bummer….

But, what I recently found out about Valerie is that not only is she a wonderful writer, but also extremely gifted with a camera.

Back in September she published a new blog, Photo A Day Blog, where she is able to combined both her humor and love of photography. Each day she posts a photo and then surrounds it with a short informational blip, including how she got it, technical challenges and achievements, and why she took the photo. You can tell from her words that she definitely takes photography seriously, but not serious enough to take anything away from her passion and enjoyment of this art.

She does it for the LOVE.

I always leave her blog having discovered something I never knew about photography, and laughing from her ability to infuse it with brilliant humor.

The thing I most enjoy about her photographs, is the way Valerie looks through the camera lens. She sees images in a very unique way. Images you would normally overlook, Valerie brings them to attention. You definitely get a feel for what she notices.

She also photographs with delightful diversity.

Some images are soft, while others are sharp, colorful, and bold.

I always look forward to seeing what Valerie sees.

Here are just some of her wonderful images….

So, if you have some time this weekend please give yourself an immense pleasure by visiting Photo A Day Blog.

You’ll find Valerie extremely welcoming and down-to-earth.

You ROCK, girl!

Have a picture perfect weekend everyone!

X

When The Time Is Right

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I have challenges making a decision when it comes to certain things.

And for some reason it’s not when it comes to making major life decisions (those I seem to make with definition), but rather it’s about the simple everyday decisions, like….

…“What should I use my Visa gift card for?”

…“What should I use my Border’s gift card for?

…“What should I use my Starbucks gift card for?”

…“What should I use my Wine and Spirit Store gift card for?”

I think if I used the Wine and Spirit Store gift card first, it may help me decide how to use the other ones.

Hey, can you tell I got a few Christmas Gift Cards this year?

LOVE them!

The reason I’m having a problem deciding exactly what to use them for is because I’m a LIBRA. And a typical Libra tortures themselves by analyzing everything until they can dissect it like a frog in Chemistry class.

You’d swear it was a matter of life and death that I had to make absolutely sure (beyond the shadow of a doubt) to use the gift cards for the BEST possible things.

OY VEY….could you just take out a gun and shoot me, please?

And yet, I know from past experiences when the time is right, I will instantly know what to use them for because it’ll just happen.

Another thing I was having a challenge with, was deciding on which DSL Internet provider I should go with.

And YES….Fred Flintstone has joined the Jetsons and finally signed up for DSL!!

I should have it installed by next week thank you baby Jesus.

All last week I kept vacillating back and forth about whether or not I should simply upgrade the Internet service I already have, or go with a different provider.

And after exhausting myself; doing a week’s worth of research (and STILL couldn’t decide), Monday afternoon I found a letter in my mailbox from Verizon who was offering a faaaaaaabulous DSL special, which also included the phone package I already have.

I mean what could be more ideal, right?

So, I did it.

However, this should be another life-lesson for me; reaffirming what I already knew but often forget.

When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars, the time will be right.

The Age of Aquarius.

And the decision will be made.

You silly Libra….

More of Goodbye Hello Kitty

As most of you know, whenever I see anything Hello Kitty it feels as though someone threw used kitty litter in my face.

However, there seems to be a definite truth in the saying, “Whatever you try to avoid, will come after you.”

Such as it is with Hello Kitty.

About two weeks after I published my last Miss Kitty post, I just so happened to walk through the children’s clothing and toy section of a department store.

And just take a guess at what I saw hanging on one of the walls....

I wanted to SCREAM!

So, I thought since I was already being haunted, why not go online and find a few more hideous images of Hello Kitty and then spew putrid remarks about them on my blog.

And that’s what I decided to do.

Here goes…..

Now isn’t this delightful? Here we have a decorative Hello Kitty Toilet Set. And how appropriate this item has somewhat to do with the act of DEFECATING, because that’s exactly what I felt like doing when I saw this picture. Notice the cute little toilet roll holder. I would almost be tempted to wear it as a headband the next time I gave myself a home facial.

And speaking of headbands, take a gander at THIS. It looks as though Hello Kitty projectile vomited Pepto-Bismol. I guess these are Hello Kitty accessory pieces that a little girl can use to accent her wardrobe. I would sooner have my daughter wearing camouflage fatigues and muddy army boots.

Ok…I don’t like watching television to begin with so if you ever wanted to really torture me, just tie me to a chair and make me watch reruns of The Lawrence Welk Show while viewing them through this Hello Kitty TV. I’d rather have flaming darts thrown at my eyes.

This looks like what a Hello Kitty drag queen would drive around in. I think if I ever got behind the wheel of this automobile, I would have to test drive it into a brick wall.

This is where they'll eventually put me when I go totally INSANE from looking at all-things Hello Kitty. The Hello Kitty Mental Institution. I would sooner live in a cardboard box.

I would like to end this post by sharing a hysterical graphic that my friend Penny emailed me a few days ago.

Thanks, amigo….I laughed my kidneys off.

Why I Love New York City

Have you ever been to a place where you can actually feel it in your heart?

A place where when your feet hit the ground, you’re filled with a sense of synchronicity that permeates every fiber in your being?

I have.

I feel that way about New York City.

New York City is place of no middle ground.

It’s a city of extremes.

It either feels like it’s assaulting you with sensory overload, or feels as though you’ve just arrived in heaven; providing you with life-giving breath.

It’s a city that doesn’t give a shit whether you like it or not, because it is what it is. It makes no apologies by saying, “You can either jump in and enjoy the water, or we suggest you try swimming in another pool.”

It will never adapt to you.

You must adapt to it.

Ironically, at first glance it appears to be hard and jagged around the edges. Yet, it has a soft and genuinely kind center. I’ve never seen a city so willing to reach out and help, when help is needed.

It minds its own business, yet at the same time is well-aware of what’s going on around it.

It is truly one of the most misunderstood cities, because it is always being viewed by its surface.

It carries a smile not on its face, but in its heart.

I admire NYC because of its unshakable courage.

You’ll never hear it whine or complain, but rather it finds a solution by pulling itself together and working as a complete unit.

It’s sharp and intelligent.

And no matter what catastrophes have happen to this city, it has the amazing ability to rejuvenate itself; growing another tail like a chameleon.

Now, I don’t mean to paint this city as perfectly flawless.

Because it can be abrupt, manic, direct, impatient, and stranger than a man with three testicles.

But for me that’s all part of its flawless imperfection.

It’s like a raw diamond.

Rough on the outside….but look a little deeper.

I love you New York.

And always will....

Have a flawless weekend everyone!

X

*Photos provided by my New York loving friend, Joanna!

Feedback On My New Commenting System

Since it’s been over a week now, I would like to use this post to ask for your feedback on my new commenting system.

I know sometimes change can be a little challenging to get use to at first when something is different, so I appreciate your openness and willingness to try this new system with me.

I would like your feedback about any technical issues you may be experiencing that are making comments difficult in anyway.

On my end I had a few glitches at the beginning, but it seems to be working well now. However, I’m realistic enough to know that “shit happens” and there may be times when things get “weird” using any commenting system, but I can honestly say that I really like using Intense Debate. It feels more professional and polished, and I love all the great features it offers.

I know that some of you have mentioned in your comments about being cut-off from writing a comment because it was too long. I too have had that happen. But, I discovered this system is set up with a 2000 character minimum in commenting, which means longer comments will have to be broken up into two comments.

Also, some of you have mentioned that your comments disappeared when you clicked publish. They actually didn’t disappear, but rather this system is set up to moderate comments until I publish them. So, no worries, because your wonderful comments are not disappearing.

Some of you have also asked me how to add your avatar to your comments. There are those of you who have already figured out how to do it and they look GREAT! If you would like to add your avatar, simply go to Intense Debate and sign up for a comment account. It’s very easy and it doesn’t take long at all. Once you add your avatar, it will immediately appear within your comments.

So, are there any technical issues you are experiencing?

The whole reason for my adding this new system was to make it fun, easy, and enjoyable for you to comment. But, if it’s not doing those things then I honestly don’t have a problem switching back to Blogger. I will lose all previous comments created with this system if I do that, but I’m willing to have that happen if it means this system is not user-friendly.

Thank you for your feedback, my friends!

What Do You Wear In Bed?

Marilyn Monroe was quoted as saying, “The only thing I wear in bed….is Chanel #5."

For a trillion years, Chanel #5 was one of the most popular and expensive perfumes.

It was, and still is, a classic. To this day it’s the most sold fragrance at Christmas.

I personally think it smells like Satan's ass, but that's beside the point.

The photo you see above was part of a Chanel #5 ad campaign.

For some reason, seeing this ad made me want to share what “I” wear in bed.

Well…for People Magazine purposes I would like to tell you that I sleep commando, but unfortunately I don’t.

Call me weird, but I cannot have my “binky” flapping around like a snake in the grass while I sleep. It needs to be secured in a pair of briefs. I like knowing where it is at all times.

Hey guys, “Do you know where YOUR binky is?”

During the summer months I only sleep in a pair of briefs. However, during the winter months I also wear a loose fitting t-shirt. Sometimes (depending on how cold it is) I’ll also sleep in a pair of gym socks to keep my feet warm. But, it has to be VERY cold for me to wear socks to bed, otherwise I feel like I’m suffocating. Isn’t it funny how when your feet can‘t breath, your whole body feels like it’s drowning?

From the time I was a kid until my early 20’s, I slept in (don’t laugh)…PJ’s.

That’s only because I came from a family of traditional PJ wearers. My mother and father actually wore matching pajamas like Lucy and Ricky in I Love Lucy. My mother always claimed that men’s sleepwear was more comfortable than women’s. So, whenever she bought pajamas for my father, she would always get two pairs. One for him. One for her.

Now, even though I don’t sleep in Chanel #5, I DO sleep in Chanel.

Look!……

Coco Chanel would be turning in her grave if she knew I had to CRAM this t-shirt into a SCANNER to get a photograph of her precious legacy.

Sorry, Coco.

Ok my friends, you‘re next….what do YOU wear in bed?

And be honest, because this is only the Internet.

Happy Nude Rear!

Holy cow….can you freakin’ believe another year has passed?

Where the hell has time gone?

I can still recall when the year 2000 was on the horizon and there was all that media-driven-fear about how computer systems all over the world were going to crash because of the new millennium. I remember everyone waiting with baited breath as their clocks clicked over to 12:00am, January 1st 2000; fearfully wondering if it was going to happen.

And now here we are in 2010.....literally living the Jetson Age!

Text messaging, wireless laptop computers, iPods, and Blackberry’s. The only thing missing are those cute little flying cars that the Jetson family buzzed around in.

Now, I don’t believe in making New Year’s resolutions because I have nothing to resolve.

I’m perfect.

*cough

However, I’ve decided to add something new into my life this year.

Are you ready to hear it?

Are you sure?

Ok, here goes…..I’ve decided to upgrade to DSL.

(please don’t all shit at the same time)

OMG…I can just hear your comments, “WTF?…you’ve been using DIAL-UP all this time???”

Yes….I have.

And I also use a abacus to balance my checkbook. And I still beat my clothes on the rocks down by the Delaware River. And I still cook on a wood burning stove. And I still believe in the Tooth Fairy.

What can I tell ya? There’s still a part of me living in the Flintstone Age.

For those of you who don’t already know this, I’ve been computerizing for the past four years using high speed dial-up. So, between Kathryn and Jen telling me to get-with-the-times, I’m going to be moving into Jetson Age this year.

Besides, I’m sick and tired of waiting an hour to download a two minute You Tube video of the Pussycat Dolls singing, “Don’t Cha?”

So, let it be known right here on this blog post….Ron will be upgrading to DSL this month.

And it's about time!

Wishing you all the Happiest of Nude Rears!

Love you guys.